Plot

A talented New York City bartender takes a job at a bar in Jamaica and falls in love.

Bent on becoming a successful millionaire, ambitious ex-military man Brian serves drinks at a New York City tavern and studies for his degree while waiting for his big break. Then, veteran bartender and cynical mentor Doug enters the picture, convinced that their chemistry and flamboyant tricks behind the bar will soon make the dynamic bartending duo famous and rich. But all good things must come to an end. As Brian tries to raise money in Jamaica to open his dream bar, a chance encounter with beautiful young waitress Jordan leads to a whirlwind romance and heartbreak. After all, love is a delicate thing. Is Brian sure he wants a future with Jordan?—Nick Riganas

After leaving the Army, Brian Flanagan tries to get a marketing job in New York City. But without a college degree, this is not possible. He then decides to start studying for a business degree at the local City College and gets a part time job as a bartender. He realizes that it's not easy but his new boss Douglas Coughlin teaches him the secrets of the bar trade and they become the most famous bartenders in town. Both Brian and Doug want their own top class cocktail bars someday and Brian's Cocktail Bar is to be called 'Cocktails and Dreams'. In order to get the necessary money to open it, Brian travels to Jamaica to work as a bartender at a resort Tiki Bar, and the pay is good. There he meets Jordan Mooney, a young and pretty, up and coming American artist on vacation with her girlfriend from New York City, staying at the Island resort. Jordan and Brian spend some quality time together and fall in love. But Brian takes a dare from his old buddy, Doug Coughlin to sleep with an older, wealthy woman, who is also staying at the resort. Jordan, herself the daughter of wealthy parents back in New York City, leaves the Island overnight, after seeing Brian and the older woman together after closing - Will Jordan ever forgive Brian and will they get back together?—Joshua Jaworsky <jaworsky@gmail.com>

The 1988 blockbuster classic, Cocktail.

After some swift study, it appears nineteen-hundred and eighty-eight transpired as a monumental twelve-month period destined to be revered in the annals of movie creation history. Flawless gems such as: Big starring Tom Hanks who played the role of a kid who hates the success every adult wants, chooses to be a kid again - only to lose his edge and become a janitor later on; Rain Man starring Dustin Hoffman, already known for his adeptness at female role-play, took on the challenging task of a relatable, semi-cognitively-challenged millionaire; finally, let us not forget Eddie Murphy's masterful role in the flick, Coming to America, where he assumes the persona of an African prince who sets out on a quest to find a plebeian Yank to be his queen and eventually, indubitably withhold coitus-rights only after depleting the monarch's coffers. Other notable flicks released in this segment of time include Beetlejuice, Mystic Pizza, Willow, Child's Play, The Naked Gun, Bloodsport, Akira, The Land Before Time, Rambo III, and Hairspray!

Originally, I was reluctant to review the movie in question and a quick analysis of the IMDb profile only furthered my suspicions. Overall viewer rating, at the time of this writing, was sitting at a homely five point seven stars out of a total of ten. The metascore was even more deficient with a measly tally of twelve out of one hundred. Not to be careless, I made sure to pore over several reviews before becoming a viewer myself. One of my favorites I shall transcribe hereafter:

" Cocktail makes beer commercials look deep, makes "Top Gun" look like "Hamlet." -written by Jay Carr of the Boston Globe [29 Jul 1988, p.21]

Yes, friend, perhaps it is a rag. The copy writer for the Cocktail cover art would also seem to agree, as he decided to include the profound quote, "Totally Entertaining!" Let us get started then.

The movie begins with a young, starry-eyed soldier named Brian Flanagan, played by everyone's favorite thetan (Tom Cruise), who has incredible ambitions of making millions, by means of mercantilism, in the Big Apple. It must be pointed out that for a film with a premise of alcohol consumption, naturally the main character would have Irish roots. After several rounds of unsurprising rejections, Brian finds himself at a crossroads; either get a job as a bartender or move back in with the parents. Naturally, Flanagan is unwilling to give-up on his dream of becoming an opulent entrepreneur, enrolls in the local business college while earning shelter and sustenance by working part-time as a rookie cockologist. Enter fellow spirit connoisseur and bullshitter, Doug Coughlin (represented by Bryan Brown), who takes the protagonist under his wing. Flanagan is taught all the tricks of the mixing trade: flips, twirls, under-hands, over-hands, in-betweens, short-pours, and long-pours; all designed to loosen men from their wallets and women from their chastities. It is not long before these two find themselves at the pinnacle of the bartending game in all of New York City, if not presumably the world.

Doug and Brian are in Flanagan's apartment discussing how to get rich. They decide to become business partners and open a chain of "local-style" bars. The name for this franchise: "Cocktails & Dreams." Deliciously corny.

It is around this time that I find my father fast asleep. Traditionally, he is more accustomed to a finely-tuned entertainment genre that typically focuses on exploding cars, unlimited ammunition firefights, Eastern Bloc nemeses and screaming damsels. 1988 happens to also be the year action flicks reached their golden age with the release of Die Hard starring Bruce Willis. My dad has a certain attachment to action heroes that have a predisposition to male pattern baldness, being one who is also afflicted. He loves and owns xXx starring the glabrous Vin Diesel, of which I can assure anyone reading this that it has little to do with the Eastern European sluts or Pontiac GTO cameos. Also, he has probably seen every Jason Statham movie ever made (42 at the time of this writing).

Anyways, one fruitful night, Brian ends up getting seduced by a local playgirl, Coral (Gina Gershon), thus beginning a courtship based on nothing but heathenish desires. Apparently, the writer, Heywood Gould, expects the audience to believe that a gorgeous heiress is interested in a five-foot-seven-inch, hero bartender for nothing but fornication. I suppose that is all she really needs at this point, I mean, what is he going to do; buy her another purse? Doug bets Flanagan that his relationship with Coral is based on nothing and she will end up screwing with his head like a cold-hearted, aloof bitch. To win this bet, it is not long before the meister of mixology, Doug Coughlin, engages in an affair with Coral; Brian finds out. Doug claims it was for Flanagan's own good but naturally he gets walloped in the kisser, regardless. Hurt and betrayed, Brian plans to pursue his monetary ambitions in another part of the world. Feeling empowered by his business strategy of creating chain, dive bars in every mall and airport in the country, he sets off for Jamaica to earn himself roughly seventy-thousand fiat United States dollars, the sum needed for his very first one.

Presumably months (years?) later, the viewer finds Brian slaving away at some seaside speakeasy serving patrons of the local hotel. It is business as usual until the very voluptuous and fetching Jordan Mooney, depicted by Elisabeth Shue, arrives barside to steal his attention. I am assuming at this point Brian was still very butthurt over the whole Coral thing and had yet to bed a nice Jamaican girl. Of course, on an island of chocolate pudding the female love interest would have to be of Celtic origins. I digress; cue montage of Brian and Jordan participating in cliché date activities like riding horseback, enjoying the local fauna, hanging out in town where stereotypical, dreadlocks dude is dancing in the street. After a mandatory conversation to see if Brian is ambitious enough for Jordan's tastes, over cocktails, the two find themselves raptured in each other's embrace. We are talking about 1988, R-rated skinny-dipping, where side-boob makes an appearance (played by Elisabeth Shue's left breast). Things start to get weird when Jordan brings up the topic of our bartender siring her offspring. Brian does not seem to mind too much; at least he knows he is doing something right and he might really like this one, this time. Sigh, if only she was rich.

It is not long before Mister Flanagan finds his way to trouble, however. The loathsome shyster, and long-time amigo, Doug Coughlin makes his grand return; systematically. Coughlin is rich now; sucking from the affluent teat of his new wife, both literally and figuratively, and he has come to gloat to Brian. How can this be; how can that rat bastard have a gorgeous, young, millionairess wife? Thus far, Flanagan has been very preoccupied with wealth and status. Knowing this, Doug presents a dare, a bet, claiming that Brian is without the social graces & silver tongue to woo a rich, soon-to-be cougar by the name of Bonnie (Lisa Banes). Young and rash, Brian takes Doug up on the bet and sure shows him. Next thing I know, Bonnie is having the time of her life and is requesting more! Unfortunately, Jordan saw both Brian and Bonnie walking away together; clearly sloshed and primed for acts of intercourse. Mooney is a sweet girl and feels taken advantage of by Flanagan who clearly must be some sort of philanderer. The next day, Brian feeling disgusted with himself, sets off to find Jordan only to hear from her friend that she had already taken the red-eye back to New York City. Disappointment is only temporary as he decides to benefit from Bonnie's station in life. This could be his ticket to a high-salaried marketing career and besides, its not like she is post-menopausal, yet.

New York, New York, here we are again. Brian assumes the position of Bonnie's apartment-bound gigolo; forever lured by the promise of a sales position at her company. One evening, Bonnie takes her pet to a local art gallery where her aspiring sculptor acquaintance is showing off his latest work. Flannagan is rather flustered at this point. First she will not follow through on the job, then she does not even bother to introduce him to her friends and makes him hold all her refuse. He is determined to vacate and implores that she comply. Bonnie is having a grand time talking to the artist and does not want to exit. Brian and the sculptor get into, first, an argument and then a pugilist bout. During said fisticuffs, Brian kicks the artist into a sculpture, knocking both the creator and creation to the ground. Overcome with grief, the artist loses all drive to fight as this particular statue was meant for posterity.

My dad wakes up, possibly drawn to consciousness by the sounds of brawling craftsman; one of boulder, alloy and the other of ethanol, glass & garnish.

With Bonnie and Brian's "relationship" finally brought to a close, Flanagan sets out to find Jordan and apologize. He finds her working at her diner job where she promptly gives him both of the day's specials; one on his head and another on his lap. Later on, Flanagan finagles his way into Jordan's apartment where he sees her impressive paintings. She reveals to him that she is pregnant, however, Mooney makes it clear she will have nothing to do with him, despite Brian's persistence. A few days later, Brian goes to confront Jordan but finds she is not at her apartment, but rather, her parents' Park Avenue flat. She is a princess after all! Naturally, Jordan's father does not like Flanagan or the situation. He attempts to pay him off but Brian refuses the ten thousand, which is an amount he could desperately use to get his bar started.

Brian leaves to go grovel for a job promised to him by his old pal, Doug Coughlin. Brian sneaks in past the security of Doug's wife's club. The two cockologists reunite and decide to have a drink someplace private. Doug confides in Brian that he lost most of his wife's money by poorly investing in commodities. Having too much to drink, Coughlin falls asleep (or at least pretends to) as his wife asks to go home. Being a good friend, Brian takes her home and almost bangs her out. He leaves, resisting the horizontal-hokey-pokey and arrives where he left Doug, only to see that he has committed suicide with a very expensive, broken bottle of brandy (or something). After the funeral, Brian reads a letter left for him from Coughlin. Doug says he committed suicide because he was just a bullshitter. Brian does not want to be a piece of fecal matter anymore and discontinues emulating the deceased Doug.

Flannagan goes back to Jordan's parents' Park Avenue apartment and eventually fights off both the doorman and butler. Jordan's father and Brian exchange some nasty words. After a confession of love, Jordan leaves with Brian and the father cuts them off from his vault of gold bars, jewel encrusted rings, old paintings, et cetera.

After getting some seed money from his father, Brian finally opens his first bar and names it, "Flanagan's Cocktails & Dreams." Brian and Jordan have their wedding reception there; she reveals she is pregnant with twins; Flanagan gives everyone free drinks to celebrate; they probably get divorced in five to ten years; Jordan takes ownership of fifty percent of the dive bars in subsequent annulment proceedings. In conclusion, Cocktail is an iteration of an age old scenario; a coming of age story and a tale of overcoming greed and using one's pride the honorable way. Additionally, it is possible to not appreciate the good things, when you have them, and easy to not know they were good until they are gone. Real wealth is not what you have but whom you share it with. In the movie, Brian Flanagan gets a second chance but it is a lesson to all viewers that the same opportunity rarely comes around twice.

When he pours, he reigns.