- Two mafia members hide out with their Scottish cousin. They try to help him with a debt collector using violence, but their methods backfire. Their cover story unravels as the cousin recognizes them as criminals.
- Two American mafiosi, Gino and Settimo, take refuge in the Glasgow cafe owned by their Scottish/Italian cousin. But cousin Roberto isn't the tough guy they'd expected. His strengths are fish frying and stamp collecting, and he thinks Magnum 45s are a type of ice cream. Gino and Settimo try to repay Roberto's hospitality by chasing off a debt collector who wants his property, but their strong arm tactics alarm him and he realises they aren't the PR consultants they claimed to be—Anonymous
- Rich New Jersey mobsters Settimo and his dandy son Gino order the killing of an even more powerful Ukrainian crime baron's son. Needing shelter abroad, they opt for their obscure Glasgow cousin Roberto, who runs a fish and chips shop with his old grandpa. They need to learn much about the Scottish hospitality and restaurateur industry, but prove the superiority of New England dealing with debts and creditors and Italian courting charm. Ultimately, the Ukrainins get wind of their hiding.—KGF Vissers
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