- [Ralph is hiding in a can to elude the cat]
- Alice Crumden: Oh, don't tell me there's a market for canned slob?
- Ralph Crumden: Very funny, Alice! Veeeery funny!
- [Ralph and Morton load food onto the "Trojan Dog"]
- Ralph Crumden: All right, Morton. Get with it. One sardines.
- Ned Morton: One sardines.
- Ralph Crumden: One ice cream.
- Ned Morton: One ice cream. Fish à la mode.
- Ralph Crumden: Where's them olives, Morton?
- Ned Morton: Here's a pimento as a memento.
- Ralph Crumden: Oh, great. I'll press it in a book.
- [Meanwhile, the cat sneaks into the dog]
- Ralph Crumden: Pickles and rice.
- Ned Morton: Pickles and rice, all very nice! Voo-voo-voo-voom! Heh-hey!
- Ralph Crumden: Okay, Morton. We've got enough chow for a week. Well, we've better get going.
- [They get inside]
- Ralph Crumden: Contact!
- Ned Morton: Contact!
- [Cat growls]
- Ned Morton: Hey, Ralph. We've got company.
- [the cat starts thrashing them inside the Trojan Dog]
- Alice Crumden: Ralph, like I've been trying to tell you; Why don't you just get rid of the cat?
- Ralph Crumden: Hey, Morton. Why don't we just get rid of the cat?
- Ned Morton: Hey, yeah, Ralph. Why don't we just get rid of the cat?
- Ralph Crumden: Oh, I ought to...
- Ralph Crumden: Well, Alice, How do you like it?
- Alice Crumden: What is it?
- Ralph Crumden: No doubt you have heard of the Trojan Horse? He-he-hey! Well this here is a Trojan Dog.
- Ned Morton: Yeah. Beware of French poodles bearing gifts, huh, Ralph? Ha-ha-ha!
- Ralph Crumden: Morton, you are a mental case.