Love on a Bet (1936)
Helen Broderick: Aunt Charlotte
Quotes
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Aunt Charlotte : If you'd marry Jack, you could throw dresses away like paper napkins.
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Paula Gilbert : A pair of silk socks, a silk hat, and nothing between. That's a short and accurate description of Jackson Wallace.
Aunt Charlotte : A pair of social registrites
[sic]
Aunt Charlotte : , old man starvation, and nothing between. That's a short and accurate description of us.
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Aunt Charlotte : Don't worry. We nearly had him proposing once, we'll do it again.
Paula Gilbert : We? That's an idea. Why don't you get married and have the 12 children?
Aunt Charlotte : You know, I've often thought of it. But no one else has.
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Paula Gilbert : Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Michael MacCreigh : Well, that depends on the places you've been before. I'm always hanging out in Sloppy Mike's on 37th Street in New York. Ever been there?
Aunt Charlotte : According to the last milepost, you're just 324 miles from Filthy Mike's.
Michael MacCreigh : Sloppy, ma'am. Sloppy.
Aunt Charlotte : Don't tell me. I've been there and it's filthy.
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Aunt Charlotte : That's a pretty long hike for a wounded veteran.
Michael MacCreigh : Oh, yes ma'am. I'm not the man I used to be.
Paula Gilbert : Where were you wounded?
Michael MacCreigh : I'm told it was at Château-Thierry, though it's all very hazy to me. But you can understand why.
Aunt Charlotte : Yes, of course.
Paula Gilbert : Why?
Michael MacCreigh : Well, you see. There was a low fog and we couldn't see a thing.
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Aunt Charlotte : You're pulling our leg, young man. But you're doing it rather well.
Michael MacCreigh : I'll return the favor some day and let you pull mine.
Aunt Charlotte : [Exchanges glances with Paula] He wants to play games.
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Aunt Charlotte : [as they stop in a small town at the Plaza Ritz Hotel] This looks like the kind of a place where there's running water in every room... if it rains... and it probably will.
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Paula Gilbert : I could swear he's that Central Park lunatic. Looks like him only he's dressed differently.
Aunt Charlotte : You might ask to have a peek at him in his undies.
Paula Gilbert : Looks like the kind who wouldn't mind.
Aunt Charlotte : The next time a man in his BVDs busts in on you, get his fingerprints.
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Aunt Charlotte : You know, he's mad, but in a pleasant sort of way.
Paula Gilbert : Aunt Charlotte, you're not falling for him?
Aunt Charlotte : My dear, a woman my age doesn't fall, she collapses... in a pleasant sort of way.
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Aunt Charlotte : I wonder if they have a better sort of bread line for our class of people.
Paula Gilbert : All right, I'll marry him
[Jack Wallace]
Paula Gilbert : and make you the happiest woman in the world.
Aunt Charlotte : It's the only sensible thing to do.
Paula Gilbert : Well, why mince words? It's a cheap, despicable thing to do. Conniving to get a man to propose to me.
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Michael MacCreigh : Come, come ladies, decide. I'm practically giving myself away. But there's a clearance sale at MacCreigh's and I'm half off today.
Aunt Charlotte : That's putting it mildly.
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Aunt Charlotte : By the time we get to Los Angeles, we'll all be as batty as he is.
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Aunt Charlotte : This is against my better part of judgment.
Michael MacCreigh : The best part of life is against your better part of judgment.
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Donovan, Stupid Escaped Con : [Playing solitaire, throws his last card turn down on the table] That's what I get for being honest. But, that's the way I was brought up, I guess.
Aunt Charlotte : I suppose your stay in jail was just a typographical error.
Donovan, Stupid Escaped Con : Quiet, Toots.
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Aunt Charlotte : All men are beasts, only some are more or less house-broken.
Paula Gilbert : Well, next time, we'll ask for his pedigree.
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Michael MacCreigh : It may be a crime to say this in Southern California, but I'm still in a fog.
Aunt Charlotte : [She has just bailed Michael out of jail] I did it because I have a feeling that way down deep you really love my niece, you idiot.
Michael MacCreigh : Go to the head of the class.
Aunt Charlotte : And I know Paula really loves you but she's too infernally proud to admit it, the idiot.
Michael MacCreigh : What do you suggest we idiots do about it?
Aunt Charlotte : Michael, it's completely up to you now. You know that little fool's going through with it.
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Aunt Charlotte : She's so angry only because she loves you so much. And she's marrying him only because she's so angry with you.
Michael MacCreigh : So, I'm to conclude that she's marrying someone else because she loves me so much?
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Uncle Carlton MacCreigh : Well, here's your check.
Michael MacCreigh : It's a pleasure.
Uncle Carlton MacCreigh : Now I'm in show business, whether I like it or not. Can you imagine what will happen if I talk leg of lamb to the leading lady?
Aunt Charlotte : You talk cold turkey to her and you'd be surprised what will happen.
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Aunt Charlotte : In his underwear? Imagine?
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Aunt Charlotte : He seems willing - poor thing.
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Aunt Charlotte : I'm glad if I'm intruding.
Paula Gilbert : Oh, I came down for an extra blanket. I was cold.
Aunt Charlotte : I noticed you managed to warm up.
Michael MacCreigh : Well, won't you come down to the fire.
Aunt Charlotte : No, thank you. I've played with fire once. Come along, Paula. It will make a dandy bedtime story.
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Aunt Charlotte : You may not say a word, young man; but, it won't be in the front of our car.
Michael MacCreigh : Well, if you should have motor trouble or a flat tire, crossing the Arizona desert, well, there's nothing like having a man around to fix - thingamajigs.
Aunt Charlotte : Are you by any chance inviting yourself to drive clear across to California with us? If you are, forget it. We can fix our own - thingamajigs.
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Aunt Charlotte : Paula! Oh, fancy leaving me here alone. I wake up and I find myself in the middle of a jungle. Oh, now, don't look at me way, darling. It is a jungle. Look! There's a buffalo.
Paula Gilbert : Darling, that's a cow.
Aunt Charlotte : It's a buffalo!
Michael MacCreigh : If its a buffalo, it got up on the wrong side of the nickel.
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Aunt Charlotte : I couldn't possibly feel any worse. Young man, give me that ice pack.
Michael MacCreigh : Madame, your headache is my headache.
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Aunt Charlotte : I wish I could remember what I wanted to remember.
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Aunt Charlotte : We can't stop for any more hitchhikers.
Donovan, Stupid Escaped Con : You'll stop here permanently, Toots, if you don't shut up and grab for a hunk of sky.
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Donovan, Stupid Escaped Con : A mother is a man's best friend!
Aunt Charlotte : If I was your mother, I'd bark.
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Morton, Escaped Con : Has this car shown any previous idiosyncrasies?
Aunt Charlotte : Yes. It's a perfect snob. It just won't drive the wrong sort of people.
Morton, Escaped Con : The car will just have to get over its prejudices.
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Aunt Charlotte : I've got a few things to buy for the wedding. You know, the least thanks you could give me is to help me finish my shopping.
Michael MacCreigh : All right. I'll pick up something myself. Yes, I owe the bride a gift. What would you recommend?
Aunt Charlotte : A new groom.
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Michael MacCreigh : China's a great place for honeymoons.
Aunt Charlotte : Highly overrated.
Michael MacCreigh : China?
Aunt Charlotte : No, honeymoons.
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Aunt Charlotte : From riches to rags, at least we're original.
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Aunt Charlotte : We better get out of here before they close the store on us. I'd hate to spend the night on a bargain counter.
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Sales Clerk : Hey, Mister, you haven't paid for the merchandise!
Michael MacCreigh : Keep that lady here as a deposit until we get back.
Aunt Charlotte : Deposit on a floor mop. Well, my life hasn't been in vain.