- Young Toadsworth: You will save her, won't you? I can assure you, she's NOT in another castle or anything.
- [repeated line]
- Stuffwell: BACK TO ADVENTURE!
- Baby Bowser: [after seeing that the babies ate his cookies] Oh no! STINKING BABIES!... cookies... Hmph.
- Fawful: Guests... I have boredom. Now I have... FURY! I say to you WELCOME! Welcome to Fawful's Bean 'n' Badge!
- Young Toadsworth: Keep your trousers on, older me! That's MY blood pressure you're raising. Seriously, if I wanted to watch myself embarrass myself, I'd belch in front of a mirror.
- Baby Bowser: [to his older self] Grrr! You look familiar! Yeah, you look just like a bigger, fatter me!
- Bowser: [about Thwomp Volcano] This place is a pit! It's hot, stinky, dangerous, and one humongous fire hazard! I LOVE IT! Talk about a perfect place for me to build a second castle!
- Prologue: Really, really long ago... way far out in space... in a dark, dank place shunned by starlight... there was this creepy planet floating alone... The beings of this world were... creepy. They spent their time staring creepily into space. Just creepy daydreamers, right? Wrong. They were searching. Searching for a new home. At last, they fixed their creepy gazes on a distant world, a land of beauty and peace...
- Fawful: [to Baby Mario and Baby Luigi] You are like brainless cats that are too dumb to know they are stupid! You have curiosity... But my tale is long, so long it makes babies old and hairy lips grow gray with aging.
- Fawful: In this place beans are like precious treasure milked from a famous cow made of jewels! All who come with beans leave with badges so rare they make mustaches droop with disbelief!
- [telling Baby Mario and Baby Luigi his story]
- Fawful: I am here, merchant of badges, only sometimes with fury, but I once had fury at all times. I drizzled rage dressing on the country next door. Rage dressing on a salad of evil! And then the bad men came. Red and green bad men. I had the punishment. Bad punishment with hammers and jumping on my head and the overheat of my ship. I have a little fury even with my remembering... Red! And green! A pair of jumping hammers in red and green who are looking like you! I HAVE FURY! Those brothers of badness! My brain aches at their overalls! I have fury AND headache now! Fawful would be here, reigning over all and laughing at you!... But no. SO MUCH FURY! Stupid mustaches! Hairs like the dirty tail of a horse in a barn built by a farmer who is crazy!
- [pause]
- Fawful: ...I have calm.
- [takes off cloak]
- Fawful: I am waiting like an elevator. I have the commerce. I run Fawful's Bean 'n' Badge, but... The day comes soon when Fawful rises again, and then no baby's candy has safety! I am counting chickens before they are even eggs, before the chickens are even chickens! I WILL! HAVE! FURY! I LAUGH AT DEFEAT! I FIGHT WITH RAGE! I HURT YOUR FACES!
- [collapses]
- Fawful: Hooof... Heffff...
- [gets back up]
- Fawful: D-Did I... have insanity? Did I... have evil? I suppress the fury, but sometimes... The fury has me. Red and green puts the fog of rage in my eyes, and my mind goes crazy. P-Please... I will be fine. No worrying for Fawful. We talk of beans. Beans and badges... We begin trading!
- [Fawful is teaching Baby Mario and Baby Luigi about beans]
- Fawful: The beans hide in the dirts of this country like dirt-fish who like to eat dirt for dinner.
- [gestures to bean symbol]
- Fawful: Bean symbols like this are marking all bean spots. You are digging in dirt, right? You are digging under symbols. And you are finding much bean! Bean symbols have sneakiness! When the beans are gone, the symbols flee like babies! You are wanting much beans? Then you are hunting symbols. And digging and popping. There are even places to win beans in games, maybe... If you get many beans, you get many badges at this place, Fawful's Bean 'n' Badge!
- [Yoob swallows Kamek, then immediately spits him back out]
- Kamek: Hey, what's your beef, pal? I'm not tasty enough for you? I'm prime Koopa, you snob! You're lucky I'm in a rush. I gotta get these snacks to the prince, pronto, or I would whip that snooty pink tail for you.
- Star Gate: [to Mario] You are true and courageous. Your heart is filled with virtue and concern for your brother... I do recommend you watch your diet, however, for it is also filled with much alfredo sauce. You should especially cut down on carbonara, though it will be hard, for that is very tasty. If you curb your appetite, do some light cardio work and continue to ward your brother... You will no doubt grow to be a figure of immense popularity, yet not grow an immense belly. You may pass and I do recommend puttanesca; that stuff is great.
- [Kylie snaps some photos of the Bros]
- Kylie Koopa: Aw, whatta lemon! And this film ain't cheap, neither! I was primed for a scoop, and all I get are whiskers and a coupla sap babies!
- [the Hammer Bros. have been brainwashed by the Shroobs]
- Hammer Bros.: [to the Mario Bros] AREA RESTRICTED. ALL NOOB INTRUDERS 2 B HAXORED BY US L33T HAMM3R BROZ.! WE R TEH SHROOB ALLIES. WE ROXOR U AND THEN ROFL. THEN U AM CRY. WE RECEIVE ORDERS THRU ANTENNAS ON THESE L33T HELMETS. THEY R HOTNESS. WE MUST OBEY ALL ORDERS. WE LIKE 2 PWN NOOBS 4 TEH MASTER SHROOBZORS. U = NOOBS. BROZ. = L33T. PREPARE FOR TOTAL PWNAGE. WOOT! WOOT! WOOT! WOOT!
- Elder Princess Shroob: [to the Bros. after they defeat her in battle] FOOLISH MUSHROOM HEADS... YOU MAY HAVE BESTED ME, BUT SHROOBS WILL LIVE ON... ONE DAY, THE SHROOBS WILL DANCE ON THE BURIED REMAINS OF THIS PATHETIC KINGDOM...
- Kylie Koopa: I haven't been this jazzed in a Blargg's age!
- [Baby Bowser chokes on some Yoshi Cookies]
- Kamek: Prince Bowser, LITTLE bites! Oh, here, have some warm milk. It's, uh, from an evil cow.
- Kamek: [to the Bros] Boy, you doofuses just get on a Koopa's tail and STAY there, don'tcha?