Genie: Oi! Ten thousand years will give you such a crick in the neck.
Aladdin: Genie, I wish for your freedom.
Genie: One bona fide prince pedigree coming up. I... What?
Aladdin: [holds the lamp up to Genie] Genie, you're free!
Genie: [as a group of cheerleaders] Rick 'em, rack 'em, rock 'em, rake! Stick that sword into that snake!
Jafar: [as a snake] You stay out of thisss!
Genie: [weakly] Jafar, Jafar, he's our man. If he can't do it, GREAT!
Genie: I'm free. I'm free. Quick. Quick. Wish for something outrageous. Say, "I, I want the Nile." Wish for the Nile. Try that!
Aladdin: Uh... I wish for the Nile.
Genie: No way!
Genie: Oh, does that feel good!
Aladdin: [saving Jasmine from an irate merchant] Thank you, kind sir. I'm so glad you found her.
Aladdin: [to Jasmine] I've been looking all over for you!
Princess Jasmine: [whispering] What are you doing?
Aladdin: [whispering] Just play along.
Farouk: You, uh, know this girl?
Aladdin: Sadly, yes. She is my sister. She's a little crazy.
Farouk: She said she knew the sultan!
Aladdin: [gesturing to Abu] She thinks the monkey is the sultan.
Princess Jasmine: [bowing to Abu] O wise Sultan, how may I serve you?
[Abu mutters gibberish]
Aladdin: Tragic, isn't it? But, no harm done. Now, come along, sis. Time to go see the doctor.
Princess Jasmine: [to a camel] Oh, hello, Doctor. How are you?
Aladdin: [through his teeth] No, no, no, not that one... Come on, Sultan.
Genie: So, what'll it be, Master?
Aladdin: You're gonna grant me any three wishes I want, right?
Genie: [as William F. Buckley] Uh, almost. There are a few, uh, provisos, a, a couple of quid pro quos.
Genie: [normal] Uh, rule #1: I can't kill anybody.
[cuts his head off]
Genie: So don't ask.
Genie: [fixes his head] Uh, rule #2: I can't make anybody fall in love with anybody else.
[turns into a pair of lips and kisses Aladdin]
Genie: You little punim there.
Genie: [turns into a cross between slimy Genie and Peter Lorre] Rule #3: I can't bring people back from the dead. It's not a pretty picture. I don't like doing it!
[he returns to normal]
Genie: Other than that, you got it.
Aladdin: Genie, I need help!
Genie: [as Jack Nicholson] All right, Sparky, here's the deal. If you wanna court the little lady, you gotta be a straight shooter. Do ya got it?
Genie: [pointing to each word on a blackboard] Tell-her-the-*truth*!
Aladdin: You're a prisoner?
Genie: It's all part and parcel, the whole genie gig.
[grows to a gigantic size]
Genie: Phenomenal cosmic powers!
[shrinks down inside the lamp]
Genie: Itty bitty living space!
[Genie and Carpet are playing chess]
Genie: So, move.
[Carpet makes a move]
Genie: Hey! That's a good move.
[as Rodney Dangerfield]
Genie: I can't believe it. I'm losing to a rug.
[last lines after credits, special edition only]
Genie: You have been a fabulous audience! Tell you what, you're the best audience in the whole world. Take care of yourselves! Good night, Alice! Good night, Agrabah! Adios, amigos!
Genie: But, oh, to be free! Not to have to go "Poof! What do you need?", "Poof! What do you need?", "Poof! What do you need?" To be my own master. Such a thing would be greater than all the magic and all the treasures in all the world! But what am I talking about? Let's get real here, it's not gonna happen. Genie, wake up and smell the hummus.
Genie: [as a female flight attendant] Thank you for choosing Magic Carpet for all your travel needs. Don't stand until the rug has come to a complete stop. Thank you. Goodbye now. Goodbye. Goodbye. Thank you. Goodbye.
Genie: [back to normal] Well, how about that, Mr. Doubting Mustafa?
Aladdin: Oh, you sure showed me. Now, about my three wishes.
Genie: Dost mine ears deceive me? Three? You are down by one, boy!
Aladdin: Ah, no, I never actually wished to get out of the cave, huh. You did that on your own.
[Genie's mouth drops]
Genie: Oh, I feel sheepish.
[he turns into a sheep]
Genie: All right, you ba-a-a-ad boy. But no more freebies.
[Abu is swinging a stolen sword at the guards]
Guard: [frightened] He's got a sword!
Razoul: [to his subordinates] You idiots.
Razoul: We've all got swords!
Iago: Oh, boy. He's cracked. He's gone nuts. Jafar! Jafar, get a grip!
[Jafar grabs Iago by the throat]
Iago: Ack! Good grip.
Aladdin: Provisos? You mean limitations? On wishes? Huh.
Aladdin: Some all powerful Genie. Can't even bring people back from the dead. I don't know, Abu. He probably can't even get us out of this cave. Looks like we're gonna have to find a way outta here.
Genie: [stomps his foot to stop Aladdin, Abu, and Carpet from leaving] Excuse me?
Genie: Are you looking at me? Did you rub my lamp? Did you wake me up? Did you bring me here? And all of a sudden you're walking out on me? I don't think so. Not right now! YOU'RE GETTIN' YOUR WISHES, SO *SIDDOWN!*
Genie: [leaving to travel the world] I'm history! No, I'm mythology! Nah, I don't care what I am. I'm free-hee!
Merchant: Look at this! Yes! Heh, heh. Combination hookah and coffee maker, also makes julienne fries. Will not break!
[taps it on table]
Merchant: Will not...
[it falls apart]
Merchant: It broke!
Genie: Say, you're a lot smaller than my last master. Either that, or I'm getting bigger. Look at me from the side. Do I look different to you?
Genie: Al, I can't help you. I work for Senor Psychopath now.
Merchant: [holding up an oil lamp] Do not be fooled by its commonplace appearance. Like so many things, it is not what is outside, but what is inside that counts. This is no ordinary lamp! It once changed the course of a young man's life; a young man who, like this lamp, was more than what he seemed: a diamond in the rough. Perhaps you would like to hear the tale? It begins on a dark night, where a dark man waits... with a dark purpose.
Genie: Yo, Rugman! Haven't seen you in a few millennia. Give me some tassel.
Sultan: Prince Ali Ababwa! Of course! I'm delighted to meet you.
[he shakes Aladdin's hand]
Sultan: This is my royal vizier, Jafar. He's delighted, too.
Jafar: [very dryly] Ecstatic.
Aladdin: Wow. The palace looks pretty amazing, huh?
Princess Jasmine: [glumly] Oh... It's wonderful.
Aladdin: I wonder what it'd be like to live there, and have servants, and valets.
Princess Jasmine: Oh, sure. People who tell you where to go and how to dress.
Aladdin: That's better than here. You're always scraping for food and ducking the guards.
Princess Jasmine: You're not free to make your own choices.
Aladdin: Sometimes you feel so...
Princess Jasmine: You're just...
[when Gazeem tries to steal the lamp from the Cave of Wonders, the latter swallows him whole]
Iago: I can't believe it! I just don't believe it! We're never gonna get ahold of that stupid lamp! Just forget it! Look at this. Look at this. I'm so ticked off that I'm molting.
Jafar: Patience, Iago, patience. Gazeem was obviously less than worthy.
Iago: Oh, there's a big surprise! That's an incredib... I think I'm gonna have a heart attack and die from that surprise! What are we gonna do? We got a big problem here, a big... Mmph!
[Jafar grabs Iago's beak to shut him up]
Jafar: Yes. Only one may enter. I must find this one, this... diamond in the rough.
Aladdin: Hey... can you make me a prince?
Genie: [opens 'Royal Recipes' book] Uh, let's see. "Chicken à la King"?
Genie: Nope. "Alaskan king crab".
[pulls out a crab clamped to his finger]
Genie: [flicking it off] Ow. I hate when they do that. "Caesar salad-"
[arm with a knife raises from the book trying to stab him]
Genie: Aah! Et tu, Brute? No. Aha! "To make a prince."
Woman: Getting into trouble a little early today, aren't we, Aladdin?
Aladdin: Trouble? No way. You're only in trouble if you get caught.
Razoul: [snatching Aladdin by the collar] Gotcha!
Aladdin: I'm in trouble.
Genie: [as a bee] Enough about you, Casanova. Talk about her.
Genie: She's smart, fun. The hair, the eyes. Anything. Pick a feature.
[Princess Jasmine is in disguise, and hanging out with Aladdin, when the guards capture him]
Princess Jasmine: Let him go!
Razoul: [laughs] Looky here, men. A street mouse.
[throws her down]
Princess Jasmine: Unhand him!
[pulls off the hood of her cloak]
Princess Jasmine: By order of the Princess.
Razoul: [everyone falls silent and bows] Princess Jasmine!
Aladdin: The Princess?
Abu the Monkey: [peaks out from a jar] The Princess?
Razoul: What are you doing outside the palace? And with this street rat?
Princess Jasmine: That's not your concern. Do as I command. Release him!
Razoul: Well, I would, Princess, except my orders come from Jafar. You'll have to take it up with him.
Princess Jasmine: Believe me, I will.
Merchant: Welcome to Agrabah, city of mystery, of enchantment. AndthefinestmerchandisethissideoftheriverJordanonsaletoday! Come on down!
Genie: I'm telling you, nice to be back, ladies and gentlemen. Hi! Where you from? What's your name?
Aladdin: Uh... uh, Aladdin.
Genie: Aladdin! Hello, Aladdin, nice to have you on the show. Can we call you Al, or maybe just Din? Or how about Laddie?
[turns into a Scotsman]
Genie: Sounds like, 'Here, boy!'
Genie: 'C'mon, Laddie!'
[turns into a dog]
Aladdin: I must've hit my head harder than I thought.
Aladdin: [singing] Riffraff, street rat. I don't buy that. If only they'd look closer. Would they see a poor boy? No, siree! They'd find out there's so much more to me.
Aladdin: [sighs, no longer singing] Someday, Abu, things are gonna change. We'll be rich, live in a palace, and never have any problems at all.
Jafar: Just... where did you say you were from?
Aladdin: [as Prince Ali Ababwa] Oh, uh... uh, much farther than you've traveled, I'm sure.
Jafar: Try me.
Princess Jasmine: [after their magic carpet ride around the world] It's all so magical.
Aladdin: [as Prince Ali] Yeah.
Princess Jasmine: [sneakily] It's a shame Abu had to miss this.
Aladdin: Nah. He hates fireworks. He really doesn't like flying either. Uh... that is... um... Oh, no!
Princess Jasmine: [pulls off Aladdin's turban] You *are* the boy from the market. I knew it! Why did you lie to me?
Aladdin: Jasmine, I'm sorry!
Princess Jasmine: Did you think I was stupid?
Princess Jasmine: That I wouldn't figure it out?
Aladdin: No! I-I mean... I-I hoped you wouldn't. Uh... no, that-that's not what I meant!
Princess Jasmine: Who are you? Tell me the truth.
Aladdin: The truth? The truth, um... The-the truth is, I... I-I sometimes dress as a commoner, um, to escape the pressures of palace life. But I-I really am a prince.
Princess Jasmine: Why didn't you just tell me?
Aladdin: Well, you know, uh... um, royalty going out into the city in disguise, I mean, it sounds a little strange, don't you think?
Princess Jasmine: Hmm... Not that strange.
Genie: [after explaining to Aladdin that he can grant any wish his heart desires] You ain't never had a friend like me!
Aladdin: Jasmine? I'm sorry I lied to you about being a prince.
Princess Jasmine: I know why you did.
Aladdin: Well, I guess... this... is goodbye?
Princess Jasmine: Oh, that stupid law. This isn't fair! I love you.
[Genie wipes away a tear from his eyes]
Genie: Al, no problem. You've still got one wish left. Just say the word, and you're a prince again.
Aladdin: But, Genie, what about your freedom?
Genie: Hey, it's only an eternity of servitude. This is love! Al, you're not gonna find another girl like her in a million years. Believe me, I know. I've looked.
Jafar: [from inside the lamp] Get your blasted beak out of my face!
Iago: Oh, shut up, you moron!
Jafar: Don't tell me to shut up!
Genie: [taking the lamp off Aladdin] Allow me. Ten thousand years in a Cave of Wonders ought to chill him out!
[flicks them into the distance]
Genie: [as tailor] First, that fez and vest combo is much too third century. These patches. What are we trying to say? Beggar? No. Let's work with me here.
[after taking measurements, turns Aladdin's rags into fine clothes]
Genie: Ooh, I like it! Muy macho!
["Snake" Jafar has Aladdin in a tight squeeze]
Jafar: You little fool. You thought you could defeat the most powerful being on Earth.
Iago: Squeeze him, Jafar. Squeeze him like a- Awk!
[Genie elbows Iago and knocks him into the air]
Jafar: Without the Genie, boy, you're nothing.
Aladdin: The Genie... The Genie! The Genie has more power than you'll ever have!
Aladdin: He gave you your power. He can take it away.
Genie: [smiling uncomfortably] Al, what're you doing? Why are you bringing me into this?
Aladdin: Face it, Jafar. You're still just second best!
Jafar: [slightly shocked] You're right. His power does exceed my own. But not for long.
Iago: [taking Genie's lamp] Boy, Jafar's gonna be happy to see you.
Jafar: [he switches to Jafar's voice] Excellent work, Iago.
Iago: Ah, go on.
Jafar: [again] No, really. On a scale of one to ten, you are an eleven.
Iago: Oh, Jafar, you're too kind. I'm embarrassed. I'm blushing.
Princess Jasmine: Father, I choose Prince Ali!
Jafar: Prince Ali left.
Aladdin: [standing in the doorway to the balcony] Better check your crystal ball again, Jafar!
Genie: [whispers] Psst. Your line is "I'm going to free the Genie." Anytime.
Cave of Wonders: Who disturbs my slumber?
Genie: [sniffs tearfully] No matter what anybody says, you'll always be a prince to me.
Sultan: That's right! You've certainly proven your worth as far as I'm concerned. It's that law that's the problem.
Princess Jasmine: Father?
Sultan: Well, am I Sultan or am I Sultan? From this day forth, the Princess shall marry whomever she deems worthy.
Princess Jasmine: Him! I choose... I choose you, Aladdin.
Aladdin: [chuckles] Call me Al.
Genie: What would you wish of me?
[as Arnold Schwarzenegger]
Genie: The ever impressive...
[as if trapped in a box]
Genie: ... the long-contained...
[as SeÒor Wences]
Genie: ... the often immitated, but never...
Genie: ... duplicated... duplicated... duplicated... duplicated... Genie of the Lamp!
[as Ed Sullivan]
Genie: Right here, direct from the lamp. Right here for your very much wish-fulfillment. Thank you.
Princess Jasmine: Please, try to understand. I've never done a thing on my own. I've never had any real friends.
[Rajah grumbles in protest]
Princess Jasmine: Except you, Rajah.
[Rajah purrs happily]
Princess Jasmine: I've never even been outside the palace walls.
Sultan: But, Jasmine, you're a princess.
Princess Jasmine: Then maybe I don't wanna be a princess anymore.
Sultan: [exasperated] Oh! I, I...
Sultan: [to Rajah] Allah forbid you should have any daughters!
[Aladdin has tricked Jafar into wishing to be a more powerful genie than Genie]
Jafar: The universe is mine to command! To control!
Aladdin: Not so fast, Jafar! Aren't you forgetting something?
Aladdin: You wanted to be a genie? You got it!
[cufflinks form on Jafar's wrists]
Aladdin: And everything that goes with it.
[Aladdin holds up a black genie lamp, which sucks Jafar in]
Jafar: No! No!
Iago: I'm getting out of here!
Aladdin: Phenomenal cosmic powers...
[Iago tries to flee, but Jafar grabs him]
Iago: Come on, you're the genie. I don't want, I don't...!
[both Jafar and Iago disappear in the lamp]
Aladdin: ...itty bitty living space.
Genie: Al, you little genius, you!
Aladdin: Wish fulfillment?
Genie: Three wishes, to be exact. And ixnay on the wishing for more wishes. That's it. Three. Uno, dos, tres. No substitutions, exchanges or refunds.
Jafar: You're speechless, I see. A fine quality in a wife.
Princess Jasmine: [to Jafar] At least some good will come of my being forced to marry. When I am Queen, I will have the power to get rid of you.
Sultan: Well, now. That's nice. All settled then. Now, Jasmine, getting back to this suitor business. Jasmine? Jasmine!
[the Sultan notices that Jasmine is running out of the room, and runs after her]
Jafar: [scowls in their direction] If only I had gotten that lamp!
Iago: [mocking Jasmine] "I will have the power to get rid of you." Dahhh! To think we gotta keep kissing up to that chump, and his chump daughter, for the rest of our lives.
Jafar: No, Iago. Only until she finds a chump husband. Then she'll have us banished. Or beheaded.
Iago: Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute! Jafar, what if you were the chump husband?
Iago: Okay, okay. You marry the princess, all right? And and, uh, you. Then you become the sultan!
Jafar: Marry the shrew. I become sultan. The idea has merit.
Iago: Yes, merit. Yes! And then, we drop papa-in-law and the little woman off a cliff.
[he dives off Jafar's staff headfirst, then hits the ground]
Iago: "Yah. Ker-splat!"
Jafar: [laughs] I love the way your foul little mind works!
[both laugh evilly]
[Iago is disguised as a flamingo. He turns around and finds a real flamingo smiling in his face]
Iago: You got a problem, pinky?
[he hits the flamingo with one of his stilts]
Aladdin: [picking up the lamp] This is it? This is what we came all the way down here to...
[sees Abu take a ruby]
Aladdin: Abu! Nooo!
Cave of Wonders: Infidels!
Abu the Monkey: Uh-oh.
Cave of Wonders: [thundering] You have touched the forbidden treasure! Now you will never again see the light of day!
Merchant: Ahh! Salaam and good evening to you, worthy friend. Please, please, come closer.
[camera hits him in the face]
Merchant: Too close! A little too close.
[camera backs up]
Merchant: There. Welcome to Agrabah.
Aladdin: So, three wishes. Hm, I want them to be good. What would you wish for?
Genie: Me? No one's ever asked me that before. Well, in my case... Ah, forget it.
Genie: No, I can't tell you.
Aladdin: C'mon, tell me.
[Abu goes crazy and leaps onto Aladdin's head as they escape from the destructing Cave of Wonders]
Aladdin: Abu! Abu, this is no time to panic!
[sees that they're about to hit a wall]
Aladdin: Start panicking!
Merchant: [holding up a box] Ooh! Look at this! I have never seen one of these intact before. This is the famous Dead Sea Tupperware. Listen.
[he lifts the lid of the box a little and blows a clandestine raspberry]
Merchant: Ah, still good.
Genie: Well, Ali Baba had them forty thieves / Scheherazade had a thousand tales / But master you're in luck, 'cause up your sleeves / You got a brand of magic, never fails / You've got some power in your corner now / Some heavy ammunition in your camp / You got some punch, pizazz, yahoo and how? / See, all you gotta do is rub that lamp / And I'll say: Mr Aladdin, sir, what will your pleasure be? / Let me take your order, jot it down, you ain't never had a friend like me! / Life is your restaurant / and I'm your maitre'd! / Come on, whisper what it is you want / You ain't never had a friend like me! / Yes, sir, we pride ourselves on service / You're the boss, the king, the shah! / Say what you wish, it's yours true dish / How bout a little more baklava? / Have some of Column A / Try all of Column B / I'm in the mood, to help you dude / You ain't never had a friend like me!
Genie: Can your friends do this? Can your friends do that? / Can your friends pull this out their little hat? / Can your friends go poof? Well, looky here! / Can your friends go Abrakadabra, let her rip, and then make the sucker disappear? So don'tcha sit there slack-jawed, buggy-eyed / I'm here to answer all your midday prayers / You've got me bona-fide, certified / You got a genie for your charge d'affaires / I've got a powerful urge to help you out / So what's your wish, I really wanna know! / You've got a list that's three miles long, no doubt / Well, all you've gotta do is rub like so, and OH / Mister Aladdin sir, have a wish or two or three / I'm on the job, you big nabob / You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend / You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend / You ain't never... had a... friend... like... ME! You ain't never had a friend like me!
Iago: I can't believe it, I just don't believe it! We're never gonna get a hold of that stupid lamp! Just forget it! Look at thi - look at this, I'm so ticked off that I'm molting!
Razoul: [to Aladdin] We just keep running into each other, don't we, street rat?
Jafar: [hypnotizing the Sultan with his snake staff] You will order the Princess to marry me.
Sultan: [hypnotized] I... will order... the Princess... to...
[suddenly breaks out of the trance]
Sultan: But you're so old!
Jafar: [shoving his staff into the Sultan's face again] The Princess *will* marry me!
Aladdin: Wait, wait a minute. I'm... your master?
Genie: [gives Aladdin a mortar cap and diploma] That's right! He can be taught!
Prince Achmed: You are a worthless street rat. You were born a street rat, you'll die a street rat, and only your fleas will mourn you!
[the palace gates slam shut in front of Aladdin]
Aladdin: I'm not worthless. And I don't have fleas!
[he scratches his head]
Aladdin: [sighs] Come on, Abu. Let's go home.
Sultan: Jasmine? Jasmine! Jasmine...
[suddenly Rajah rears up in front of the Sultan with a rag in his mouth]
Sultan: Confound it, Rajah!
[he pulls half of the rag out of Rajah's mouth]
Sultan: So! This is why Prince Achmed stormed out!
Princess Jasmine: Oh, Father. Rajah was just playing with him. Weren't you, Rajah? You were just playing with that overdressed, self-absorbed Prince Achmed, weren't you?
[Jasmine and Rajah chuckle, drawing an angry look from the Sultan]
Genie: Do you mind if I kiss the monkey?
[kisses Abu's head then coughs up small ball of fur]
Genie: Oh! Hairball.
[Genie is trying to organize an appropriate mode of transport for "Prince Ali" aka Aladdin and puts Abu the monkey through a series of transformations]
Genie: [finally...] Yes! Esalalumbo shimin Dumbo!
[he turns Abu into an elephant]
Genie: Talk about your trunk space. Check this action out!
[Aladdin is close to drowning, and his unconscious body falls and rubs against the lamp]
Genie: [appearing with a bathing cap and washing his back] Never fails. You get in the bath and there's a rub at the lamp.
[squeaks rubber duckie]
Genie: Al? Al! Kid! Snap out of it! Oh, you can't cheat on this one. I can't help you unless you make a wish. You have to say, "Genie, I want you to save my life." Got it? Okay!
Genie: Come on, Aladdin!
[Aladdin's head droops]
Genie: I'll take that as a yes.
[he changes into a submarine and pulls Aladdin out of the sea]
Aladdin: They wanna make me Sultan. No, they wanna make Prince Ali Sultan. Without you, I'm just Aladdin.
Genie: Al, you won!
Aladdin: Because of you! The only reason anyone thinks I'm worth anything is because of you! What if they find out I'm not really a prince? What if Jasmine finds out? I'd lose her. Genie, I can't keep this up on my own! I... I can't wish you free.
Genie: [disappointed] Fine, I understand. After all, you've lied to everyone else. Hey, I was beginning to feel left out. Now, if you'll excuse me, Master...!
[disappears into lamp resentfully]
Genie: Oh, Al. I'm getting kinda fond of you, kid. Not that I wanna pick out curtains or anything.
[worried about Jasmine's refusal to choose a suitor]
Sultan: I don't know where she gets it from. Her mother wasn't nearly so picky.
Sultan: [of "Prince Ali Ababwa"] Jasmine will like this one.
Aladdin: And I'm pretty sure I'll like Princess Jasmine.
Jafar: Your Highness, no! I must intercede on Jasmine's behalf. This boy is no different from the others. What makes him think he is worthy of the Princess?
Aladdin: Your Majesty, I am Prince Ali Ababwa. Just let her meet me. I will win your daughter.
Princess Jasmine: How dare you? All of you! Standing around deciding my future? I am not a prize to be won!
Aladdin: [singing] Let's not be too hasty!
Portly Agrabah Woman: [scoops Aladdin up in her arms and sings] Still I think he's rather tasty!
Genie: [on Carpet] In case of emergency, the exits are here-here-here-here-here-here-here-here-here-here-here - anywhere! Keep your hands and arms inside the carpet!
[zapping Carpet out from the cave]
Genie: We're... outta here!
Iago: Oh, nice shot, Jaf...
[Abu whacks him over the head, and Iago passes out]
Sultan: It's this suitor business. Jasmine refuses to choose a husband. I'm at my wits' end.
Iago: Awk! Wits' end!
[laughs and pulls out a cracker]
Sultan: Have a cracker, pretty Polly.
[Iago gasps and shakes his head. Sultan stuffs the cracker into Iago's mouth]
Jafar: [laughs as Iago chokes] Your Majesty certainly has a way with dumb animals.
[Iago gives Jafar an angry look]
[Jasmine has rejected "Prince Ali's" first advances toward her]
Genie: [as a bee] Stop her! Stop her! Want me to sting her?
Aladdin: Buzz off.
Genie: OK, fine. But remember, "bee" yourself.
Sultan: [hypnotized] Jasmine.
Princess Jasmine: Oh, Father. I just had the most wonderful time. I'm so happy.
Sultan: [hypnotized] You should be, Jasmine. I have chosen a husband for you.
Princess Jasmine: What?
Sultan: [hypnotized] You will wed Jafar.
[the other door opens and reveals Jafar and Iago]
Jafar: You're speechless, I see. A fine quality in a wife.
Iago: I can't take it anymore! If I gotta choke down on one more of those moldy, disgusting crackers. Bam! Whack!
Jafar: Calm yourself, Iago.
Iago: And then I'd grab him around the head. Whack, whack!
Jafar: Soon I will be sultan, not that addlepated twit.
Iago: And then I stuff the crackers down his throat. Ha ha.
Aladdin: [seeing Achmed ride toward the palace] Look at that, Abu. It's not every day you see a horse with two rear ends.
[Prince Achmed comes storming in from the palace gardens after being rejected by Princess Jasmine]
Prince Achmed: I've never been so insulted!
Sultan: Oh, Prince Achmed, you're, you're not... leaving so soon, are you?
Prince Achmed: [walks away, pants at the butt area are ripped off, revealing spotted underwear] Good luck marrying *her* off!
Jafar: I think it's time to say goodbye to Prince Abubu.
Iago: We gotta get outta here! We gotta get out! I gotta start packing, Your Highness! Only essentials, we gotta travel light. Bring the guns, the weapons, the knives...
[suddenly comes across a photo of himself and Jafar as he is rummaging through his possessions]
Iago: And, uh, how about this picture? I don't know, I think I'm making a weird face in it.
Genie: [as he is being released] You know, Al, I'm getting really...
Genie: I don't think you're him.
Genie: [reading a script] Tonight the part of Al will be played by a tall, dark and sinister ugly man.
Jafar: I am your master now!
[crushes Genie under his foot]
Genie: [muffled] I was afraid of that.
Jafar: Genie, grant me my first wish. I wish to rule on high, as Sultan!
Iago: Ladies and gentlemen, a warm Agrabah welcome for Sorcerer Jafar!
Jafar: Now where were we? Ah, yes abject humiliation!
[He zaps Jasmine and Sultan with his staff, and they both bow to him. Rajah comes running at him]
Jafar: Down, boy!
[He zaps Rajah, and the tiger turns into a kitten. Rajah meows]
Jafar: Oh princess
[lifts Jasmine's chin with his staff]
Jafar: there's someone I'm dying to introduce you to.
Aladdin: [Flying towards him on Carpet] Jafar! Get your hands off her!
Jafar: [zaps Aladdin, Carpet flies away. Singing] Prince Ali, yes, it is he, but not as you know him. Read my lips and come to grips with reality.
Jafar: Yes, meet a blast from your past. Whose lies were too good to last! Say hello to your precious Prince Ali!
[zaps Ali back to Aladdin as he says it]
Iago: [mockingly] Or should we say Aladdin?
Princess Jasmine: [shocked gasp] Ali?
Aladdin: Jasmine, I tried to tell you. I just.
Jafar: [still singing] So Ali turns out to be merely Aladdin.
Jafar: Just a con, need I go on? Take it from me, his personality flaws, give me adequate cause,
[sends Aladdin and Abu in a pillar, Carpet flies in after them]
Jafar: to send him packing on a one way trip so his prospects take a terminal dip, his assets frozen, the venue chosen, is the ends of the earth.
Jafar: [sends the pillar in the air]
Jafar: Whoopee! So long!
Iago: Goodbye. See ya.
Jafar: [sings] Ex-Prince Ali!
Aladdin: Abu? Abu! Oh, this is all my fault. I should have freed the Genie when I had the chance.
Aladdin: Abu! Are you okay?
Abu the Monkey: [shivers] Uh-huh.
Aladdin: I'm sorry, Abu. I made a mess of everything, somehow. I gotta go back and set things right. Yeah! All right! Now, back to Agrabah! Let's go!
Cave of Wonders: Who disturbs my slumber?
Gazeem: It is I, Gazeem, a humble thief.
Cave of Wonders: Know this. Only one may enter here. One whose worth lies far within. A diamond in the rough.
Genie: Hey! Clear the way in the old Bazaar! Hey you! Let us through! It's a bright new star! / Oh come! Be the first on your block to meet his eye! / Make way! Here he comes! Ring bells! Bang the drums! / Are you gonna love this guy! / Prince Ali! Fabulous he! / Ali Ababwa / Genuflect, show some respect / Down on one knee! / Now try your best to stay calm, brush up your Sunday salaam / Then come and meet his spectacular coterie!
Genie: [takes on various forms] Prince Ali! Mighty is he! / Ali Ababwa / Strong as ten regular men, definitely! / He faced the galloping hordes, a hundred bad guys with swords / Who sent those goons to their lords? Why, Prince Ali! / He's got 75 golden camels / Purple peacocks, he's got 53 / When it comes to exotic-type mammals / Has he got a zoo? I'm telling you / It's a world-class menagerie!
Genie: [as a woman] Prince Ali! Handsome is he! / Ali Ababwa / That physique! How can I speak? / Weak at the knee / Well, get on out in that square, adjust your veil and prepare / to gawk and grovel and stare at Prince Ali! / He's got 95 white Persian monkeys / And to view them he charges no fee / He's got slaves, he's got servants and flunkies / They bow to his whim, love serving him / They're just lousy with loyalty to Ali! Prince Ali!
[enters the castle]
Genie: Prince Ali! Amorous he! / Ali Ababwa / Heard your princess was a sight lovely to see / And that good people is why, he got dolled up and dropped by / With 60 elephants, llamas galore / With his bears and lions / A brass band and more / With his 40 fakirs, his cooks, his bakers / His birds that warble on key / Make way for Prince Ali!
Jafar: [about Aladdin in his Prince Ali disguise] I don't trust him, Sire.
Sultan: Nonsense. One thing I pride myself on, Jafar, is that I'm an excellent judge of character.
Iago: Oh, excellent judge. Yeah, sure. NOT!
Aladdin: [hanging from the entrance of the Cave of Wonders] Help me out!
Jafar: [in disguise] Throw me the lamp!
Aladdin: I can't hold on! Give me your hand!
Jafar: First give me the lamp!
[Aladdin does so]
Jafar: [laughs triumphantly] Yes! At last!
[he grabs Aladdin's wrist]
Aladdin: What're you doing?
Jafar: Giving you your reward - your eternal reward!
[he pulls out a dagger and is about to stab Aladdin; Abu bites his arm, forcing him to drop the dagger; Jafar then throws Aladdin and Abu back down the Cave, just as it closes]
Jafar: [chuckles, removing his disguise] It's mine. It's all mine. I...
[he searches for the lamp, but can't find it]
Jafar: Where is it? No! Noooooo!
Jafar: Trust me, my pungent friend. You'll get what's coming to you.
Iago: What's coming to you. Awk!
Jafar: [disguised as a prisoner] You've heard of the golden rule, haven't you? Whoever has the gold makes the rules.
[Aladdin and Jasmine are hanging out in Al's hideout when Razoul's guards show up]
Guard: Here you are!
Genie: Well, l can't do any more damage around this Popsicle stand. l'm... outta here!
Princess Jasmine: [Jafar opens the door to his lab, making sure first that no one is looking, then sneaks out, though while he's doing this, Jasmine spots him] Jafar?
Jafar: [Quickly covers the entrance] Oh... Princess.
Iago: [Casually walks through the doorway, but Jafar slams the door, crushing Iago] Jafar - I'm stuck...
[Jafar has used his magic to turn the Sultan into a living marionette and Iago is taking his revenge]
Iago: Puppet ruler want a cracker? Here! Here's your cracker! Shove 'em all the way down your throat! Here, have lots of crackers!
[Jasmine is chained and dressed as a slave girl]
Princess Jasmine: [as Jafar chuckles maliciously] Stop it! Jafar, leave him alone.
[Jafar motions Iago to stop. Iago hesitates, then gives one last shove]
Aladdin: I can show you the world / Shining, shimmering, splendid / Tell me, Princess, now, when did / you last let your heart decide? / I can open your eyes / Take you wonder by wonder / over, sideways and under / on a magic carpet ride / A whole new world / A new fantastic point of view / No one to tell us no, or where to go / Or say we're only dreaming...
Princess Jasmine: A whole new world / A dazzling place I never knew / But when I'm way up here, it's crystal clear / That now I'm in a whole new world with you!
Aladdin: Now I'm in a whole new world with you...
Princess Jasmine: Unbelievable sights / Indescribable feeling / Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling / Through an endless diamond sky / A whole new world / A hundred thousand things to see / I'm like a shooting star, I've come so far / I can't go back to where I used to be...
Aladdin, Princess Jasmine: A whole new world / With new horizons to pursue / I'll chase them anywhere, There's time to spare / Let me share this whole new world with you / A whole new world / That's where we'll be / A thrilling chase, A wondrous place / For you and me...
Jafar: Prince Ali? Yes, it is he, / but not as you know him! / Read my lips, and come to grips / with reality! / Meet a blast from your past, whose lies were too good to last / Say hello to your precious Prince Ali!
[strips Aladdin of his magic]
Princess Jasmine: Ali...
Aladdin: Jasmine... I tried to tell you, I'm only...
Jafar: So Ali, turns out to be / merely Aladdin / Just a con, need I go on? / Take it from me / His personality flaws, give me adequate cause / To send him packing on a one-way trip, so his propsects take a terminal dip / His assets frozen, the venue chosen / Is the ends of the earth - wheee! / So long, EX-Prince Ali!
[locks Aladdin in a tower and hurls the tower into space]
Princess Jasmine: [Jasmine believes Aladdin has been put to death] It's all my fault, Rajah. I didn't even know his name.
Genie: [outtake from after Genie saves Aladdin] I would've done mouth-to-mouth, but I don't find you that attractive.
Aladdin: Are you afraid to fight me yourself, you cowardly snake?
Jafar: A snake, am I? Perhaps you'd like to see how snakelike I can be!
[he turns into a giant snake]
Aladdin: Princess Jasmine, you're very...
Genie: [as a bee] Wonderful! Magnificent! Glorious! Punctual!
Princess Jasmine: Punctual?
Aladdin: Uh, beautiful!
Genie: Nice recovery.
[Iago is running on a treadmill which powers a mystic device]
Iago: With all due respect, Your Rottenness, couldn't we just wait for a real storm?
Jafar: Save your breath, Iago. Faster!
Iago: Yes, O Mighty Evil One!
Genie: The boy is crazy. He's a little punch-drunk - one too many hits with the snake.
[Jafar yanks Jasmine towards him]
Jafar: It pains me to see you reduced to this, Jasmine.
[takes a bite of the apple she is holding and continues speaking, spitting pulp onto her cheek]
Jafar: A beautiful desert bloom such as yourself belongs on the arm of the most powerful man in the world.
[conjures a crown for her]
Jafar: What do you say, my dear? Why, with you as my queen...
Princess Jasmine: [throws a glass of wine in his face] Never!
Jafar: AAH! I'll teach you some respect...!
[she retreats in fear]
Jafar: ... No. Genie, I have decided to make my final wish. I wish for Princess Jasmine to fall *desperately* in love with me.
Genie: [as William F. Buckley] Uh, Master, there are a few addenda, uh, some quid pro quos...
Jafar: Don't talk back to me, you big blue lout! You will do what I order you to do, slave!
[Jasmine sees Aladdin and Abu sneak into the room, motioning for her to be quiet]
Princess Jasmine: [seductively] Jafar?
[puts on the crown]
Princess Jasmine: Hmm, I never realized how incredibly handsome you are.
[Genie's jaw drops in shock]
Jafar: Hmm, that's better.
[rolls Genie's jaw back up like a window blind]
Jafar: Now, pussycat... tell me more about myself.
Genie: [outtake, as a referee] Becoming a reptile, unnecessary use of reptile, five hundred year penalty!
Genie: [outtake, as Ben Kenobi] Luke... The Force, Al. Use the force, the farce, tell a joke!
Jafar: [Genie's power transforms "Snake" Jafer into a "Genie" Jafer] Ye-eeee-es-ssss.
[the snake that surrounds the tighted Aladdin dissolves into dust, as Jasmine's hand buried by the sand of the hourglass]
Jafar: Y-eeee-es-ssss! The power.
["Genie" Jafer chuckles as Aladdin breaks the hourglass to save Jasmine]
Jafar: [o.s] The absolute,
Jafar: [breaks the roof of the palace] power!
Princess Jasmine: What have you done?
Aladdin: Trust me.
Jafar: [the power of "Genie Jafer" creates The Black Lamp] The universe is mind to command, to control!
Aladdin: Not so fast, Jafer. Aren't you forgetting something?
Aladdin: You wanted to be a genie? You got it!
Jafar: [the gold sheckles forms around his arms] What?
Aladdin: And everything that goes with it.
Jafar: [Aladdin uses the lamp to suck up "Genie" Jafer] No-oooo! No-oooo!
Iago: I'm getting out of there.
Jafar: [screaming overlapping; as he grabs Iago] No-oooo...!
Aladdin: [o.s] Phenomenal cosmic Powers.
Iago: Come on, you're the genie. I don't want... I- I don't want...
["Genie" Jafer and Iago has sucked up together in the lamp]
Aladdin: Itty-bitty living space.
Genie: Al -l... you little genius, you.
[Abu, the Magic Carpet, Jasmine, the Sultan and Rajah restored back to their usual themselves, along with the palace]
Jafar: [inside the lamp] Get your blasted beak out of my face.
Iago: [inside lamp] Oh, shut up, you moron.
Jafar: Don't tell me to shut up.
Genie: [as Jafer & Iago's argument continues inside the lamp, Aladdin hands the lamp to the Genie] Allow me. Ten-thousand years in a Cave of Wonders ought to chill him out.
[the Genie pricks the lamp into the desert]
[the purple lights flashes from the beyond the desert]
Jafar: [when the Sultan introduces Aladdin, as Prince Ali, to him] Ecstatic.
Princess Jasmine: [after Aladdin brings her to her balcony] Goodnight my handsome prince.
Aladdin: Sleep well, princess.
Aladdin: [singing] A whole new world.
Jasmine: [singing] A whole new life.
Princess Jasmine: Unhand him!
[removes her hood]
Princess Jasmine: By order of the princess.
[Razoul and his guards gasps and bow]
Razoul: Princess Jasmine.
Aladdin: The princess?
Abu: The princess?
Razoul: What are you doing outside the palace, and with this street rat?
Princess Jasmine: That's not your concern! Do as I command! Release him!
Razoul: Ah, I would, Princess, except my orders come from Jafar. You'll have to take it up with him.
Princess Jasmine: [crosses her arms as the guards take Aladdin away] Believe me, I will.
Prince Achmed: Out of my way, filthy brats!
[preparing the whip the kids and Aladdin blocks with his arm]
Aladdin: Hey! If I were rich as you, I could afford some manners.
[throws the whip at him]
Prince Achmed: I'll teach you some manners!
[shoves Aladdin off]
Princess Jasmine: Father, I choose Prince Ali.
Jafar: Prince Ali left.
Aladdin: Better check your crystal ball again, Jafar!
Princess Jasmine: Prince Ali!
Iago: How in the he-
[covers his mouth]