William Hickey credited as playing...
Lewis
- Aunt Bethany: [Hearing a squeak] What's that sound? You hear it? It's a funny squeaky sound.
- Uncle Lewis: You couldn't hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.
- Clark: Since this is Aunt Bethany's 80th Christmas, I think she should lead us in the saying of Grace.
- Aunt Bethany: [turns to Lewis] What, dear?
- Nora Griswold: Grace!
- Aunt Bethany: Grace? She passed away thirty years ago.
- Uncle Lewis: They want you to say Grace.
- [Bethany shakes her head in confusion]
- Uncle Lewis: The BLESSING!
- Aunt Bethany: [they all pose for prayer suddenly, Aunt Bethany recites the pledge of allegiance] I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands
- [Cousin Eddie stands and places his hand over his heart]
- Aunt Bethany: One nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
- Clark: Amen.
- Uncle Lewis: [Clark is cleaning up the garbage off the kitchen floor after the dog went through it] Hey Gris, you're not doing anything constructive. Run into the living room and get my stogey.
- Clark: Is there anything else I can do for you, Uncle Lewis?
- Ellen: He's an old man. This may be his last Christmas.
- Clark: If he keeps it up, it WILL be his last Christmas.
- Uncle Lewis: Hey Grizz, Bethany and I figured out the perfect gift for you.
- Clark: Aw, you didn't have to get me anything.
- Uncle Lewis: Dammit, Bethany, he guessed it.
- Ellen: Oh Aunt Bethany, you shouldn't have done that.
- Aunt Bethany: Oh dear, did I break wind?
- Uncle Lewis: Jesus, did the room clear out, Bethany? Hell no, she means presents. You shouldn't have brought presents.
- [Uncle Lewis lights his cigar accidentally burns the Christmas tree]
- Clark: Lewis? My tree!
- Uncle Lewis: So what's the matter with you?
- Clark: Look what you've done to my tree!
- Uncle Lewis: [Everyone goes outside to look at the 'Christmas Star"] That's not the friggin' Christmas Star, Gris... Its the light at the sewerage treatment plant.
- Clark: [Realizing that there is gas in the storm sewer, and Uncle Lewis is lighting a cigar] Sewer gas!... NO DON'T LIGHT THAT!
- [There is an explosion, and Uncle Lewis is thrown clear]