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Some Like It Hot

Quotes

Some Like It Hot

Edit
  • [last lines]
  • Jerry: Oh no you don't! Osgood, I'm gonna level with you. We can't get married at all.
  • Osgood: Why not?
  • Jerry: Well, in the first place, I'm not a natural blonde.
  • Osgood: Doesn't matter.
  • Jerry: I smoke! I smoke all the time!
  • Osgood: I don't care.
  • Jerry: Well, I have a terrible past. For three years now, I've been living with a saxophone player.
  • Osgood: I forgive you.
  • Jerry: [tragically] I can never have children!
  • Osgood: We can adopt some.
  • Jerry: But you don't understand, Osgood! Ohh...
  • [Jerry finally gives up and pulls off his wig]
  • Jerry: [normal voice] I'm a man!
  • Osgood: [shrugs] Well, nobody's perfect!
  • [Jerry looks on with disbelief as Osgood continues smiling with indifference. Fade out]
  • Jerry: Have I got things to tell you!
  • Joe: What happened?
  • Jerry: I'm engaged.
  • Joe: Congratulations. Who's the lucky girl?
  • Jerry: I am!
  • Osgood: I am Osgood Fielding the third.
  • Daphne: I'm Cinderella the second.
  • Junior: Syncopators. Does that mean you play that very fast music... jazz?
  • Sugar: Yeah. Real Hot.
  • Junior: I guess some like it hot. I personally prefer classical music.
  • [at the booking office, trying to be hired]
  • Joe: What kind of a band is this, anyway?
  • Sig Poliakoff: You gotta be under twenty-five.
  • Jerry: We could pass for that.
  • Sig Poliakoff: You gotta be blonde.
  • Jerry: We could dye our hair.
  • Sig Poliakoff: And you gotta be girls.
  • Jerry: We could...
  • Joe: No, we couldn't!
  • Sugar: [on marrying well] I don't care how rich he is, as long as he has a yacht, his own private railroad car, and his own toothpaste.
  • Sugar: If my mother could only see me now.
  • Joe: I hope *my* mother never finds out.
  • Joe: [trying to get Jerry to face reality regarding his engagement to Osgood] Jerry, Jerry, will you take my advice? Forget about the whole thing, will ya? Just keep telling yourself: you're a boy, you're a boy.
  • Jerry: I'm a boy.
  • Joe: That's the boy.
  • Jerry: [coming around] I'm a boy. I'm a boy. I wish I were dead. I'm a boy. Boy, oh boy, am I a boy. Now, what am I gonna do about my engagement present?
  • Joe: What engagement present?
  • Jerry: Osgood gave me a bracelet.
  • Joe: [takes it and inspects the stones with Beinstock's glasses] Hey, these are real diamonds!
  • Jerry: Of course they're real! What do you think? My fiance is a bum?
  • Sugar: Real diamonds! They must be worth their weight in gold!
  • Jerry: Will you look at that! Look how she moves! It's like Jell-O on springs. Must have some sort of built-in motor or something. I tell you, it's a whole different sex!
  • Joe - 'Josephine': [grabbing Daphne by the collar] Daphne?
  • Daphne: Well, I never did like the name Geraldine.
  • Osgood: You must be quite a girl.
  • Daphne: Wanna bet?
  • Joe: But, you're *not* a girl! You're a *guy*, and, why would a guy wanna marry a guy?
  • Jerry: Security!
  • Sugar: [pouring bourbon into paper cup] Turn the lights on.
  • Daphne: No lights, we don't want anyone to know we're having a party.
  • Sugar: But I might spill some.
  • Daphne: So spill it! Spills, thrills, laughs, and games. This may even turn out to be a surprise party.
  • Sugar: What's the surprise?
  • Daphne: Not yet.
  • Sugar: When?
  • Daphne: Better have a drink first.
  • Sugar: There. That'll put hair on your chest.
  • Daphne: No fair guessing.
  • Sugar: Water polo? Isn't that terribly dangerous?
  • Junior: I'll say. I had two ponies drowned under me.
  • Joe: There's another problem.
  • Jerry: Like what?
  • Joe: Like, what are you gonna do on your honeymoon?
  • Jerry: We've been discussing that. He wants to go to the Riviera but I kinda lean towards Niagara Falls.
  • Sig Poliakoff: You're the wrong shape. Goodbye!
  • Joe: What are you looking for - hunchbacks or something?
  • Sig Poliakoff: It's not the backs that worry me.
  • Mulligan: What happened here?
  • Little Bonaparte: [referring to Spats and his thugs] There was something in that cake that didn't agree with them.
  • Mulligan: My compliments to the chef. Nobody leaves this room until I get the recipe.
  • Little Bonaparte: You wanna make a federal case of it?
  • Mulligan: [grabs the speaker of Little Bonaparte's hearing aid] Yeah!
  • Sugar: [singing] I wanna be loved by you, just you, nobody else but you. I wanna be loved by you alo-o-one. Boop boop e doo.
  • Sugar: Story of my life. I always get the fuzzy end of the lollipop.
  • Osgood: [referring to his mother] Right now, she thinks I'm out there on my yacht - deep sea fishing!
  • Daphne: Well, pull in your reel, Mr. Fielding, you're barking up the wrong fish!
  • Sugar: [admiring a large fish trophy] What is it?
  • Junior: It's a member of the herring family.
  • Sugar: A herring? Isn't it amazing how they get those big fish into those little glass jars?
  • Junior: They shrink when they're marinated.
  • Jerry: Now you've done it! Now you have done it!
  • Joe: Done what?
  • Jerry: You tore off one of my chests!
  • Sweet Sue: Idiot broads! Here we are, all packed, ready to leave for Miami, and what happens? The saxophone runs off with a Bible salesman, and the bass fiddle gets herself pregnant! Beinstock, I ought to fire you!
  • Beinstock: Me? I'm the manager of the band, not the night watchman.
  • Junior: Look, if all you're interested in is whether I am married or not...
  • Sugar: Oh, I'm not interested at all.
  • Junior: Well, I'm not.
  • Sugar: That's very interesting!
  • Toothpick Charlie: Look, chief, I better blow 'cause if Columbo sees me, it's gonna be "Goodbye Charlie!"
  • Mulligan: Goodbye, Charlie.
  • Sugar: I come from this musical family. My mother is a piano teacher and my father was a conductor.
  • Joe: Where did he conduct?
  • Sugar: On the Baltimore and Ohio.
  • Osgood: You know, I've always been *fascinated* by show business.
  • Daphne: Is that so?
  • Osgood: Yes. As a matter of fact it's cost my family quite a bit of money.
  • Daphne: Oh, you invest in shows?
  • Osgood: Showgirls. I've been married seven or eight times.
  • Daphne: You're not sure?
  • Osgood: Mama is keeping score.
  • Sugar: Been waiting long?
  • Junior: [gallantly] It's not how long you wait, it's who you're waiting for!
  • Spats Colombo: [to coin-flipping wise guy] Where did you pick up that cheap trick?
  • Sugar: Oh, Daphne, how can I ever repay you?
  • Jerry: Oh, I can think of a million things.
  • [Sugar gets into bed with him]
  • Jerry: And that's one of them!
  • Junior: [Kissing] I think you're on the right track.
  • Sugar: I must be. Your glasses are beginning to steam up.
  • Joe: What are you worried about? This job is going to last a long time.
  • Jerry: Well, suppose it doesn't?
  • Joe: Jerry, boy, why do you have to paint everything so black? Suppose you got hit by a truck. Suppose the stock market crashes. Suppose Mary Pickford divorces Douglas Fairbanks. Suppose the Dodgers leave Brooklyn!
  • Jerry: [Jerry notices the badge of an undercover agent at a nearby table] Joe...?
  • Joe: Suppose Lake Michigan overflows.
  • Jerry: Well, don't look now, but the whole town is underwater!
  • Jerry: [Joe used a "Cary Grant" voice when posing as a millionaire] What are you trying to do to that poor girl, putting on a millionaire act? And, where did you get that phony accent? Nobody "talks loike thet"!
  • Joe: We won't breathe a word!
  • Spats Colombo: You won't breathe nothin' - not even air.
  • Little Bonaparte: [thick Italian accent] Thank you, fellow opera-lovers. It's been ten years since I elected myself president of dis organization... an' if I say so myself, you made duh right choice. Let's look at duh record: In duh lass fissel year we made a hundred an' twelve million dollars before taxes... only we didn't pay no taxes!
  • Osgood: Which of these instruments do you play?
  • Jerry: Bull fiddle!
  • Osgood: Fascinating! Do you use a bow or do you just pluck it?
  • Jerry: Most of the time, I *slap* it!
  • Joe: [apologizing because the motor boat will only move backwards] I'm afraid it may take a little longer.
  • Sugar: It's not how long it takes, it's who's taking you.
  • Mulligan: You better bring a check in case the joint is raided.
  • Waiter: Who's gonna raid a funeral?
  • Mulligan: Some people got no respect for the dead.
  • Sweet Sue: Are you two from the Poliakoff agency?
  • Joe: Yes, we're the new girls.
  • Daphne: Brand new!
  • Daphne: [after meeting the all-girl band they'll be traveling with] How about that talent, huh? It's like falling into a tub of butter.
  • Joe: Watch it, Daphne!
  • Daphne: When I was a kid, Joe, I used to have a dream. I was locked up overnight in a pastry shop, and there was goodies all around. There was jelly rolls, and mocha eclairs, and sponge cake and Boston cream pie...
  • Joe: Look, Stoop...
  • Daphne: And cherry tart...
  • Joe: Stoop, listen to me! No butter, no pastry. We're on a diet!
  • Osgood: [to the elevator operator] All right, driver, once around the park, slowly, and keep your eyes on the road.
  • Joe: [referring to Jerry] He has an empty stomach and it's gone to his head.
  • Spats Colombo: Hello, copper. What brings you to Miami?
  • Mulligan: Heard you "opera lovers" were having a convention, so I thought I'd better be around in case anybody decided to sing.
  • Spats Colombo: [when his speakeasy is raided] What's the rap this time?
  • Mulligan: Embalming people with coffee - 86 proof.
  • Sugar: Oh Josephine! The most wonderful thing happened!
  • Joe: What?
  • Sugar: Guess.
  • Joe: They repealed prohibition?
  • Jerry: Oh come now, you can do better than that.
  • Sugar: I met one of them.
  • Joe: One of whom?
  • Sugar: Shell Oil Junior. He's got millions, he's got glasses, he's got a yacht!
  • Joe: You don't say.
  • Jerry: He's not only got a yacht, he's got a bicycle!
  • Joe - 'Josephine': [to Daphne] . What are you afraid of? No-one's asking you to have a baby!
  • Jerry: Oh, why did I let you talk me into this?
  • Joe: I thought you weren't speaking to me.
  • Sugar: [after running back to the room to tell Josephine about the millionaire, Joe's other alter ego, and finding she's not there] Well I'll be back later.
  • Jerry: Oh no you wait. I have a feeling she'll show up any minute.
  • Sugar: Believe it or not, Josephine predicted the whole thing.
  • Jerry: Yeah, this is one for Ripley.
  • Sugar: Do you suppose she went shopping?
  • Jerry: Shopping! That's it! Something tells me she's gonna come through that door in a brand new outfit!
  • Joe: [to Spats, about the murders they just witnessed] We didn't see anything. Did we?
  • Jerry: No!
  • [laughs nervously]
  • Jerry: Nothing. Besides, it's none of our business if you guys wanna bump each other off, we don't -
  • [Joe nudges him to shut him up]

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Marilyn Monroe, Tony Curtis, and Jack Lemmon in Some Like It Hot (1959)
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