- Dr. Mary Albright: [Dick is smitten with a new co-ed] Oh, will you act your age?
- Dr. Dick Solomon: What does my age have to do with it?
- Dr. Mary Albright: Like you didn't know.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: I don't know.
- Dr. Mary Albright: Well, I do.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: What are we talking about?
- Dr. Mary Albright: All I know is that when I was Laurie's age, I did not appreciate having middle-aged men fawn over me.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: [surprised] You were once her age?
- Dr. Mary Albright: Yes, believe it or not.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Very well. Not it is.
- Dr. Mary Albright: I think grey hair makes you look distinguished.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Thank you. I think you would look distinguished with grey hair.
- Dr. Mary Albright: I don't think so. Men look distinguished with grey hair. Women just look old.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: When women get breasts, they look sexy. When men get breasts, they look old.
- Dr. Mary Albright: Good point! How old are you?
- Dr. Dick Solomon: How old are you?
- Dr. Mary Albright: You first.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: No, you first.
- Dr. Mary Albright: You.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: [pauses for a moment] 42.
- Dr. Mary Albright: Me, too!
- Dr. Dick Solomon: I just don't see why age is so important.
- Nina: I guess you've got a milestone creeping up on you.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: No, no - that's my underwear.
- Dr. Mary Albright: If we're over the hill, we might as well enjoy the ride down.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Thank you for saying we.
- Dr. Mary Albright: It just slipped out.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: You know, the light of the moon is so magical. It shows me what you must have looked like so many years ago.
- Dr. Mary Albright: That was - almost beautiful.
- Dr. Mary Albright: [at a restaurant table a few feet away, Mary and Nina watch Dick make a fool of himself with a young graduate student] Exactly when does puberty end for a man?
- Nina: Six months after death.
- Narrator: As many intelligent people know, aliens are all around us. This is the story of a band of four such explorers. In order to blend in, they've assumed human form.
- Narrator: [as Dick appears on screen] This is the High Commander. He has assembled an elite team of experts: a decorated military officer, a seasoned intelligence specialist, and...
- Narrator: [as Harry is seen stuffing a photograph into his mouth] ... well, they had an extra seat. The earth revolves around the sun, but ask most humans and they'll say it revolves around them.
- [Dick is reading aloud from the Bible]
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Ezekiel begat Jedediah, Jedediah began Ephraim, Ephraim begat Lemuel...
- [he pauses]
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Man, these people begat their brains out.
- Harry Solomon: This is gonna help me improve my self-confidence.
- Sally Solomon: Why do you need to improve your self-confidence? What, are you stupid?
- Sally Solomon: If I don't watch a show, it gets cancelled...
- [Enumerating the ways she's THE target demographic]
- Sally Solomon: If I don't like a feminine product with wings, they make one with a propeller!
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Harry, why don't you come out and look at the stars?
- Harry Solomon: Oh, no, you're not putting ME out for the night again! Fool me once, shame on you; fool me six times, shame on me!
- Tommy Solomon: High Commander, permission to speak freely?
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Permission granted.
- Tommy Solomon: People over 35 can't have sex.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Why not, don't they have the same equipment?
- Tommy Solomon: Because it's gross!
- Dr. Dick Solomon: What about you, can you have sex?
- Tommy Solomon: Yeah, but I'm not supposed to...
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Why not?
- Tommy Solomon: [Shrugging] Apparently, I have my whole life ahead of me...?
- Dr. Mary Albright: I got you a birthday card.
- [Hands it to him]
- Dr. Dick Solomon: [Reading cockily] You look like a million dollars...
- [Opens card]
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Old an wrinkled...
- [Outraged]
- Dr. Dick Solomon: What kind of cruel hoax is this?
- Dr. Mary Albright: It's a Hallmark...
- Dr. Dick Solomon: A hallmark of humiliation!