Peter Woodward: Palace Guard Haggis
Quotes
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Abigail Chase : [encountering Ben on her way up the stairs] Ben.
Ben Gates : Abigail.
Riley Poole : [in a bathroom] Abigail? What's she doing here?
Ben Gates : What are you doing here?
Abigail Chase : You're dad called me. He said your next clue was here.
Riley Poole : She's really there?
Abigail Chase : Look, Ben...
Riley Poole : Drop her. Lose her.
Abigail Chase : I want to help.
Ben Gates : Well, that's very nice, but it's kind off a bad time right now.
Abigail Chase : A bad time, right now?
Ben Gates : It's a bad time.
Abigail Chase : Okay, I-I just flew all the way to London to offer my help, and you don't need it?
Ben Gates : You're the one that's making a scene right now.
Abigail Chase : I- I'm not making a scene right now!
Riley Poole : No, we want to make a scene.
Ben Gates : WELL, THEN FINE! IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT, THEN LET'S HAVE IT OUT RIGHT NOW!
Riley Poole : Ah, so subtle.
Abigail Chase : [barely audible] Ben, what are you...?
Ben Gates : OH, LET ME GUESS! IT'S THE WRONG TIME! IT'S THE WRONG PLACE! I'M WRONG AGAIN!
[stompping down the stairs]
Ben Gates : WRONG ABOUT US! WRONG ABOUT THOMAS GATES! WRONG THAT YOU'D LIKE THE QUEEN ANNE CHAIR!
Abigail Chase : You're wrong to assume I'd like the chair!
Ben Gates : [to a bunch of bystanders on the staircase] You see? You see? Everyone listen to this. This is more interesting than that. She thinks that even when I'm right, I'm wrong, isn't that right? Abigail, just because I answer a question quickly, doesn't make it wrong.
Abigail Chase : Not if the right answer is something we need to figure out as a couple. That's what couples do.
Palace Guard Sholder : [the noise has attracted a security guard] Sir. You and your missus, take it outside.
Ben Gates : Oh, now look what you've done. You've brought the little bobbies down on us. You take the missus outside. I'm staying right here.
[rides down the banister like a kid and is stopped by another guard]
Palace Guard Haggis : Good afternoon, sir.
Ben Gates : [in British accent] 'Ello.
Palace Guard Haggis : [smelling alcohol on Ben] Been drinking, have we?
Ben Gates : Just a nip. Popped down to the pub for a pint. But of all right. Going to arrest a man for that? Going to detain a blighter for enjoying his whiskey?
Palace Guard Haggis : That's enough, sir.
Ben Gates : Bangers and mash. Bubbles and squeak. Smoke eel pipe.
Palace Guard Haggis : Sir.
Ben Gates : HAGGIS!
Palace Guard Haggis : That's it! Dismount the banister!
Ben Gates : [shouting, singing] I've got a bunch of lovely coconuts! Here they, are standing in a row! Small ones, big ones, some as big as your head!
Riley Poole : That was brilliant.
