Eric Christian Olsen: Lloyd Christmas
Photos
Quotes
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Harry : You found my treasure? Why didn't you tell me?
Lloyd Christmas : Three words: I did.
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[Harry is about to throw away Lloyd's chipped tooth]
Lloyd : No! Wait - save it for the Tooth Fairy.
Harry : I happen to know for a fact that my mother is the Tooth Fairy.
Lloyd : No way! Your mom's the Tooth Fairy?
Harry : Yeah, she flies around at night while I'm asleep.
Lloyd : Well nice to meet you. I'm Lloyd Christmas.
Harry : Well, I'll be. Here I am bragging about how my mom's the Tooth Fairy and you're dad's Santa Claus!
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Lloyd Christmas : Chicks are for fags!
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Ray : What are you crazy boys doing in my tool shed?
Lloyd Christmas : We're not crazy, dad. We're special, and Principal Collins wants us to have our own special class room.
Ray : [Happy] My boy's special! How about that!
[Hugs Lloyd]
Ray : I knew you were different!
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Lloyd Christmas : George Washington... He only invented money.
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Mrs. Dunne : Hey, fellas, it's getting kind of late. Come on.
Lloyd Christmas : Can I be on top?
Harry Dunne : Only if I can be on bottom.
Lloyd Christmas : All Right!
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Lloyd Christmas : Somebody chipped my tooth!
Harry : How do you think I feel? Somebody bit me in the forehead!
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Lloyd Christmas : You know, you're the first person I ever brought here, Harry.
Harry Dunne : Is this your special place?
Lloyd Christmas : No, I just usually eat in the crapper. Yeah. Saves time. Out with the old, in with the new.
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Principal Collins : You know, Honey... I think I've finally figured out a way to bilk this school out of enough money to get us that condo in Waikiki.
Ms. Heller : How, Sweet Baby? You've done it all.
Principal Collins : Small potatoes. This is the big one. This is visionary. This idea is genius.
[Ms. Heller giggles]
Principal Collins : Look at this. The "Richard Moffitt Special Needs Grant".
Ms. Heller : Mm-hmm.
Principal Collins : This Moffitt guy used to be in a Special Needs program, & then he learns to string a couple of sentences together and now he's some big hotshot. Anyway, the State is giving 100 Grand in his name to every school that has a Special Needs Class.
Ms. Heller : This is fantastic!
Principal Collins : Mm-hmm.
Ms. Heller : All we have to do is *kill* this Moffitt guy, & we get all the money.
Principal Collins : No.
[Ms. Heller sighs]
Principal Collins : No. What we need is to set up a *fake* Special Needs Class.
Ms. Heller : We start our own class.
Principal Collins : Problem is, where do we find kids... we can pass off as "Special"?
Lloyd Christmas : O.k., that's high enough! Thanks, Turk.
Harry Dunne : I'm flying! Woo-hoo! So this is what a flag sees all day.
Lloyd Christmas : Yeah.
Harry Dunne : And your friend Turk is totally great.
Lloyd Christmas : Yeah, he's Aces, huh?
[to Turk, below]
Lloyd Christmas : Hey, thanks, Turk! We're so high!
[Turk laughs]
Principal Collins : Bingo.
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[Turk comes up behind Lloyd and grabs him in a Head-Lock. Lloyd introduces him to Harry]
Lloyd : This is my Mohawk friend, Turk. He's part of the "Cool Crowd".
[to Turk]
Lloyd : Hey, Kimosabe!
Turk : Shut up, Ass-Face.
Lloyd : That's the Iroquois name he gave me for having the strong face of an ass.
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Harry Dunne : [Harry is covered in mud and hit by Jessica's dad's car] Charlie!
Jessica's Dad : Oh, my God... it's you... you're the guy that crapped up my house! What are you... you're covered in *shit*! My car's covered in *shit*!
Harry Dunne : No, no, no, no... It's not that?
[gets off the hood and starts to walk off]
Jessica's Dad : There's crap all over my hood! You got feces all over my mercedes! It's in my grill! My car's covered in shit!
Lloyd : Who's that?
Harry Dunne : That's Jessica's Dad. She says he's really anal.
Lloyd : [Winces, disgusted] Ew... ugh, that's gross.
Jessica's Dad : [as they walk off, fading out] Get back here! I'm not cleaning this up! I'm gonna have to have this towed! Are you out of your mind? What is it with you and *fecal* matter?
[Fade out]
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Turk : So were you held back two years like Lloyd?
Harry Dunne : No, I was held back three.
Lloyd Christmas : By your mom?
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[Lewis is getting his mascot's head taken off]
Lewis : Aah.
Harry Dunne : Whoa! The half boy / half horse.
Lloyd Christmas : Oh! That's more of what we're looking for.
Harry Dunne : He's *super* special.
Lewis : Well... I mean, I got to get a job anyway. So if I - if I sign your thing, I can just come and go whenever I want to?
Lloyd Christmas : You were born free, and free you shall remain.
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Lloyd : Whoa! Look at Jessica, look at her milk bubbles, and her shorts are really short!
Harry Dunne : I know...
Lloyd : Yea, last time I wore shorts that short, I got beat up!
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Lloyd Christmas : There's gonna be chicks all over us. It's gonna be so faggy, I don't think I can stand it.
