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sweetmarissa
Reviews
Time Trap (2017)
Definitely Written By A Dude
You know those exasperating scenes where actresses are always asking the male actors what's going on, what to do, etc. This movie is basically 116 minutes of that.
A male professor gets himself lost in a cave. His students go in to search for him, one male and the three females who ask him what they should be doing, why is this happening, and even ask him at one point what an alien is saying. Later, one female is frantically asking the male student what to do and that they need to try to leave, and his response is that only the professor will know that so they have to find him... the professor who got himself lost and stuck in there in the first place. And of course it has gratuitous cleavage shots, because us females hike and boulder and climb in low cut tank tops.
The Vanished (2020)
Predictable, Sub-Par Acting
I suspected The Vanished wasn't going to be any good since it has Anne Heche and Jason Patric in it and they don't do anything worth watching anymore, but had a glimmer of hope because of Thomas Jane. Predictable (there was never any daughter - she had died six years earlier and they're in co-denial that she's still alive then they co-delusional think she's missing) so they kill a bunch of people for nothing, awful acting, plot holes instead of plot twists. Can't believe I stayed awake watching this, and forwarded through most of it to get to the "twist" ending. Save your time with this one.
See You Yesterday (2019)
Clever and Gripping
Great to watch and I love time travel movies. Yes, the kids are in high school but so was Marty in BTTF. Also socially relevant.
The Search for Santa Paws (2010)
Creepy Annie Rip-Off
This is a horribly-acted rip-off of Annie. And with the creepiest looking Santa Claus thrown in for good measure. They couldn't find an actual bearded old man to act as Santa. Instead, they used a ton of what appears to be plaster on the actor's face. The result looked like botched plastic surgery. I'm an adult and this is going to give me nightmares. Stuffing him full of tubes in a hospital bed was pretty traumatic for my daughter. No one needs to see Santa like that! Also, the black dog being given a Jamaican accent is racist. I thought this would be a feel-good movie. Stick to Miracle on 34th Street or the actual movie Annie instead.
Shooting Gallery (2005)
Shoot... me...
My chief complaint is that there are no captions, so I'm only catching bits and pieces of the movie. The names are already killing me. Jezebel... Jericho... Is this pool or 'Children of the Corn'?
The acting as a whole was atrocious. Was there even a director on the set? The accents and dialogue are hilarious. All I hear is "sisal, sisal, sisal". I have never in my life heard anyone talk like this in any pool hall I've ever been in. The special features said the slang was 30% made up by the movie makers - try 90% and the rest they got wrong. Like what is all this "tribe" talk? Nice tattoos, by the way. So they get branded. With eight-balls, no less. Way to hustle there, sports. I expect to hear Ving Rhames offer to get the horses for his "mastuh" any minute now. Oh, Freddie... if you're lyin, you're dyin? That's tough. Especially with you lowering your voice like that. It's reminiscent of Rocky Balboa.
Then not only did they make up their own jargon, they butchered actual pool terminology. It's a good thing this movie never made it to theatres, or we'd have a bunch of clowns running around our pool halls rambling about dandelions and lemons.
Of course, the shots, the bridges, and the "sharking" these guys are doing are all horrible, but I expected no less. The rack twirl got me, though. You know what I'm talking about... That thing ball-bangers do. I also noticed when "Jericho" and "Cueball Carl" (*rolls eyes*) are playing, they rack the balls in numerical order. Nice. And love the glove, Carl.
Shooting Gallery was also an apt title. I think they shot more with guns than cues. I actually felt like I was watching a soft porn through some of those scenes.
Not all is lost, though. I walked away with a new playing strategy: When on the nine, hit it as hard as you can. And cuss. A lot.
This movie does what I never thought possible, which is suck more than 'Poolhall Junkies'.
House of Sand and Fog (2003)
A compelling masterpiece!
One of the most compelling psychological dramas I've ever seen.
Starring Jennifer Connelly and Ben Kinglsey, it depicts how several seemingly small events can add up to make a major impact on separate lives.
Connelly's character, Kathy, is evicted from her home because of unpaid taxes she never should have been charged. The house is put up for auction and bought by an Iranian ex-military officer, Behrani (Kingsley), and his family. The legal system fails Kathy as she tries to get her home back.
Subsequent events lead to a surprising and shocking ending.
King Kong (2005)
This movie belongs on an island by itself.
I saw King Kong tonight, and I can think of two words to aptly describe this film: CINEMATIC DISASTER.
You walk in expecting an epic remake and instead receive a stewing pile of ... well, it was baaaad.
Special effects, no matter how awesome, does not a movie make. I felt the acting and directing to be less than mediocre. I certainly didn't buy Jack Black as an egotistical director, though Naomi Watts was reminiscent of Jessica Lange in her own remake. It had its comic relief moments, but the only scene I really cared for was when Kong was fighting the T-Rexes. Too many close-ups of the melodramatic expressions on the actors' faces, coupled with an intense score, spelt doom not for the fate of the movie's characters, but for its unfortunate audience.
Three hours of my life gone... for the price of an admission ticket.