Sabrina, the Teenage Witch (TV Series 1996–2003) Poster

Nick Bakay: Salem Saberhagen



  • [a spell turns Salem blonde] 

    Salem : I'm blonde! My IQ just dropped 20 points!

    Zelda : [pointing to each of the Spellman women]  Blonde, blonde, blonde.

    [points at Salem] 

    Zelda : Dead.

  • Salem : Dogs guard; cats watch... and judge.

  • Sabrina : You are so weird!

    Salem : [nodding]  It helps break up the day.

  • Zelda : What's the matter?

    Sabrina : What's the matter? I have to be a witch, I have to be a mortal, I have to be a teenager and I have to be a girl all at the same time. That's what's the matter.

    Salem : At least you still have your thumbs... and a door on your bathroom!

  • Salem : Finally! I'm free! I have no place to go.

  • [a bird is twittering outside the window] 

    Salem : Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Why must you keep tormenting me?

  • Hilda : What's my bra doing on the roof?

    Salem : Erm, the squirrels needed a nutfeeder...

  • Valerie : Gordy, are you even aware that there's a dance on Friday?

    Salem : I'll pick you up at 8. What kind of flowers do you like?

    Valerie : Surprise me!

    Salem : That means roses.

  • Harvey Kinkle : A penny saved is a penny earned.

    Salem : Don't eat the yellow snow.

  • Salem : Earthquake!

    Zelda : But we're in Massachusetts.

    Sabrina : [Looks out the window]  Is that a beanstalk?

    Salem : Beanstalk!

  • Salem : Hello, this is your guard speaking. Harvey is at the front door, and send me a sandwich!

  • Hilda : I just haven't turned myself into wind in years.

    Salem : Would cabbage help?

  • [All of Salem's mined magic is used on Sabrina] 

    Salem : Well, at least I'm young. No, that's Sabrina. Well, at least I have my own magic. No, wait, that's Sabrina. At least I'm a biped, no, no, wait, THAT'S SABRINA!

  • Salem : Let's destroy everything that's dear to him. Let's indoctrinate him into the cathedral of agony.

    Zelda : I'm gonna write him a very stern letter.

    Salem : You're a regular Mad Max aren't ya?

  • Salem : [playing with a tassel on a cushion]  Don't you toy with me you saucy minx!

  • Salem : [speaking to a dog - subtitles appear at the bottom of the screen which read; go get me the meat of the... ]  Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof, oh shoot i forgot the word for floor, oh yeah, woof

  • Sabrina : [about the Washing Machine engineer, who has a tail]  He can't stay! He has a tail!

    Salem : What's wrong with having a tail?

  • Salem : I'm gonna be tossed out into the snow on my nicely rounded buttocks.

  • Zelda : Okay... do you know where to call in case of an emergency?

    Salem : THE MONEY STORE?

    Zelda : Salem!

    Salem : Yes... I've got your pager number.

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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