Ghostbusters II (1989) Poster

Harold Ramis: Dr. Egon Spengler



  • Egon : Vigo the Carpathian. Born 1505, died 1610.

    Peter Venkman : 105 years old, he hung in there, didn't he?

    Ray : He didn't die of old age, either. He was poisoned, stabbed, shot, hung, stretched, disembowled, drawn and quartered.

    Peter Venkman : Ouch.

    Winston : Guess he wasn't too popular at the end, huh?

    Egon : No, not exactly a man of the people. Also known as Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy.

    Peter Venkman : Wasn't he also Vigo the Butch?

    Ray : And dig this, there was a prophecy. Just before his head died, his last words were "Death is but a door. Time is but a window. I'll be back."

  • Louis Tully : Your Honor, ladies and gentleman of the audience, I don't think it's fair to call my clients frauds. Sure, the blackout was a big problem for everybody. I was trapped in an elevator for two hours and I had to make the whole time. But I don't blame them. Because one time, I turned into a dog and they helped me. Thank you.

    [the courtroom is in bewildered silence] 

    Egon : Very good, Louis. Short, but pointless.

  • Peter Venkman : Doh!

    Ray : Re!

    Egon : Egon!

  • Egon : My parents didn't believe in toys.

    Ray : You mean you never even had a Slinky?

    Egon : We had part of a Slinky. But I straightened it.

  • Ray : You think there's a connection between this Vigo character and the... slime?

    Egon : Is the atomic weight of cobalt 58.9?

  • Egon : I'd like to run some gynecological tests on the mother.

    Peter Venkman : Who wouldn't?

  • Peter Venkman : [to Egon]  Who told you to stop cutting? Somebody tell you to stop cutting?

    First Cop : What are you guys doing here?

    Peter Venkman : [to First Cop]  You tell him to stop cutting?

    First Cop : Yes, I told him to stop cutting. What are you doing?

    Peter Venkman : What's it look like we're doing here? Why don't you let us work? We let you work.

    Ray : [to Peter]  Hey, take it easy.

    [to First Cop] 

    Ray : He's been working overtime. I'll tell you why we're here. We're here because some diaper bag downtown's being a jerk and making us work on a Friday night. Am I right, Peter?

    Peter Venkman : Of course you're right, Raymond.

    [to Egon] 

    Peter Venkman : Is he right, Ziggy?

    Egon : [pause]  Yo!

  • Dana : How is he these days?

    Egon : Peter? Well, he was borderline for a while... then he crossed the border.

  • Peter Venkman : [as the Mayor walks in] 

    [Raising his voice over the rest of the 'Busters] 

    Peter Venkman : Lenny. Big man.

    The Mayor : The Ghostbusters.

    Winston : Mr. Mayor?

    [Holds out his hand, wanting to shake his hand] 

    The Mayor : What is this? A slumber party?

    Ray : Well, that's why we wanted to see you.

    The Mayor : Listen, *I* don't want to hear anything about it. You got 2 minutes. Make it good.

    Ray : [Getting started]  Well, first of all Mr. Mayor, it's a great pleasure to see you again, and you'll be happy to know that 50% of us voted for you in the last election.

    The Mayor : I appreciate that.

    Peter Venkman : I'm sorry we have to meet under these circumstances.

    Ray : Mr. Mayor, we're here tonight because a psychomagnatheric slimeflow of immense proprtions is building up beneath the city.

    The Mayor : Psycho-what?

    Egon : Psychomagnatheric.

    Peter Venkman : Big word, big word.

    Egon : Negative human emotions that are forming into a vicious ectoplasm with *explosive* supernormal potential.

    The Mayor : Can somebody speak english here?

    Winston : Uh yeah. Your honor, what we're trying to say is all of the bad feelings. You know hate, anger and the vibes of the city are turning into this *sludge*. I didn't believe in it either. But, we just went for a swim in it and end up almost killing each other.

    Hardemeyer : [to the Mayor] 


    Hardemeyer : This is insane! Do we *really* have to listen to this?

    Peter Venkman : [to Hardemeyer]  Can't you stop your lips from flapping for 2 little minutes?

    [to the Mayor] 

    Peter Venkman : Lenny, have you been out on the street lately, do you know weird it is out there? We've taken our own headcount, there seems to be 3 *million* completely miserable assholes living in the Tri-State area.

    Hardemeyer : [In disbelief]  Please?

    Peter Venkman : I beg your prdon, 3 million and *one*.

    Hardemeyer : Hey.

    Ray : And what *fuggy brain* here doesn't realize, that if we don't do something fast this whole place is gonna blow like a frog on a hot plate.

    Hardemeyer : [In disbelief]  Yeah right.

    The Mayor : What do you want me to do, go on television and tell 3 million people they have to be *nice* to each other?

    [Begins to walk off] 

    The Mayor : Being miserable and treating other people like dirt is every New Yorker's god-given right. Your 2 minutes are up, good night gentlemen.

  • Peter Venkman : Hi, Egon. How's school? I bet those science chicks really dig that large cranium of yours, huh?

    Egon : I think they're more interested in my epididymis.

  • [Egon and Ray are showing Peter and Winston their breakthrough with a slime specimen] 

    Egon : Go ahead, Ray!

    Ray : [shouting at the slime]  You! You worthless piece of slime! You ignorant disgusting blob!

    [slime twitches] 

    Egon : You're nothing but an unstable short-chained molecule!

    Ray : You foul obnoxious muck!

    [bubbles dangerously with every insult] 

    Egon : You have a weak electrochemical bond!

    [starts to bubble over] 

    Ray : I have seen some disgusting crud in my time, but you take the cake!

    Peter Venkman : This is what you do with your spare time?

  • Janosz : [on waking after being freed from his possession, singing]  They will come from behind... Ah, ah... why am I drippings with goo?

    Egon : You had a violent prolonged transformative psychic episode.

  • Egon : Venkman, get a stool sample.

    Peter Venkman : Business, or personal?

  • Egon : Let's see what happens when we take away the puppy.

  • Ray : Two in the box.

    Egon : Ready to go.

    Peter Venkman : We be fast.

    Ray , Egon , Peter Venkman : They be slow.

  • [Ray has stepped in front of the painting of Vigo, blocking the Ghostbusters' attack] 

    Egon : Ray... we'd like to shoot the monster. Could you move, please?

    Peter Venkman : Ray...

    Winston : Ray?

    Egon , Peter Venkman , Winston : RAY!

    [Ray turns around, he is Ray/Vigo] 

    Ray : [demonic voice]  NO! I, Ray, am Vigo, shall rule the Earth! Begone, you pitiful half-men!

    Peter Venkman : Now!

    [they attack] 

  • Egon : [producing a toaster]  Ordinary household toaster.

    Peter Venkman : We'll take your word for that.

  • [piloting the Statue of Liberty] 

    Egon : We're running out of time, Ray, it's almost midnight. Can't you make her go any faster?

    Ray : I'm afraid the vibrations will shake her to pieces. We should have padded her feet.

    Egon : I don't think they make Nikes in her size, Ray.

    Peter Venkman : Hey, she's tough. She's a harbor chick!

  • [the Ghostbusters have been committed to a mental hospital] 

    Ray : As I explained before, we think the spirit of a 17th century Moldavian tyrant is alive and well in a painting at the Manhattan Museum of Art.

    Psychiatrist : Uh-huh, and are there any other paintings in the museum with bad spirits in them?

    Egon : You're wasting valuable time. He's drawing strength from a psychomagnotheric slime flow that's been collecting under the city.

    Psychiatrist : Yes, tell me about the slime.

    Winston : It's very potent stuff. We made a toaster dance with it.

    [motions to Peter] 

    Winston : And a bathtub tried to eat his friend's baby.

    Psychiatrist : A bathtub?

    Peter Venkman : [with his head buried in his arms in despair]  Don't look at me. I think these people are completely nuts.

  • Egon : [talking about the mood slime after yelling at it]  We're running tests to see if we can get an equally strong positive response.

    Peter Venkman : What kind of tests?

    Ray : Well, we sing to it, talk to it, and say supportive, nurturing things to it.

    Peter Venkman : You're not sleeping with it, are you, Ray?

    [Ray doesn't answer, but stares intently at Egon] 

    Peter Venkman : [noticing Egon, teasingly]  You hound.

    Winston : It's always the quiet ones.

    Egon : [clears throat, and hastily changes the subject]  How 'bout the kinetic test?

  • [viewing the River of Slime] 

    Egon : You know how much negative energy would be necessary to generate a flow this size?

    Winston : New York - what a town, huh?

  • Judge Wexler : [two ghosts in electrics chairs are attacking the court room]  The Scolari brothers!

    Ray : Friends of yours?

    Judge Wexler : I tried them for murder, gave 'em the chair! You've got to do something!

    Egon : Why don't you just tell them you don't believe in ghosts?

  • Judge Wexler : Peter Venkman, Raymond Stantz, Egon Spengler,


    Judge Wexler : Stand up! Get up!

    [the Ghostbusters stand up] 

    Judge Wexler : You too, Mr. Tully.

    [Louis stands up] 

    Judge Wexler : [furious]  I find guilty on all charges. I order to pay fines in the amount of $25,000 each...

    [the mood slime burbles; Ray notices it] 

    Judge Wexler : ... and I sentence you to 18 months in the City Correctional Facility at Riker's Island.

    Ray : Egie, she's twiching.

    Judge Wexler : [yells]  I'M NOT FINISHED!

    [slime continues to boil] 

    Judge Wexler : On a more presonal note, let me just go on record as saying that there's no place for fakes, charlatans...

    Egon : Uh, your honor?

    Judge Wexler : [cuts Egon off]  Shut up! Or tricksters like you in desent society!

    Peter Venkman : Your honor, this is important.

    Judge Wexler : You play on the gullibility of innocent people!

    Ray : Yes, sir...

    Judge Wexler : Be quiet!

    Ray : But...

    [poits to the bubbling mood slime as it spills over] 

    Judge Wexler : [yelling]  If my hands weren't tied by the alterable fetters of the law, then I would invoke the tradition of our illustrious forbears, reach back to a purer, sterner justice

    [screaming at the top of his lungs] 

    Judge Wexler : and have you BURNED AT THE STAKE!

    [the ghosts of the Scoleri brothers bursts from the slime; the jury members, many vistors and the prosecutor are all frightened] 

    Ray : [amazed]  Wow!

    Judge Wexler : [shocked and frightened]  Oh, my God! The Scoleri Brothers!

    [Wexler leaps from his bench as the ghosts attempt to attack him. He then crawls to Louis and the now-prosecuted Ghostbusters] 

    Judge Wexler : [yells]  The Scoleri Brothers!

    Ray : Friends of yours?

    Judge Wexler : I've tried them for murder! Gave them the chair!

  • Egon : Hey!


    Egon : Hey! Hey!

    Ray : Hello.


    Ray : Hello. Hello.

    Winston : Hey!

    Demonic Voice : Wwwwwwiiiiiinnnnnssssstoooooonnnnnn!

  • [after failing to break through the ectoplasm surrounding the Museum] 

    Egon : That slime mold is pulsing with evil. It would take a tremendous amount of positive energy to crack that shell and I seriously doubt there's enough goodwill left in this town to do it.

    Ray : You know, I just can't believe things have gotten so bad in this city that there's no way back. I mean, sure, it's dirty, it's crowded, it's polluted, it's noisy and there's people all around who'd just as soon step on your face as look at you. But come on! There's got to be a few sparks of sweet humanity left in this burned-out 'burg and we just have to figure out a way to mobilize it.

    Egon : He's right. We need something that everyone in this town can get behind, we need... a symbol!

    Ray : Something that appeals to the best in each and every one of us.

    Egon : Something good.

    Winston : Something decent.

    Peter Venkman : Something pure.

    [They are all looking at the image of the Statue of Liberty on the Ecto-1's license plate] 

  • Janosz : [singing]  We will come from behind...

    Ray : Hey.

    Janosz : What... wha...

    [Egon and Ray help a positively charged slimed Janosz up to his feet] 

    Egon : Are you all right?

    Janosz : Eh... wh... why am I drippings with goo?

    Egon : You had a violent, prolonged transformative, psychic episode.

    Janosz : Huh?

    Ray : Sorry we had to hose you there, but you were kind of out of control. Hey man, let me tell you something. I love you.

    Janosz : [flattered with joy]  Yes?

    Ray : Yeah.

    Janosz : Well, I love you too.

    [They both hug] 

  • Egon : My parents didn't believe in toys.

  • Egon : [after a ghost train runs through Winston]  I think that was the old New York Central "City of Albany"! Derailed in 1920! Killed hundreds of people! Did you catch the number on the locomotive?

    Winston : Sorry. I missed it.

  • Egon : [Looking at Pictures of Vigo that Peter took earlier]  We were right, Ray. Multi-palaner kirilian emanations.

    Ray : [getting another picture]  Yeah, well here is your next month's cover of GQ, check out the aura on this sucker. Now there is definitely a living presence there.

    Egon : We should get a deeper look.

    Ray : Why not I run this wider shot through the spectral analyzer?

    Egon : Good, I'll try turning up the Roentgens.

    [Puts a picture into the spectrogram, now talks about dinner] 

    Ray : So, what do you think, Chinese?

    Egon : Uh, how about Thai?

    Ray : Nah, too spicy. Greek?

    Egon : Uh, Mexican?

    Ray : Pizza?

    Egon : Thin or thick?

    Ray : Chicago.

    Egon : [Takes out a picture of Vigo]  What the hell is that?

    [picks up his giant maginfying glass] 

    Ray : I know what it is.

    [Unbeknownst to Ray and Egon, the door is suddenly locked] 

    Ray : I've seen this before.

    Egon : Where?

    Ray : Remember when you had me dangling like a worm on a hook 100 feet below 1st Avenue?

    [Shows the slime on the picture] 

    Ray : That's the river of slime.

  • Ray : [after getting off of the phone with Peter]  Spangler. A major slime-related psychokinetic event.

    Egon : What happened?

    Ray : Something came out of Dana's bathtub, tried to grab her and the baby.

    Egon : Are they all right?

    Ray : Yeah, she got out of there and went over to Venkman's.

    Egon : This is interesting, Ray. Remember that Vigo character Peter mentioned? Look what came up

    [Goes to his computer and types up Vigo's profile] 

    Ray : Nice ugly history. Do you think there's a connection to this Vigo character and the...

    [Looks at the slime which is still bubbling] 

    Ray : slime?

    Egon : Is the atomic weight of colbalt 58.9?

  • Egon : I think that was the New York Central City Albany! Derailed in 1920 and killed hundreds of people, did you catch the number on the locomotive?

    Winston : Sorry, I missed it.

    Egon : Something's trying to stop us, we must be close.

  • Judge Wexler : [At the Ghostbusters' trial]  Before we begin this trial, I want to make one thing very clear: The law does not recognize the existence of ghosts, and I don't believe in them either. So I don't wanna hear a lot of malarkey about goblins, spooks, and demons. We're gonna stick to the facts in this case. Leave the ghost stories to the kiddies, understood?

    Winston : Wow. Sounds like a pretty open-minded guy, huh?

    Egon : Yeah, they call him "The Hammer."

    Ray : What can we do? It's all in the hands of our lawyer now.

    Louis Tully : I think you guys are making a big mistake. I do mostly tax law and some probate stuff occasionally. I got my law degree at night school.

    Ray : Well, that's fine, Louis. We got arrested at night.

  • Peter Venkman : [the Ghostbusters enters the museum's restoration room]  All right, suck in the guts, guys. We're the Ghostbusters.

    [they breathe in] 

    Janosz : [approaches the four; claps]  No! No, please go! You...

    Ray : Who's this wiggler?

    Peter Venkman : He's yours, Ray. Sic him.

    Janosz : [to Peter]  I have discuss things with you. Now I...

    Ray : Hi, how are you? Ray Stantz from the Ghostbusters. Nice to see you. Beautiful lab you have here.

    Janosz : Can I tell what I told your friend?

    Ray : We're just doing a routine spook check.

    Janosz : Eh, Dr. Venkman, Dana is not here.

    Peter Venkman : Yeah, we know that, Johnny.

    Janosz : So why are you came?

    Peter Venkman : Well, we got a report there was a major creep in the area. We checked our list and you were right there at the top. Johnny, where the hell are you from anyway?

    Janosz : The Upper West Side.

    Egon : The whole room's extremely hot, Peter.

    Janosz : Hot?

    Winston : [notices the painting of Vigo]  Ooh, that's one ugly dude.

    Peter Venkman : Oh, that's Vigo. Mr. Vigo?

    Janosz : Uh...

    Peter Venkman : [starts to take pictures of Vigo]  Vigs, would you look this way, please?

    Janosz : Please. No, don't. No, no!

    Peter Venkman : Come on, show me something.

    Janosz : No! No photographs, please! Slides are available in the Gift Shop, eh?

    [Winston pulls Janosz out of the way; Janosz yells] 

    Peter Venkman : Yeah, thanks. Thank you, Winston.

  • Ray : Mr. Mayor, we're here tonight because a psychomagnatheric slimeflow of immense proportions is building up beneath the city.

    The Mayor : Psycho what?

    Egon : Psychomagnetheric. Negative human emotions are materializing in the form of a viscous psychoractive plasm with explosive supernormal potential.

    The Mayor : Does anybody speak English, here?

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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