- [Andy listens to the radio announcement about the women prisoners' escape from the state prison]
- Radio Announcer: These women are not armed, but can be dangerous. The leader is Big Maude Tyler, 5 feet 6 inches tall, dark hair, weight one hundred and seventy-five pounds. Known as: "Big Maude Tyler", "Clarice Tyler", "Maude Clarice Tyler", "Annabelle Tyler" and "Ralph Henderson".
- Deputy Barney Fife: [as seductive as a nervous little guy can be] Let's you and me dance.
- Big Maude Tyler: [surprised, as Barney had refused her before] You kiddin'?
- Deputy Barney Fife: No, I'm not!
- Big Maude Tyler: What made you change your mind?
- Deputy Barney Fife: [trying to be dven more seductive now] You're beginnin' to get to me.
- [Floyd and Barney, having run out of gas and looking to borrow some, come upon the mountain cabin of wealthy Mr. O'Malley]
- Deputy Barney Fife: [shouting to see if anyone's home] O'Malley? Charlie?
- Floyd Lawson: [aghast] You shouldn't call a rich man by his first name!
- Deputy Barney Fife: [to Floyd] The bigger they are, the nicer they are.
- Deputy Barney Fife: [shouting again] Hey, Chuck! It's me, Barney Fife!
- [as Barney shouts for O'Malley, the three women panic as to how to deal with the situation. Maude has Sally and Naomi move to a wall away from the windows, saying she'll handle it]
- Convict Sally: I hope she knows what she's doing!
- Jalene Naomi Connors: Don't worry. Maude's a very clever woman. She'll think of something brilliant. Just watch.
- Big Maude Tyler: [shouting a response to Barney] There's nobody here!
- Big Maude Tyler: By rights, I oughta let Naomi curl your hair with this heater!
- Jalene Naomi Connors: [excited] Can I, Maude? Can I? I hate men!
- Big Maude Tyler: She's a convicted husband-beater!
- Floyd Lawson: [worried] Better watch it, Al.
- Deputy Barney Fife: Will you stop callin' me Al?
- Big Maude Tyler: Make the call. Just say you're up here with O'Malley and he's asked you to stay the night.
- Deputy Barney Fife: Supposing I refuse?
- [Maude points the gun at point-blank range into Barney's face while Naomi and Sally hover over the couch, fists at the ready]
- Floyd Lawson: Better phone him, Al.
- Andy Taylor: Boy, things got a little rough there for a minute, huh, Barn?
- Deputy Barney Fife: [struggling to save face] Uh-uh! Well, no! I just... Just bidin' m' time, waiting for an opening.
- Andy Taylor: I don't know why I even bothered to show up!
- Deputy Barney Fife: Oh, no, Andy! Don't... Don't underestimate your contribution! You're all right!
- Andy Taylor: I appreciate that.
- Floyd Lawson: How come you're puttin' on your uniform?
- Deputy Barney Fife: In case we decide to hitchhike.
- Floyd Lawson: Oh.
- Deputy Barney Fife: In civvies I'm a little hard looking.
- Convict Sally: [mistaking Barney for her old beau, Al, because there is a striking resemblance] Oh, how I loved that man!
- Big Maude Tyler: I thought Al squealed on ya and sent ya up.
- Convict Sally: [grabbing Barney by the hair] RAT!
- Deputy Barney Fife: I'm not Al!
- Big Maude Tyler: Why'd you open the door?
- Deputy Barney Fife: Uh, I... I can't stand crowded ballrooms.
- Big Maude Tyler: [laughs] You're a treasure!
- Big Maude Tyler: If Sally wants to dance, ya dance!
- Deputy Barney Fife: [to Sally] At least let me lead!
- Convict Sally: Al, honey? Naomi's making all the burgers medium-rare. As I recall, you like your burgers hard.
- Deputy Barney Fife: No! Medium-rare!
- Convict Sally: You've changed!