Louis and the Nazis (2003 TV Movie)

John Malpezzi: Self

Quotes 

• Louis Theroux : Did I ever tell you the thing about Denzel Washington, that Tom said?

  John Malpezzi : What did he say about him?

  Louis Theroux : He said that he thinks he's better looking than Denzel Washington.

  John Malpezzi : I think Tom is too. As a matter of fact, we're going to make a mug out of Tom's head. I want to trademark his head. That beautiful head.

  Louis Theroux : [holding a publicity photograph of Tom, running his finger across Tom's forehead]  Like, what, you would drink out of here?

  John Malpezzi : Uh... yeah!

  [Louis makes a funny face. Tom and his mother laugh] 

  John's Mother : You wouldn't enjoy a drink out of that.

  John Malpezzi : I sure would. Oh yeah, man.

  John's Mother : People like mugs.

  John Malpezzi : Oh yeah, they love mugs.

  John's Mother : And his head would make a good mug.

• Louis Theroux : You can't talk about that?

  John Malpezzi : Well, let me put it to you this way... I represented a lot of, as I told you, large clients like Pablo Escobar and guys like that.

  Louis Theroux : You were some kind of big kingpin cocaine dealer?

  John Malpezzi : Me? Little old me? Oh, jeez.

  Louis Theroux : Seriously?

  John Malpezzi : Everybody needs an attorney, even guys like Pablo Escobar.

• [Louis, Tom and John are going to Mexico for the day] 

  Louis Theroux : [driving the car]  So what is the plan when we get there?

  Tom Metzger : [to John]  Why don't you tell him the truth? You just wanna get to that whore down there. That's what you're really saying.

  John Malpezzi : I wouldn't refer to a lovely lady like that as a whore.

  Tom Metzger : Well, if you pay money, she's a whore.