Terrible Movies That I Watched Anyway
The worst ones I've seen. Not recommended.
These have all gotten a star rating of 3 or less from me.
These have all gotten a star rating of 3 or less from me.
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- DirectorUwe BollStarsMichael ParéWill SandersonRalf MoellerAfter a seemingly undead man is bound and buried alive, he digs himself back to the surface and seeks bloody vengeance on those who caused him his suffering.I can't even ... The one really gory scene would have been great, if it hadn't been so totally obvious how much CG was involved. Once again, Uwe Boll manages to destroy all kinds of potential.
- DirectorJamie BabbitStarsCamilla BelleElisha CuthbertEdie FalcoFollowing the unexpected death of her father, a deaf teenager moves in with her godparents, where she discovers the cruel behaviour of their daughter may be indicative of a dark secret within the family.Deaf girl moves in with distant family after a tragic accident. Melodrama and perversion ensues. Tedious film.
- DirectorGriff FurstStarsNikki DeloachStephen CollettiAnabella CasanovaWhen a young, deformed boy witnesses his mother's death, he comes back to take revenge on anyone who dares enter his property.Nothing new here. Not even decent gore. Boring.
- DirectorMitchell AltieriPhil FloresStarsCory KnaufSamuel ChildJoseph McKelheerFour young adult siblings, who harbor some dark secrets, try to fend for themselves after the mysterious death of their parents.The only interesting character doesn't even talk and is mostly holed up in the basement.
- DirectorCharles GuardThomas GuardStarsEmily BrowningArielle KebbelElizabeth BanksAnna returns home after a stint in a mental hospital, but her recovery is jeopardized by her father's new girlfriend and ghastly visions of her dead mother.Sub-standard American remake of an Asian horror film. The twist was totally mangled. Why do American remakes always have to add sex abuse?
- DirectorWes CravenStarsMax ThieriotJohn MagaroDenzel WhitakerA serial killer returns to his hometown to stalk seven children who share the same birthday as the date he was allegedly put to rest.Painfully dull and contrived.
- DirectorSteve BeckStarsJulianna MarguliesGabriel ByrneRon EldardA salvage crew discovers a long-lost 1962 passenger ship floating lifeless in a remote region of the Bering Sea, and soon notices that its long-dead inhabitants may still be on board.The only reason I gave this movie 2 stars is that wire scene in the beginning. There is actually a line about a "quota" of souls.
- DirectorEric ValetteStarsEdward BurnsShannyn SossamonAna Claudia TalancónSeveral people start receiving voice-mails from their future selves - messages which include the date, time, and some of the details of their deaths.The best thing about this movie is the DVD cover.
- DirectorDavid CronenbergStarsJames SpaderHolly HunterElias KoteasAfter getting into a serious car accident, a TV director discovers an underground sub-culture of scarred, omnisexual car-crash victims who use car accidents and the raw sexual energy they produce to try to rejuvenate his sex life with his wife.This started my absolute disdain for all things James Spader.
- DirectorWilliam FriedkinStarsAshley JuddMichael ShannonHarry Connick Jr.An unhinged war veteran holes up with a lonely woman in a spooky Oklahoma motel room. The line between reality and delusion is blurred as they discover a bug infestation.Tedious. Predictable. Claustrophobic.
- DirectorEkachai UekrongthamStarsAnanda EveringhamFlorence FaivreAndrew LinFollowing the Thai custom to cheat death and rid oneself of bad luck, a man who lays in a coffin for an evening subsequently experiences a series of terrifying incidents.I don't even know exactly what went on or how any of it happened. The one female ghost was pretty great, otherwise it was just confusing and not worth the effort of figuring it out.
- DirectorShozin FukuiStarsHaji SuzukiOnn-chanKôji ÔtsuboPinocchio 964, lobotomised cyborg sex slave, is thrown out onto the street by his owners because of his inability to maintain an erection. He is befriended by a criminally insane, memory-wiped, homeless girl. Meanwhile, the corporate entity who manufactured and sold him plots to kill him because of his malfunction.I don't even... Lots of puke. Lots of completely non-stimulating sex. It's just kind of a mean movie.
- DirectorAnthony G. SumnerStarsKaylee WilliamsMarv BlauveltHelene Alter-DycheSexual Parasites, Disembowelment, Zombies, Serial Killers, Demon Children, Violent Vixens, Rabid Office Workers and Angry Embryos all spring to life from the flesh covered sketch books featured in Anthony G. Sumner's (Gallery of Fear) SLICES OF LIFE. Mira (Kaylee Williams) awakens in front of a seedy roadside motel with amnesia. She searches for clues to her identity in the pages of three bound sketchbooks, in which each book represents a different aspect of everyday life, maybe her life. WORK LIFE A lowly clerk at a nano technology firm unleashes a deadly virus at the office headquarters, giving new meaning to the term corporate zombie. HOME LIFE As local girls begin to disappear, a young pregnant woman is haunted by visions of evil demonic children hell bent on stealing her unborn fetus. SEX LIFE A young brother and sister on the run from a sexually abusive home life, take refuge in a countryside Victorian manor- only to discover the monsters hidden in this house have been looking for a new home. Convinced that the characters from these books are roaming around the motel, Mira's reality begins to crumble. Are these visions real or is she going insane? Desperate, Mira turns to the motel caretakers (Marv Blauvelt and Helene Alter-Dyche), only to discover the true evil bound in the flesh covered books and the destiny they hold for her.Pretty sure it's shot on video. Terrible acting. Abysmal plots.
- DirectorUwe BollStarsBrendan FletcherShaun SiposMichael ParéA man with a thirst for revenge builds a full body armor from Kevlar and goes on a killing spree.The end just completely undermines and invalidates the whole movie. This could have been awesome. If it wasn't so boring.
- DirectorMikael HåfströmStarsJohn CusackSamuel L. JacksonMary McCormackA man who specialises in debunking paranormal occurrences checks into the fabled room 1408 in the Dolphin Hotel. Soon after settling in, he confronts genuine terror.The short story was actually creepy and good. This had none of the humanity of Stephen King's story.
- DirectorNick CassavetesStarsCameron DiazAbigail BreslinAlec BaldwinAnna Fitzgerald looks to earn medical emancipation from her parents who until now have relied on their youngest child to help their leukemia-stricken daughter Kate remain alive.No one is more deserving of a punch in the face than Cameron Diaz as the mother in this movie. Emotionally manipulative bs.
- DirectorGaspar NoéStarsMonica BellucciVincent CasselAlbert DupontelEvents over the course of one traumatic night in Paris unfold in reverse-chronological order as the beautiful Alex is brutally raped and beaten by a stranger in an underpass tunnel.Hateful and brutal movie. If the characters were likable, the reveal would have had an impact, however it just felt totally ham fisted given how completely irritating everyone was. The real victim is the viewer.
- DirectorRidley ScottStarsAnthony HopkinsJulianne MooreGary OldmanLiving in exile, Dr. Hannibal Lecter tries to reconnect with now disgraced F.B.I. Agent Clarice Starling, and finds himself a target for revenge from a powerful victim.Totally unnecessary. I like the other films in the series, this one was just idiotic. Starling was out of character 90% of the time.
- DirectorSamuel BayerStarsJackie Earle HaleyRooney MaraKyle GallnerThe spectre of a disfigured man haunts the children of the parents who murdered him, stalking and killing them in their dreams.Dumbed down re-telling of a classic. Not necessary to spell out Krueger's crimes prior to his killing people in the dream world.
- DirectorJoel SchumacherStarsNicolas CageJoaquin PhoenixJames GandolfiniA private investigator is hired to discover if a "snuff film" is authentic or not.Cage's acting... Especially when he confronts Tony Soprano. I wish the emperor from Gladiator had just fed them all to lions, instead he is a metrosexual porn shop employee.
- DirectorTakashi MiikeStarsBilly DragoShihô HarumiMichiéIn the 1800s, an American returns to Japan to find the prostitute he fell in love with, but instead learns of the physical and existential horror that befell her after he left.Why do people cite this as one of the most disturbing film's they've ever watched? The torture scene? No, it's boring and poorly acted.
- DirectorLucifer ValentineStarsAmeara LaveyPig LizzyMaja LeeThe gruesome tapestry of psychological manifestations of a nineteen year old bulimic runaway stripper-turned prostitute as she descends into a hellish pit of satanic nightmares and hallucinations.The best thing about this movie is that it only lasts an hour. Satanism, murder, prostitution, drug use and of course, vomit. It should be fun, right? Recycled its own footage for God's sake!
- DirectorWilliam MaloneStarsStephen DorffNatascha McElhoneStephen ReaA New York City detective investigates mysterious deaths occurring 48 hours after users log onto a site named feardotcom.Another decent cover that has more impact that the movie itself.
- DirectorNick CassavetesStarsGena RowlandsJames GarnerRachel McAdamsAn elderly man reads to a woman with dementia the story of two young lovers whose romance is threatened by the difference in their respective social classes.Go-to manipulative romance melodrama. Everyone in this movie should get stabbed by Chrome Skull.
- DirectorSteven ShainbergStarsJames SpaderMaggie GyllenhaalJeremy DaviesA young woman, recently released from a mental hospital, gets a job as a secretary to a demanding lawyer, where their employer-employee relationship turns into a sexual, sadomasochistic one.Oh man this ramped up my total loathing for James Spader. I wish she had died at the end. It would have maybe made watching the rest of this insufferable crap worth it.
- DirectorThomas BezuchaStarsDermot MulroneySarah Jessica ParkerClaire DanesAn uptight, liberal businesswoman accompanies her boyfriend to his eccentric and outgoing family's annual Christmas celebration and finds that she's a fish out of water in their free-spirited way of life.Oh My GOD could this movie be any more derivative? It's "too perfect" ending just proves how few *beep* were given by everyone making this dumb movie.
- DirectorChris ColumbusStarsTaye DiggsWilson Jermaine HerediaRosario DawsonIn New York City's gritty East Village, a group of bohemians strive for success and acceptance while enduring the obstacles of poverty, illness and the AIDS epidemic.ZERO STARS. Take manipulative melodrama and then add singing about AIDS and I need a flame thrower with gasoline filled water balloons RIGHT NOW. The whole did-she-or-didn't-she OD on heroin... burn them all!
- DirectorPeter Ho-Sun ChanJee-woon KimNonzee NimibutrStarsLeon LaiKim Hye-suJeong Bo-seokAn anthology consisting of three horror shorts from different Asian directors: Memories by Kim Jee-woon, The Wheel by Nonzee Nimibutr, and Going Home by Peter Chan.This is actually the first movie, but yeah. Boring. Those stupid Vietnamese puppets weren't even funny or scary.
- DirectorSteve BeckStarsTony ShalhoubShannon ElizabethEmbeth DavidtzWhen Cyrus Kriticos, a very rich collector of unique things, dies, he leaves his house, fortune, and his prized collection of ghosts.Just look at that cover. Look at it. This is so boring and not scary. It's like they just took a bunch of bed sheets on piano wires and then told Matthew Lillard to look surprised.
- DirectorJoseph AriolaStarsNicole AbisinioJoli JuliannaMatt FraleyA night of fun turns deadly for some high school students.Apparently this is about a kid who worked in his father's funeral parlor and is getting revenge on some high school classmates who made fun of him. Only thing is that *none of that actually happens in the movie.* There is just stabbing. You get all the motive and background from the DVD cover.
- DirectorChad FerrinStarsRoger GarciaTamera NollLeigh SilverImpotent and unhappy middle-aged James Fhelleps goes murderously around the bend after an automobile accident claims the life of his beloved daughter Heather and turns his nagging wife Alice into a pathetic grotesquely disfigured cripple. James embarks on a savage killing spree, brutally butchering such low-life scum as hookers and drug dealers so he can reach Heather from the other side.I want to forget Troma released anything other than Toxic Avenger and this is a prime example why. It's got shock value, but no camp so the low-grade gore is just sad.
- DirectorTim T. CunninghamNatalie ShanksStarsSkye McCole BartusiakMarc DonatoDebbie RochonLucy takes a babysitting job, only to find out something evil lurks downstairs.Lucy is one of the worst possible characters in any movie ever. This had potential but the terrible acting by the lead just wrecked it.
- DirectorChad FerrinStarsTimothy MuskatellRicardo GrayCharlotte MarieWhen a disabled teenager is tormented by his mother's lowlife lover and colleagues, a killer masquerading as the Easter Bunny sets out to avenge their heinous crimes.For some reason we decided to watch all of Timothy Muskatell's movies on Netflix. This is better than Unspeakable, however it's pretty awful. Adults playing children (like a 25 year old playing a 9 year old) is a trend that needs to be put to bed.
- DirectorDarren Lynn BousmanStarsTimothy GibbsMichael LandesBrendan PriceAfter the death of his wife and child, an author travels to Barcelona to see his estranged brother and dying father, where he learns that his life is plagued by events that occur on 11/11/11.Guys, no. Stop making movies about specific dates, even holidays. Particularly horror movies, like this one - it was just so boring and then it tried to be 'different' and have a point. I startle easily, so I did jump at one point, otherwise it was just dull.
- DirectorPål ØieStarsKristoffer JonerCecilie A. MosliBjarte HjelmelandPainful memories arise when Kai Koss goes back to his childhood home after 19 years and inherits his dead mother's house.Pretty much only gets two stars because it's so stupid we got a lot of laughs from it. The weirdo bug kids were kind of neat, but everything else was so poorly done it's not worth sitting through.
- DirectorMarcus DunstanStarsJosh StewartEmma FitzpatrickChristopher McDonaldA man who escapes from the vicious grips of the serial killer known as "The Collector" is then forced to help rescue an innocent girl from the killer's booby-trapped lair.I wanted it to be good. Actually, thinking back, the first one is pretty bad too except for the ok twist.
- DirectorMarcel SarmientoGadi HarelStarsShiloh FernandezNoah SeganCandice KingTwo high school boys discover an imprisoned woman in an abandoned mental asylum who cannot die.LOL no. Basically rape is ok if she's a zombie. Then there's all the stupid boys on the message board complaining the point is that 'all boys are the same.' Cry more about misandry you losers.
- DirectorColin MinihanStuart OrtizThe Vicious BrothersStarsBenjamin WilkinsonSean RogersonAshleigh GryzkoFor their ghost hunting reality show, a production crew locks themselves inside an abandoned mental hospital that's supposedly haunted - and it might prove to be all too true.
- DirectorTimothy MartinStarsCamille BalsamoAmanda BeckCarrie CarnesA group of friends become trapped inside a nightclub with an unseen terror. Unable to escape, one at a time they fall victim to the ravenous, bloodthirsty beast.