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sime-arsov
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I Am Here.... Now (2009)
Wow
I haven't finish watching it, because I mean, who actually could? I gave it my best, but it's just...A lot of cringe. I bet even Neil throughout the first 20 minutes of previewing his final cut probably left and never finished watching it. Its just a literal waste of time. I like to watch low budget movies, but this feels like it was bad not on purpose and also on purpose...I feel like Neil genuinely believes that this is a real and serious movie, but hes not 100% sure. And that's a vibe I dont like, it's actually a bit terrifying and might be a sign of something being wrong with him. It feels like he hired some female actors just to paint a picture of him being able to get the ladies. Its something like a Steven Seagull vibe, but only worse and with less budget. I think this man might be delusional in real life as well, cos obviously he kept making similar movies afterwards with the same general message. And that is, that he a is a selfish, self-centered ego-maniac. Our art should represent who we are, and if it's not satire, which this one just isnt, then...What more do I need to say?
Bram Stoker's Van Helsing (2021)
How dare they attach Bram Stoker's name to this utter rubbish
This movie was full of cringe, bad acting and it felt like very poor amateur production. I've seen worse horror movies than this one, but at least they were original, funky and had a cult fan base. This movie attempts to be taken seriously and that's what makes it worse. I don't see how anyone could enjoy this, besides the people that made it and their relatives and friends. That's about it.
Throughout the whole movie I felt dread and couldn't wait for it to finish as it was just the same predictable cliché situations. The actors made me have goosebumps cringes, you know, that feeling when their acting is so poor that you want to turn your head way and it makes the hair on your arm stand up.
I like to believe that I'm a fan of amateur low-budget horrors and this was so much for me, that I had to go to IMDb and leave a review.
Bram Stoker's family has forbid using their name in Nosferatu, that's why we have great movies like Nosferatu. They didn't allow that movie to use Bram Stoker or Dracula, so the Nosferatu crew had to come up with their own ideas for what it's worth. I'm not sure how the Director is allowed to use this name and why isn't he sued yet. The movie is so bad I want to get a lawyer and sue them. I mean, what else can you expect from a click-bait titles that the Director comes up with like: Nocturnal Activity, Hellriser, Texas Machete Massacre and The Exorcism of Karen Walker. And one of these movie titles was a fake one I came up with, but I bet no one can tell which one it is. This is why Steve Lawson's whole filmography is a prank and I won't be surprised If his next title were to be named Ripper Untold. Yes, that's a real movie this guy is producing and people are actually in it.
XX (2017)
Basically an unnecessary movie
This movie consists of a couple of short movies in one. I watched the first 2 only, because I couldn't bare any longer. I can honestly say that I saw what the directors were trying to portray, but everything was planned and executed badly. When you try to make a somewhat realistic movie and it has no logic, thats when you make a bad movie. The first movie made no sense, no logic. "Come here, dad. Let me whisper something in your ear" -> Dads hears son and they all starve to death, because of a whisper. Except the son, who saw the present. The son didnt starve because of a whisper, oh, no no, that would make more sense than starving to death because of a present. Only the dad and his daughter starve to death because of a whisper. Okay. There are infinite universes and not even 1 possibility where this could ever happen. Thats how dumb this movie was. Throughout the whole movie you were like "What could possibly be in the box" and that was it. That was the only thing going. Just a box drives the whole movie plot. You could've done a million things with the box, but nothing happens. It's a nothing movie, an empty script. Then at the end you actually realise that whatever could've been in the box, It's all a scam, just like the whole movie. After watching the first movie, I can honestly say that the female director (Jovanka Vuckovic) belongs in the kitchen, where she will not be making useless, time-wasting movies. Im not saying all women belong in the kitchen, but this one definitely does. I guess I expected this movie to blow my mind, but it actually was one of the worst things I've ever seen, not because it was a really bad movie, but because of how everything was executed. Then comes the second movie. Weird actors, weird acting. It's like they took 2 classes of acting and got hired or the director just gave up. So, how do you go on watching more after this? I can bet good money that the rest of the movie is even worse. I don't often write reviews, but when I do, it's as real as it gets.
Jeepers Creepers 3 (2017)
How can this be allowed to happen?
I can't believe this is from the same director. Completely ruined the franchise. This Reddit post describes it perfectly:
The pacing is excruciatingly slow, dialogues are unnatural, ridiculous, pointless, random and go totally nowhere. It feels like they didn't have a script at all and everyone is just improvising very badly and was forced to keep going until someone said "uh, cut... I guess?". The acting is equally terrible.
The movie isn't cohesive whatsoever, it's an absolute mess. The whole movie I never really had an idea who the characters were and absolutely didn't care. It's pretty bad if you only care about the horse. In hindsight the movie doesn't even really seem to be about the creeper as he has almost no screen time. The main character in this movie is his truck as it was painfully obvious they had no budget for special effects so they had to keep the creeper on the ground. When special effects were used it looked like it was done with Windows movie maker or something.
We were promised a backstory, but were given some high school parody project about a hobo driving around in an old truck. I have absolutely nothing good to say about this disaster. Or wait, the creeper's mask was still pretty cool.
Escape Plan 2: Hades (2018)
Just like the first one, but more boring
The first movie is one of my all time favorites. I decide that by how many times I can watch a movie and it wont be boring. The first one was really good. It had sincere plot, backstory and a cause for revenge. But, this one was just a bad attempt to recreate the first one. Only good thing here is Bautista. The story felt it was over really quick, even though it was all focused on escaping the prison and it just wasnt good enough. Hope the next one will be good, but If they continue this way I doubt it.
I Kill Giants (2017)
A total cringe fest
Couldn't watch past the 30th minute mark as the movie was sooo boring and It felt like I was wasting time watching it. The kid actors were not good and it was a total cringe fest. I was cringing all the way through the end of my watch. I'd like this If I was like 4 years old and didnt know how to read or understand anything
Jigsaw (2017)
A bit disappointed
Everything was rushed, they tried to recreate the early SAWs but didnt succeed. I guessed they needed to end it here, but I mean what else can you put to surprise the viewers after what? Like 7 movies?
The Emoji Movie (2017)
Wow
I feel sorry for the people who actually went to the cinemas and watched this 'movie'. I feel even sadder for the voice actors. This movie was just a big step back in their career. Who even thinks of this hecking storyline, you seriously have to hate the world and all of its beauties to create such an abomination of a movie. I've seen the movie ATM which was a movie about a friggin ATM bullcrappery that made me search for the Director and find him and ask him how can someone make such a shitty movie and it was a better movie than this.