Tarkan: Viking Kani (1971) User Reviews

Wonderdog Kurt!

[andrew-ragland · 7/10 · 10 August 2013]

Blah blah spoilers blah blah Muppet hides blah blah boobs blah blah warning.

Tarkan may have gotten top billing, but Kurt is the real action hero here. When his father is killed by a cheesy fake Viking with a loincloth made out of a skinned Muppet and a mustache made of shag carpeting, Kurt sees to the wounds of his human companion, Tarkan, nursing him back to health. Tarkan mainly serves to get doors open and get Kurt to where he needs to be. It's Kurt who climbs the vertical rock wall out of the pit, Kurt who saves Tarkan from the inflatable octopus monster, and Kurt who fingers the villain. "MY name is Kurt Montoya! You killed my father! Prepare to die!"

Yeah, there's plenty of battles with floppy cardboard swords, and a longship shaped like a bathtub with an obvious outboard motor actually driving it. There's Captain Morgan posturing, and attack falcons, and a friendly giant who only grunts (Hodor!). They must have skinned the entire cast of the Muppet Show for the costuming. Tarkan himself gets captured and wounded more often than he manages to rescue anybody, but you have to admire his willingness to overcome arrow wounds, stab wounds, and drugs, and keep getting back up to fight on. But though Tarkan has the cape, no really, Kurt is the superhero. Go Kurt! Cry at your father's funeral! Whine jealously when Tarkan throws you out of his bed to make room for the Chinese woman! Leap off the castle into the sea to attack the inflatable octopus! By Grabthar's hammer, your father will be avenged!

Rated Z, with enough women prancing around mostly naked in weird bits of costume to make Lair of the White Worm look tame. And I do mean prancing - wait till you see the Viking women go bouncing into battle.

A Conan Fan's Guilty Pleasure

[jrd_73 · 7/10 · 18 April 2019]

I am a fan of the 1982 Conan The Barbarian. I have watched it half a dozen times and own the DVD, Blu-ray, and soundtrack CD. My love for this film has made me seek out other films with barbarians with giant swords slaying armies and monsters. Tarkan and the Blood of the Vikings is a guilty pleasure. On an objectionable level it's awful, but I was entertained throughout, which is ultimately the test of a movie.

Being a Turkish film, Tarkan and The Blood of the Vikings is somewhat challenged in the budget department. Special effects are not so special. In the most jaw dropping moment, the film's villainess falls to her death in a pit. As she falls, a viewer can clearly see hands reaching up from the pit to grab her! I rewound and watched that shot again just to make sure I had not hallucinated. To my shame, not until the next day, after the fourth or fifth time I laughed about the technical guffaw, did I grasp the true insanity of that scene. There were no wires, no safety harness. Nope, the stunt was performed with just the optimistic faith that the crew would not drop the actress.

The short documentary "Turkish Pop Cinema" (an extra on the Mondo Macabro Turkish double feature DVD) makes clear that the actors in Turkish films were expected to be stunt men. The filmmakers did not have the knowledge or the time or the money to fake a lot of stunts. Thus, if a filmmaker wanted to have a chainsaw fight in his movie, like in Komando Behcet, he had the actors fighting with a real chainsaw. So, if an actress has to fall into a pit, well those production assistants are strong lads.

Tarkan and the Blood of the Vikings has much to offer, bloody battles (sometimes almost convincing), nice eye candy, and the cheapest looking octopus since Bride of the Monster. This creature appears four times in the film, as if the producer was determined to get his money's worth even if the monster's eyes never move.

I realize I have not mentioned the plot. The plot is the least interesting facet of Tarkan and the Blood of the Vikings, so I am skipping it. However, I would not skip buying another Tarkan film if Mondo Macabro wanted to release a second Turkish double feature.

One final note, I should mention that I trashed the Turkish Superman movie The Return of Superman a couple months ago. Why that film was an ordeal to sit through while Tarkan and the Blood of the Vikings was a hoot may come down to the fact that I always liked Conan more than Superman.

That's a lot of nudity...and quite a surprise to an outsider.

[planktonrules · 2/10 · 29 August 2010]

The fact that this film was bad didn't surprise me at all. The silly blond wigs, the pink and blue fur outfits and the lamest killer Octopus in history (even worse than the one in "Bride of the Monster") were all exactly what I'd expected in a grade-z Turkish action/adventure film. However, what I did NOT expect was the nudity--quite a surprise for a film coming from a Muslim nation--albeit one of the more liberal ones. So, before you pop this DVD in for the kiddies or your mother-in-law, consider the nudity. Compared to more modern films, it's somewhat tame here, but at the time, it was very hot stuff--and not what you probably expect. As for the violence, yes there is a lot of blood but it's all very fake--so I wouldn't be terribly concerned about this for younger audiences.

The film is about a renegade Viking who worships the lame-o octopus and envisions himself as the equal to Odin! You can't say that the guy has a low sense of self-esteem! After attacking some innocent Huns and butchering them (along with Tarkan's doggy), he takes the daughter of the Hun chieftain captive along with some other hot babes. This eventually leads to a disrobing scene and some sex with a woman who is SUPPOSED to be Chinese, but looks about as Chinese as Britney Spears! Eventually, Tarkan stops brooding about his beloved pooch and comes to the rescue--kicking the snot out of the evil Vikings along with the help of his other doggy. Sure there are a few diversions here and there, but you know that by the end it's butt-kicking time for Tarkan!

The fight scenes are truly bad. I agree with the other reviewer who said that they make the Dolomite action scenes (among the worst in US film history) look like Bruce Lee compared to the action in this Tarkan epic! Yes, folks, it's THAT bad. In many ways, this film is comparable to the Maciste/Samson/Hercules films that were made in Italy from the late 1950s through the 1960s. Like these Italian films, they are very, very low-budget, have crappy props, acting and villains and also have monsters that defy description--but without the boobs. I can sit and watch one here and there because I could use a good laugh, but frankly a steady diet of this stuff might just make you permanently stupid! A good film for bad movie freaks, but otherwise not a film for the sane or nearly sane!

By the way, in addition to this film, there is another Turkish film ("Deathless Devil") which is much worse and a lot more entertaining as well as a documentary about Turkish pop films of the era. All in all, a very entertaining collection of bad.

Turkish pop-cinema: violent and fun!

[svenINC · 8/10 · 10 March 2006]

I really didn't know what to expect from this 1971 Turkish cult-classic at first, and I knew the only way to find out what it was like was by seeing it. So I put the disc in my DVD player and relaxed. I was in for one and a half hour of pure entertainment! This movie doesn't hold back on anything; it's violent, funny and full of adventure. You get Turkish vikings in funny suits and wigs, your get a fearless hero (Tarkan) with a loyal dog, you get violence, nudity and much, much more. So what was the movie about? Well, let me quote Mondo Macabro (who we are to thank for an outstanding DVD release of this very rare piece of Turkish film-history); "Tarkan is a Conan-style hero, who roams the plains with his faithful dog Kurt. Here he comes up against a band of vicious Vikings, who take great pleasure in sacrificing nubile maidens to a hungry octopus!" Need I say more? This is a must see for every fan of pop-cinema, comic-like adventures and great heroes!

/Sven

the worst movie I have ever seen

[ezalden · 1/10 · 15 May 2018]

The movie started very quick,there was no Preface.the events are moving very fast.the shooting angle was awful.meaningless stuff like why the army was full of women and there was woman holding her baby in the battlefield.they supposed to be wolfs but they are clearly dogs.the music stops at once.they move from one scene to another so quickly.the dog is smarter than the viking army.when the Chinese lady fell there was hands holding her which looked stupid.the dogs jumping at the octopus was ridiculous,and Tarkans as well.