Ed's Next Move (1996)

Matt Ross: Eddie

Quotes 

• Eddie Brodsky : In some things, the more I analyze them the less clear they become.

• Eddie Brodsky : Four women in the same elevator. I haven't been with four women in the same time zone.

• Eddie Brodsky : Sex is not a transitive act. It is an intransitive act.

  Ray Obregon : If you talk like that to her, it will be a non-existent act.

• Eddie Brodsky : First dates go better when nothing dies.

• [Ed envisions his breakup with translators to help] 

  Anne, Ed's ex : I'm like a balloon and you're like a rock.

  Female Translator : I'm open to change. You're an immovable objest who can't see the benefit of a little risk.

  Eddie Brodsky : I think you're wrong.

  Male Translator : I'm right, as usual.

  Anne, Ed's ex : I just think we need to take some time to rethink what we're doing together, maybe make some things a little less exclusive.

  Female Translator : There's a guy at work who makes the zipper on my jeans melt.

  Eddie Brodsky : (to translator) No.

  Female Translator : Yes.

  Eddie Brodsky : I don't think it's healthy for us to see other people.

  Male Translator : If I see you with that guy, I'll kill him, and/or separate him from his most precious organ with a dull butter knife.

  Anne, Ed's ex : Look, I just need to take some time to figure things out. I just need some time. Is that too much to ask?

  Female Translator : Wake up, it's over.

  Eddie Brodsky : My head hurts.

  Male Translator : My head hurts.

  Anne, Ed's ex : Call me later. I'll be home.

  Female Translator : If you think I'm going to change my mind, you're dreaming.

  Eddie Brodsky : Yeah...fine...alright...okay.

  Male Translator : I cannot put into word the feelings raging within me at this moment. Suffice it to say I am now envisioning putting a gun to my head the moment you walk away from me.