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- Garfield: All right, you guys, just permit me one sentimental moment here, will you? I have something to say. Christmas: it's not the giving, it's not the getting, it's the loving. There, I said it. Now get outta here.
- Garfield: All right, you guys, just permit me one sentimental moment here, will you? I have something to say. Christmas: it's not the giving, it's not the getting, it's the loving. There, I said it. Now get outta here.
- Garfield: [after he falls down the Christmas tree, almost putting the star on top] Whoever invented Christmas trees should be drug out into the street and shot.
- [an ornament bonks his nose]
- Grandma: Grandpa was a proud man. A strong man. He was a good provider. We - never had much money, but we always had plenty of food on the table. And he always made something special for me and each of the children at Christmas. Men like him didn't feel like they could show much affection outwardly to the children, but - on Christmas, it was okay. He always pretended not to be excited on Christmas morning, but his eyes gave him away. I think... I think it was his favorite day of the year. Sometimes I wake up in the night, and I can still feel his strong arms around me.
- [sighs]
- Grandma: This is the night I miss him the most.
- Jon Arbuckle: I remember when my brother Doc Boy and I were little...
- Garfield: Oh, brother, here we go again.
- Jon Arbuckle: [singing] Dad would chop down the tree.
- Garfield: Chores.
- Jon Arbuckle: Mom would fix up a meal.
- Garfield: Work.
- Jon Arbuckle: Doc Boy would get in the way.
- Garfield: Fighting. Big fat hairy deal.
- [Odie barks]
- Jon Arbuckle: Decorating the tree.
- Garfield: Gardening.
- Jon Arbuckle: Wiring all of the lights.
- Garfield: Electrical contracting.
- Jon Arbuckle: Wrapping boxes and writing out cards.
- Garfield: Office work. Out of sight.
- [Odie barks]
- Jon Arbuckle: [as he and Doc Boy try to wake Dad early on Christmas morning; whispering] Hey, Dad.
- Doc Boy: [whispering] Psst. Hey, Dad, you awake?
- Jon Arbuckle: Daaaaaaaad?
- [turns on light]
- Doc Boy: [shouts] Dad, you awake?
- [Dad suddenly awakes, startled]
- Dad: Well, I'm awake now. What do you boys want?
- Jon Arbuckle: [eagerly] Is it time to open our presents yet?
- Dad: It's 1:30 in the morning. *No*, it's not time to open presents yet.
- [turns off light]
- Doc Boy: [to Jon] It *is* Christmas morning *now*, you know.
- Jon Arbuckle: [turns light back on] But Doc Boy has a point there, Dad. Any time after midnight is *technically* Christmas morning, you know.
- Dad: [sternly to Jon and Doc Boy] Go - to bed!
- Jon Arbuckle: [slightly irritated] All right, all right.
- [turns off light]
- Doc Boy: [sarcastically as he and Jon leave] Pleasant dreams, Dad. It is Christmas morning.
- Jon Arbuckle: I know that, and you know that.
- [shuts door]
- Jon Arbuckle: Hey Garfield, come over here.
- [Garfield turns around]
- Jon Arbuckle: Garfield, I have a very important job for you. It's a dangerous assignment, but if you succeed, you'll be a hero.
- Garfield: A hero! I like that.
- Jon Arbuckle: I want you to take this star up the tree and put it on the top.
- Garfield: [saluting Jon and accepting the star] Climbing trees is my life, sir. If I'm not back in an hour, send a banana cream pie after me.
- Jon Arbuckle: Doc Boy, how's my favorite brother?
- Doc Boy: Don't call me Doc Boy. You've probably forgotten I'm your ONLY brother.
- Jon Arbuckle: Oh.
- [low voice]
- Jon Arbuckle: You're right.
- [Doc Boy plays a draining song of "O Christmas Tree" on the piano]
- Doc Boy: O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree, how lovely are thy...
- [Grandma bumps Doc Boy off the piano]
- Grandma: Scoot over, Sonny Boy! Let ole Grandma take a whack at that!
- [Grandma plays a mean piano and everyone is awestruck]
- Grandma: O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree, how lovely are thy branches! Whoa-whoa-bee-doop-bee-doop-bee-doop!
- Jon Arbuckle: We're almost back on the farm now, boys. I can almost smell Mom's chestnut dressing baking in the oven right now.
- Garfield: [sniffs] That's not what I smell.
- Jon Arbuckle: Grandma, you remember Garfield, don't you?
- Grandma: Well, I'll be. I remember back when all we had were wood-burning cats. Ah, what'll they think of next?
- Garfield: Bizarre.
- Mom: [beaming] Isn't this wonderful? The whole family together again for the holidays. We're going to have such a splendid Christmas. Oh, I'm so happy I could just burst!
- Grandma: Oh, put a sock in it, dearie.
- [carrying Garfield to the kitchen]
- Grandma: Let's go finish dinner.
- Garfield: I can see Grandma and I going to get along just fine.
- Jon Arbuckle: Hey, Garfield, guess what today is?
- Garfield: Listen carefully, Jon: I don't do pop quizzes before breakfast, okay?
- Jon Arbuckle: Are you ready for this, Garfield? It's Christmas Eve morning! We're gonna pack up our presents and go to the farm for Christmas! Won't that be fun?
- Garfield: You've got a real sick sense of humor, Jon. You know that, don't you?
- Jon Arbuckle: The whole family's gonna be there: Dad, Mom, and Grandma, and Doc Boy...
- Garfield: And Good Boy, Bad Boy, Oh Boy, Attaboy...
- Jon Arbuckle: Come on, Garfield, we have a busy day ahead of us!
- [leaves]
- Garfield: [to himself] Why is it every Christmas I get drug out of my warm bed just to see some stupid old relatives? And why is it we always have to go to that stupid ol' farm? Why can't they come here where my warm bed is? And why - am I whispering?
- Garfield: [after he tries out his new back scratcher that Odie gave him] Odie, sometimes you amaze me. This is the best present a cat could ever get. Now and then, you're something special.
- [they embrace]
- Jon Arbuckle: [as he, Garfield, and Odie pull up to the farm house] Now, behave yourself this Christmas, Garfield.
- Garfield: No problem; I'll wait in the car.
- Dad: Well, what do you boys want to do first? Do you want to do chores? Do you want to eat breakfast? Or do you want to open presents?
- Jon Arbuckle, Doc Boy: [shout] Presents!
- Jon Arbuckle: Hey Garfield, there's plenty of leftovers.
- [presenting Garfield with a plate of leftovers]
- Jon Arbuckle: Would you like something to eat?
- Garfield: Oh, no thank you, Jon.
- [patting his now-full stomach]
- Garfield: I've opted to watch my waist line this holiday season.
- Garfield: [before he climbs the Christmas tree to try to put the star on top] This is gonna be a piece of cake. Never send a man to do a cat's job.
- Mom: [as Doc Boy eagerly goes for a biscuit, Mom slaps his hand away] Doc Boy, will you say grace, please?
- Doc Boy: [reluctantly] Aw, Mom!
- Mom: [warningly] Doc Boy!
- Doc Boy: I never know what to...
- [Grandma hits Doc Boy on the head with the gravy ladle, and Doc Boy goes into prayer]
- Doc Boy: [praying hesitantly] Lord, we just want to tell you - how grateful we are for this food. And, um... for letting us all be here together - on Christmas Eve.
- Mom: Amen!
- [Everyone starts to go for the food, but Doc Boy stands up and continues his prayer]
- Doc Boy: And as surely, as the waters of the streams and the rivers find the sea, let each of us find happiness and wisdom in this hour...
- [Grandma hits Doc Boy with the ladle again]
- Doc Boy: Thanks, Lord. Let's eat!
- Dad: [reading "Binky: The Clown Who Saved Christmas"] Once upon a time, there was a clown named Binky, who loved children. Every time Binky saw children, he would say, "Hey, kids!"
- Jon Arbuckle: No, no, no, no, no, Dad; read it with more emotion!
- Doc Boy: Yeah, yeah, an-an-and why don't you say it like Binky says it?
- Dad: [Clears throat] Every time Binky saw children, he would say, "HEEEEEEEEY, KIIIIIIIIDS!"
- [Odie licks Dad to indicate his approval]
- Dad: [annoyed] Cut that out!
- Jon Arbuckle: [singing] Then we'd take those presents / And pile them under the tree / We'd barely get a wink of sleep / Wondering what they could be.
- Garfield: [singing] The special gifts of Christmas.
- Jon Arbuckle: Christmas.
- Garfield: That really make it great.
- Jon Arbuckle: It's so great.
- Garfield: Are the insomnia and the anxiety... Kids get from having to wait.
- Jon Arbuckle: Can't wait 'til Christmas / There's so much to do / Can't wait 'til Christmas...
- Garfield: Wake me when it's through.
- Garfield: [about Jon's parents' Christmas Eve dinner] Mmmm. Attentive service. Excellent cuisine. However the decor leaves something to be desired. I give this place - two stars.
- Jon Arbuckle: Hey, Mom, pass the potatoes, please.
- Mom: Scalloped, whipped, fried, baked, or boiled?
- Jon Arbuckle: Mom! You always fix too much food.
- Mom: I know, honey, I know. Now what would you like?
- Jon Arbuckle: Why, I can't decide. Just give me a piece of pie.
- Mom: Apple, peach, pumpkin, blueberry, cherry, or banana cream?
- Garfield: [after some letters bonk his head] I don't believe it. These letters must be - 50 years old.
- Jon Arbuckle: There's no doubt about it, Christmas is my favorite holiday. The air's crisp, homes are brightly decorated, and everybody's walking around with big smiles on their faces.
- [Garfield frowns]
- Jon Arbuckle: Uh, almost everybody. I think the best part is watching the faces of children and sharing memories of being a child at Christmas. I remember when my brother Doc Boy and I were little.
- Garfield: Oh, brother, here we go again.
- Jon Arbuckle: [as he tries to help Dad put the star on top of the tree, as he wobbles crazily atop Doc Boy] Careful, Dad, don't hurt yourself.
- Dad: Why is it we always put the stupid star on last? Why don't we put the star on top of the tree, then put the tree up?
- Mom: Well, it just wouldn't be Christmas if we put the star on first, honey.
- Jon Arbuckle: [as he, Garfield, and Odie go for a walk in the snow] This is what it's all about, right boys? Hard work, crisp weather, and beautiful scenery!
- Garfield: [his tail sticking out from the snow] What scenery? I think somebody turned the lights out. In fact, I'd go so far as say things can't get much worse than -
- [crashes into a snow gauge]
- Garfield: I gotta quit saying that.
- Garfield: [holding up some jewels he received from his gift-giving machine] That's just for starters. Now this is what Christmas is all about.
- Dad: [finishing "Binky: the Clown Who Saved Christmas"] Now once again, Binky the Clown saved Christmas for children all over the world.
- [closes the book]
- Dad: The end.
- Doc Boy: I don't know about you, Jon, but for a couple of minutes there, I was gettin' pretty worried.
- Jon Arbuckle: Ooh, me too!
- Mom: [chuckling] All right, boys, it's time to get ready for bed.
- Jon Arbuckle: All right!
- Mom: By any chance, you're not thinking of putting chili powder in my sausage gravy, are you, Grandma?
- Grandma: Why, no!
- [laughs innocently]
- Grandma: Heavens to Betsy, child, what would give you such a notion?
- [Mom leaves]
- Grandma: Just because my chili gravy won a blue ribbon at the county fair and your gravy didn't even place. Who'm I to tell you how to make gravy? The Greene County Gravy champion, that's who!