It tickles me to think that there are seedy little men watching porn, who actually want the sex scenes to be included in some kind of coherent plot, however simple the storyline. Surely the object is the sex scenes? Why bother with exposition linking one sweaty escapade with the next?
The "plot" of Booberella vaguely follows the story of Cinderella (Booberella/Cinderella. Geddit?) Our Prince Charmless in Booberella is Rick. He's the wrong side of thirty, the wrong side of tubby and with an IQ delving into negative figures. He must be doing something right though, because he's quaffing ale on the patio of a luxurious Caribbean condo when he espies a beautiful girl on the beach. The aesthete in him exclaims "Jesus! Who is that? Look at those *its!"
Rick waddles down to the beach to meet this buxom beauty. She yelps and scarpers, but leaves behind a clue to her identity. Cinders left behind a glass slipper. In this universe "Boobers" leaves behind a giant bra that could successfully be mistaken for a racing yacht double jib.
Prince Charmless hugs the enormous bra to his chest and says out loud, "I gotta find this girl!" He formulates a plan with two pals involving an offer of $100,000 reward to the woman who fits the bra. While they discuss this fool-proof plan, Candy the cleaner is cleaning the kitchen. Hmmm... Didn't Cinderella do lots of cleaning...?
Later Staci arrives at Tiffany's house. She shows Tiff an ad in the paper offering one hundred big ones to the woman with, er, two big ones... Tiff whips off her top. Staci's eyes pop out of her head. "Jesus Christ!" she exclaims, "I never knew your *its were THAT big! Can I feel 'em?" Like it would in real life, a lesbian session ensues. This scene is enhanced by Tiff's continual glances towards the camera for direction. During the tryst Tiff squeezes Staci's breasts and asks, "What are these? E's?" "D's. Doubles D's..." Staci replies. It's post-modern poetry, if ever I heard it. What are these? E's? D's. Double D's...
Roberto, a musclebound lunk, arrives and drives the two jug-ly sisters over to Rick's pad. Sadly, Tiff's tats are too small for Rick, even though she causes an eclipse of the sun every time she undresses.
Outside Rick's, next to Roberto's truck, Tiff is disconsolate. Staci commiserates with her. Physically. Like you do. Roberto's watching aaaand, weeeeell, one thing leads to another and before you know it Resourceful Rob pulls down the truck tail gate, chucks in a manky sleeping bag and hey presto! It's the Paris Hilton penthouse suite. Guess what happens next? Afterwards, Tiff says to Roberto "Well, baby, that was better than $100,000, wasn't it?" I'm sure he enjoyed it - but a hundred grand?
Rick and his mate Tony knock on Lisa's door. She is reading the newspaper. Wearing a pair of 5-inch white stillettos, a skin tight pair of hot pants and a black patent leather jacket. Her boobs are even bigger than Tiffany's. Have you seen the film "When Worlds Collide"? Even Lisa cannot fill the giant bra. "I could have used that $100,000..." she says. Couldn't we all, darling?
Never mind, though, because there's always a session to be had with Tony. This encounter is improved immeasurably by the constant sound of the cameraman's wheezing emphysemic breaths over the soundtrack. It really put me in the mood. Tony is the caring sort, it seems. He says to Lisa, "Tell you what. I'm just gonna lay here and let you *uck the *hit outta yourself." You old Romeo, you.
Back at Rick's Tony tells Rick of his encounter with Lisa. Candy is cleaning the room at the same time. See where this is going?
James arrives and says he's off for a swim. He spots an unconscious girl on the beach. It's Angel Bust. Of course it is. James checks Angel's pulse. He gives her CPR, then mouth to mouth. No good. Got to get her some help! He carries her up to Rick's place. Rick lets them in. James lays the unconscious girl on the couch. "Jesus!" Rick says. She's got big *its! Bet she's the one I'm looking for!" He places the gigantic bra over the exposed chest of the dying woman. It's not Boobers after all. Ah, well. "You better work quick or you're gonna lose her..." Rick opines disinterestedly as James continues mouth to mouth.
Wouldn't you know it, Angel begins to come round. James pulls away. "My God, you're all right!" he says. "Shut up and kiss me..." Angel says. So James does. And more. Angel goes from near death to sexual frenzy in the blink of an eye.
Rick plods off down to the beach clutching the gargantuan bra in his sweaty mitt. Wait a minute - Candy the cleaner arrives for a swim. Four feet in front of her are two quivering nubs of demented blubber. "Hey!" she says. "That's my bra! Where did you find it?" Rick replies, "No way! This ain't your bra! I found it on the beach!" Duuur!
Of course it turns out that Candy is Booberella. What an unpected turn of events. They get to it on a filthy blanket on the beach like a pair of irritable chimps. Rick is obviously inexperienced at the porn game because Candy has to keep moving his hand out of camera shot so we can see every tiny crease and wobble. It is a desultory encounter. If you had been saving yourself for the big finale, then sadly you'll have to hit the rewind button. Every shot has Candy's annoyed facial expression saying "What does he think he's doing?" Rick's like a puppy with a new toy. Candy's the bored professional reduced to working with amateurs.
The final shot is worth the wait: Prince Charmless is licking at Booberella's mouth like a dog worrying at a half-opened tin of spam...
The "plot" of Booberella vaguely follows the story of Cinderella (Booberella/Cinderella. Geddit?) Our Prince Charmless in Booberella is Rick. He's the wrong side of thirty, the wrong side of tubby and with an IQ delving into negative figures. He must be doing something right though, because he's quaffing ale on the patio of a luxurious Caribbean condo when he espies a beautiful girl on the beach. The aesthete in him exclaims "Jesus! Who is that? Look at those *its!"
Rick waddles down to the beach to meet this buxom beauty. She yelps and scarpers, but leaves behind a clue to her identity. Cinders left behind a glass slipper. In this universe "Boobers" leaves behind a giant bra that could successfully be mistaken for a racing yacht double jib.
Prince Charmless hugs the enormous bra to his chest and says out loud, "I gotta find this girl!" He formulates a plan with two pals involving an offer of $100,000 reward to the woman who fits the bra. While they discuss this fool-proof plan, Candy the cleaner is cleaning the kitchen. Hmmm... Didn't Cinderella do lots of cleaning...?
Later Staci arrives at Tiffany's house. She shows Tiff an ad in the paper offering one hundred big ones to the woman with, er, two big ones... Tiff whips off her top. Staci's eyes pop out of her head. "Jesus Christ!" she exclaims, "I never knew your *its were THAT big! Can I feel 'em?" Like it would in real life, a lesbian session ensues. This scene is enhanced by Tiff's continual glances towards the camera for direction. During the tryst Tiff squeezes Staci's breasts and asks, "What are these? E's?" "D's. Doubles D's..." Staci replies. It's post-modern poetry, if ever I heard it. What are these? E's? D's. Double D's...
Roberto, a musclebound lunk, arrives and drives the two jug-ly sisters over to Rick's pad. Sadly, Tiff's tats are too small for Rick, even though she causes an eclipse of the sun every time she undresses.
Outside Rick's, next to Roberto's truck, Tiff is disconsolate. Staci commiserates with her. Physically. Like you do. Roberto's watching aaaand, weeeeell, one thing leads to another and before you know it Resourceful Rob pulls down the truck tail gate, chucks in a manky sleeping bag and hey presto! It's the Paris Hilton penthouse suite. Guess what happens next? Afterwards, Tiff says to Roberto "Well, baby, that was better than $100,000, wasn't it?" I'm sure he enjoyed it - but a hundred grand?
Rick and his mate Tony knock on Lisa's door. She is reading the newspaper. Wearing a pair of 5-inch white stillettos, a skin tight pair of hot pants and a black patent leather jacket. Her boobs are even bigger than Tiffany's. Have you seen the film "When Worlds Collide"? Even Lisa cannot fill the giant bra. "I could have used that $100,000..." she says. Couldn't we all, darling?
Never mind, though, because there's always a session to be had with Tony. This encounter is improved immeasurably by the constant sound of the cameraman's wheezing emphysemic breaths over the soundtrack. It really put me in the mood. Tony is the caring sort, it seems. He says to Lisa, "Tell you what. I'm just gonna lay here and let you *uck the *hit outta yourself." You old Romeo, you.
Back at Rick's Tony tells Rick of his encounter with Lisa. Candy is cleaning the room at the same time. See where this is going?
James arrives and says he's off for a swim. He spots an unconscious girl on the beach. It's Angel Bust. Of course it is. James checks Angel's pulse. He gives her CPR, then mouth to mouth. No good. Got to get her some help! He carries her up to Rick's place. Rick lets them in. James lays the unconscious girl on the couch. "Jesus!" Rick says. She's got big *its! Bet she's the one I'm looking for!" He places the gigantic bra over the exposed chest of the dying woman. It's not Boobers after all. Ah, well. "You better work quick or you're gonna lose her..." Rick opines disinterestedly as James continues mouth to mouth.
Wouldn't you know it, Angel begins to come round. James pulls away. "My God, you're all right!" he says. "Shut up and kiss me..." Angel says. So James does. And more. Angel goes from near death to sexual frenzy in the blink of an eye.
Rick plods off down to the beach clutching the gargantuan bra in his sweaty mitt. Wait a minute - Candy the cleaner arrives for a swim. Four feet in front of her are two quivering nubs of demented blubber. "Hey!" she says. "That's my bra! Where did you find it?" Rick replies, "No way! This ain't your bra! I found it on the beach!" Duuur!
Of course it turns out that Candy is Booberella. What an unpected turn of events. They get to it on a filthy blanket on the beach like a pair of irritable chimps. Rick is obviously inexperienced at the porn game because Candy has to keep moving his hand out of camera shot so we can see every tiny crease and wobble. It is a desultory encounter. If you had been saving yourself for the big finale, then sadly you'll have to hit the rewind button. Every shot has Candy's annoyed facial expression saying "What does he think he's doing?" Rick's like a puppy with a new toy. Candy's the bored professional reduced to working with amateurs.
The final shot is worth the wait: Prince Charmless is licking at Booberella's mouth like a dog worrying at a half-opened tin of spam...