- Alex Halliwell: You are Universally HATED, Grace! Loathed and despised by anyone who crosses your path. And none more so, in the end, than by me! I should have married Betty Montgomery!
- [Dies of a cardiac arrest]
- Grace Halliwell: Your name's Betty? ANYONE CALLED BETTY DOES NOT DESERVE TO LIVE!
- [starts throttling a senile old woman]
- Jake Diadoni: Does My Friend Flicker die at the end?
- Jamie Diadoni: Jake, everybody dies at the end.
- Jake Diadoni: [Hides under covers] Don't WANT to die! I want everyone else to die! Everyone else 'cept me and me Daddy!
- Monica: A two-week run at the Edinburgh Fringe in a Space the size of a TOILET, and you think you're bloody *Chekov!*
- Monica: Who do you think I am? What do you think I do with my life? I'll tell you what I do, I work for a living, I teach a bunch of masturbators English Literature - who think A Room with a View is a Chalet at Butlins and that a Gingerman is a biscuit - and I feed and clothe my children. Ha! My children! Have you seen my children? Have you? And I put on plays in Town Halls that nobody comes to see. And I put on plays in Town Halls that nobody comes to see in the faint hope that I will meet someone who might find me desirable and give me a damn good seeing-to!
- Playwright: I don't have to take this! I have CONTACTS at the Royal Shakespeare Company!
- Mr. Eliot: All I ever wanted was that land!
- Kate Eliot: What a shame you never wanted something more. Like the love of a good family. Because when he'd finished with her, he started on me. And I don't think he'd finished with her, actually.
- Julie Diadoni: But he mixes, doesn't he?
- Headmistress: Well, he doesn't sit all alone in the corner and cry!
- Monica: And I read palms at parties because when I was young and impressionable I read a BOOK on how to read palms and impress people.
- Beth (Auxiliary Nurse): I got tired of fighting the good fight and losing.
- Julie Diadoni: [doesn't know Jake can hear her] But I want to have a child... that's better than Jake!
- Playwright: Where's the pause? That pause was my homage to Pinter!
- Monica: You do know that this is an awful play you've written, don't you?
- Julie Diadoni: [Grace fell asleep during the story] And that is the only time, IN MY LIFE, that I ever remember you playing with me.
- Jake Diadoni: Play wi' me Mummy!
- Julie Diadoni: Oh, not now, Jake!
- Jake Diadoni: Too tired! Baby on the way! Bills to pay! Someone's got to pay them!
- Tractor Man: Going 't Barn Dance?
- Kate Eliot: No
- Tractor Man: Whatsa matter? Saving yourself for someone better?
- Kate Eliot: Yes.
- Julie Diadoni: Remember when we were good, when we almost made it but didn't? You used to sing a song to me. Sing it again.
- Jamie Diadoni: They call me Mr Pitiful, baby that's my name now. They call me Mr Pitiful, that's how I got my fame. People never ask me now, but you know it's true. They call me Mr Pitiful because I love someone like you.
- Jake Diadoni: [on the swing] Strange Days indeed!
- [stares at his Mum]
- Jake Diadoni: Most peculiar, Mama!
- Julie Diadoni: [even though she's asleep now] And that's the only time in my Life, that I ever remember you playing with me.