Five Easy Pieces

Bobby: I'd like a plain omelette, no potatoes, tomatoes instead, a cup of coffee and wheat toast.

Waitress: [points at his menu] No substitutions.

Bobby: What do you mean? You don't have any tomatoes?

Waitress: Only what's on the menu. You can have a number two, a plain omelette, it comes with cottage fries and rolls.

Bobby: Yeah, I know what it comes with, but it's not what I want.

Waitress: Well, I'll come back when you make up your mind

Bobby: Wait a minute, I have made up my mind. I'd like a plain omelette, no potatoes on the plate, a cup of coffee and a side order of wheat toast.

Waitress: I'm sorry, we don't have any side orders of toast. I'll give you an English muffin or a coffee roll.

Bobby: What do you mean you don't make side orders of toast? You make sandwiches, don't you?

Waitress: Would you like to talk to the manager?

Palm Apodaca: Hey, mac...

Bobby: Shut up.

[to the waitress]

Bobby: You've got bread and a toaster of some kind?

Waitress: I don't make the rules.

Bobby: OK, I'll make it as easy for you as I can. I'd like an omelette, plain, and a chicken salad sandwich on wheat toast, no mayonnaise, no butter, no lettuce, and a cup of coffee.

Waitress: A number two, a chicken salad sand. Hold the butter, the lettuce, and the mayonnaise, and a cup of coffee. Anything else?

Bobby: Yeah, now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a cheque for the chicken salad sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules.

Waitress: You want me to hold the chicken, huh?

Bobby: I want you to hold it between your knees.

[Palm Apodaca sniggers]

Waitress: [points at a sign behind her] You see that sign, sir? Yes, you'll all have to leave! I'm not taking any more of your smartness and sarcasm!

Bobby: You see this sign?

[he sweeps all the glasses off the table onto the floor]