A List of The Worst Movies From Someone Who Loves Bad Movies
Any movies I've rated a 3 or below.
Short films may also be included if especially notable.
Boredom is the number one dealbreaker for me. By-the-book slashers lacking in gore, low-brow "adult" comedies and extreme films that didn't live up to their reputation are likely to make regular appearances here.
There's a few entries here I don't remember very well so there's a chance that some entries may be inaccurate.
Short films may also be included if especially notable.
Boredom is the number one dealbreaker for me. By-the-book slashers lacking in gore, low-brow "adult" comedies and extreme films that didn't live up to their reputation are likely to make regular appearances here.
There's a few entries here I don't remember very well so there's a chance that some entries may be inaccurate.
List activity
273 views
• 0 this weekCreate a new list
List your movie, TV & celebrity picks.
113 titles
- DirectorRyan TrecartinStarsSamuel Adrian IIIJasmine AlbuquerqueMecca Vazie AndrewsFast-paced and dense with drama, I-Be AREA relates the intertwined stories of an exuberant ensemble, played by Trecartin and dozens of others, as they cope with themes such as cloning, adoption, self-mediation, lifestyle options, and virtual identities.I wrote a lengthy review of this excessively irritating nonsense so read that if you want my full thoughts. Suffice to say this is likely the most painful viewing experience I've ever had.
- DirectorSimon WestStarsCamilla BelleTommy FlanaganKatie CassidyDuring a babysitting gig, a high-school student is harassed by an increasingly threatening prank caller.Idiotic and painfully boring horror movie for babies. Characters I’m supposed to care about are never developed beyond “Attractive High-School Girl #1” and so on, and from what little information I am given they don’t come off as anything more than petty high-schoolers that I would want nothing to do with in real-life so either way I couldn’t care less if any of them die (off-screen of coarse). This together with a terrible performance from the lead actress and a complete and total lack of suspense, tension or really anything beyond weak jump scares makes for a complete waste of time that I only suffered through so I could compare it to its Mockbuster counterpart When A Killer Calls, which I heard was pretty gnarly (EDIT: It was only mildly gnarly). Even the household cat isn’t scared, as he manages to stay strangely calm when the shit hits the fan.
The lead girl is nice to look at, but an attractive face can only carry a movie so far. - DirectorJoe CastroStarsEmma BingBart BursonJonathan KowalskyA girl gets a DVD entitled Terror Toons for her birthday. Meanwhile, "cartoon" characters Hansel and Gretel wander into the house of a witch who poisons them, but instead of dying, they transform into an ugly gigantic-headed psycho and a giant rat, respectively. After the girl plays the DVD, Hansel and Gretel are sucked into the real world through her TV and wreak havoc.
- DirectorWorth KeeterStarsEarl OwensbyBill GribbleRobert BloodworthA pack of Rottweilers, bred and trained by the U.S. military to kill humans, escape to ravage the peaceful mountain resort town of Lake Lure. It is up to the local sheriff to protect his small community.Dreadfully boring killer dog movie that only picks up slightly towards the end. Feels like it was made for TV.
- DirectorTammi SuttonStarsAustin PriesterWayland Geremy BoydBobby MarsdenEn route to a run-down shelter they are set to renovate as community service, a group of juvenile delinquents and the two chaperones accompanying them run into a minor set-back when their bus breaks down. When trying to find a phone, one of the teens is shot, and the group finds shelter with a voodoo priestess. While trying to use voodoo to save their friend, two of the teens accidentally unleash the evil spirit known as Killjoy.The first film at least had a nice helping of laugh-out-loud moments. This one is just painful. The energetic Angel Vargas is replaced by Trent Haaga, who shines in 3 & 4 (haven't seen 5), but here he had yet to come into his own as Killjoy. His acting is terrible, his one-liners are even worse, and his laugh is so obnoxious its traumatizing. The other characters aren't even worth mentioning.
- DirectorDonald FarmerStarsCamille KeatonNikki RigginsJames CochranFive years after she avenged her own rape, young law student Jennifer decides to take a brief vacation with a girlfriend. Unfortunately, they become the next targets of two depraved men.The fully-clothed rape scenes are a sight to behold, but this infamous crapfest runs out of Z-movie charm very fast and eventually becomes a gigantic slog.
- DirectorAdam SoteloStarsAriana AdiliPeter BeckMadeline CaleskieA boy is born into a religious cult, only to be kept in a cage and abused his whole life. He grows up to be a monster who targets "non-believers".Poorly made and unconvincing sick movie.
- DirectorJustin Cole'THE UPPER FOOTAGE' is the first film experience of its kind. The film is an edited version of 393 minutes of recovered footage documenting a young girl's tragic overdose death and subsequent cover up by a group of affluent socialites. What started as a blackmail plot played out over YouTube, became Hollywood's biggest drug scandal, turned into a heavily controversial film property that was rumored to be held by some of the biggest names in Hollywood. Now, after playing itself out in the media for 3 years it is finally making its way to the public.A group of obnoxious 'rich white male' stereotypes pick up some women in a limo and take them back to a hotel for some drugs. One of the girls ODs and everyone freaks out. This sets up the second half of the movie where we get to see (or rather not see) these youngsters drive around in complete darkness while another extremely obnoxious girl freaks out in the backseat. All that marketing for this?
- DirectorLarry Wade CarrellStarsGrace PowellDylan HorneTravis HesterLonely and disturbed Jacob Kell loved his little sister more than anything on earth. When tragedy strikes, Jacob retaliates the only way he knows how - and anyone who crosses his path will know there is no limit to his brutal vengeance.
- DirectorRyen McPhersonStarsR. Budd DwyerSmuggled video of Iraqi executions, firing squads, amputations, suicide bombings, gangland slayings, knife fights, animal maulings, hostage killings, and terror attacks. Witness first hand the scary truth about the world in which we live.The cretins behind the infamous Bumfights series are back with what can best be described as Traces of Death mixed with America's Funniest Home Videos. If that statement immediately makes your skin crawl, congratulations on being a decent human being.
- DirectorKazuyuki SakamotoStarsAjaKôki KaiNarumi KonnoAll set to enjoy their day off, three high school friends, Yukino, Asako, and Natsu, board a seemingly normal train... when suddenly, a deafening sound and a flash of light envelop them!....But the three arrive at school the next day as if nothing happened. And yet, something is not right....They see oddly familiar faces, their families are out of sync and they are chased by strange men in black. Plagued by these nightmarish sensations, Yukino flees, only to find herself in front of the amusement park they were heading to on that fateful train ride. Slumping to the ground, Yukino comes to a strange realization....They are stuck between nightmare and reality, between the walls of two worlds that are closing in on them. But which world is real...?!"Boring light surrealism with nonsensical zombies. Doesn't even work as a dream.
- DirectorJamie NashDavid Thomas SckrabulisStarsJohnny Francis WolfMegan PearsonMichael BrecherIt's the night before Christmas and Gabe Snow, a tabloid writer haunted by the Ghosts of Christmas past, is investigating a Yule Tide conspiracy. Gabe knows that Flight 1225 was brought down one foggy Christmas Eve, by a flying creature with a "glowing nose". Now, a blood-sucking Vampire - Santa Claus - has put Gabe on his list and unleashed the demonic fury of the North Pole. An army of zombie elves, who have no interest in Toys or pointy hats or dentistry, are about to turn Gabe's white Christmas blood red. Will Gabe find the true meaning of Christmas? Can he stake a heart that's two sizes too small? What will he find under his tree?Two of the most obnoxiously unlikable leads I've seen in a while along with painfully unfunny dialogue and sparse gore make this micro-budget horror-comedy an absolute chore to sit through.
There are a couple of cool gore scenes (including a particularly satisfying scene involving the cutting open of a foot) and the costumes for the monsters look pretty good. Sadly, that about does it for the positives.
Makes One Hell of A Christmas look like a masterpiece. - DirectorPascal LaugierStarsMorjana AlaouiMylène JampanoïCatherine BéginA young woman's quest for revenge against the people who kidnapped and tormented her as a child leads her and a friend, who is also a victim of child abuse, on a terrifying journey into a living hell of depravity.An overhyped piece of crap divided into two segments. Each with a small, thought-provoking reveal at the end which is meant to make sitting through the previous 50 minutes of predictable tedium worthwhile. It doesn't.
- DirectorKevin KölschDennis WidmyerStarsJason ClarkeAmy SeimetzJohn LithgowDr. Louis Creed and his wife, Rachel, relocate from Boston to rural Maine with their two young children. The couple soon discover a mysterious burial ground hidden deep in the woods near their new home.I'm not the biggest fan of the original so I wasn't too thrilled to watch the same movie all over again. There were some changes here and there but all of them except the ending were for the worse.
- DirectorJonathan LevineStarsAmy SchumerGoldie HawnKim CarameleWhen her boyfriend dumps her before their exotic vacation, a young woman persuades her ultra-cautious mother to travel with her to paradise, with unexpected results.Just as bad as you've heard.
- DirectorHerschell Gordon LewisStarsElizabeth DavisGretchen WellsChris MartellA demented elderly woman has her mentally-retarded son kill and scalp various young women to use their hair for her wig shop while a persistent coed tries to link various killings on a local Florida college campus to them.Thoroughly boring garbage with minimal gore. The scalping and disemboweling scenes get my full endorsement, but that's all the praise I can give this trash.
For a drinking game, take a shot every time the annoying old bitch addresses "Napoleon" (her stuffed cat, also the best actor in the movie by far) by name. Fair warning, you gon be a dead son of a bitch. - DirectorTodd NunesStarsAshley Mary NunesJessica CameronMelynda KiringA deranged masked Santa-Slayer comes to town for some yuletide-terror. He leaves behind a bloody trail of mutilated bodies as he hunts his way to the front steps of the town's most feared and notorious home.Poor slasher peppered with bad gore, idiotic characters, and shower scenes with no nudity. The film even goes so far as to tease the viewer with a potential lesbian encounter that never happens. I felt cheated.
The only positives would be the Santa costume and the twist ending. - DirectorJim HickcoxStarsRuby Lee Dove IIHal SchneiderMary AnzaloneTwo trespassing graffiti artists, two immortality-obsessed scientists, and one furious sea-god.If you like obnoxious characters, terrible art-school humor and a poorly-acted main monster that doesn't really do much by all means give this insufferable nonsense a shot.
For positives there are some nice gooey special effects, an amusing song about a dead turtle and an exposition scene acted out with sock puppets and toys. Unfortunately the negatives decimated the positives and I ended up hating this shit more than Murder Party. - DirectorBurt BrinckerhoffStarsDavid McCallumSandra McCabeGeorge WynerA pack of dogs goes on a killing spree.Another killer dog dullard. Slightly better than Dogs of Hell only because it looks like they actually put some effort into the dog attacks this time around, and there's no pointless mud wrestling scenes.
- DirectorBrad SykesStarsLisa JayKarla ZamudioJeff RyanA group of college students decide to party at the abandoned chemical factory on the outskirts of town, unknowing that one of the former factory workers is still lurking about.I have no idea why I used to like this crap slasher that uses every cliche in the book from the obnoxious, poorly acted teenagers looking for sex to the silly twist about the killer's identity.
A couple of okay gore scenes and Tiffany Shepis playing a visually memorable killer are the only things this stinker has going for it. - DirectorPeter GrendleStarsKaitlyn BarlowLauren Chavez-MyersRachel CoronaA lesbian college couple becomes stranded in the middle of nowhere with a pack of orphaned Nazi zombie breeders hellbent on their demise.
- DirectorRichie KeenStarsIce CubeCharlie DayTracy MorganWhen one school teacher unwittingly causes another teacher's dismissal, he is challenged to an after-school fight.Flies Buzzing Around Your Ears < Alarm Clocks < Speaker Feedback < Nails on a Chalkboard < An Entire Nursery Full of Crying Babies < The Screams of a Thousand Innocent Civilians Burning To Death In A Massive Fire <<<<<<<< Charlie Day Yelling
- DirectorDon DohlerDave GeattyStarsTom GriffithJamie ZemarelKarin KardianA creature from outer space crash lands in a small town and starts killing people.Mildly amusing at times, but The Worldwide Celluloid Massacre said it best:
"It's not gory enough to be a splatter movie, it's not campy enough to be funny and it's not strange enough to be entertaining." - DirectorDavid DeFalcoStarsKevin GageSage StalloneKelly K.C. QuannTwo teenage girls on a mission to find drugs at a rave get more than they bargained for. One is sexually assaulted and they are both tortured in horrific ways. The attackers seek refuge in the parents' of one of the victims' homes.Metascore - 1
lol - DirectorIsaac FlorentineStarsDolph LundgrenCary-Hiroyuki TagawaValerie ChowThe tough and cold mercenary Warchild, is working for the man who took care of his war training and upbringing, the greedy General Ruechang. Ruechang is planning to take over the country by marrying Princess Halo. But Halo discovers that Ruechang killed her father to gain more power than he had working for the King, so she decides to run away. Warchild is the one who has to bring her back to Ruechang, but the one thing no one counted on happens... Warchild and Halo falls in love, and together they take on the forces of Ruechang...
- DirectorDavid LeitchStarsRyan ReynoldsJosh BrolinMorena BaccarinFoul-mouthed mutant mercenary Wade Wilson (a.k.a. Deadpool) assembles a team of fellow mutant rogues to protect a young boy with abilities from the brutal, time-traveling cyborg Cable.
"Wait, are there any teachers around? ... Okay, good! Dude, Deadpool TOTALLY said "ASSDICK"! Then he was all like... "FUCKFART" "SHITKABOB" "PENISFACE" Dude I laughed so hard I farted, I thought it was a wet one and I would have to get up and change my shorts but it wasn't so I was relieved. Speaking of ass, Deadpool totally grabbed that big silver guys ASS BRO! Dude, that was so friggin' GAAAAAAAY lol! My favorit part was when he was like... "Look at this thing that happened" "Isn't this thing like that other thing that happened in that other Marvel movie?" Right? Remember when that thing happened? Dude, he made Dubstep references in 2018!! but.... IRONICALLY! Funniest movie I've ever seen! U gotta see it. I haven't laughed this hard since the last time Family Guy was on. Easy 10/10"
A quote from my best frend Biff telling me about the movie at school. I'm really jealous of him.
I can't wait for the PG-13 version so I can see it without my mom's permission. - DirectorRyan NicholsonStarsDan EllisSindy FaragunaNathan Durec"Star Vehicle" follows the downward spiral of movie driver Donald Cardini, a self-professed movie buff with a penchant for explosive violence. When a young and self-absorbed director challenges Don's authority, murder and mayhem ensues.
- DirectorThomas ClayStarsNikki AlbonZoey CampbellStephanie de WhalleyRobert Carmichael, is a talented cello player in the town of Newhaven. He becomes associated with several other unsavory teenagers and he is soon tempted into the use of hard drugs like cocaine and ecstasy.
- DirectorCharles Philip MooreStarsEric LarsonFrancine LapenséeJack ForcinitoWith the need to investigate the mysterious death of his grandparents, Cory and his friends assemble back to the old farm where it all began, sixty years earlier.Blatant Evil Dead ripoff that lifts several scenes straight from Sam Raimi's horror classic.
Has some scattered scenes of entertaining gore and craziness but the plagiarism and general boredom is un-ignorable. - DirectorAndrea MarforiStarsCoralina Cataldi-TassoniDiego RibonLuciano CrovatoThe story of a hideous monster who takes the form of a beautiful, seductive woman who in a torrent of special effects, beauty and monster transform into a climax of pure evil. For years this monster woman has cursed a small village, and to this day her deadly grasps holds the peaceful residents in fear. This ferocious, feminine fury possesses a shocking sensual appetite and she can only satisfy her lust when passion consumes her, by striking where a man is most vulnerable.... and the results are deadly!See Demon Wind
- DirectorMario AndreacchioStarsCassandra DelaneyPeter FordDavid SandfordA young woman running an animal sanctuary in the outback takes her revenge on a trio of kangaroo hunters who terrorized her.
- DirectorRichard FriedmanStarsDerek RydallJonathan GoldsmithRob EstesA man loses his home and suffers life-threatening burns from a fire deliberately set by commercial real estate developers vying for his property. One year later, a shopping mall opens on the land, and a series of murders begins.
- DirectorMark WatersStarsZoey DeutchLucy FryDanila KozlovskiyRose Hathaway is a Dhampir, half human-half vampire, a guardian of the Moroi, peaceful, mortal vampires living discreetly within our world. Her calling is to protect the Moroi from bloodthirsty, immortal Vampires, the Strigoi.
- DirectorRichard GriffinStarsAndrew VellenowethTanith FiedlerWilliam DeCoffA group of college students run afoul of not only a passel of insane, inbred rednecks, but also a humanoid fish monster bent on making chum of them all.
- DirectorIshirô HondaJun FukudaKengo FurusawaStarsKenji SaharaMachiko NakaTomonori YazakiA latchkey child living in the industrial city of Kawasaki confronts his loneliness through his escapist dreams of Monster Island and friendship with Minilla.
- DirectorTibor TakácsStarsSara DowningAmy ParksBailey ChaseTabloid reporter Samantha (Sara Downing, "Never Been Kissed") goes undercover at the Brookdale Institute to break a story about celebrity drug addicts, but she soon discovers that the real scoop is far more terrifying.A reporter goes undercover in a mental hospital where locking the doors is a foreign concept, and finds the place overrun with... KILLER RATS! As well as a crazy janitor who speaks to them.
I would have preferred more real rats and models than the pathetic CGI that was on display for most of the movie, more gore would have been nice too. Ron Perlman is here, but sadly not very much.
Nothing to see here. - DirectorTommy WithrowStarsJeff FaheyJo Bourne-TaylorHristo MitzkovGeneticist seeks to make a name for herself by saving the planet from disease by using eons-old antibodies, harvested from enlarged six legged creatures. The creatures don't like being big and escape. Send for help.
- DirectorJeremy SaulnierStarsChris SharpKate PorterfieldTess Porterfield LovellA random invitation to a Halloween party leads a man into the hands of a rogue collective intent on murdering him for the sake of their art, sparking a bloodbath of mishap, mayhem and hilarity.Unfunny hipster-horror-comedy with minimal gore.
- DirectorSteve CarrStarsKevin JamesKeir O'DonnellJayma MaysWhen a shopping mall is taken over by a gang of organized crooks, it's up to a mild-mannered security guard to save the day.
- DirectorRay Dennis StecklerStarsPierre AgostinoCarolyn BrandtChuck AlfordHollywood Strangler ("Johnathan Click") kills young models... Skid Row Slasher kills winos ... What will happen when they meet?A photographer is shown strangling a helpless woman, then an unknown slasher stabs a drunken man to death. Repeat this cycle a couple more times until the two have their promised explosive encounter. It's not worth the wait.
- DirectorRyan NicholsonStarsBeth CantorChristopher Patrick DonoghueNathan DurecTwo years after a high-school prank that nearly killed popular teacher Mr. Balszack during the school's annual famine, the graduating class of Sloppy Secondary try to forget the incident and decide to hold a 24-hour famine in hopes of making it an annual event again. It isn't long before students and staff start turning up dead at the hands of a killer masquerading as the school's mascot. Is Balszack back for revenge?The first time I watched this, I thought it was obnoxious, unfunny and strangely goreless. Then I disovered I watched an edited version. Naturally I was pissed, and set out to find the uncut version. What I found was merely an obnoxious, unfunny gore flick and I don't know why I expected any different.
- DirectorBrett PiperStarsGeorgia HatzisAlexandra BoylanEthan KrasnooBelow the crumbling foundation and within rusting pipes of this deserted house dwells some thing that is about to be unleashed - when a group of friends set out to renovate an old home, they encounter a water demon made flesh.A stinker from Brett Piper, whose work I'm usually quite fond of. His trademark claymation FX don't appear until the end and even then they don't do much. Most of the movie puts its attention on the usual listless teenagers.
- DirectorBoris PavlovskyStarsSava PopovicKatie DuganTomiEight college students are stalked and killed by a maniac dressed in a hag mask.
- DirectorAndreas SchnaasStarsAndrea BruschiClaudia AbbateGiuliano PolgarAn elderly man is murdered in his lavish Italian castle. When his friends and family arrive there for the reading of his will, the murderer has plans to continue his gory killing spree.Boring and relatively goreless for a Schnaas movie.
- DirectorBenny Chi-Shun ChanStarsYiu-Cheung LaiEmily KwanAmanda LeeA group of men brutally torture and murder a prostitute, who was caught stealing from them.The fact that this is based on an actual event doesn't make this sick movie any less dull.
- DirectorAlan ClarkeStarsGary WalkerBill HamiltonMichael FoyleA depiction of a series of violent killings in Northern Ireland with no clue as to exactly who is responsible.A bunch of people get shot.
They die.
The end. - DirectorKurando MitsutakeStarsJennifer MullaneyMatthew Floyd MillerDean SimoneA brilliant doctor on a quest for revenge buys a young woman and trains her to be the ultimate assassin, implanting gun parts in her body that she must later assemble and use to kill her target before she bleeds to death.
- DirectorAdam DeyoeEric GosselinStarsFelissa RosePaul RustRachel CastilloAfter accidentally murdering her boyfriend, Debbie Dicky moves to a new town and meets three girls who invite her to a sleepover. The very same night there is a breakout at the local insane asylum where forty serial killers escape and head over to crash the party. However, the girls at the slumber party might not be as helpless as the killers think.
- DirectorWallace PottsStarsRobert R. ShaferJeff QuallePalmer Lee ToddSix college students on their weekend vacation are humiliated and killed one by one by a psycho cop.Boring slasher with a potentially entertaining villain who gets very little screen time and poor one-liners. The sequel is a significant improvement.
- DirectorGreg MottolaStarsZach GalifianakisIsla FisherJon HammA suburban couple becomes embroiled in an international espionage plot when they discover that their seemingly perfect new neighbors are government spies.
- DirectorChris SeaverStarsMissy DonatutiChris SeaverMike NicolaiA buffoonish candy addict, named Mulva, and her misfit friends, are forced to fight for her Halloween candy against hordes of zombies that rise from the dead on Halloween night.More retardation from Chris Seaver.
- DirectorTed V. MikelsStarsSean KenneyMonika KellySanford MitchellWhen the Lotus Cat Food Company finds itself in financial trouble, the owners decide to find a new, cheap source of meat -- the local graveyard. Only one problem -- soon cats develop a taste for human flesh, and tabbies are tearing out throats all over town.A cat food company uses human cadavers for its secret ingredient which gives the cats murderous tendencies.
Most of the film is about the (boring) investigation of the company though, so don't expect many crazy cat attacks. - DirectorJohn BowkerStarsAriauna AlbrightTom StedhamChristopher KeownThree soldiers must fight to survive the night in a seemingly abandoned house, when a zombie platoon attacks.
- DirectorSteve BaldersonStarsMatt RiddlehooverAmy KellyPeter SticklesA narcissistic man sexually fascinated with his own body finds himself heading down a path of disturbed behavior.
- DirectorBrendan DeiningerStarsBeBe BellamontDanny BoydRobin BoydWitness murder without shame as homicidal lawn care workers Otis and Welford Moses realize a Better Living Through Killing!Sometimes entertaining in a retarded way (especially the cheapo gore scenes), but mostly just retarded.
- DirectorPaul MatthewsStarsTodd JensenSamantha WomackOliver TobiasAn alien travels to Earth on a meteorite and mates with humans to preserve its species and destroy humanity.
- DirectorAndrew CampbellLucas CampbellStarsRachel Mari BishopJared BullisAndrew CampbellIn the city of Bronston, staying alive is a twenty four hour job... A wild bunch of hooligan kids who call themselves the Red Skulls have been the dominant street gang in the city for years. But everything changes one night when Uri, the leader of the Skulls, sees his best friend hacked to pieces by a rival group. Uri decides to get out of Bronston before he shares his friend's same fate. The only problem is the rest of the gang doesn't plan on letting him out so easy. The new self-appointed leader, Lester, has set a trap to lure Uri back, but without Uri in charge, all is not well within the gang's ranks. A traitorous member has set a trap of his own for Lester and the rest of the Red Skulls are about to become the victims. Now, Uri is about to find out the only thing more dangerous than a backstabbing street gang... is a mutated, cannibalistic street gang!
- DirectorBrett PiperStarsA.J. KhanAlison WhitneyIan PiperA TV documentary crew searches the woods for a fabled creature.You like monster movies where nothing of interest happens until the last ten minutes and nobody dies? Look no further!
- DirectorAlberto CavalloneStarsMaria Pia LuziMartial BoscheroAngela DoriaInspired by Bataille and Sade, an original episodic erotic comedy.Unevenful, artsy-fartsy nonsense with two key scenes towards the end.
- DirectorCraig GodfreyStarsTim ArisGenevieve MorrisJohn XintavelonisRuby and Corbet have a mutual friend, Professor Von Dog-Reutter. The professor enjoys a good scientific challenge. Unfortunately it leads to death, destruction and possession by demons.Only a couple of okay gore scenes and plenty of retarded humor, some of which is unintelligible due to poor sound. No great loss.
- DirectorEben McGarrStarsLeslie AndrewsJohn McGarrCharlie TrepanyWith her parents dead, an already unstable teenager embarks on a blood-soaked journey of torture, violence, and retribution, as everyone unlucky enough to cross paths with her ends up dead. Is the brutal Sick Girl capable of mercy?Boring sick movie.
- DirectorJohn WatersStarsDivineDavid LocharyMary Vivian PearceNotorious Baltimore criminal and underground figure Divine goes up against a sleazy married couple who make a passionate attempt to humiliate her and seize her tabloid-given title as "The Filthiest Person Alive".A film that merely exists to shock, offend, and sicken. Even the "plot" merely revolves around two groups of people trying to outdo each other being shocking, offensive and sickening. No issues so far. As long as it does what its supposed to do, I'm set. That's where the problem lies.
This type of shit might work on your Average Joe-Hollywood Aficionado type, but not a seasoned extreme cinema fanatic, such as myself.
I wasn't shocked, I wasn't offended, I wasn't sickened. So what's left? There's no plot to chew on. Is it funny? No. Is it well-acted? Not really. Is it entertaining in any way? Hardly.
Despite a few sick spectacles you're not likely to see in another film (without going the porn route), this is just another pioneering extreme "classic" that's lost its luster with the passing of time and the invention of a wonderful little tool called the internet.
It also goes against it's own logic. For instance, Divine is offended when she gets a turd in the mail but delighted when she receives dried vomit as a present? - DirectorHisayasu SatôStarsSayaka KimuraRio YanagawaYutaka IkejimaA sicko lures a young girl to his freight container and subjects her to plenty of mean and nasty.See Sick Girl
- DirectorJerami CruiseKilljoyMichael Todd SchneiderStarsCristie WhilesFred VogelMichael Todd SchneiderTwo friends bring along a newcomer to go on a killing spree.Obnoxiously OTT serial killer caricatures giggle, scream and swear their way through a myriad of helpless victims. Offing them in increasingly unsavory ways until it climaxes with a particularly questionable scene towards the end.
The special effects are admittedly very impressive, but very little of the movie is effective, and the obnoxiousness factor doesn't do it any favors.
A relentless, numbing onslaught of nastiness. - DirectorAlexandre CourtèsStarsRupert EvansKenny DoughtyJoseph KennedyA group of cooks at an asylum for the criminally insane get locked in with the inmates during a massive thunderstorm.
- DirectorCarl J. SukenickStarsNeal DealosiJoe LaPennaMark TorresoSpecial CIA unit must deal with humans who mutated into beasts after being exposed to alien radiation and evil terrorists who attack the CIA base.Incompetent, dragged-out and completely amateurish, but I got a few good laughs out of it.
- DirectorAnthony C. FerranteStarsIan ZieringTara ReidJohn HeardWhen a freak hurricane swamps Los Angeles, nature's deadliest killer rules sea, land, and air as thousands of sharks terrorize the waterlogged populace.
- DirectorMark Tapio KinesStarsMelanie LynskeySheeri RappaportMary Lynn RajskubA serial killer armed with a crossbow pistol is murdering people from their own rooftops. When three young coworkers at a poorly-attended slumber party start hearing footsteps on the roof, they fear the worst.An interesting idea executed poorly.
- DirectorYannick DahanBenjamin RocherStarsClaude PerronJean-Pierre MartinsEriq EbouaneyAn end of the world battle between gangsters, cops and zombies.
- DirectorLucio FulciStarsJared MartinFred WilliamsonHoward RossIn 2072 Rome, Italy, the ruthless CEO of a TV network plots to stage a modern series of gladiator games for ratings while one 'contenstant' learns of a conspiracy behind the true nature of the results.The awesome gladiator battles make up roughly 10 minutes of this dreadfully dull sci-fi flick from Fulci. Don't expect much of his trademark gore here.
- DirectorTodd SheetsStarsMike HellmanBobby WestrickCharles MonroeA newlywed couple move into their new house. What they don't realize is that the previous owner of the house raised a monstrous creature from the depths of hell! Now it's coming back to make up for lost time.Some fun cheapo gore scenes (which go on for way too long) and some scattered z-movie silliness hide in between painfully long sequences of teenagers running, freaking out and wandering in total darkness. Good thing it's short.
- DirectorMichael HugoStarsDavid BookJoan DevlonDianne GalkeA nymphomaniac goes to a sanitarium in hopes of being cured; it turns out the sanitarium is a front for a Satanic cult luring young women into a web of madness, torture, and sex... But mostly just sex.A few notable moments including a decapitation-during-sex scene that not only predates A Serbian Film by over 30 years but is in some ways more explicit than the scene in the aforementioned film. Mostly an uneventful bore though. Seems a bit unreasonable to criticize hardcore-horror-porn for endless dragged-out sex scenes, but I've seen much better from the genre. Once again, at least it's short.
- DirectorRicardo IslasStarsKris DesautelsCyn DulayClaire LanayLOCKOUT is the story of an American man who gets fired when he fails to adapt to certain changes in the company where he's worked for over ten years. As a result of this, he and his family are forced to move to an old house in rural Wisconsin, where bizarre events will gradually turn their lives into nothing but hell on earth...A boring mess of a storyline, a really dumb twist ending and very little gore. Nothing to see here.
- DirectorTed V. MikelsStarsWendell CoreyJohn CarradineTom PaceThe Plan - to build a super human. How? By murdering innocent, convenient victims, and using various bits of them. The result? Creatures on the rampage.As with his crappy killer cat caper The Corpse Grinders, director Ted V. Mikels opens on a promisingly amusing note then quickly shows he's much more interesting in building a boring crime-thriller plot AROUND the Astro-Zombies rather than showing them in action. Aside from the whopping 3 minutes of screen time dedicated to the titular monsters, I was continuously peeling back my eyelids.
- DirectorScott SpiegelStarsKip PardueBrian HallisayJohn HensleyFour men attending a bachelor party in Las Vegas fall prey to the Elite Hunting Club, who are hosting a gruesome game show of torture.By far the worst of the series and quite tame compared to the previous two.
- DirectorMarcel WalzStarsManoushAndreas PapeInés ZahmoulThree friends, Simon, Nina and Dodo, travel to Mallorca but their flight is delayed in Frankfurt. Accidentally they get mugged and wind up at a restaurant called "Maison de la Petite Mort", a notorious venue where members of the Elite Class secretly meet in the basement for bloody games of perversion.A few effective gore highlights (courtesy of Olaf Ittenbach) surround a boring and lame torture porn where a trio of gore fodder that just barely qualify as characters are held captive in an S&M club and tortured with nails, hammers, knives, mouse traps, a meat grinder and other nearby appliances. One character in particular is mutilated and beaten to a bloody pulp to the point where she should be dead, but miraculously her wounds disappear for the next scene.
- DirectorCharles LangStarsSky DanielGarry GodfreyHarold AllenAs a lark before a party on Halloween, two teenagers dig up a gargoyle statue. However, they unleash a murderous demon.It's competently made for what it is and some of the dialogue made me laugh, but nothing much of interest happens until the last half hour, which features some great backyard gore fx but nothing much in between.
- DirectorFred Olen RayStarsTim AbellCatherine AnnetteAshley CarrAn offshore drilling accident releases a giant primordial shark, threatening to turn a bikini contest into a bloodbath.An inescapable aura of boredom surrounds this shitty shark movie which features the standard poorly-CGI'd giant shark which gets very little screentime, bloodless kills, uninteresting subplots that disappear without a trace and a climactic battle of super shark vs. walking tank that takes it's sweet time to show up and lasts all of 2 minutes. More Dyn-o-mite Stevens wouldn't have hurt.
- DirectorJeff ThomasStarsApril ColeDanny PetrelliKevin KurasA group of musicians are trying to film a music video but when the crew starts to turn up dead, the group begins to quesion each others whereabouts.Dull and confusing mess with terrible acting and even worse dialogue, which stopped being funny after a while and just became irritating. I will give mad props to the practical FX and the movie and is actually quite creepy at times. This along with the disjointed structure, muddled plot, robotic performances and minimal lighting almost succeeded in giving the film it's own bizarre atmosphere and turning it into a dream-like experience. If only it weren't so goddamn boring it could have been a truly terrifying exercise in nightmare logic. The only thing that pisses me off more than a uniformly bad movie is wasted potential.
- DirectorDan MilnerStarsTod AndrewsTina CarverLinda WatkinsA wrongfully accused South Seas prince is executed, and returns as a walking tree stump.Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
- DirectorJackie KongStarsMartin LandauMarianne GordonBill OscoA mutated creature is wreaking havoc in a small town in Idaho. A police chief and a government scientist team up to save their rural town from its menace.
- DirectorWarren F. DisbrowStarsDaniel BartkewiczGerald BlakeyJeremy BlakeyA supernatural serial killing stalks and murders the customers and workers at an elaborate Halloween Farm featuring an impressive Hay Ride attraction.Amateur hour boredom with cheap-looking gore, and not the charming kind.
- DirectorBrendan CowlesShane KuhnStarsLeighton MeesterNicholas D'AgostoMelora HardinHorror gets Super Sized when Horny The Clown, the demonic mascot of "Hella-Burger," starts slashing Orange County teenagers with his meat cleaver from Hell.
- StarsDaniel V. JonesLee ChapmanJeff Doucet"Banned In America" shows video clips of the darkest elements of human nature, society, and life; the very things that bring fear and disgust into our collective existences. Whether it be live executions, live suicides, or miscellaneous forms of evil, "America" shows us that a sinister world of death lies right outside our door, just waiting for our number to be called...Very little interesting footage I haven't already seen elsewhere, incredibly lame narration, an ill-fitting and obnoxiously repetitive hardstyle/techno soundtrack and pointless slo-mo replays that exploit this graphic footage while the narration preaches against it. Watched this on a whim and was not at all please with my decision. Totally useless garbage.
Not to be confused with Banned From Television, which you should definitely watch instead of this. - DirectorSompote SandsStarsNard PoowanaiNi TienAngela WellsA giant crocodile is killing and frightening people living nearby rivers. Two men, whose wives and daughter have been killed by the crocodile, decide to chase and eliminate it.Based on the International version which trims or completely cuts most of the good stuff from the Thai version, which sadly has no subtitles. Skimming through the Thai version afterwards, I was appalled at how much quality content I missed. More croc shots, more gore, extended buffalo-eating sequence and other assorted animal munching. I don't know how much my rating for the original would differ from this one though, aside from the scattered croc-action, the rest of the film is a snoozefest. Damn shame.
- DirectorJoseph KellyStarsJoseph KellyElinor PriceMason Rose GrayClown Motel follows a group of ghost hunters, coming from an old ghost town and a bachelorette party, returning home from Las Vegas. When the groups meet up, by mistake, they're left to discover if the motel is really abandoned and haunted by the souls, of the clowns, that once lived there.Amateur hour nonsense with one priceless line of dialogue: “Respect the testicles, bitch!”.
I was only interested in this because it had Joe Castro on gore duty but he must have been saving the better chunk of his budget for Terror Toons 4 (in which case he is forgiven) because what little grue we get here is painfully weak. - DirectorGene StupnitskyStarsJacob TremblayKeith L. WilliamsBrady NoonThree 6th-grade boys ditch school and embark on an epic journey while carrying accidentally stolen drugs, being hunted by teenage girls, and trying to make their way home in time for a long-awaited party.Most "adult" "comedies" nowadays assume that incessant vulgarity is a perfectly acceptable substitute for actual jokes. This is no exception, but this one has the distinction of having children as the main perpetrators to give an extra uncomfortable layer to the films more obscene gags. I live and breathe underground gore-trash so I'm far from a prude and I'm all for pushing the boundaries of good taste, and I wouldn’t have any issue if the movie was actually funny. A child kissing a blow-up doll and remarking about how sticky it feels is not my idea of a joke. Swear words in and of themselves are not automatically funny just because they’re coming out of an adolescent mouth. It's just as unbearable when it tries to be serious because it comes off unbearably sappy. I got maybe two or three laughs out of this and the rest fluctuated between second-hand embarrassment, indifference and stone-faced boredom.
- DirectorDaniel LiatowitschDavid Todd OcvirkStarsAmy WeberDonny TerranovaNichole PelerineFive young individuals agree to live in an isolated lodge together and have their daily activities filmed. But soon the house is locked down and they each run into the murderous clutches of a faceless serial killer who may not be working alone.
- DirectorConrad BrooksStarsConrad BrooksRock SavageGary SchroederA 50,000 year old monster is unfrozen and wreaks havoc on the Eastern US!Purposely bad movies are pretty hit-or-miss for me, unfortunately this was a miss.
- DirectorJason M. KochStarsChaka BalamaniHelenmary BallAlex BaroneA pervert, murderer, and hopeless romantic, Allen Dean is on a 7-day journey to discovery his real true love. He is torn between Denise the waitress, who he believes he loves, and his first true love, murder.Pretentious, uninteresting and poorly-acted serial-killer character study that mostly consists of endless rambling from a trailer-trash Tom Green clone. The fact that he's killed countless people over the years yet has never been caught by police is lazily explained away by having the character tell us that he's "smart" and "knows how to control himself". As if we're just supposed to accept this as fact even though he provides no solid evidence to back up these claims and does several stupid things over the course of the film that could have easily gotten him caught. There's a romance/revenge subplot that fizzles out like a faulty firecracker, and although the gore is decent enough, there's not anywhere near enough of it for this to be enjoyed as a splatter film or any type of exploitation. To top it all off, the whole "seven days" thing is of absolutely no importance to the plot. A waste of time.
- DirectorWilliam EubankStarsKristen StewartVincent CasselMamoudou AthieA crew of oceanic researchers working for a deep sea drilling company try to get to safety after a mysterious earthquake devastates their deepwater research and drilling facility located at the bottom of the Mariana Trench.Zzzzzzzzzz
- DirectorHo-Cheung PangStarsJosie HoChing WongHelen ToCheng Li-sheung is a young, upwardly mobile professional finally ready to invest in her first home. But when the deal falls through, she is forced to keep her dream alive - even if it means keeping her would-be neighbors dead.
- DirectorEric SpudicStarsJason ContiniEric SpudicWilliam CliftonB-movie stalwart Eric Spudic directs this story about two bullied high school misfits who exact deadly revenge on those former classmates who did them wrong.Two losers form a plan to track down and kill their high-school bullies simply because they are bored and drunk. This isn't a school shooting movie as I was expecting and it doesn't seem to take itself seriously. Some of the dialogue and acting is bad in a funny way but otherwise this is amateur-hour lameness with weak violence. Released by Sub Rosa Extreme but it's not deserving of that label.
"When you die, make sure to press the down button on the elevator to hell. You're on a one way ticket there, buddy." - DirectorEric StanzeStarsEmily HaackScot SpookytoothShaun SnowSandy is abducted by a psychopathic killer and brought to his torture chamber. When she overpowers her captor, she tortures and humiliates her fellow prisoners.Feels like a weak 30-minute exploitation film stretched out to 70 minutes.
The amount of padding here is truly ridiculous. Plot-points are over-explained and reiterated, flashbacks are re-used, and shots of no importance linger on endlessly. One of my biggest issues with the movie it's ripping off carried over as well. In ISOYG, the acts of sexual brutality against the protagonist were much more explicit than the revenge that followed, which eliminated most of the catharsis that one would experience in a good revenge movie. Here, the acts inflicted upon our female lead (Emily Haack) are not anywhere near as barbaric, but there is copious female nudity on a hardcore-pornographic level. However, when it comes time for the males to get their comeuppance, the camera keeps it just this side of explicit, and the result is a mostly lame third act.
Based on what I've already seen from Eric Stanze I do believe he is a good director but if you're looking to venture into his filmography this is not the place to start (I'd recommend Ratline or Savage Harvest). Emily Haack was the film's sole saving grace. - DirectorCraig McMahonStarsDavid C. HayesJose RosetePatti TindallSome collectors go to extreme lengths to get what they want. For Motor Man Dan, that's his very own serial killer. When an innocent victim becomes trapped in his truck stop, the building of the final missing piece of his collection begins.Pros:
+ Great setting
+ Good, slimy villain
+ Cool Monster
+ One good jumpscare
Cons:- Fukken BOOOOOOOOOORing
- Low body count
- Weak kills
- Poor lighting
- Camera was all over the place
- The villain's sleazy potential wasn't even remotely realized
This one started off promising but over time it revealed itself to be just another dull, amateur stalk-and-hide slasher that wore out its welcome long before the third act. - DirectorCraig McMahonStarsJimmy FlowersDavid C. HayesDavina JoyA couple moves onto a property in Arizona that used to be a torture ground owned by a serial killer, who rises for one more round of terror.Machined Reborn. Wouldn't a better title have been Machined Again or something like that? You don't put Reborn in front of a verb! That be like if someone made a movie called Crawl Reborn or Slither Lives Again or some shit.
As far as the movie goes, here's what were dealing with plot-wise:
A couple purchases a property that just so happens to be the repair shop where the sadistic redneck Motorman Dan has been claiming his victims. Motorman kidnaps the wife and hooks her up to a Saw-like (or rather Saw-lite) contraption and instructs the husband to kill anyone who steps onto the property while he watches through the security cameras or else his wife will die. The husband fucks up and gets shot in the head. He miraculously survives (with wounds that look more like he fell under the claws of an especially irritable feline as opposed to suffering a direct shotgun blast to the face) and does what any sensible man would do in this situation: drills a bunch of metal armor into his skin, cuts a random woman's hair off for a wig(?!), and becomes a deranged, remorseless killing machine.
The resulting "machine" actually looks pretty damn cool, and this is an improvement over the first film thanks to an upgrade in the gore department and the fact that I can actually see what's going on. But this is still mostly weak sauce, as the violence still isn't much to write home about, the plot has potential but isn't executed well (much like the first) and there's a random supernatural element thrown in for no reason and with no explanation. What a waste of a good killer. - DirectorBernie RaoStarsJed BrophyJordan RiversPiimio MeiA killer reclining chair becomes enchanted by a girl and starts committing crimes of passion.A possessed recliner (not a sofa!) should theoretically make for a funny movie. The fact that they played it completely straight without camp or any form of self-referential humor should've made it that much funnier. But somehow this wound up being painfully dull. The "sofa" attacks are few and far between and there's not much of interest going on in the "between" part. While the scenes with the titular "sofa" are fun to watch, the kills aren't much to write home about either. Watch The Refrigerator (1991) instead.
- DirectorDennis DuganStarsAdam SandlerKevin JamesChris RockAfter moving his family back to his hometown to be with his friends and their kids, Lenny finds out that between old bullies, new bullies, schizo bus drivers, drunk cops on skis, and four hundred costumed party crashers sometimes crazy follows you.pee pee poo poo ballsack butt and boob and balls and weenie poo poo pee pee balls and weenie
- DirectorClyde BruckmanBuster KeatonStarsBuster KeatonMarion MackGlen CavenderAfter being rejected by the Confederate military, not realizing it was due to his crucial civilian role, an engineer must single-handedly recapture his beloved locomotive after it is seized by Union spies and return it through enemy lines.Zzzzzzzzz....
(Watch Sherlock Jr. instead) - DirectorAndrew NiccolStarsSaoirse RonanMax IronsJake AbelWhen an unseen enemy threatens mankind by taking over their bodies and erasing their memories, Melanie Stryder risks everything to protect the people she cares about.