- Title Card: The Father - Retired heavyweight boxer - was never knocked out in less than one round.
- The Rich Girl's Father: Bless you my children - may the measles grab the first man that goes between you.
- Title Card: The Girl - Every Simp in town wants to take her to the Marathon.
- Title Card: The Thrifty Suitor - Owns a dime savings bank and shaves himself with a can-opener.
- Chief of Police: Where is the desperado? I'll shoot him so full of holes he'll look like a screen door.