The Telephone (1988) Poster

(1988)

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4/10
Hello operator, can you please connect me to... someone, anyone.
lost-in-limbo30 December 2018
Whoopi Goldberg's out of work actress spends the nights in her small apartment talking on the telephone to anyone who'll listen, her lifeline to the world and if not on the phone, entertaining the house guests; an owl and pet goldfish. That sums it up, really, that's it.

"THE TELEPHONE" directed by Rip Torn is executed like a stage-play, relying on Goldberg's presence; eccentric comic ability, interactions with her pets (foot bathing with a goldfish) and minor exchanges with a couple of actors (Severn Darden, Elliott Gould & John Heard). It's so random, almost improvised that you don't know where it's heading. You can say it's ambitious, even alienating. Once it hits the apartment, we can hear what's happening outside (traffic, voices, music), but that's where the camera stays, as we watch Goldberg ramble on until the cows come home. From trivial normality issues, venting or making low-brow jokes on the telephone, deciphering messages on the answering machine to stand-up comedy routines of impersonating nationalities, changing personas, watching footage of her standup comedy and even loudly acting out more than one person at the same time to annoy her complaining neighbors. Zany comic monologues after monologues after monologues, it's like watching someone bored out of their mind. Sex gags, toilet humour and stereotypical race jokes, but without an ounce of wit.

The one-idea concept while offbeat grows tiresome and at times crude. I didn't find it all that humorous, just bemused by it all. You don't learn that much about her character, head space wise, until she's around people in separate cameos of Darden, Gould (along with Amy Wright) and especially Heard. Her scenes at the end with Heard's telephone man is the poignant hook, as it can be both funny and sad, jarringly so, in what we learn of her obsession with the telephone.
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I'm glad I saw it.
roarshock23 July 2000
Flicking the TV, I caught this film somewhere near its beginning. Having no idea of what it was or what it was supposed to be, I got strangely caught up in it. It's not great, but it is unusual... and that's saying something nowadays. I see here at the IMDb that most people don't like it. Hate it even. However, to get a better idea of how good or bad other people think it is, I suppose I would have to screen out those people who would hate ANY film that consisted of essentially only one person talking. It would probably be appreciated better by those people who like live theater; it has that quality to it. Still, it's not great and I don't think I would find it worth the money and effort to go out somewhere to see it. But on TV or as a rental it's worth seeing, interesting enough in its own odd way. I'm glad I caught it.
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1/10
Jaw-droppingly bad
moonspinner553 June 2005
Little-seen comedy is out-of-order. Whoopi Goldberg-addicts were still around in 1988, despite the star's penchant for playing in dumb action-comedies that tarnished her overall appeal. Still, even hardcore fans would be hard-pressed to sit through this misfire, a troubled production that Whoopi tried unsuccessfully from getting released. She plays Vashti Blue--a terrific character name--an actress with a pet owl (!) who spends much of her time arguing on the phone. Vashti is neurotic, but not funny; Goldberg was encouraged to improvise dialogue by the suits at New World Pictures to bring some of her sassy stand-up act to the picture, much to the displeasure of Rip Torn, who directed. Torn was apparently in over his head--and seems to be a mismatch with Goldberg's fast-patter urban style. The screenplay (by Harry Nilsson and Terry Southern, of all people) doesn't offer us anything but a harangue, and Whoopi's star-presence fails to give it an edge. Shapeless and static. Goldberg had veteran cinematographer John A. Alonzo fired during production, replacing him with her husband, David Claessen. She also says her cocaine addiction was a factor in the film not working, but that "potheads absolutely love it."
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1/10
Have you ever said, "Well, at least it's not as bad as..."
selune132 May 2003
Well, this film finished off that sentence. This is the worst movie I have ever seen. Seriously and with no exaggeration. It is just awful. The entire movie is about Whoopi Goldberg's character talking on the phone. It's one of those movies where it starts out bad and you keep watching it saying "It's got to get better sometime, right?" Nope. Imagine talking to a monotone-voiced salesperson on the telephone for 90 minutes....that would be better than watching this film again.

If you want a better combination of Ms. Goldberg and a telephone, check out "Jumpin' Jack Flash," a very funny, if a little silly, comedy.

Or, if you want the second most awful movie ever, give "The Truth About Charlie" a look. The entire cast and crew should be forced to place formal apologies on Audrey Hepburn's and Cary Grant's graves.
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2/10
Trainwreck Whoopi Comin' Down the Tracks!
shark-4328 May 2007
Warning: Spoilers
Sorry, usually much can be written off as "difference of opinion" but there is no way anyone can think this is competent, let alone good. And I'm not even talking this thing is so fantastically bad that it enters the realm of good/bad - it's just plain bad. Awful. Talented but famous hard drinking stoners, Terry Southern and Harry Nillson must have consumed great amounts of booze and drugs to put this thing to paper - it plays like a bad college play that someone high for the first time might consider "deep". Goldberg is a struggling actress who lives with a live owl and a goldfish - who have the misfortune of having to listen to this whole trainwreck. Whoopi calls people endlessly and shouts at her next door neighbor thru the wall and performs characters. There is not one accent she nails - in fact her bad attempts at accents (Indian, Irish, Jamaican, etc.) are stunningly off. At times it seems they just said to Whoopi - "do whatever you want, what the hell...." So she grins and dances to reggae - not entertainingly mind you. The high level of comedy is when Elliot Gould stops by as her agent and she farts on him to chase him out of the apartment. Seriously - she calls it The Dance of the Seven Flatuances and pretend farts on him to chase him away. And yes, wow, dude, what a twist ending - she turns out to be really insane because the phone co. guy comes by to get the phone telling us it has been disconnected for months. Oh wow - you MEAN she was just BABBLING away and no one was there? Wow - now it truly was a waste of time. Oh and then she stabs John Heard to death because he was going to take her phone. That's it. I would say it is the worst piece of crap Whoopi ever made but her dinosaur cop movie makes me wonder...
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1/10
Do not waste a single millisecond of your life on this
swmwshrk11 January 2021
Warning: Spoilers
This movie is so bad that Whoppi sued the studio and production company after filming to stop this from being released. She (and anyone who watches it) lost that lawsuit. The film grossed less than 100K domestically in theaters.

Audiences at early showings demanded refunds and told theater managers to destroy the film.

Whoppi spends the entire movie talking on a telephone. She calls friends, family and even orders groceries. The climax is when a telephone company rep shows up to repo her phone which has been disconnected for several months. Whoppi stabs the phone repairman then calls the police and says I've been a bad girl.

I've seen Spaced Invaders, It's Pat, Howard the Duck, Battlefield Earth and other movies routinely on worst movies lists. I'd rather watch any of them on an infinite loop than spend one minute watching this.
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1/10
Worst Movie Ever
defenseengr11 March 2005
In my best Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons voice. "Worst Movie Ever!" I'm serious. It's a complete waste of time. I saw it when I was a pre-teen and to this day (I'm 26 now), I still use this movie as my reference for horrible movies. I read other reviews on here where people claim that the movies saving grace is Whoopi's acting. I disagree. This movie has no saving grace. It is a complete waste of time, money, thought processes, eyeballs, ears, you name it.... Generally speaking, I try not to be a negative person. But there really is nothing positive to say about this one. If anyone ever suggests watching this movie with them, then run away as fast and as far as you can. They are attempting to bore you to death!
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7/10
Call back later!
robman-512 December 2001
Love it or hate it, it's impossible to remain neutral about this movie. It's kind of like watching a train wreck-tough to look at, but equally tough to tear yourself away from. One thing its detractors point out is that the story is just not movie material, and they do have a point. This piece would play far better as a stage play or on TV, but it is totally unworkable on the big screen. Whoopi is one of the greatest talents of our generation but even she can't make this premise work. Since it more or less all takes place on one set, it does become claustrophobic. Still it does have its moments- Vashti Blue is definitely one sick puppy but she's still fascinating. This part is an actor's dream. And in lesser hands than Whoopi's this could have been a total disaster. It would have been easy to turn the whole part into a grotesque caricature but Whoopi, pro that she is sidesteps that. She makes the character oddly appealing. A definite wack-job, yes but also a very touching one. You definitely feel what this woman is going through, and almost wish you could help. And that ending? Whoa. I definitely did NOT see it coming, and afterwards I felt like I'd swallowed an ice-cream cone whole. I won't give it away, but suffice to say it's VERY disturbing. Personal taste will have to dictate its level of success.
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1/10
Someone should have hung up this telephone!
Aussie Stud3 January 2002
This has easily got to be one of the worst movies of the 1980's, and most likely a personal foible for Whoopi Goldberg to have her name associated with this extremely unfunny film where she plays a woman who literally spends the whole two hours of the film talking on a telephone about nothing in particular.

Honestly, Whoopi should have known better than to star in this garbage, which is a real shame because she had proven herself to be quite a commendable actress in the 1985 drama "THE COLOR PURPLE" and to a lesser-degree, the comedies "JUMPIN' JACK FLASH" and "THE BURGLAR".

One slightly amusing scene at the beginning of the film has Whoopi trying to get her hands on a goldfish that ends up in the bathtub... after that, this movie travels downhill at an almost 'out of this world' speed.

There really is no plot to this movie, the title itself says it all. "THE TELEPHONE" is basically about a telephone... and Whoopi Goldberg. She spends the entire duration of the film talking to various people about nothing in particular, mostly hearsay conversations and trite problems she thinks she needs to attend to - nothing that the audience will find any slight bit of interest in.

For the 96 excruciating minutes that "THE TELEPHONE" runs for, you will find yourself wanting to do something else than to sit there and watch this travesty.

A scene that was probably left on the cutting room floor would be the scene where Whoopi is angrily yelling at her agent for suggesting that she star in this garbage.

Whoopi - keep this one off your resume'.

MY GRADE - 0/10
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9/10
Into the depths of insanity
stevel-2822 December 2006
Warning: Spoilers
I thoroughly enjoyed the movie The Telephone and was very happy to be able to add it to my collection.

While many criticize it as being slow, boring, and uneventful, I found it to be a thought provoking look into the depths of insanity and loneliness.

The entire movie takes place inside of Vashti Blue's (played by Whoopi Goldberg) apartment as she gives you a look into the life of a person who, aside from the company of an owl, finds herself destitute of sympathetic or friendly companionship, which has driven her insane.

If you're looking for action/adventure, avoid it. If you're looking for something unique that will make you laugh and leave you thinking, then definitely watch it.

BTW, those that think it was horrible and that it's nothing but someone talking on the phone, obviously didn't fully watch the movie; the story has nothing to do with talking on the phone (yet at the same time it has everything to do with it).
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1/10
Believe the hype...this film stinks!
Eegah Guy1 August 2001
Director Rip Torn must have been under the delusion he was making an interesting experimental film like COMING APART which he starred in 20 years earlier. Wrong-o, buddy boy! Watching Whoopi Goldberg spout inane dialogue for 90 minutes is not my idea of great entertainment. Shot like a one-act play this film will try anybody's patience for failed cinematic flotsam. This film reminded me of a better film shot in a similar style, Chuck Vincent's DERANGED. Watch that one instead, if you can find it.
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I Didn't Hate it, but I Pretty much Regretted Watching it. I'll Explain why.
LLAAA483711 July 2007
Warning: Spoilers
* out of ****

Rip Torn's directorial debut is an extremely unpleasant and disturbing mind-study of a woman who speaks on the phone. I will spoil this film in this comment, and so i think it would only be smart for only people who have seen the film to read this. Other wise, if you don't want to see the film, do but don't care if the plot is ruined for you, or haven't seen it but already know the ending, don't read this comment.

Okay, now that this is out of the way, I'll tell the film. It is basically a film in which Whoopi Goldberg plays a woman with a pet owl who speaks on the phone with different people. it goes on like this for the whole film until the end when a telephone man shows up at her apartment and the audience discovers that the phone is disconnected. the woman then proceeds to murder the telephone man, showing the audience that she is not only neurotic, but a very sick and crazy homicidal woman.

I believe that the film was made to be an interpretation on one event in which we've all had and make it into something not quite worthy of film. Then it falls back on itself by showing that the woman is crazy and that up until the ending, the audience has been misled. The trick is to show a quirky woman who the audience feels a little sorry for before blowing us out with showing us a dark side. Note that we were misled, and not lied to. The people who see this film will most likely feel lied to and will therefore hate the film. the audience who feels that the ending is clever and unexpected will like it for it's clever pacing, although maybe not immediately.

Me, I'm going to have to say no. I only recommend this film to die hard fans of Whoopi Goldberg. This is one of her best performances. i don't feel that the people who see this will likely get the unfunny joke or the twist, or whatever it's supposed to be. It was interesting to watch and Whoopi Goldberg is undeniably charismatic, but I didn't think it was worth seeing. Oh, and one more thing. PLEASE don't go into this thinking that it's a comedy. It is not. It is very disturbing and not at all funny.

rated r for violence.
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1/10
Terrible, boring tripe
The_Core17 September 1999
This was, in a few words, the worst movie I've ever seen. Strangely, there's one funny scene at the start of the movie involving a fish. The rest of the movie consists of Whoopie talking unintelligible jive into a telephone, with the camera centered on her face. I didn't get it.
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1/10
Whoopi's Role Worse Than Middle Schooler
shaswey16 May 2022
It's literally minutes upon minutes upon minutes of Whoopi being a foolish and horribly stereotypically racist in her apartment, playing an actor who couldn't land a role even if she paid the studio's budget four times over. Love Whoopi. She should never have done this movie. What an embarrassment.
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8/10
Solo Craft
Dvd Avins27 January 2004
Warning: Spoilers
This is the best example of a solo actor portraying characters that I've ever seen. Tracy Ulman was also good in a somewhat similar way at about the same time, but Whoopi does a clearly better job here.

I agree with someone who said it doesn't work on a large screen, at least I'm pretty sure it wouldn't for me. I saw it on cable a long time ago and it worked.

SPOILER BELOW: - Anyone who says it's just a woman talking on the phone may be describing their experience while watching it, but if that's what they think *after* watching it through, then they just weren't paying attention.
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10/10
Like being a fly on the wall in a lonely woman's life
JakersWild21 January 2000
Warning: Spoilers
While I won't reveal major plot points here, some plot issues are mentioned, so consider this a spoiler warning. If you want action, lot's of human interaction, romance, or explosions, this movie is probably not for you.

It is largely Whoopi Goldberg talking on the telephone (of course) and to a neighbor's wall. But if you've seen Whoopi Goldberg's early on-stage work, she draws heavily on her ability to become a unique character in a moment with apparent ease. At times she can almost seem schizophrenic her demeanor changes so fast.

What this movie boils down to is a mostly lonely woman, who's only strong connection with the outside world seems to be the telephone. If you've ever gone through a lonely time in your life, you may identify in some moments with her character. And I totally got the humor, and thought it was great.

This is one of those movies that is definitely better when watched with someone though. If only to have someone to turn and give puzzled looks to at some of the odd happenings.
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9/10
Fantastic One Woman Show - NOW ON DVD !
indybored13 October 2005
Warning: Spoilers
I am so glad to find there are other people out here who liked this film as much as me. It is NOT the worst movie ever as some have posted. It is an amazing tour-de-force for the talents of Whoopi Goldberg.

I was surprised to learn this piece was not originally a stage play that was adapted for the screen. It it written like a solo play, and the entire film takes place basically on one unit set ( a small studio apartment in NYC )

If you are not a fan of theatre, you probably will not like this movie. (and I mean real theatre, not Mamma Mia or Phantom of the Opera kind of theatre) This movie moves slowly. It has the pacing of a live one person show. There are no big action scenes. There are no special effects. As in theatre, the story is told through the dialogue, and you actually have to pay attention.

If you are not a fan of Whoopi, you probably will not like this movie. Apart from a few brief scenes, the entire film is just her.

If you enjoy film experiences that capture the feel of theatrical performances, or if you are a Whoopi fan - don't miss this one !

I just found it on DVD recently, released from Top Ten New Media, but no extras or features of any kind, just the movie. BTW the film is actually 78 minutes, not 96 minutes as listed on this site.
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10/10
Great movie. Hope to see it on DVD someday
Filmfreak200211 April 2006
I saw this movie on TV the first time, but got in about 15 min. into it so naturally I started hunting for it on video. I finally found it and have been watching it many times. Whoopie Goldberg gives a heartwarming/-breaking performance as VashiBlue, whose main contact with the surrounding world is her telephone and her answering machine. She is obviously a lonely person, living with an owl and a goldfish, but does get company once in a while and loves to argue with the neighbour, who constantly complains about her and threatens to contact immigrations to have her kicked out. The ending comes as a total surprise and I couldn't help crying after I saw it in full the first time. I still do, if it's been a while since I saw it last. Definitely a movie to see and I hope it will be released on DVD soon, region 2, since I live in Denmark.
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Brilliant early Whoopi
akhenaton801020 June 2002
The film has all the humor, wit and charm of Whoopi Goldberg's, multi-character, one-person shows with a more cohesive aspect defined by a single, central character. Notice the "hats-off" to Richard Pryor and a final plot twist that shocks and tugs heart strings simultaneously. This one might cruise right over your head. Watch it more than once.
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8/10
Wow!
obviousdistraction28 November 2005
Warning: Spoilers
Admitedly I rented this because of all the people who said how bad it was- and i got really sucked in.. it's funny the majority of people who like this movie also like theater- because i showed to a few theatrical friends and they both also liked it.

What people don't realize is this movie is NOT supposed to be a comedy it would be like saying the color purple should have had more "Jokes that worked"... any way .

The ending was fabulously twisted and creeped me out. In fact on subsequent viewings you can see how everything fits. Don't put blind faith in the opinions of others, you may be surprised. GIVE IT A GO!
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Can cinema feel like a theater?
Emiliano-24 February 2001
I saw this movie by accident once and i was stunned...One woman holds an entire movie creating you -the viewers- the feeling of communication...Whoopi relies on her talent to make you laugh...(Watch the scene while she is a chinese chef)..sometimes a bit more than she should.Nevertheless,it's ending gives you a "sixth sense" feeling.(Meaning an element turns upside down all that you think till now). A true original that gives a real challenge to any actor.
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9/10
Great Stuff
kiwioz-810-7067865 August 2010
Every time I see or hear of Whoopi I think of this movie I saw many many moons ago. I remember being hooked in my seat trying to figure out what was happening and waiting for someone else to appear in it. To no avail but I was stuck on my couch till the end. I think this movie demonstrates Whoopi Goldbergs unique talent I mean who else could make this kind of movie actually work as she did. Whoopi is indeed a wonderful actress and I think very few would be able to carry off a movie like this, like it or not, shes just fantastic and what a wonderful ending as she carried it off well. Like it or not, sad or not I just love this great actress in all her movies. I hope its on tele again one day as I cant find it on DVD anywhere and think its worth watching again and a keepsake.
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funny - Funny - FUNNY
OHNYLAGA18 May 2003
I rented this movie from a small video rental store in Los Angeles, and found it to be hilarious. I've been looking for it ever since and I have not been able to find it. This little known early work of Whoopi G shows you want we had in store. Her comedic timing is splendid. SEE IT IF YOU CAN FIND IT... and then let me know! I want a copy!

Whoopi... you go girl!
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10/10
Exceptional depth but not for the layman
jacquesdr18 April 2014
Warning: Spoilers
I first saw The Telephone as a teenager in 1988 and just watched it again tonight. Though I loved it back then, I was reminded again of the sheer brilliance of this work. If you are looking for a simplistic nuance-less tale of the theme-less entertainment we have become addicted to - move on.

But if you are looking for something powerful and above average depth with rich thematic content - get comfortable for an emotional ride that will take you to the blackness of your own modern day existence.

I remain haunted by Blue's line "I just want someone to talk to...". What is really striking is that in a world/setting that is ridden with noise (audio and other) no one ever seems to actually HEAR the people around them. So Blue takes us on a journey of stripping off the liqueur from the supposed wonderful shiny civilized world we have created for ourselves. She does this by creating truisms within stereotypes and creating absurdest situations that breaks down the very fabric of the viewer's belief of the world (read mental reality) we observe every day.

This is a piece of cinema (I would be scared to call it film). It is about the thematic content and can be considered a great theatrical peace of cinematic work. Therefor, I fear, probably lost on most film and home entertainment audiences.
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Whoopie Goldberg shows true genius in this one woman show.
lance50222 March 2003
If you think an entire movie about a woman alone in her apartment cant be entertaining,funny,sad and fascinating this movie will prove you wrong. There is even a plot twist or two that will take you by suprise. This movie in itself proves what a stunning talent Whoopie is and shows she's probably even more talented as an actress than as a comedian.
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