Mark Wahlberg credited as playing...
Bobby Mercer
- Bobby: [imitating a teenage girl] The popos is here! Ya'll better run, man, these white cops are crazy! They killed Cornbread! They killed him - he didn't do nothin'!
- Angel: I gotta ask you a question. Me and Sofi did a lot of making up last night. It seems like a got a little rust on my tools down here
- [opens his bathrobe]
- Bobby: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Ask the cockologist in the shower.
- Jack: How the hell would I know?
- Bobby: You're the expert.
- Jack: [looks for a second] Rug burn.
- Bobby: Lemme catch you on the street without that badge! I'll smack that smirk right off your face, you punk!
- Bobby: I don't know how you did it for so many years, man. It must've driven you crazy, Angel. On a ship for, what, six months at a time with nothing but dudes
- Angel: It wasn't a ship. And the marine's went co-ed, they got girls now.
- Bobby: Yeah, I bet'cha those girls look like dudes too, though.
- Angel: Not after six months they don't.
- Bobby: [after Jack is shot] Jack! Jack, look at me! Jack, you all right? Hold on. We need an ambulance!
- Angel: Somebody help! Call 911!
- Bobby: Jack. Jack. Jack! Jack, please. Come on, man.
- Sofi: I'm calling, I'm calling!
- Bobby: Come on, Jack, you gotta breathe!
- Sofi: [on the phone] We need an ambulance right now!
- Bobby: Don't you die on me you little fairy. Come on, Jack. Please! You gotta fucking breathe! Come on!
- Jack: [grunts and gasps, gives one last breath, and dies]
- Bobby: [crying] Jack! Jack. Jack, come on, Jack, please! Please...
- Angel: [whispers] Jack.
- Angel: It's a little heavy in here, I'm just gonna go outside and get a little air.
- Bobby: You're full of shit, man. You can smell that ass from down the street, huh?
- Angel: What are you talking about?
- Bobby: What do you mean, what? You know exactly what we talking about with La Vida Loca.
- Angel: Ain't nobody going to go get no La Vida Loca nothing!
- Jeremiah: She's got a boyfriend.
- Bobby: She's got a boyfriend, she's got hard dick in her right now. She screaming somebody else's name and the last thing she's doing is thinking about is your black ass.
- [commentating as Jerry and Angel wrestle]
- Bobby: Yeah, get him Jerry! The gorgeous black ladies of wrestling! Nitro and Midnight! Nitro's got Midnight in a headlock! Get him, Jerry! Midnight's trying to be up, but Nitro's on him!
- Jack: Jack drinks Jack! Jack drink Jack!
- [considering his name is Jack and he's Drinking Jack Daniels]
- Jeremiah: Jackie is drunk!
- Bobby: Jack likes ass crack and ballsack.
- Jack: Jack doesn't like ass crack and ballsack! Jack likes boobs! Jack's got fans. Jack's got lots of fans.
- Angel: Man, shut the hell up.
- Jack: [meeting Jeremiah's daughters] Hey, you must be Daniela!
- Bobby: [petting Amelia's costumed dog] and you must be Amelia! I like your dress...
- Amelia Mercer: I'm Amelia!
- Bobby: I know. You probably don't remember us, but I'm your Uncle Bobby, and this is Cracker Jack.
- Jack: Man, don't teach them that.
- Daniela Mercer: You can't be our uncles. You're white.
- Amelia Mercer: Grandma Eva's white!
- Bobby: That's right. You see, we're a different kind of uncle. Your grandma, she adopted me and your uncle Jack just like she adopted your daddy.