My Tomato (1943)

Robert Benchley: Joseph A. Doakes

Quotes 

• Joseph A. Doakes : I love stewed tomatoes. Why do they have to ration everything that I like and just leave me with fish and squash?

  Mrs. Doakes : Why, tomatoes...

  Joseph A. Doakes : You'd think that the armies were throwing tomatoes at each other over there, the way they cut us down. It's meat, that's rationed. Then, it's butter and now it's - tomatoes! They'll go too far, you know, one of these days.

  Mrs. Doakes : You - think tomatoes are rationed?

• Joseph A. Doakes : Fish again?

  Mrs. Doakes : It's Tuesday.

• Joseph A. Doakes : Why, I can grow enough tomatoes myself to supply this whole street.

  Mrs. Doakes : Well, why don't you? If you love them so much, just grow some! And you show those people in Washington they can't keep you from eating what you like. We've got plenty of room out back.

  Joseph A. Doakes : By gosh, I will. If I grow 'em, will you stew 'em?

  Mrs. Doakes : If you grow them, I'll stew them.

• Joseph A. Doakes : All I have to do is plant it in the ground?

  Cornelius Gidge : Well, it's not as simple as that. First, you take your hoe...

  Joseph A. Doakes : What hoe?

  Cornelius Gidge : What?

  Joseph A. Doakes : What hoe?

  Cornelius Gidge : Ah, British, eh?

• Neighbor : Starting a victory garden, eh?

  Joseph A. Doakes : Not hay, tomatoes.