Spine (1986 Video) User Reviews

worse than public access TV

[moonisgod · 2/10 · 3 July 2000]

"Spine" is what happens when you combine a video camera, a free weekend and two weeks of acting lessons. It's pathetic, and the video quality brings that point home. Pathetic movie shot on pathetic video. Not film, video. Even awful films like "Murderlust" were shot on film, but not "Spine". Basically a guy stalks and kills nurses but you don't see a lot of that in the beginning, only hear that it's happened. The cops are clueless (of course), probably because all their scenes appear to be filmed in an office building rather than a police station. If real police operated this way, I fear for the nation. So the villain, who looks kind of like an evil Jim Henson with aviator sunglasses, terrorizes two women in their home while dramatically posing and spouting off awful dialogue. Does this sound like an interesting, fun movie? It isn't. It isn't even fun to laugh at because there's no real action, mostly just talking and menacing gestures.

Uninspired.

[JHC3 · 3/10 · 9 November 1999]

"Spine" is a very low budget slasher flick that appears to have been shot on video. The sound is noteworthy in that it is especially bad. Though I am willing to take the low tech approach into account, this film is, frankly, uninspired and covers ground that has already been dealt with by innumerable films. Worse, this makes the film moderately dull which is perhaps the greatest fault any motion picture can have. Despite all of its warts, I did appreciate some of the performances to some extent, taking into account of course the pocket change available to recruit a cast.

Good movie if you're into BONDAGE!!!

[rlphil8 · 3/10 · 23 June 2006]

This is a very poorly made film, with no plot and horrible acting. That being said, if you like to see helpless women, bound, gagged, and violated,(RATED R OF COURSE) this is a fine movie. Not that I'm into that, but I enjoyed the movie. I'd rank it right up there with BLOOD SUCKING FREAKS, and movies along those lines, or the XXX rated movies of the ZFX studio, though they are very hard core. Don't expect too much from this one though, because as I said this is a very poorly made movie. You will be using the fast forward botton a lot in this one. The villain is ridiculous but the girls are very pretty and do look nice all tied up and helpless,like I said (NOT THAT I"M INTO THAT OR ANYTHING)!!!

Watchable seamy SOV slasher junk

[Bloodwank · 5/10 · 23 May 2011]

Oh SOV land, how I adore thee. The democratisation of means of production leading to unfiltered dissemination of every shade of chintz gore and cheap-jack lunacy, often wrought with zero talent and oozing home movie cheer, as a lover of the artistic process I have a lot of time for these sorts of films. I don't rate many of them especially highly and Spine is no exception, but dang I like to watch 'em. And here we even have a semi name star in Janus Blythe, from Wes Craven's classic The Hills Have Eyes (and its sad, sad sequel too). Plot is suitably seedy, a lunatic obsessed with a girl called Linda sets out tying and slicing nurses, seemingly convinced that all of 'em are called Linda. Its kinda funny actually, he keeps at it even when his victims patiently explain that they aren't called Linda and at one point is terrorising two ladies at once, convinced both are called Linda. I guess that's the problem with the dangerously insane, they really aren't very smart. And in Spine, the police aren't very smart either. Like, not at all, in fact the discovery of the killer's identity comes from one of the most basic conceivable tricks of information seeking behaviour. This is of course a good thing, part of the fun of these sorts of films is the disjoint between their realm and reality and Spine does pretty reasonably in the cut off. Another good thing is that the killer wears a salmon pink shirt and jeans combo with rich, manly facial hair and sunglasses. He looks like kind of a dork, which is somewhat fun. Sadly, not everything is good with Spine. For one, there isn't any nudity. A seamy shot like this really needs nudity and when it isn't there, well its kinda frustrating. Greasy misogyny needs the nudity to push it into artistic fruition and Spine never gets there, I guess in a way its a further disjoint, pulling away from rational expectation, but its the wrong kind of pull away. There isn't much in the way of bloodshed either, which is less of a problem in the context, but still a bit irritating. Oh and the ending pulls a distinctly "what the heck were they thinking twist" as well, pretty weak. On the other hand the second half is a nicely sustained exercise in meanness carried well by the actors, which gives the whole affair much more of a kick than expected from the general quality. Janus Blythe is ace in her role, friendly, frightened, committed, a good show. R. Eric Huxley is nicely unpleasant as the baddie as well, determined and weird, while Lise Romanoff is a generally attractive and likable nominal heroine. The editing is semi interesting as well, the way the killers actions are mixed with other scenes can be amusing. Altogether, this is another of those that only die hard slasher fans should bother with, but for those devotees to the cause it has enough of merit to be worth at least one watch. 5/10 from me, though normal people will probably go quite a bit lower.

Looking for a copy of this movie

[hemply101 · 30 January 2002]

I recall this movie when it first came out. It was one of the worst movies I have ever seen, terrible plot and terrible acting made it one of the funniest movies I have ever seen as well. If anyone knows how I might obtain a copy of this movie, drop me a line. I collect only the worst movies ever made. Thanks

I would rather have my eyes plucked out than suffer through this again!!!

[Captain_Couth · 1/10 · 2 March 2004]

People always over rate the term "The worst movie ever made". I dare them to sit through this! I double dog dare them. After seeing this film there's no way on god's green earth that someone can watch anything and proclaim that what they saw was the worst movie ever.

Spine (1986) is a video masquerading as a movie. It look like it was shot with one of those bulky 80's camcorders acted by a bunch of people who are pretending to be actors and it was made by a couple of people calling themselves "directors". I've seen grade school plays that have higher production values than this "movie". I had the horror of seeing this video when a cousin of mine rented it ignoring pleas from the family. A quick synopsis, a balding weirdo torments women. Please avoid this video!

Zero, doesn't deserve a grade

Amateurish slasher junk.

[HumanoidOfFlesh · 4/10 · 21 September 2010]

"Spine" is about a crazed killer who thinks every woman he meets is some girl he's looking for named Linda.Then he ties them up in bondage fashion and stabs them to death.Ultra-cheap and amateurish piece of slasher junk with terrible acting and dull characters."Spine" is rarely fun to watch and quickly becomes tedious.There is only one bloody stabbing and a tiny bit of nudity.I have heard that "Spine" is among one of the rarest slasher movies made in 80's.However after watching this SOV cheapo I was bitterly disappointed.Japanese pinku eiga/bondage flicks are far more entertaining.4 out of 10.Only for slasher completists.

As blunt and dull as a butter-knife. One of the worst low-budget '80s slashers

[Coffee_in_the_Clink · 1/10 · 16 April 2020]

"Spine" is rather spineless. An extremely cheap and mechanical straight-to-video slasher released in 1986, and directed by John Howard and Justin Simmonds. John Howard also stars in the leading role as Detective Meadows, a scruffy and belligerent officer who looks more like something that would be cooking crystal meth in a trailer park than anything else. He is assigned to track down a serial killer who has been butchering nurses. The killer has a thing for nurses and ties them up before exposing their spines and murdering them. He calls them all 'Linda'. So who is Linda? Probably his mother, but all shall be revealed. The acting, surprisingly is not even the worst thing about this one. But in saying that I have seen better acting on "Home and Away". The writing and directing is absolutely atrocious. It's also quite tame, in terms of the violence and exploitation, which was something I did not expect. Usually when something like this is weak on the technical side of things, it usually over-compensates with the violence etc. Overall, this highly obscure slasher should remain that way. Extremely amateurish and without any redeeming qualities, and as blunt and dull as a butter knife, to boot.

Better than average shot on video horror outing

[Woodyanders · 7/10 · 4 January 2016]

Vicious and deranged psycho Lawrence Aston (a creepy and convincing portrayal by R. Eric Husley) stalks nurses and removes their spines after killing them. Ashton breaks into a house where two women reside while the police try to find and stop him.

Writers/directors John Howard and Justin Simmonds relate the absorbing story at a steady pace, ground the premise in a believable workaday reality (for example, we see the cops on the case using a primitive 80's computer to search for Ashton), maintain a grimly serious tone throughout, take time to develop the two nurse characters as people the viewer can really care about, deliver a decent amount of gore (although this film could have gone much farther in this particular department), and generate a good deal of tension that reaches a nerve-rattling fever pitch in the harrowing last third. Moreover, Janus Blythe of The Hills Have Eyes fame and Lise Romanoff both do solid and credible work as the hapless lasses Ashton singles out as deserving of his lethal wrath. The rough shot-on-video cinematography provides a suitably scroungy look. Don Chilcott's flesh-crawling score does the shuddery ooga-booga trick. Alas, the filmmakers punk out on the gratuitous nudity angle even though one gal does take a shower. No lost classic, but enjoyable enough for fans of obscure micro-budget fright fare.