Comrade X (1940)

Clark Gable: McKinley B. Thompson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mac Thompson : You can't have a revolution in a country where the people love hot dogs and boogie-woogie.

• Mac Thompson : What, uh, what are they singing?

  Vanya : Same thing they always sing in prison: "We are Free."

• Mac Thompson : I, uh, I got a confession to make. I lied to you.

  Theodora : What about?

  Mac Thompson : The USA. It ain't a spiritual desert. Say, it's pie a la mode, two-pants suits and the home of the brave, Pike's Peak and Coney Island.

• Mac Thompson : You're just like all the other Russians I know. They're hanging upside down from chandeliers throwing rocks at each other and for a penny they'll set fire to their pants.

• Vanya : Excuse me, Mr. Thompson, how soon can I talk to you alone?

  Mac Thompson : You'll have to wait until we're alone, Vanya.

• Theodora : Why did you do this to me, Mac?

  Mac Thompson : Why does a man lie to a woman?... because he loves her.

• Mac Thompson : [referring to Vanya]  If he's Comrade X, I'll eat the kremlin without sauce!

• Mac Thompson : Ever hear of the Brooklyn Dodgers?

  Theodora : No.

  Mac Thompson : They get murdered every day.

  Theodora : Murdered? What for?

  Mac Thompson : For making some little errors.

  Theodora : There must be a revolution soon in America.

  Mac Thompson : No, you can't have a revolution with people who believe in hot dogs and boogie woogie.

• Mac Thompson : American men are usually all alike. All interested in only one thing.

  Theodora : Money.

  Mac Thompson : Oh, worst than that. The rights of the masses mean nothing to them.

  Theodora : Like animals - without souls.

  Mac Thompson : Why, over there, men look on women as just toys to have fun with! Nothing more! Not to exchange views on economics with and things like that.

  Theodora : That's awful!

• Theodora : Under the Soviet, marriage is the same as any place else.

  Mac Thompson : Only shorter.

  Theodora : It is like going into partnership with somebody and opening a store. If business is bad, store closes.

• Mac Thompson : Hello, honeybun. Miss me?

  Jane Wilson : No, I can always go to the zoo when you're away.

  Mac Thompson : Oh, I've got rivals, huh?

• Mac Thompson : [Sarcastically to Theodore and her father]  You know, it's gonna be kinda tough to surrender to these people. You got to catch 'em first.

• Mac Thompson : What's the news around this fish trap?

• Comrade Baronoff - Hotel Manager : I'm sorry, Mr. Thompson, there is no key for you. The hotel is filled. Your room is now occupied.

  Mac Thompson : Oh, it is? A lady?

  Comrade Baronoff - Hotel Manager : No, sir.

  Mac Thompson : Well, then, throw him out!

  Comrade Baronoff - Hotel Manager : Please, the gentleman occupying your room is Herr Von Hofer of the German News Agency. He used pressure from the Kremlin.

  Mac Thompson : Hofer! Good old, Hofer! Why didn't you say so? Why, we're old pals! It'll be fun bunking in with old pretzel-head Hofer.

  Comrade Baronoff - Hotel Manager : You're sure they'll be no trouble?

  Mac Thompson : Trouble? We're practically honeymooners!

• Mac Thompson : Listen, this is important. I want the waiter to bring me up: one bottle of brandy, one bottle of vodka, two cucumbers, three raw eggs, and a small bottle of tabasco. Right away! Delay will be fatal.

• Emil Von Hofer : Mr. Thompson, this is my room and I must ask you to vacate, if you please!

  Mac Thompson : Now, that's a fine way to talk. I get this room, I fix it up, I pay for it in advance and I live in it. And you march in and try to throw me out. Now, is that a nice way for a Nazi to act, I ask you?

• Mac Thompson : What's your name?

  Olga : Olga.

  Mac Thompson : Okay, Olga, you can curl up in the fireplace. That's Russian. Everybody shares everything.

• Jane Wilson : Hey, you really missed something at the Kremlin this morning, Mac.

  Mac Thompson : Yeah, how is the old Kremlin?

  Jane Wilson : Same old rat trap. Full of stuffed shirts, double-crossing the masses. Someday the people are gonna get wise and take it apart brick-by-brick.

• Mac Thompson : Face the facts, baby, there ain't no news in Russia.

• Jane Wilson : Okay, Mac, I never minded anything you did. Not even when you walked out on me in Tokyo for a bow-legged geisha girl.

  Mac Thompson : She loved me!

  Jane Wilson : Oh, I just can't get used to you as a no-good, incompetent party boy!

• Mac Thompson : Germany just declared war on Russia! Ten tank divisions just moved into the Ukraine. And sniffle-puss, there, never told us a word about it!

  Emil Von Hofer : Who was that speaking?

  Mac Thompson : American Embassy!

  Emil Von Hofer : Liebe Himmler!

• Mac Thompson : You're not a bad looking girl, are you? Let's get a better look at you?

  [Mac removes Olga's glasses] 

  Olga : My glasses, please, Mr. Thompson.

  Mac Thompson : You won't need glasses for this. How 'bout a drink to cement a beautiful friendship?

• Olga : You're going a little bit too fast for me, Mr. Thompson.

  Mac Thompson : The five year plan is all right for certain things; but, not for this.

• Olga : I like it! I can't see any cucumbers.

  Mac Thompson : You'll see them in a minute.

  Olga : I love Americans the best!

• Vanya : Excuse me, I don't want her to hear what I got to say. She's a spy.

  Mac Thompson : Yeah, I know. Everybodies a spy. That's why I like you. You're too dumb to be a spy.

  Vanya : Thank you.

• Mac Thompson : You bumble-head, maniac!

• Mac Thompson : Tell him that MacKinley B. Thompson is the biggest horse's neck that ever had a can tied to his tail.

• Theodora : My name is Theodore!

  Mac Thompson : You don't look like Theodore to me.

  Theodora : I was named at the Workers Council.

  Mac Thompson : Somebody didn't have his glasses on.

  Theodora : It is not glasses, it is the law. Streetcars must be driven by males. That's why they change me.

  Mac Thompson : I'm glad they didn't graft a beard on you!

• Mac Thompson : You know what's been wrong with Communist propaganda in America?

  Theodora : What can be wrong with it?

  Mac Thompson : Too many cross-eyed people with whiskers peddling it.

  Theodora : Oh, you mean intellectuals.

  Mac Thompson : That's right. Comrade, it's an inspiration!

  Theodora : What is?

  Mac Thompson : One beautiful girl with a smile of an angel, whispering, "I love Russia." It's worth a whole wagon load of intellectuals.

• Mac Thompson : A woman like you could use her beauty. Not to enslave fools, but, to set men free.

• Theodora : We will walk.

  Mac Thompson : To Moscow? That's seven miles!

  Theodora : What does it matter? We have so much to talk about.

• Mac Thompson : Okay, Theodore, just when were you figuring on this marriage?

  Theodora : Tonight.

  Mac Thompson : Isn't it a little late?

  Vanya : Oh, no, Mr. Thompson. That's all right. The Marriage Bureau keeps open until 1:00AM. Statistics show that people want to get married at night more than in the morning!

• Mac Thompson : Charm, beauty, appeal! That's the way you're going to spread Communism in the new world. We both agreed on it. All right, here. Put this on.

  [gives Theodora a nightgown] 

  Theodora : I am going to spread Communism in this?

  Mac Thompson : Like a house afire. Now, go on. You've got a job to do, do it right!

  Theodora : I'm obeying you blindly, Comrade.

  Mac Thompson : Don't worry. I'm running this propaganda unit.

• Mac Thompson : Yes, she's very smart.

  Jane Wilson : To marry MacKinley B. Thompson, that's not smart, that's wizardry! Well, congratulations, my dear. I didn't think it could be done without a police warrant.

  Theodora : You are a sweetheart?

  Jane Wilson : Oh, relax honey. I'm one of the alumni.

• Mac Thompson : Give me that key.

  Theodora : Oh, no! You are going to have a talk with me. Right here! Right now!

  Mac Thompson : I don't talk to ladies that start yelling. It's a rule I've got. Now, be a good girl and give me that key.

• Mac Thompson : Get back in bed and behave yourself!

• Mac Thompson : She wants to wrestle, huh?

• Mac Thompson : Don't be rough on her, pal, this is her bridal night and she's a little confused.

• Vasiliev : Why are you leaving?

  Mac Thompson : Well, I hate to say it Commissar, you'll just get sore.

  Vasiliev : I've asked a question.

  Mac Thompson : Okay. Now, no hard feelings, but, I'm kinda lonely to get back to the good old USA. You know how it is. If you were stuck away in New York with nothing to do but see the Yankees play ball or stay up all night dancing in some hot spot, you'd get lonely for all this and want to get back to the Kremlin and the secret police. Well, that's the way I feel.

• Theodora : We are in the cell for the dead. Our time will come soon. Bastakoff will be proud of us.

  Mac Thompson : Hey, listen, baby. You're two jumps ahead of a butterfly net, like nearly all the Russians I know. They've all blindfolded themselves and they're hanging from the chandeliers by their toes, throwing rocks at each other.

• Mac Thompson : They're all a lot of political palookas playing at Halloween. And when you ask them what they're doing, they'll holler back, "Ideals." Well, I got a few ideals of my own, baby. And right now they tell me that you weren't meant to be a motorman or a pumpkin-head. You're a beautiful woman - and nobody's going to turn a machine gun on you, if I can help it. That's my politics!

• Michael Bastakoff : I understand you know me, Mr. Thompson.

  Mac Thompson : I had the pleasure of seeing you in your coffin, Mr. Bastakoff.

• Theodora : You are telling me Bastakoff is a police commissar? No!

  Mac Thompson : He ain't nothin' else, but, baby.

• Mac Thompson : I got a confession to make. I lied to you.

  Theodora : What about?

  Mac Thompson : The USA. It ain't a spiritual desert. Say, it's pie a la mode. Two pant suits and a home of the brave. Pike's Peak and Coney Island. And I told you wrong about the Brooklyn Dodgers. They finished in second place!

• Vanya : I'm glad you're back, Mr. Thompson. You have a good time?

  Mac Thompson : I must've if it's Friday.

• Mac Thompson : How long has the elevator been stuck this time?

  Vanya : Eight hours. They are going to report it to the bureau of elevators.

  Mac Thompson : What's the rush?

  Vanya : Well, they think there's some people in it.

  Mac Thompson : Well, what're they gonna do about it?

  Vanya : They are looking for the engineer, but nobody knows where he is. Personally, I think he's in the elevator.

• Jane Wilson : Just heard you were back. Our colleague, Herr Von Hofer, is raising the roof downstairs. Claims you kicked him out.

  Mac Thompson : Aw, it's a lie. I started shooting at some rats, and Von Hofer took it personally.

• Mac Thompson : Holy Ike. After outwitting the whole Russian police, I end up taking orders from two of the dumbest Muscovites on earth.

• Mac Thompson : So the deal is, I get an obstinate lady motorman out of a country she doesn't want to leave?

• Theodora : I read in Pravda, 10 million people starved to death last winter in the United States, and there was nobody to bury them.

  Mac Thompson : They don't bury people in the United States. They burn them.

• Mac Thompson : What is love - an accident?

  Theodora : Gorsky says love is the failure of the mind to understand nature.

• Michael Bastakoff : My predecessor was the victim last night of a traffic accident.

  Mac Thompson : Is he expected to recover?

  Michael Bastakoff : No, he caught pneumonia.

• Mac Thompson : As they say in my country, you can count me out.

• Mac Thompson : Tell the Commissar, thanks a lot.

  Russian Officer : Is nothing, sir.

  Mac Thompson : That's what I think.