Green Screen Show (2004–2005)

Drew Carey: Self

Quotes 

• [after "Moving People," where audience member Tony has moved Greg way too much] 

  Drew Carey : Anybody have any questions while we're stopped for a while?

  Greg Proops : Yeah, yeah. Is that guy on a work furlough program? 'Cause he seems not to have had human contact in quite some time. Hey, could that guy come out and beat the shit out of me for a while longer? That was great.

  Jeff Bryan Davis : Kids, those are show business terms.

  Greg Proops : Oh, are there children here? Terrific.

  Drew Carey : Yeah, right in the center.

  Greg Proops : Have you seen a grown man fondle another grown man that much? I love the feeling of a man's hands all over my body. I don't when I've ever felt that manipulated. Now you know how Pinocchio felt. That was no Pleasure Island, my friend. Have you ever had your floating rib manipulated up and down? Reminds me of how I got on the show, Drew!

• Drew Carey : I know my wife is dead, but what about my toaster?

  Colin Mochrie : You... *are* the toaster.

  Drew Carey : Goo-goo-ga-joob!

• [Colin performs the Mystery Interpretive Dance with bleach] 

  Chip Esten : [buzzes in]  I would like to challenge him to do it again at double speed!

  Drew Carey : [buzzes in]  I would like to challenge him to do it in slow motion!

  Colin Mochrie : I'd like to invoke the group dance!

• Drew Carey : ["Lines" on a Zepplin]  If I could write a poem about you, the first line would be...

  Drew Carey : [pulls out a line]  My mind is a blank.

  Drew Carey : My mind is a blank, yet I still go to the bank. Imagine what a stank that is...

  Julie Larson : Oh, those are the most beautiful words I've ever heard.

  Drew Carey : Yeah, I'll bet!

• Brad Sherwood : [One Syllable Word in a Vet's Office]  I can hear his heartbeat...

  [audience Buzzes] 

  Brad Sherwood : Wha?

  Drew Carey : Heartbeat!

  Brad Sherwood : CRAP!