3/10
A Guide on what NOT to do during a zombie apocalypse.
22 June 2021
Warning: Spoilers
This movie had a LOT of potential but just fell completely flat. Bill Murray has a few good funny lines but judging by the remainder of his performance as well as Adam Driver's, they both put almost no effort or emotion in and seem to be there just so they can cash a paycheque. When Bill first sees a zombie, he acts completely calm which would lead you to believe this is because he knows what to do, right? WRONG. He shoots this zombie twice in the chest before Adam hacks its head off.

Selena Gomez and a '67 LeMans (identical to the one from Night of the Living Dead including it's real-life color of light green) show up but they really do nothing at all, aside from the LeMans providing fan service. They also get Steve Buscemi to play a racist farmer (though this only goes as far as him wearing a MAGA-like hat, even though he shares scenes with Danny Glover) but like Selena Gomez and her two friends, is only there to add to the number of kills. This movie also MAJORLY skimps on the gore. In fact, this is one of the least bloody zombie movies ever. At least five characters find themselves "overcome by the zombie hordes" but we never see people getting torn apart and eaten alive; no limbs are torn off, no guts are ripped out, there's no grand gory "THE KILL" like Capt. Rhodes in Day of the Dead or David in Shaun of the Dead.

Speaking of that, several characters, including our two leads, make a bevvy of unbelievably stupid, STUPID decisions. For example, Danny Glover and the town's gas station owner take shelter in the town's hardware store which also sells guns and completely board up the store's front door but forget about the back... even though it's in plain sight from the front and Mr. Glover's character has presumably owned this store for a while. The zombies break down the back door and these two are goners. Any sane person during a zombie apocalypse in this situation would turn their gun on themselves before the zombies even got within biting distance... these two just stand there and let themselves get eaten. The town's three cops drive INTO A CEMETARY (where the majority of the zombies are coming from) AND GET THEIR CAR STUCK ON A ROW OF BODIES (that they most certainly saw and knew that their Crown Vic would not be able to drive over).

At one point the car is completely surrounded and one of these officers can no longer take the stress of the zombie apocalypse and decides to kill herself. Now if you were a cop in this scenario, what would you do? Perhaps find a long straight stretch road, get your cruiser going as fast as possible and then crash into the next support beam you see? Perhaps you would put your gun's barrel in your mouth? Possibly take advantage of the handy-dandy shotgun next to you, take out the car's windshield and GTFO? What does this example of shining intellect do? She gets out of the car and allow the zombies to eat her alive. She choose to be torn limb-from-limb and disembowled rather that eat a bullet; she chose one of the most painful and horrifying ways to go instead of one of the quickest and most painless. -_-

Shortly after she bites it, the zombies are distracted by something else and begin flocking away from the car. You would think that our two surviving cops would take this opportunity to get out of the car, make a run for it and seek alternative transportation. Perhaps try and spot the recently undead female cop, kill her, take her keys, make a break to the station and escape in her car? Yeah her car is a 2nd-generation Prius but any port in a storm! Or they could have waited until all the zombies were a safe distance away, one of them gets out and pushes the car while the other floors the gas and if that doesn't work, kill the undead lady cop and take her keys for plan B and if THAT doesn't work, the first possibility I talked about would become plan C. Nope, these two decide to do a macho last-stand even though there was ample room for them to just walk past the zombies...
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