- Linus van Pelt: [after Linus rings the doorbell, the first girl does not turn out to be pretty] Yes?
- [Linus stammers, Charlie Brown signals to him she is not the one]
- Linus van Pelt: My friend out there has fallen madly in love with you.
- Loretta: [smiles] Ooh!
- Linus van Pelt: And he would like to meet you.
- Loretta: Yes!
- [Charlie Brown goes nervous]
- Linus van Pelt: My friend says he saw you at last week's game - a honey shot.
- Loretta: Well! Where is this lothario?
- Linus van Pelt: Is this the girl, Charlie Brown?
- Charlie Brown: [shouts] NO!
- [Loretta goes sad and Charlie Brown sighs in relief]
- Teenager: [to Linus after opening the door, in a hoarse voice] Yes?
- Linus van Pelt: [amazed at how stunning she looks] He's right! You ARE beautiful!
- Teenager: So I'm beautiful. What do you want?
- Linus van Pelt: I have this friend who's madly in love you. He saw you at the football game.
- Teenager: [smiles] You have? Where is he?
- [She sees Charlie Brown, who signals to Linus indicating she is not the one]
- Teenager: [angry at this] That kid choking out there?
- Linus van Pelt: Yes, he saw you at the game and fell madly in love with you.
- Teenager: That little kid - I'm not interested in little kids!
- Linus van Pelt: You were at the football game, weren't you?
- [last lines]
- Charlie Brown: [after Linus departs for his new girlfriend's barbecue, Charlie pulls out a book. He flips through it, then reads] "Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."
- [deleted line]
- Charlie Brown: Whoever said this must have been happily married for 20 years, with 5 kids. Either that or he was a glutton for punishment.
- [He tears out the page and throws it away, then reads another]
- Charlie Brown: "Does the imagination dwell the most upon a woman won, or on a woman lost?" AAAAGGGHHH!
- [He tosses the entire book into a nearby garbage can]
- Charlie Brown: Two seconds is all you need to fall in love.
- Linus van Pelt: [Rolling his eyes] Especially when it happens every week.