2023 Films Scored
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- DirectorGerard JohnstoneStarsAllison WilliamsViolet McGrawRonny ChiengA robotics engineer at a toy company builds a life-like doll that begins to take on a life of its own.5/10
Serviceable, fun horror film that doesn't take itself too seriously. Basically just a better version of the Child's Play reboot. - DirectorKyle Edward BallStarsLucas PaulDali Rose TetreaultRoss PaulTwo children wake up in the middle of the night to find their father is missing, and all the windows and doors in their home have vanished.6/10
Understandably polarizing given its unconventional style, but I got enough from the experience. It effectively tapped into a lot of peoples' childhood fears of what happens in their house after dark which I think is what it was going for. - DirectorColette CamdenStarsKai LawrenceJessob ReisbeckTerry WoodsThis shocking documentary chronicles a happy-go-lucky nomad's ascent to viral stardom and the steep downward spiral that resulted in his imprisonment.5/10
An interesting dive into how fame can fuck up a person's psyche and what others will do in order to profit off of someone else's image...which funnily enough is not entirely what the documentary is going for. The attempts to completely vilify Kai without enough substantial evidence to back it up and the failure to acknowledge others' part in his decline will also leave a bad taste in your mouth. - DirectorRhys Frake-WaterfieldStarsNikolai LeonMaria TaylorNatasha Rose MillsAfter Christopher Robin abandons them for college, Pooh and Piglet embark on a bloody rampage as they search for a new source of food.2/10
Not even worth watching ironically. I was perfectly willing to accept this as dumb fun had it just leaned into the absurdity of its premise and went the dark comedy route. However, it decides to play itself as a straight-forward slasher film and not even a good one at that. It's just boring and lazy. - DirectorChristopher BerkeleySam LiuStarsDavid GiuntoliTati GabrielleGideon AdlonAn ancient evil awakens and only Bruce Wayne can save 1920s Gotham City.5/10
Lame and forgettable. Batman meets Lovecraftian horror should've been a lot more fun than this. I'd go into more detail, but I've already forgotten most of the experience. - DirectorElizabeth BanksStarsKeri RussellAlden EhrenreichO'Shea Jackson Jr.An oddball group of cops, criminals, tourists and teens converge on a Georgia forest where a huge black bear goes on a murderous rampage after unintentionally ingesting cocaine.4/10
Disappointingly tame. Nowhere near as unhinged as it should've been. Aside from a sequence with an ambulance, this film doesn't really live up to the absurdity of its premise. - DirectorScott BeckBryan WoodsStarsAdam DriverAriana GreenblattChloe ColemanAn astronaut crash lands on a mysterious planet only to discover he's not alone.2/10
For a movie about Adam Driver fighting dinosaurs, it's surprisingly boring. Almost nothing about this movie worked at all. Everything felt half-assed from the filmmaking to the writing and the performances. What should've been a fun b-movie with a quasi father-daughter relationship as its emotional center is just an inept piece of shit that you'll forget about only moments after watching it. - DirectorMatt Bettinelli-OlpinTyler GillettStarsCourteney CoxMelissa BarreraJenna OrtegaIn the next installment, the survivors of the Ghostface killings leave Woodsboro behind and start a fresh chapter in New York City.6/10
Not amazing, but a definite improvement over many of its predecessors. A lot of what I hated about Scream 5 is petered here and a lot of the earlier films' strengths shine through a bit more. - DirectorChris McKayStarsNicholas HoultNicolas CageAwkwafinaRenfield, Dracula's tortured henchman, is forced to capture prey for his master and do his every bidding. But now, after centuries of servitude, Renfield is ready to see if there is a life outside his boss's shadow.3/10
A waste of a decent premise and pair of good leads. There isn't nearly enough Nicholas Cage goodness here and it's all relegated to an uninspired crime story that drags everything down. - DirectorJohn Francis DaleyJonathan GoldsteinStarsChris PineMichelle RodriguezRegé-Jean PageA charming thief and a band of unlikely adventurers embark on an epic quest to retrieve a lost relic, but things go dangerously awry when they run afoul of the wrong people.5/10
Way better than it has any right to be, but not really my thing. I do think the decision to not take itself super seriously and just make Guardians of the Galaxy in a fantasy setting was the way to go, so I give it props for that. - DirectorJamie TahsinStarsMatt SheaAndrew TateHe became known for his provocative views on women, sexual abuse and harassment. Then he himself was arrested, suspected of human trafficking.7/10
I find Andrew Tate and other chodes like him to be such fascinating individuals because of how insecure they are in their masculinity despite their massive egos suggesting otherwise. You could argue that this doc is just preaching to the choir for those who are already familiar with Tate's bullshit, but I did find it interesting and also upsetting at how much influence he has over gullible men and how many lives he's actually ruined. It will make you glad he's locked up, I'll tell you that much. - DirectorLouis LeterrierStarsVin DieselMichelle RodriguezJason StathamDom Toretto and his family are targeted by the vengeful son of drug kingpin Hernan Reyes.4/10
One of my least favorites in the series because it just gets too big for its britches. While it still has the over-the-top action and stunts that fans strive for, the bigger scale and higher reliance on "world-building" gives it more of a sense of self-importance that was pretty grating to sit through. - DirectorJoaquim Dos SantosKemp PowersJustin K. ThompsonStarsShameik MooreHailee SteinfeldBrian Tyree HenryMiles Morales catapults across the multiverse, where he encounters a team of Spider-People charged with protecting its very existence. When the heroes clash on how to handle a new threat, Miles must redefine what it means to be a hero.9.5/10
A fantastic sequel to arguably the best superhero film in the past five years. It has everything modern comic films should strive for. It has a compelling story that almost perfectly combines thrilling blockbuster action with poignant and meaningful character dynamics. It has a gorgeous art style that trumps its predecessor which was already pretty stellar in the visual department. It has one of the best soundtracks I've heard in a while. Whatever smalls flaws it may have, it is worth watching on the biggest screen you can find. - DirectorLee CroninStarsMirabai PeaseRichard CrouchleyAnna-Maree ThomasA twisted tale of two estranged sisters whose reunion is cut short by the rise of flesh-possessing demons, thrusting them into a primal battle for survival as they face the most nightmarish version of family imaginable.6.5/10
Checks off a lot of the boxes for what a good Evil Dead sequel should be. It's nothing great, but those who know what they're in for will have a good time. Plus, setting the film in a shitty apartment building instead of a cabin in the woods for the umpteenth time was a breath of fresh air. - DirectorAaron HorvathMichael JelenicPierre LeducStarsChris PrattAnya Taylor-JoyCharlie DayA plumber named Mario travels through an underground labyrinth with his brother Luigi, trying to save a captured princess.4/10
A very generic and un-special kids film that I am baffled that the entire internet has simped over. It's not any better or worse than the rest of Illumination's catalogue and yet it has ten times the amount of insecure man-children bullying you if you say anything even remotely negative about it. Is it a good movie for Mario and Nintendo fans? Sure. Is it a good movie? Unless your idea of a good movie is to point at the screen and say, "Hey, I recognize that from the game" for 90 minutes, then not really. - DirectorM. Night ShyamalanStarsDave BautistaJonathan GroffBen AldridgeWhile vacationing, a girl and her parents are taken hostage by armed strangers who demand that the family make a choice to avert the apocalypse.4/10
Better than most of M. Night's bad movies, but still not great overall. There is potential in this concept as evidenced by its source novel, but the creative liberties M. Night takes with this material really bog it down and prevents it from being as good as it could have been. - DirectorNick BrunoTroy QuaneStarsChloë Grace MoretzRiz AhmedEugene Lee YangWhen a knight in a futuristic medieval world is framed for a crime he didn't commit, the only one who can help him prove his innocence is Nimona -- a mischievous teen who happens to be a shapeshifting creature he's sworn to destroy.6/10
Meh. I find the story behind this film's production to be more interesting than the film itself. It's fine, but aside from the futuristic fantasy setting which I found to be kinda unique, and its willingness to address really heavy themes in its third act, nothing about it really stood out as exceptional to me. - DirectorAndy MuschiettiStarsEzra MillerMichael KeatonSasha CalleBarry Allen uses his super speed to change the past, but his attempt to save his family creates a world without super heroes, forcing him to race for his life in order to save the future.3/10
Even ignoring the off-screen actions of Ezra Miller, this movie is still a cluttered mess. The story is all over the place, it has some of the worst VFX I've seen in a comic book movie, and it completely wastes Michael Keaton, Michael Shannon, and Sasha Calle. It has its moments, sure, and that automatically puts it above crap like Morbius and Black Adam, but it's still a misfire overall. - DirectorJames GunnStarsChris PrattChukwudi IwujiBradley CooperStill reeling from the loss of Gamora, Peter Quill rallies his team to defend the universe and one of their own - a mission that could mean the end of the Guardians if not successful.7.5/10
The first genuinely solid MCU movie since Infinity War. I wasn't just passively entertained, I was actually invested in the story that it was telling and was even surprised at the some of the darker directions it was willing to go. It was very refreshing. It's not perfect and obviously the first film is better, but James Gunn managed to cap off his trilogy on an emotionally satisfying and highly entertaining note. - DirectorDavid F. SandbergStarsZachary LeviAsher AngelJack Dylan GrazerThe film continues the story of teenage Billy Batson who, upon reciting the magic word "SHAZAM!", is transformed into his adult superhero alter ego, Shazam.6/10
Has a lot of problems that bring it down, but it had enough of the first film's charm and thrills to satisfy me. Not really any more or less flawed than the average Marvel movie if we're being honest. - DirectorTakahide HoriStarsTakahide HoriAtsuko MiyakeYuji SugiyamaIn a distant future, humanity has lost its ability to reproduce. An expedition is sent to an underground city where artificial humanoids are still fertile.6/10
A film that I appreciate more than I enjoy. The level of effort and creativity put on screen is super admirable. I didn't really connect with anything narratively and unlike Mad God which felt honest about the fact that it was style over substance, this film didn't seem to have that self-awareness and that bogged it down for me. Still would recommend to fans of animation and for those who want to support small independent creators like this. - DirectorJulius AveryStarsRussell CroweDaniel ZovattoAlexandra EssoeFollow Gabriele Amorth, the Vatican's leading exorcist, as he investigates the possession of a child and uncovers a conspiracy the Vatican has tried to keep secret.3/10
About as generic and forgettable as most demonic possession films with nothing really setting it apart. Aside from Russell Crowe's bad Italian accent, there's nothing that memorable about this film at all. - DirectorGreta GerwigStarsMargot RobbieRyan GoslingIssa RaeBarbie and Ken are having the time of their lives in the colorful and seemingly perfect world of Barbie Land. However, when they get a chance to go to the real world, they soon discover the joys and perils of living among humans.7.5/10
This generation's Lego Movie. A film that should've just been a two hour toy commercial, but the passion and creativity of Gerwig and Baumbach really shines through and allows it to be much more funny and clever than it has any right to be. It's not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but it's a highly entertaining and visually appealing tongue-in-cheek feminist satire with a strong message. - DirectorDaina ReidStarsSarah SnookLily LaTorreNeil MelvilleSarah Snook plays a fertility doctor who believes firmly in life and death, but after noticing the strange behavior of her young daughter, she must challenge her own values and confront a ghost from her past.1.5/10
A weak premise with an even weaker execution. This is a film that embodies all of the worst elements of elevated horror while incorporating none of the genre's strengths. Sarah Snook does the best she can with the material she's given, but there's barely enough here to carry a half hour short let alone an entire feature. Memory and repressed trauma are both strong enough themes to carry a horror story, but this film doesn't have enough to say about either topic to justify its length. - DirectorAndré ØvredalStarsCorey HawkinsAisling FranciosiLiam CunninghamA crew sailing from Varna (Bulgaria) by the Black Sea to England find that they are carrying very dangerous cargo.5/10
Watchable horror film with plenty of atmosphere while offering a unique take on the Dracula story. Suffers from a dull narrative, but I can see this being a cult classic among horror fans in the future.