- Peter Dragon: Jane, what the hell are you doing here?
- Robert 'Bobby G.' Gianopolis: We reconciled.
- Peter Dragon: Reconciled? I screwed her two hours ago.
- Robert 'Bobby G.' Gianopolis: Well, now she's returning the favor.
- Adam Rafkin: I wanna have sex with every person here.
- Peter Dragon: Don't look at me!
- Adam Rafkin: The ugliest man in this place is twice as pretty as the prettiest girl I ever slept with!
- Peter Dragon: These girls want the same thing that you want.
- Adam Rafkin: No, Peter, I don't believe any of these women want my mother dead.
- Peter Dragon: You an actress, Jenny?
- Jenny: [laughs] No, no, you know I wanted to be, but they found out my I.Q. was over 80.
- Adam Rafkin: Why would Peter have a frog... in his ass?
- Julia: These guys become so jaded they have to resort to some pretty weird stuff to get themselves stimulated.
- Adam Rafkin: That's... ew... that's... grotesque, isn't it?
- Julia: Well, my philosophy is: if it feels good, do it.
- Adam Rafkin: Oh, you didn't, you didn't hear the thing about the frog?
- Stuart Glazer: [rips off his sunglasses] No, and I don't want to live another minute without hearing it.
- Adam Rafkin: Well, it seems as though our friend Peter was rushed into the emergency room with a frog in a little place called... his ass.
- Stuart Glazer: [laughs] Oh, who says, that can't be true.
- Adam Rafkin: They have the frog on the Internet in a jar of formaldehyde.
- Peter Dragon: [having just had sex with his ex wife Jane] You're the only woman I ever met that could hum and whistle at the same time.
- Peter Dragon: Hey, you got that suicide scene I've been waiting for?
- Adam Rafkin: Yes. I did. I killed myself to get it done by yesterday...