Danger!! Death Ray (1967) User Reviews

Danger! Ray of Death for Italian-style Bond

[Bogmeister · 4/10 · 10 May 2008]

MASTER PLAN: get the death ray plans from a kidnapped scientist. Yet another in a long line of European James Bond knock offs during the swinging sixties, this piqued my curiosity due to the casting of Gordon Scott as the super agent - meet Bart Fargo! I was mostly familiar with Scott for his Tarzan portrayals of several years earlier, some of which were quite good; of course, he is also well known for his roles in Italian musclemen epics, playing mythical heroes named Goliath or Maciste. So, he has no problem depicting the physical aspect of being a hero - you have no trouble believing he can beat up a couple of henchmen. In fact, most of the entertainment value here stems from a wry sensibility developing by the time Scott is thrashing his 4th or 5th thug (Fargo is the target of several killers during the movie). By that 4th time, Fargo is barely trying - he merely taps a door into the bad guy and then starts slapping him around like a wet noodle. I thought, this is what happens when Goliath puts on a suit and pretends to be a secret agent. This was one of Scott's last leading roles after a career of over a decade and it's actually a shame he didn't get to do more of these, improving on the formula.

The plot begins with the kidnapping of a scientist - much gunplay and cars moving in the night. Fargo isn't introduced until a good 20 minutes in, awoken from his beauty sleep by a couple of babes. He has the now-familiar repartee with this film's version of M and Ms. Moneypenny - it's blatantly derivative. The problem with Italian pics such as these (such as "OK Connery" aka "Operation Double 007") is the dubbing; the voice actors obfuscate the speech patterns and you're guessing what Scott's performance was really like. The spoken dialog itself is terribly crude: a woman is painting some self-portrait and Fargo climbs into her apartment thru the roof; 'What's the matter?' she says. 'Haven't you ever seen an artist's studio?' This passes for sophisticated spy seduction talk here. Later, Fargo interrogates one of his attackers. 'Awright, talk!' Fargo demands, pointing his silencer. 'If I tell ya, the boss'll have me killed,' the guy answers, 'please try to understand!' Then, Fargo pauses and growls 'Listen, you tell me or you're gonna be in REAL trouble.' What's Fargo's threat? Kill the guy even more? Finally, the FX - oh, oh. Fargo is forced off the road at one point in his red European sportscar, falling off a cliff into the sea; only, it's obviously a tiny model car falling into a pond. I laughed out loud yet, at the same time, admired the filmmakers' audacity. They're telling the audience, hey, this is what you get; you don't like it, sue us. Hero:5 Villains:3 Femme Fatales:3 Henchmen:3 Fights:4 Stunts/Chases:4 Gadgets:3 Auto:4 Locations:4 Pace:4 overall:4-

Spy goofiness

[BandSAboutMovies · 2/10 · 4 April 2020]

Also known as Il Raggio Infernale (The Infernal Ray), Nest of Spies and Death Ray, this Italian espionage film was directed by Gianfranco Baldanello, who bounced around genres, creating Spaghetti Westerns like Long Days of Hare and Colt in the Hand of the Devil, as well as the Bond-sounding Zorro movie Man with the Golden Winchester and the sex comedy Very Close Encounters of the Fourth Kind. He also wrote the giallo The Girl In Room 2A.

Professor Carmichael has invented a death ray for, you know, peaceful purposes. Tell that to the henchmen dressed as NATO soldiers who have kidnapped him and taken the weapon for their own use. Luckily, Agent Bart Fargo (Gordon Scott, who played Tarzan in six movies) skips out on his vacation and heads to Barcelona, where he wins hearts and minds for the cause.

If you see this in Spanish, Bart's name is Jim Benson. In German, he's Mike Morris. And in real life, Gordon Scott went broke and lived in one of his fan's houses until he died in 2007.

This movie has vehicle effects that make Gamera movies look like 2020's finest CGI.

Bart Fargo:Eskimo Spy

[Oosterhartbabe · 2/10 · 26 October 2005]

And here we have yet another cheesy Italian knock-off of the spy film genre, trying to capitalize on the 60's popularity of the Bond films. Our super agent, one Bart Fargo by name, is a bland layabout loser, who'd rather be sleeping than out saving the world from bumbling super villains. Smart man, actually, but it doesn't make for very good cinema to watch Bart lounge around his various hotel rooms for at least half of the movie.

Bart's boss is a morose, whiny guy with a thoroughly festive racist attitude and an extreme dislike for Bart(not surprising, really). He summons Bart from his perpetual snoozing and has him dragged to the office by two pretty girls(who rough him up a bit, but what female wouldn't want to?). There, he tells Bart his next assignment is to retrieve a scientist who's built a 'peaceful death ray'. Huh? The scientist was kidnapped at the opening of the film by several accountants in a huge car, set to a bouncy tune that gets on your nerves after about the first five minutes of endless repetition. The accountants haul the good doctor off to a toy helicopter stolen from a Godzilla set, then transfer him to a model submarine swiped from the Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster set. They then blow up the toy helicopter, like a five year old gleefully setting off a bottle rocket.

So Bart's mission seems to be accomplished by his flying off to yet another vaguely European city and lounging in a different hotel room. the bad guy's thugs conveniently come to him, so there's a set of lame fight scenes in the hideous 60's hotel room. At one time Abe Lincoln uses a time machine to hunt down Bart and try to kill him, maybe because Bart resembles John Wilkes Boothe. There's an amazingly slow car chase, in which Bart shows what a useless super spy he is. I mean, did he really think that the thugs wouldn't notice the candy red sports car practically kissing their bumper? And then Bart demonstrates how incompetent he is, letting the thugs drive the car over the cliff. In an unforeseen tragedy, Bart was not in the car at the time.

Bart saves one of the thug's lives, so the guy helps him find the lair of the super(or not so super, really)villain. It looks like a badly decorated bordello, with wall mounted machine guns. Wow, this madame REALLY likes to discourage bad customers. Like Bart, I'm sure. Anyhoo, the bad guy buddy gets fragged, and Bart rushes in to save the girl and the idiot scientist(I mean, a peaceful death ray?! come on, man!) and kills the tepid villain. The 'death ray' causes a lot of wallboard and plaster to fall on their heads, and then there's a scene in yet ANOTHER hotel room of Bart and the red-haired artist chick he saved from 'certain death'. There's a final scene where our hero chucks a talking watch out the window to avoid talking to yet another one of his girlfriends, his bosses' secretary. Was it a Timex? And did it signal the wasted hour and a half that we spent watching this dud? We'll never know.

Danger! Dopey Movie! (Thank god for Gordon Scott)

[lemon_magic · 5/10 · 16 October 2005]

While this movie is obviously nothing more than a 3rd rate "007" pastiche, I'm still rather fond of it. In spite of the ludicrous miniatures, blandly European-y setting, by-the-numbers screenplay and badly dubbed dialog, this is a fun little lightweight romp. I think this is mostly due to the casting of Gordon Scott in the lead as "Bart Fargo" (you're kidding me with that name, right?). I have fond memories of Scott in some vintage "Tarzan" movies, and I vaguely remember him playing "Hercules" as well; what worked then works now. Scott isn't as hard edged or as dynamic as, say, Sean Connery or Timothy Dalton, but he's an agreeable screen presence, he's pleasant to look at (and still built like a brick sh*thouse), and he can do a choreographed screen brawl with the best of them.

Scott is front and center for 90% of the movie, and he always looks good doing whatever it is he's doing - running down a city street, punching out a bad guy "Mannix" style, playing baccarat in a casino, lounging in bed, or being suave with the ladies. So he carries this movie the way a mother cat carries a kitten, by the nape of the neck and for as long as it takes. He isn't good enough to rescue "Danger! Death Ray" from mediocrity (I'm not sure Sean Connery himself could do that), and it's pretty obvious from the outset that he's just collecting a paycheck...but he at least makes it watchable.

Compare this to some of the other,similar European-y "007" ripoffs that MST3K covered in its fifth and sixth seasons and you'll immediately see the difference. "OK Connery" relied on Sean's poor uncharismatic brother, "Secret Agent Super Dragon" featured a walking Ken doll, and "your dad's alcoholic golfing buddy" (in a girdle) was cast as "Agent for H.A.R.M.". Two of those movies were at least the equal of D!DR in sets, effects, locations, and supporting cast (and were sometimes far superior, especially in the case of "OK Connery")(and I admit that "Agent" wasn't the equal to ANYTHING, including the "ABC Afterschool Special"). But those movies blew chunks, while D!DR is at least mildly entertaining in a completely unoriginal way. And that's 'cause Scott was the leading man, and not those other poor bozos who were completely out of their depth in the lead.

D!DR would be appropriate for a wasted Sunday afternoon matinée when you have too much of hangover to move from in front of the TV, and televised sports just don't appeal. Collect only if you are a spy movie completist, or if you enjoy the MST coverage (which is good natured and mild, compared to the slash-and-burn jobs they usually do).

Watermelon Man!!

[ticklemetorgo · 10 June 2005]

AKA: Danger Death Ray, the funniest of the cheesy spy films that MST had fun with. Former Tarzan Gordon Scott sucks in his gut for this one. Professor Carmichael has developed a death ray "for peaceful purposes only" but a vague group of bad guys want it instead, so he's kidnapped by doughy guys and taken to their toy sub (via a toy helicopter)Bart Fargo must rescue him cause he's the only American spy who looks good in womany sunglasses. Cool music accompanies him as he searches for Carmichael while he must deal with evil Abe Lincolns, a fey bad guy tuned friend of Fargo's and a couple of women who he must sleep with. In the end the ineffective bad guy gets killed, the professor and the death ray get rescued and Bart gets the woman. There's also a complex scene with a watch thrown in a pool which symbolizes the amount of time that was wasted on smart screen writing for the movie.

Bart Fargo!

[bensonmum2 · 5/10 · 4 November 2007]

Oh, those Italians and their James Bond rip-offs! While they sometimes have a bit of charm or interest to them, usually they're dull and lifeless. That's certainly the case with Danger! Death Ray. The muddled plot centers on a group of baddies kidnapping a scientist who has developed a "death ray". It's up to secret agent Bart Fargo to rescue the scientist, bust-up the group of bad guys, and, presumably, save mankind.

The problem with most of the James Bond rip-offs is a lack of money. The locations and sets in Danger! Death Ray cannot compete with the extravagant places visited by James Bond. You need money to film in those locations. The special effects are laughable. The submarine and helicopter scene was obviously filmed in a bathtub. Again, you need money for special effects. Add to that an incoherent plot, bad acting, poor dubbing, unimaginative cinematography, and uninteresting characters and you've got one bad movie. Finally, what kind of name is Bart Fargo! You can't take someone with a name like Bart Fargo very seriously. Say the name five times and see what happens.

I should point out that it's not all terrible. Danger! Death Ray does feature quite a snappy musical score. Even though it was endlessly repeated throughout the movie, the title theme is pure 60s fun. And, despite the film's many flaws, it's still a reasonably entertaining experience. And as I continually repeat, isn't entertainment what it's all about? A very enthusiastic 5/10.

Below average Italian/Spanish co-production with regular ingredients of the Euro-spy genre

[ma-cortes · 4/10 · 24 April 2023]

It deals with a good mad scientist who invents a death-ray in the hope of advancing world peace . A spy-ring led by Carver (Alberto Dalbés) abducts the scientist, in the hope of forcing him into re-creating the weapon for their dastardly uses. Secret agent Bart Fargo (Gordon Scott) is called in to retrieve the death ray and of course, bang a couple of European babes (Delfi Mauro, Silvia Solar) , while confronting Carver's hoodlums (Nello Pazzafini as Ted Carter and Massimo Righi as Max Dean) . Secret Agent Bart Fargo chases the kidnappers of the inventor of a death ray. It's up to the risibly named "Bart Fargo" to save the world from the barely described evil spy organization.

Run-of-the-mill setup shows us the adventures of the secret agent Bart Fargo going after the megalomaniac nasty Carver. Typical plot about a kidnap in which some bad guys steal a highfalutin death ray and abduct the scientist who invented the damn thing. In the end, Bart has to infiltrate the villain's heavily armed villa and put a stop to his nefarious plans. Though Scott is suitably dashing, even he can't inject much interest into the ridiculous and rambling plot, which mostly consists of Fargo walking into various settings and pissing off locals so that he can beat them up and get info from them. This incidents are broken up with a few liaisons with beautiful women, Delfi Mauro, Silvia Solar , no better or worse than others appearing in the Euro-spy genre. However , the film is marred by lousy maquettes, featuring some of the worse miniature effects ever seen in the history of cinema. To call the boats, helicopters, and cars in this movie "miniature effects" is to give them too much credit , they are really , plain and simple toys. Even funnier is the fact that the wielders of the ray gun have this powerful instrument of death and all they do is melt a couple of doors with it.

In addition to a bouncy musical score by Gianni Ferrio , which seems to be one of the few merits everyone agrees upon . The highlight of the movie concludes with a duel between the hero's machine gun and the villain's big but unwieldly death-ray cannon . He only parts of Danger!! Death Ray that I found tolerable were the ones that later went on to influence other spy movies. The scene where Bart Fargo punches out a man in drag was clearly the inspiration for the identical scene in Austin Powers. Gordon Scott played the hunk spy Bart Fargo in his usual style . But he was a known Peplum actor , in fact in great number of movies was randomly assigned the identity of Hercules , Goliath ,Samson or here Aron for U. S. viewing . Gordon was an American bouncing who emigrated Europe where starred several Tarzan movies , subsequently was to Italy and created a true star-system based on pumped-up heroes. Gordon Scott and specially Steve Reeves paved the way for others actors to seek their fame and fortune in Italy playing stocky adventurers . Other stars by the time on this type of movies are Mark Forest, Gordon Mitchell, Dan Vadis, Brad Harris, Ken Wood ; furthermore 'Gordon Scott' who made more important competence to Steve Reeves . Nobody, nevertheless, topped Steve Reeves and Gordon Scott in popularity . Gordon Scott played other epic characters : ¨ , ¨Gladiator of Rome¨ , ¨Hero of Rome¨ , ¨Hercules and Princess of Troy¨ , ¨Conquest of Micene¨ , though also made some Spaghetti as ¨The tramplers¨ and ¨Buffalo Bill ¨, Spy-genre as ¨Secretissimo¨and ¨Death ray¨ and of course his famous Tarzan movies as ¨Tarzan's greatest adventure¨, ¨Tarzan's Fight for Life¨ , ¨Tarzan and the hunters¨ and ¨Tarzan and the trappers ¨ , among others .

The motion picture was regularly directed by Gianfranco Baldanello . He was assistant director and subsequently directed some films . Gianfranco made several Spaghettis , such as ¨Uccidete Johnny Ringo¨ , ¨This man cant die¨ , ¨Son of Zorro¨ , ¨The Cry of the Wolf¨, ¨Black Jack¨ and ¨Blood River¨ . And ¨30 Winchesters for El Diablo" - International title- or "Gold Train" rating : 4.30/10.

Buh-bop-bah-ba-dah?

[quamp · 1/10 · 30 April 2002]

Man, the late 1960's sure did produce a whole mess of James Bond clones. Bart Fargo, hero of Il Raggio Infernale is one of them.

However, unlike the Albert Broccoli offerings, the gadgets here aren't very inspiring, the acting is pretty bad, and the plot gets very contrived very quickly. The artist woman chosen to be Bart's romantic interest was definitely chosen for her good looks and not her acting ability. Then again, this film being from Italy, one shouldn't expect a whole lot.

Considering the Death Ray made the title, you'd think it would of been featured more

[Aaron1375 · 2/10 · 2 April 2013]

Yet another James Bond wannabe that was featured on the television show MST3K. It is also yet another rather badly done Bond ripoff, as it once again thinks the only thing it needs to make a Bond film is a smug agent. Explosions??? They cost too much. Submarines??? A toy stand in will suffice. A super fast car chase??? Those are too hard, we can do a very tepid follow scene and try to pass it off as an exciting chase. This film is very unexciting and one never gets the sense of real danger or thrills. The film, like many other Bond wannabes also has a few girls, but they are just okay in the looks department. The bad guys are not very threatening and for the most part the action is very lacking. Does have a nice theme to it though.

The story has a death ray that was created for non violent uses being stolen for violent purposes. Why this ray is even considered all that great is beyond me as it seems to be simply a device to melt holes in metal. Actually, it was not even the ray that was taken, but rather its creator who named his device that he had no intentions of using for violent purposes a Death Ray! Well enter super spy Bart Fargo, who at first does not want to do the mission because he is on vacation. What a spy! When has Bond ever complained about a mission? Yet, with every James Bond knockoff, the spy is always whining about doing his job. So off he finally goes and he flirts, has numerous fist fights and rides a car and a speed boat at extremely slow speeds! He also falls for a painter who looks kind of creepy in the face. Meanwhile, the bad guys repeatedly try to kill him. Nothing new happening here suffice to say.

The film is one of many James Bond knockoffs featured on MST3K. I have seen Secret Agent Super Dragon, Operation Kid Brother and Agent from H.A.R.M also. This one is a bit better than H.A.R.M, mainly because all the agent does there is hang around a house for most of the film and fail miserably. Sure the fungus stuff is kind of cool and the niece is hotter than any of the girls in this one, but that one was even more boring. I thought Super Dragon and Kid Brother were better though as they featured more attractive girls. Kid Brother also had the fun of spotting actors and actresses from the James Bond film series. This one has a bit more going on than H.A.R.M, if it had better looking gals I would have said it was better than Dragon.

So this film pretty much goes by with not much happening for a super spy film. Then again, that can be said of most copies of the Bond films. They pretty much seem to think if you have an agent who can swarm his way through the film that people will flock to it, but you just should have more. I mean, a that car chase was so slow, there is no way an oil slick is going to make a car lose control that badly at the speeds he was going. Still, it made for a very funny episode of MST3K, but why did that person catch the watch the agent threw out the window?

_Bond_

[jeffreygunn · 2/10 · 17 May 2020]

Movie was obviously created by someone who'd read/watched Bond and Fleming, but didn't understand what he'd seen or read.

Death ray... of boredom

[RodrigAndrisan · 1/10 · 11 March 2017]

The same old bullshit with a professor who invented a death ray. He is kidnapped by Nello Pazzafini (an unconvincing Italian actor specialized in roles of bully bad villain, here without mustache). We see a dummy submarine and a dummy helicopter exploding, both very badly made. Then another dummy, a red car which falls into the sea from a high coast. Gordon Scott is himself a very bad actor, like the rest of the cast. The music is totally inappropriate to what we see on the screen, in other words, a great stupidity, a wonderful mess. Nothing is credible and all the characters are pathetic.

Don't go up there, you'll become a toy

[InzyWimzy · 7/10 · 23 February 2004]

This spy shlocker isn't that bad. Sure, the acting isn't anything to brag about or the excitement (yawn!) of guys showcasing their butts climbing down ladders. Definitely Gordon Scott is for the ladies, but he actually does a decent job. Bart Fargo (Bart Fargo, Bart Fargo, Bart Fargo!!) has got to be the most hilarious spy name ever. How can you introduce yourself as "My name is Fargo...Bart Fargo." HA HA HA!!

There's also Abe Lincoln turned wrong, European guys, cool box switches, and the best special effects ever. I was fondly reminded of Matchbox and simulated naval tub warfare (Das Toy Boat) and it always gets me laughing (Special effects by Billy!). Plus, the best soundtrack ever with the "Bap-Bah-Dap-Bah-Dah-Dah" being grinded into your skull, but it's really fun to hum along with! A great tribute to Watermelon Man just adds to the kampy fun of it. Even the actors look like they know the movie wasn't that good, so there's ham a plenty to go around.

Plus, watch this MSTified and see Mike and the bots really bust their guts laughing. They really loved the helicopter scene too!

"The ocean is beautiful in this part of the tub."

"Name's Fargo. Bart Fargo."

[mdwesterly · 3/10 · 16 May 2022]

Doesn't have the class or sophistication of a James Bond film, does it? Or the suspend, witty dialogue, special effects, and oh so many others things. What it does have is a theme song apparently entitled "Bop Pe Dop Pe Dada", which is played comically often. .

There have been many blatant rip-off of the Bond franchise since the 60s, some of which are tongue-in-cheek and worth watching. I rate this one about the same level as "Operation Double 007," which starred Sean Connery's brother Neil in his first movie role: A serious attempt to cash in on the popularity of 007, but seriously bad.

Entertaining "Euro" spy film (with ludicrous miniatures)

[Skragg · 6/10 · 16 September 2005]

Even considering that I'm in SOME ways an undiscriminating "Euro-Spy" movie fan, I'm really going to ask for it here. Yes, it had about the WORST miniatures EVER. (As Mystery Science Theatre put it, "Special effects by Billy.") And yes, "Bart Fargo" is a pretty unlucky name for a movie spy (outside of an all-out spy COMEDY). But in spite of that, I think the rest of it worked, as an "escapist" one. Its tries at comic relief (especially considering I'm seeing it as a dubbed movie) weren't bad, and neither were its "heroine", its villain or its "femme fatale." And I don't think Gordon Scott was at all wrong in the part. I just look away dramatically when those miniatures appear.

It's Fun!!

[twomoonjuly · 6/10 · 5 March 2000]

Alright, so "Death Ray" isn't 007, and what can be? The main point to be made here is that the movie is FUN. Good fun. So, low-budget effects, corny (but oddly infecting) tunes, beautiful European women, and a muscular star are not what this film is about. It's fun! Everyone seems to have a good time hamming it up. You can see it even through the dubbed voices. Yes, MST3K riffed the film, but that doesn't mean it's bad. Give me 10 more Bart Fargo movies! I'd rather that than another overwrought post Connery/Moore Bond wannabe!!

"Head for the drain, boys!" **SPOILERS**

[icehole4 · 17 January 2003]

Il Raggio Infernale - a.k.a. Danger!! Death Ray is just one of those stupid James Bond Clone movies that was really awful. As an example: in one scene, the evil bunch have kidnaped the creator of the death ray and take him away by helicopter. Then they cut to a very cheap toy looking helicopter landing on a submarine. The sub floats away (if you look closely, you can see the string pulling it) and then the toy helicopter explodes. This all clearly takes place in an Italian marble bathtub. Bart Fargo, the hero of this trashy film really gets on your nerves after a while. His chosen partner, an artist named Lucille, was definitely not chosen for her acting ability. Stranger still is a guy dresses up like Abe Lincoln to try to assassinate Bart for no apparent reason. Even weirder, the creator of the death ray tells us that he created it for peaceful purposes.

Avoid this one unless you're watching the MST3K version.

Too Each His Own, My Vote is ....It Sucks.

[verbusen · 7/10 · 17 January 2007]

I'm probably being generous by giving this a 3 but it is in color and the people do speak on camera so that rates it higher than my all time low 1 of 10 standard, Beast of Yucca Flats. Oh man is this a really bad flick. No it's not as bad as the Attack of The Eye Creatures (also in color and having the "actors" speak on camera) but man for a spy flick from this glorious era, this one is close or is rock bottom. I mean this is worse than the Operation Double 007 and that one was really bad! I'm typing this out as the movie plays it's just going nowhere, and I'm not missing anything. Thank god for Italian film-making though, as bad as this turd is they put out out some other great stuff. At least if it had some hot Italian babes it would be worth watching but there ain't no Sophia or Gina wanna be's around here, just mid 30's producer/director wives (which aren't dogs but are not the kind of eye candy one would want in a bad flick like this to make it worth something rewarding). You'd think that a crappy flick like this would make a great Mystery Science Theater 3,000 episode but even that commentary only makes this a 5 in my book. So in summary, to each his/her own, worse than even Operation Double 007, no hot babes under 30 here, toy sub's and cars and helicopters, really boring, the guy doesn't get any action, the Death Ray is lamer than Battle Beneath The Earth, the MST3K commentary barely makes it tolerable. Avoid at nearly all costs, you have been warned! 3 out of 10, 5 out of 10 with MST3K commentary.

Just another European spy movie.

[Henry-17 · 20 January 1999]

IL RAGGIO INFERNALE is just another of the many European spy movies from the heyday of this genre. The tired plot has ex-Tarzan Gordon Scott seeking the kidnapped inventor of a deathray (yawn!) and fighting Alberto Dalbes as the villain. There are some nice technical gadgets, but in the end this movie gets stuck in mediocrity.

"Bart Fargo, Bart Fargo, Bart Fargo!"

[corsair-1 · 13 February 2002]

This movie has a special place in my heart in that it was my VERY first MST3K episode. I've been a die-hard MSTIE ever since. "Death Ray's" just as much fun as "Double-O, Double-O 7" and "Diabolik."

Ahh yes, who could forget the breath taking submarine/helicopter scene and the "Ribbit!" guy!

Oh yes and "Bappa-da-da dada!"

Bart Fargo, Near-Master Spy

[kikaidar · 27 May 2000]

AH, the exotic thrill and glitz of the big time world of international espionage, where steely eyed men in immaculate suits regularly face off against impossible odds and charm the ladies with polish and flair!

Then there's Bart Fargo.

Bart Fargo, whose pithy comments and sidelong glances have redefined the Spy Game for so many of us who have been unfortunate enough to actually see DANGER! DEATH RAY. Make no mistake about it -- in the dog-eat-dog world of spies and intrigue, Bart's that big, mangy puppy that follows you home, tripping all the time over its oversized paws, in hopes that you'll share some day old bacon with it.

Actually, DEATH RAY is a fun little Italian spy film...once you throw up your mental arms and accept what are clearly a very cheap model submarine and an equally threadbare toy helicopter (no boxtop went unsubmitted in the interests of your viewing pleasure) as being manifestations of a rich, ruthless and powerful man who is out to use every last penny of his personal fortune in his relentless bid to rule the world.

Bart is played rather blandly by former movie Tarzan Gordon Scott. Bart is in some distinctly European city when we first meet him, sprawled languidly beneath the sheets. Yep, sleeping solo, which probably should warn us that this won't be your average spy flick.

Two lovelies from the office ambush Bart, meaning to drag him into work (or possibly simply work him over with tire irons while he sleeps -- you get the feeling that Bart is the type who would really annoy most women).

Bart's no fool. He evidently always sleeps with a gun under his pillow (evidently he's had run-ins with irate girls before). Distracting them with his nearly massive pecs, he niftily gets the drop on them. After flashing his big gun, Bart sullenly dons bunny slippers and sallies forth.

You see, as we're about to hear endlessly, Bart is on vacation and just doesn't have his heart in saving the world and the rest of us working schlubs out here. Thanks, Bart. From the bottom of my heart.

Off to HQ and our first (failed) little attempt at a witty confrontation. His chief is in a peevish mood. Bart had done something particularly well (possibly picked up the Chief's best suit from the cleaners without catching it in the car door), and had been given this vacation week. However, something dire has come up. Pausing only to good naturedly slander the entire Arab race, the boss gives Bart his briefing:

A dedicated scientist has invented a death ray -- for entirely peaceful purposes. No wholesale killing and mayhem for this genius! No sir. This is a better, kinder, gentler...er...well, death ray.

Let's take inventory. Just to make sure I'm not missing anything.

A bland spy, uninspired car chases, and this kind of logic. I think we can all see where this is all heading.

Demonstrating this perky little device for a bunch of bald guys (Pro Spy Tip # 1 -- Bald = Brains!), the researcher is promptly kidnapped and taken by unconvincing toy helicopter to the above mentioned toy sub. Clearly he's being carted away by the wicked people of the land of Wee!

Or maybe it's just cheap sets. Everyone aboard the sub seems to be big. Ah, heck. "Portly" comes darned close to covering it.

And now for a nice, almost bracing shot of plot to spice things up a bit! It seems that a wealthy man wishes to use the peaceful death ray to bring the world to its knees. Peacefully, we presume, but you never KNOW with these rich megalomaniacs...

Bart is instantly off to the rescue, and it is from this moment on that our learning process truly begins. In rapid succession we learn each and every one of his many, many shortcomings.

Bart has only a vague clue as to where he's going. He finds a tavern, his first real clue, more or less by accident. Following a rather leisurely fight, Bart boldly turns tail, winding up pretty literally hiding behind a woman's skirts. Except that the woman in question's working in the nude. Sort of.

Back at his hotel, Bart is again attacked by one of the thugs. Bart, in no mood to play, mauls him mercilessly with a 'phone, then allows him to escape.

Fortunately for Bart, his attacker is even more of a stumble bum than he is. Realizing that he's made a total fool of himself, Bart lets the man go without filing him full of holes. This works out nicely, as it later prompts the thug to come over to Bart's side and help him sneak into the Bad Guy's evil estate.

Back to the "romance". Much vaguely arch dialog, ensues. At the same time, Bart flirts with a blonde who he had met on the flight out, and who is obviously one of the Bad Guys.

En route to the final showdown, Bart tries to do some Spy Stuff, again wretchedly. He puts on his nifty sunglasses, climbs into his red sports car, and attempts a car chase.

Tedious. Just tedious, and mostly shot in close focus with both cars very obviously careening around hairpin curves in speeds occasionally in excess of 5 mph. A few random shots are tossed vaguely back at Bart, and his car lazily rolls off of a convenient cliff.

The whole sequence has the same non threatening feel of a dream featuring the Care Bears.

It's non-stop tedium, and thrills a-snore! After some more derring-do, Bart's off to the villain's palacial-yet-cheezily decorated manor house.

He bribes that conveniently reformed thug (remember him?) into being his friend. His pal. His sacrificial target for the local snipers. He's dead within a few seconds of their crashing the gate.

After daring the corridor of hidden cameras and remote controlled machine guns, Bart takes on the baddie and his death ray, rescues the brainwashed scientist and the redhead of his dreams, and conveniently "forgets" about his planned vacation with the boss's secretary.

All in a bad day's work for our boy Bart!

DEATH RAY has its moments (chiefly in the buoyant but endlessly reprised main theme). In the end analysis, though, it's extremely minor stuff.

Danger! Really bad movie!

[coverme6 · 27 July 2000]

Considering how many spy movies there are, "Danger! Death Ray"

is the lousiest of them all! Gordon Scott plays Bart Fargo (Fart

Bargo?), a machine gun-toting spy who has to save a scientist

and his daughter who are being held hostage. Appearently, the

bad guys had kidnapped the scientist because he invented some

kind of laser ray gun, and the villians are hoping they can get

one of their own if their captive would develop one for them.

Since the plot is cliched (if you don't know what a mean, check

out "The Pink Panther Strikes Again!"), that alone would destroy

the viewer's hopes of enjoying the movie. How could it? The

performances are bland and unenthusiastic, the dubbing horrible,

and lousy production values. And also, what the hell kind of a

secret agent named is Bart Fargo?!! A suave spy needs a slick,

dignified name like James Bond or even Austin Powers, not some

dumb hickish name like Bart Fargo!! That kind of name would

better suit somebody like a fat, smalltown r