Corey Haim credited as playing...
Sam
- Sam Emerson: Wait, wait. You *have* a TV?
- Grandpa: No. I just like to read the TV Guide. Read the TV Guide, you don't need a TV.
- Sam Emerson: Look at your reflection in the mirror. You're a creature of the night, Michael, just like out of a comic book! You're a vampire, Michael! My own brother, a damn, blood-sucking vampire. You wait 'till mom finds out, buddy!
- Alan Frog: We don't ride with vampires.
- Sam Emerson: Fine, stay here.
- Edgar Frog: [Looks around, clearly scared] We do now.
- Alan Frog: Yeah.
- Sam Emerson: [about Star] It's that girl from the boardwalk. Is she one of them?
- [Star floats up]
- Sam Emerson: She's one of them! And don't tell me it doesn't make her a bad person, Mike.
- Grandpa: Hey, anything around here that might pass for aftershave?
- Sam Emerson: How about some Windex, Grandpa?
- Grandpa: Yeah, yeah, let me try some of that.
- Michael Emerson: You have a big date tonight, Grandpa?
- Grandpa: I'm going to drop my handiwork by the widow Johnson.
- Michael Emerson: What'd ya stuff for her? Mr. Johnson?
- Sam Emerson: You're a vampire! I knew it!
- Michael Emerson: I am not!
- Sam Emerson: So what are you? The Flying Nun?
- Max: Let this be a lesson to you, you silly little boy: Never ever invite a vampire into your house. And why? Because it renders you powerless.
- Sam Emerson: Did you know that?
- Edgar Frog: Of course. Everyone knows that. Why else would we be here?
- Edgar Frog: [the Frog Brothers walk in the room, carrying loads of stakes. To Sam] Okay, where's Count Dracula?
- Sam Emerson: Who?
- Edgar Frog: The prince of darkness.
- Alan Frog: The night crawler. The bloodsucker.
- Edgar Frog: El Vampiro.
- Sam Emerson: Mike! They're here!
- Edgar Frog: Listen, just so you know, if you try to stop us, or vamp out in any way, I'll stake you without even thinking twice about it!
- Sam Emerson: Chill out, Edgar.
- Edgar Frog: [coming to his senses] Right.
- [about Grandpa]
- Michael Emerson: Looks like he's dead!
- Sam Emerson: If he's dead, can we go back to Phoenix?
- Edgar Frog: You did the right thing by calling us. Does your brother sleep a lot?
- Sam Emerson: Yeah, all day.
- Alan Frog: Does the sunlight freak him out?
- Sam Emerson: Uh, he wears sunglasses in the house.
- Edgar Frog: Bad breath, long fingernails?
- Sam Emerson: Yeah, his fingernails are a little bit longer, um, he always had bad breath, though.
- Alan Frog: He's a vampire all right.
- Edgar Frog: All right, here's what you do: get yourself a good sharp stake and drive it right through his heart.
- Sam Emerson: I can't do that; he's my brother.
- Alan Frog: OK, we'll come over and do it for you.
- Sam Emerson: No!
- Edgar Frog: You'd better get yourself a garlic T-shirt, buddy, or it's your funeral.
- Edgar Frog: Listen, buddy, if you're looking for the diet frozen yogurt bar, it went out of business last summer.
- Sam Emerson: Actually, I'm looking for a "Batman" issue #14.
- Edgar Frog: That's a very serious book, man.
- Alan Frog: Only five in existence.
- Sam Emerson: Four, actually. I'm always looking out for the other three.
- Sam Emerson: So where're we going?
- Michael Emerson: Nowhere.
- Sam Emerson: So what's the rush? You're chasing that girl aren't you? Come on, admit it. I'm at the mercy of your sex glands, bud.
- Sam Emerson: And then his dog started chasing my mom like the hounds of hell in "Vampires Everywhere."
- Edgar Frog: We've been aware there's some very serious vampire activity in this town for some time.
- Alan Frog: Santa Carla's become a haven for the undead.
- Edgar Frog: As a matter of fact, we're almost certain ghouls and werewolves occupy high positions at city hall.
- Alan Frog: Kill your brother, you'll feel better.
- Sam Emerson: I bet you hate garlic, dontcha!
- Max: No, I like garlic! It's just a little much! It's raw garlic.
- Lucy Emerson: You got carried away by a comic book?
- Sam Emerson: It was a scary comic, mom. I'm sorry.
- Sam Emerson: Got a problem, guys?
- Edgar Frog: Just scoping your civilian wardrobe.
- Sam Emerson: Pretty cool, huh?
- Alan Frog: For a fashion victim.