Cedric_Catsuits Reviews

Maid (2021)

Hateful

[1/10 · 5 January 2023]

I think the idea is that we're supposed to feel sorry for Alex, the supposedly "abused" protagonist. I wanted to feel sorry for her and cheer her when she gets a break, but in fact she just comes across as selfsh, ignorant and stupid. She in fact gets what she deserves. It's the kid we should feel sorry for, but the kid is just an afterthought in this story.

High production values and great acting can't make up for the abysmal script and despicable characters. Pretty much everyone in this story is horrible. The ones who aren't horrible barely get a look-in. What on Earth is the point of this garbage? Why was it made? Total waste of time.

Saved and Remade (2021)

What a joke

[2/10 · 4 March 2022]

A good idea poorly executed. Some of the "experts" are skilled, talented and artistic. However, some are utterly hopeless with no ability whatsoever. It's quite embarrassing. We have an abundance of skilled craftspeople in this country so why use these idiots? Pathetic.

Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood (2019)

Brilliant!

[10/10 · 10 November 2021]

The best film to be released in some time. Of course it won't be to everyone's taste - it's Tarantino; there's some fairly full-on, almost shocking, violence; there's no real plot. But if you're a fan of QT and you appreciate pure, unadulterated film entertainment, then you will want to see this.

Pitt is magnificent. Caprio is spot-on. Even Fanning makes an effort - which is a sure sign the script and direction is worthy. The supporting cast all play their roles admirably and I defy anyone to pick out a bad performance. My only complaint is they used a dog with clipped ears.

This is not deep, meaningful stuff. It's moving picture art. It's designed to stimulate and entertain and that's what it does. Congrats to Mr T, you've done it yet again. Surely the finest film-maker of the last 40 years?

The Redwood Massacre (2014)

As bad as it gets.

[1/10 · 25 July 2021]

Never in my 59 years have I seen acting as bad as that on display here. Presumably there was no direction either. Visually it's not too bad. However the soundtrack is appalling. One has to wonder how and why this film got made. Don't waste your time on this.

Rocketman (I) (2019)

Oh dear

[2/10 · 30 May 2021]

Egerton looks nothing like John. That's as much as you need to know if you're a fan. It's not a film about Elton John, it's a film about Taron Egerton playing a character in a musical.

Miss Sloane (2016)

Mesmerising

[10/10 · 25 November 2020]

So often I find myself dozing off after a few minutes of watching the mindless drivel that studios puke out with monotonous regularity these days. This film made me sit up and pay attention right from the start.

No doubt much of the attraction is down to Chastain, who captivates and mesmerises from the moment she appears. But also it's down to a clever and unpredictable plot that does just enough to keep your brain interested, without being so complex that you just can't be bothered.

I love this film and Chastain's performance. Proof that a decent script and personnel can entertain just as well as being bombarded with CGI and loud music.

Tomb Raider (2018)

Overdue

[8/10 · 21 June 2020]

We waited too long for another TR movie. This one isn't very good, but I have to score it high just for being. Plus, Alicia Vikander is simply the most gorgeous creature on the planet. I love the Tomb Raider games and I love being entertained. Beautiful, charismatic, sexy women in adventurous situations entertain me. Enough said.

The Imitation Game (2014)

Brilliant

[10/10 · 21 June 2020]

If nothing else, this film perfectly illustrates what ignorant scum the pigs are (pigs = police). Or how stupid people (the majority) fear the intelligent. Turing was in may ways a genius, but he was an idiot for trying to help the ignorant scum who couldn't give a damn about him.

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018)

Stupid

[3/10 · 7 June 2020]

There's a fine line between jeopardy and stupidity. This film is stupid. That's a shame because it's visually brilliant. Ultimately it must be down to the director, who has failed his actors and the whole crew by trying too hard to create jeopardy. It's childish.

Scream 2 (1997)

Hmmm

[6/10 · 6 June 2020]

Seeing Buffy so easily despatched somehow doesn't sit right. The Slayer defeated by some geek in fancy dress? Just doesn't work. And we know Neve isn't going to die, so where's the suspense? Having said that, it's still an entertaining film. Plus we have Rebecca Gayheart, the hottest actress ever. So what's not to like?

Die Another Day (2002)

Poor effort

[3/10 · 3 June 2020]

Brosnan just isn't Bond (and let's be honest, he's not an actor either) and Berry just isn't a Bond Girl. it's by no means a bad film, just a bad Bond film. Not the worst Bond film by any means, but fundamentally lacking in credibility.

Don't Breathe (2016)

Disgusting

[1/10 · 23 November 2019]

Three hoodlums break into the home of a blind war hero and steal all his money and this film portrays them as victims?! What the hell is the world coming to when people think this is somehow entertaining? It's an absolute disgrace and everyone involved in the making of this film ought to be imprisoned for inciting violence and criminal activity.

Occupation (2018)

Truly Awful

[1/10 · 29 September 2019]

Who? Why? How? So many unanswered questions. Abysmal acting, no direction, dreadful cinematography and editing. How on earth films like this ever get made is one of life's great mysteries. And there's almost two hours of it! I despair.

What We Do in the Shadows (2019–2024)

Genius

[10/10 · 3 July 2019]

The 2014 film which precedes this is comedy gold and I was initially sceptical that this might be watered-down for a more mainstream TV audience. The location is different and there are new characters, but on the whole it lives up to the high standards set by the movie. The casting is spot-on and the acting flawless. The writing is inspired - this could be any family in any street in any town.

Indeed, the appearance of some fairly heavyweight stars would suggest that those in the industry recognise the quality of the scripts. It has all the hallmarks of a cult TV show in the making. There is a ready-made audience of vampire fans of course, but these vamps are just so darn human that the comedy should appeal to anybody who recognises how utterly complex and ultimately insignificant people are.

Kate Nash: Underestimate the Girl (2018)

Air head

[1/10 · 28 June 2019]

Having previously thought her music was ok I didn't expect to be so disappointed by this. The problem appears to be that Ms Nash is an immature and naive air-head with absolutely nothing interesting to say.

The fact that she keeps referring to herself as an "artist" just makes me want to slap her face. She is most definitely not an artist, nor is it remotely original to make a career out of being a hard-done-by feminist, especially when she's clearly never experienced real hardship or prejudice.

This is middle-class, new-age hippyism and is in no way relevant to any part of the real world. Nash and her cronies are spoilt brats, extremely boring and very over-rated.

Bad Trips Abroad (2013– )

Unbelievable

[4/10 · 25 January 2018]

Not sure what to make of this. Are all these travellers stupid, or is this just a work of fiction? I struggle to believe there are so many people who are naive enough and / or stupid enough to get themselves into such ridiculous situations.

The vast majority of the subjects are young and clearly from fairly wealthy families, so maybe they do just suffer from naivety due to sheltered upbringings. As entertainment it actually works quite well, but it's impossible to take these people seriously or feel any sympathy for them, with the exception of a very few whose problems were not entirely of their own making.

I guess there's an element of satisfaction derived from feeling superior to people whose downfall is entirely of their own making, but as a serious piece of documentary film-making this just doesn't even come close.

The Autopsy of Jane Doe (2016)

Entertaining but unoriginal.

[6/10 · 19 January 2018]

Reading some of the reviews, I was preparing to watch with the lights on and my favourite teddy bear for comfort. I need not have worried - this film is not particularly scary. There are maybe two or three instances where I became semi-startled, but nothing those with a weak heart need fear.

Truth is, I had the plot sussed after about 20 minutes. Anybody who watches a lot of "horror" movies will recognize the themes. It's not a bad film by any means, but this genre has been covered every which way and there is nothing original or exciting here. For the most part it's a little creepy at best, with very few stand-out moments.

For the most part it's a well-crafted film with nice cinematography and special effects. Some of Brian Cox's acting is, surprisingly, quite poor - this is definitely not his genre. His attempts at portraying pain come across as mild indigestion or wind. I think he's better when he's the scarer, not the scareee.

Nice looking film let down by a weak script and familiar plot.

Honeymoon From Hell (2016 TV Movie)

It can't possibly get any worse.

[1/10 · 19 January 2018]

Unquestionably the worst movie I have ever seen. I wish I could give zero stars, or minus stars, to differentiate this from all the other really bad movies I've rated one star. This one is in a league of its own. How anybody can rate this above one star is baffling - presumably those people worked on this film.

I have no idea what the plot is because after the initial jaw-drop of bewilderment I was fairly catatonic throughout. The wooden acting and lack of direction are bad not only by professional standards, but compared to every school play I've ever seen. If I hadn't been so tired and if there was an obvious alternative handy, I would not have bothered watching this all the way through. I suffered, but at least I can help save others from having their minds literally numbed.

One has to ask, who makes this rubbish and why? What idiot then decided to distribute it to an innocent and unwary public? This makes a mockery of the entire film industry and is insulting the intelligence of every human being on the planet.

Truly, truly, truly awful. This is not just the bottom of the barrel but the bottom of the slime underneath the barrel. You have been warned.

Heartthrob (2017)

Beautifully crafted

[9/10 · 15 January 2018]

I wasn't expecting too much from this, basically because it's marketed as a teen movie and although they're usually entertaining, they don't often leave a lasting impression. However, I was pleasantly surprised.

The young cast give mature and thoughtful performances, and there are meaningful interactions with adult characters, providing a more realistic view of life than your average high school "dramedy". The writing is subtle and the dialogue pleasingly minimal so that the acting and directing tell the story.

So often you see situations in movies that make you wonder what kind of medication the writers are on. No suspension of belief is required here - it may not be your everyday small town goings-on but the script writers haven't gone OTT in their efforts to entertain us.

I must also mention the hauntingly beautiful songs by Jason Quever. The add the final polish to what is a well-crafted piece of film art. Obviously a lot of care went into making this movie and it's a shame that some viewers might overlook it because of it's "teen" listing.

Edge of Winter (2016)

As bad as it gets

[1/10 · 14 September 2017]

Joel Kinnaman is a decent enough actor, so I don't blame him for this shambles. I do blame the writer and director, and as they are one and the same then that man is wholly responsible for one of the very worst films I have ever seen.

It's immature, idiotic, senseless, meaningless drivel. Clearly written by somebody not of this world. The characters are so lightweight and ill-formed that they cannot be human, nor can they be the product of a human.

One and a half hours of my life has been stolen from me, time I can never get back. I'm just left wondering who finances these pathetic projects and why? Maybe it looked good on paper - it looked promising to me when I read the blurb - but even good ideas need careful crafting and there is no craft on display here.

Infuriating and pointless.

Cuckoo (II) (2012– )

Skip to season 2

[10/10 · 1 March 2016]

Like many I stumbled upon this by chance (it's broadcast on a minor BBC channel here) and it was literally a case of not being able to find something I wanted to watch, so "oh well, I'll give this a go".

So I went straight in at series 3 and laughed out loud more than is usual for me. In particular, Taylor Lautner plays this (for him, very strange and low-key) role to perfection. He really should do more comedy.

Fortunately all episodes from No. 1 are still available on iPlayer so I went from having watched part of series 3, to series 1. Then I became disappointed, because I just don't find Andy Samberg, or his character Cuckoo, very funny.

Jump to series 2 and things pick up again. Esther Smith's Rachel is a more pleasing character than Tamla Kari's was, and the whole cast now seem to start gelling.

Overall very funny, very well made, and remarkable that so many great comedy actors have come together to create this. It will surely develop cult status if for no other reason than Taylor Lautner demonstrates a lovable, hammy, tongue-in-cheek side to his acting.

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)

Fast and furious

[9/10 · 28 February 2016]

As a fan of the first Mad Max, at first I thought this was going to be too sterile, relying heavily on CGI. But the effects and editing are so good, you barely notice that they are created on a computer.

The action is relentless and the cinematography quite superb, set against some stunning scenery. It's not Shakespeare but it is a classy piece of film making.

It's hard to compare Tom Hardy with a 1980s Mel Gibson and if I have any complaint to make, it's that he tries a little too hard to be Max and ends up being more like Bronson. But Theron is excellent, in a Sigourney Weaver action figure sort of way.

This is true enough to the original to be enjoyable, and it's one of the fastest-paced action thriller rides you'll ever see. The action just keeps on coming, it's relentless and very exciting.

The original Mad Max was quirky and this continues in that trend. Take it for what it is and you just can't fault it.

American Sniper (2014)

Absolute garbage

[1/10 · 24 February 2016]

There is nothing to like about this film. The characters are flimsy, ambiguous and not very likable. The plot is garbage. If real soldiers act the way they do in this film, it's a wonder they don't all end up dead. Disorganised, undisciplined, no clue what they're doing.

Really, I don't know what the point of this film is. A biopic? Really? I find that hard to believe. This guy is so deeply flawed he cannot possibly be the best at anything. Or if he is the best, then the rest must be seriously bad.

Worst of all, ratings suggest that some people actually think this is a good film, a good story. As war films go, this is one of the worst I've seen.

Kill the Messenger (2014)

Worthy

[10/10 · 22 February 2016]

Some stories are bigger than the movie, and this is one of them. It would have to be a God-awful film for me to rate it less than a 10. As it happens, it's a very good film with a solid performance from Renner.

It is pretty much a one-man show. That's not to say the supporting cast aren't significant, because there are good performances from Patrick, Liotta and Garcia to name but a few. But their moments on screen are very brief, so in the end it all comes down to whether Renner can carry the movie, and I think he does - just.

His style is laid-back and that probably suits the role of Webb, who comes across as humble, quiet yet determined and forceful. It's a shame that the name of Gary Webb is not more widely known, but it's good to see the powerful medium of film being put to good use like this.

Better Living Through Chemistry (2014)

Dull, unoriginal

[2/10 · 22 February 2016]

Nothing new here, just rehashing plots that are centuries old. That might work if the characters are interesting - or even likable. In this case the main characters and actors are fairly unlikable, and everybody just seems to be going through the motions.

Those on the periphery promise a little more entertainment but they're very much bit-part players. In the main, what we get is just dull, uninspired, uninteresting, unoriginal, mediocre quality writing and acting.

Please take my advice and don't waste precious moments of your life on mindless drivel like this.