- Shirley Holmes: I'm going grocery shopping. You want anything?
- Alicia Gianelli: Um, something high fiber... oh, and low sodium... with uplifting protein. Hey, you are what you eat!
- Francis Boris 'Bo' Sawchuk: Look, you have friends and I have friends...
- Shirley Holmes: And why shouldn't my dad have friends like Leah. Bo, I know what you're trying to do. I'm fine. Really.
- Francis Boris 'Bo' Sawchuk: Well, hey, at least she's cool. If it were my dad, he'd be hangin' out with a Ukrainian polka troupe.
- Francis Boris 'Bo' Sawchuk: You're looking for reasons not to like her.
- Shirley Holmes: I don't even know her!
- Francis Boris 'Bo' Sawchuk: Yeahhh.
- Inspector Marquee: You're a diplomat; the law cannot touch you. But what will your government do when they find out you're harboring a fugitive?
- Robert Holmes: Alleged.
- Shirley Holmes: En guard!
- Butch: What is this place?
- Shirley Holmes: The Foiled Fencing School.
- [Shirley dials her cell phone]
- Shirley Holmes: I'll let the police know the address.
- Butch: Hey, it's an honest mistake. I was - I was just looking for my brother.
- [Shirley slashes the seat of Butch's pants as he flees]
- Butch: Hey!
- Leah Farrell: That's what he gets for messing with a private school girl.
- [Bo reads the name written inside one of the fencing masks]
- Francis Boris 'Bo' Sawchuk: Joanna? Was that your mother's name?
- Shirley Holmes: Is! *Is* my mother's name.
- Shirley Holmes: They're calling you back to England?
- Robert Holmes: The ambassador feels the scandal has compromised my integrity. He may be right.
- Robert Holmes: I'm just trying to do the right thing. It's just... You must hate me.
- [Shirley rubs her father's shoulders, then plays with his hair]
- Shirley Holmes: I'm giving you monster hair.
- Robert Holmes: You are, are you? What do we do when we see the monster?
- Shirley Holmes: We shine a flashlight on him.
- Robert Holmes: And then what happens?
- Shirley Holmes: We scare him and he doesn't scare us.
- Robert Holmes: He doesn't scare us, does he?
- Shirley Holmes: No.
- Francis Boris 'Bo' Sawchuk: You can't go to England. All your friends are here.
- Alicia Gianelli: Yeah, and all that gross fried food. You'll hate it!
- [Shirley gives a warning to Leah in Latin]
- Shirley Holmes: Okan nostrum.
- Robert Holmes: Our secret?
- Leah Farrell: Yeah, it's one of my songs. You're too old to know it.
- Robert Holmes: Oh, thank you.
- [last lines]
- Shirley Holmes: [narrating] I couldn't have been more wrong. My father's not in love with Leah. She turned to him because she was in trouble and he hid her out of loyalty to my mother. But he's lonely - I can see it in his face. If he was to meet a woman he might... I have to find my mother!