fionastaun Reviews

Operation Mincemeat (2021)

DROWNED

[6/10 · 16 May 2024]

The Man with No Name (1953) was a perfect adaptation of the book.

This time round it needed to be even more tense and spectacular to surpass it.

However, despite a good cast, it was foggy like pea-soup.

Colin Firth must have taken this when he was feeling sad or something. He, surprisingly, is the weakest link and casts a stuffy pall over the whole film. He sleepwalks through and there's very little of his winsome charm to be seen.

The token love story is shocking and hardly gets off the ground. Unfortunately Firth's stilted acting blocks the needed fire to create a wartime romance bending under time and danger.

Watch the original and wonder what could have been.

Good Luck to You, Leo Grande (2022)

NUDES TOO PRUDE.

[5/10 · 18 March 2024]

Seriously? How could Emma Thompson be so boring? Yet here she fails to connect with the character and dig down to the brilliant pathos of the saddest wife in Love Actually.

I felt there was an undercurrent of trying to be "European" and honestly edgy. Never got there when it was there for the taking.

French directors manage to clip the dialogue and action to make sex scenes sizzle. Yet here its damp sqibs and long drawn out word salads.

The surprise is Darryn McCormack. He puts in a touching and strong multi-level performance. Hard to say that if only Emma Thompson had found more colour to match his brilliant show.

A wilted salad.

Saltburn (2023)

SO MANY CLICHÉS. SO MUCH CRIME.

[4/10 · 26 December 2023]

If you played drink shots for every Oxford/ Upper Class house cliché, you'd be drunk fifteen minutes in.

Maybe it works for under 30s, as it might appeal if you haven't seen or read this genre which covers a swag of well-made classics.

First cliche is the envious lower/class student masking his yearning for the handsome upper class gorgeous boy. Done to perfection Brideshead Revisited and Talented Mr Ripley thanks.

Then comes rich boy takes poor boy home to gaspingly beautiful rolling-lawns home with a Blue room and a butler. See above plus ...

Over the cliched meet the troubled family gathering, we naturally meet the languid cousin, the jolly father, slightly wafting mother, elfin daughter with slew of social problems etc etc. By this time would not have been surprised if Stephen Fry from "Peter's Friends", the skewed heir to a fortune and his flawed ensemble, turned up!

A loose script, character light acting and blatant concept lifting makes it "quite tedious Felix."

NCIS: Sydney (2023– )

NOT WORTH A CAPTAIN COOK!

[1/10 · 25 November 2023]

One of the worst Australian version series ever seen.

Some clueless order to make it "Aussie" resulted in a horrible horrible version of slang not even heard in the 1950s! "Okey dokey" !!! Well no flies on you!

Successfully made every Aussie character seem like an idiot tugging at their humble forelocks.

Errors everywhere. "Can't carry a gun or badge" just to slam home how mighty gun-free this jolly country is. BTW an incorrect blanket statement but who cares in this runaway boat wreck?

Drag queen was absolutely fantastic and showed up how shabby and boring the cast lined up.

On a serious note, the Australian film industry suffered greatly over the years, and this was a chance to show a polished and sophisticated production.

It managed to sink like a bloody faulty submarine.

The Duchess (2008)

DRESSED UP BUT DULLED DOWN

[4/10 · 18 November 2023]

Seriously two of the most boring performance by lead actors to dress in curtains.

Knightley and Ralph Fiennes bring no spark to a well staged film.

Fiennes is always a very very selfish actor. How he made it got the part is a mystery. He has no vibrancy and holds back all through. Added a wet English Monday vibe.

Kierra Knightely acts with her mouth and not much else. She seems to thinks sprightly, smiling and sobbing are the toolbox for posh actresses. Sadly, it's a no.

These two made the film a plodding effort but the supports were excellent.

Frustratingly woeful and what's worse, it fooled alot of people.

A Summer to Remember (2018 TV Movie)

PARADISE SUNK

[1/10 · 3 September 2023]

Shocker in Paradise. Catherine Bell as the lead, absolutely ruined this flimsy movie. She puts on a clipped and perky voice that grates at every cliche line. There's no depth to this character and it's hard to care if she falls in love or falls off a surfboard. And the director, who should have been launched from the pier, allowed her weird facial expressions to pass for emotion.

Trying to maintain a storyline while weighted by a flimsy lead proves an impossible task. Every scene becomes a chore.

Catherine Bell's character could have been an attractive boost for older actresses, but proves a flat cause.

Beautiful Fiji is the real star.

Bosch: Hold Back the Night (2019) Season 5, Episode 9

STARTING TO SINK

[4/10 · 17 July 2023]

Maddie the daughter weakens the story, plus the acting is stiff and amateurish. So many "as ifs" around her - as if the offices would be completely empty, as if files just left.

The combination of silly wifey behaviour storylines plus the actor's tedious clipped monotones herald the writing downward spiral.

From this series, it appears the writers lost their way wading through the books and storylines and failed to provide simple layers and clear signposts for the viewer. It lost the scintillating narratives of the first series. And strong characters without whimpering, simpering or being warm and fuzzy. Sponged out.

Only You (2018)

IS LOVE ALL YOU NEED?

[6/10 · 12 June 2023]

If you're feeling a bit down and drinking hot tea and staring at the couch cushions, you need this.

Mournful. That's the whole feeling. Downright low key sobbing love and mournfulness.

The thing is, sometimes you just have to have an hour or two of love performances that reach out over the screen to the couch and squeeze your heart.

The two main characters are not carved out in detail but just the three main event: meeting, pregnancy and deciding the future. I felt their portrayals were very French. Building their love through lingering looks, and passionate embrace. It makes for a great part of the film.

Bit slow. Bit bitty. But sit on the couch and have a lovely wallow.

Obsession (2023)

LAMB ROAST NIGHTMARE

[3/10 · 16 April 2023]

Lucky the viewer who has not seen the cobweb delicacy of Damage. The film version where Jeremy Irons tightens his mouth just a fraction as he stares at Anna, and you immediately know all is doomed.

If you missed that sword-like film, you can probably sit through this clichèd lump of writing.

Plus if you think The Crown is a real documentary of The British royals, you'll congratulate yourself on understanding aristocracy. However, you are nowhere near the subtle cruelty of the well-bred English with Obsession. In fact, you're in a rusted tractor lumbering through dirt and mud on a barren field.

Ted Lasso: 4-5-1 (2023) Season 3, Episode 3

WENT WEAK AT END OF SEASON TWO

[7/10 · 3 April 2023]

They took the macho out and put girly chat in. The first season was strong with a push-back against the locker room power of male sport.

It was so good watching a Yank take on the sacred chapel of British football. The material wrote itself. The delightful confusion of muscle boys trying to work out Ted's naive belief in positive joy was a strong juxtopositioning.

The swearing versus the corn-bred jolly optimism firstly sank when the boss lady bonded with a WAG. Then it weakened into chick-flick fashion and tears! Shrieking and best friending, scenes without any males lost the power.

Went woke, went up in smoke.

Tár (2022)

OVERACTED. OVER RATED. OVER TIME.

[4/10 · 27 January 2023]

Seriously grim and tedious. Cate Blanchett plays Cate Blanchett playing a torn and humourless version of someone's idea of a grim and humourless female victim conductor.

As a classical musician I was annoyed all the way through at how joyless the script presented the role of conductor. Every score was a mountain to be climbed without oxygen. Every piece must be analysed with wringing hands, calling departed legends and endless searching for the inspiration to raise the baton!

Where was the fun and camaraderie shared by the orchestra and the scaffolding crew of conductors and manager and visiting guest performers?

I can see why it received standing ovations in Venice as it pompously shouts " I'm a cultural movie!" The audience merely congratulating itself on being cultural. Cate Blanchett fooled them with her " on point" European angst, but it's so one dimensional with shades of all her other tortured characters on board.

In fact it's just the music from the genius composers - nothing more - beautifully played, that brings your feet to standing and your hands to rapturous applause.

Pretentious cultural cliche. Cate Blanchett acts like squashed nectarine.

Elvis (2022)

EDITED TO DEATH. HANKS DRAG AND FAIL

[5/10 · 21 January 2023]

Baz chopped this to pieces. Then Tom Hanks accented it to its death.

Fake great on the big screen with the flash and jumble cut of glitter and sound.

But it all falls into a dark mess without clear focus on small screens. Considering streaming is the new drive-in, Baz made a bad call.

Hanks accent is thrown into focus on headphones and is so irritating it overrides the beautiful performance of Austin Butler.

The next problem seems to be the script. As often happens in Baz Luhrmann projects, he creates a big visual but forgets to allow the audience to have well developed characters for us to relate to.

Thanks to the dazzling power of Austin Butler that drags his character up and out of the noisy jangle of Baz's ego fest, we get a relatable and wonderful Elvis. Ironically this is usually Tom Hanks at his best when he completely submerges himself. But here acts like a turnip.

What could have been a volcano to Elvis is mainly smoke and mirrors - and a hideous fail by Hanks.

Aspen Extreme (1993)

IT IS WHAT IT SAYS!

[9/10 · 23 December 2022]

An extremely well made movie that stands up in 2022. It's main strength is that it never falls into the chasm of sugar sweet. It teeters yet always pulls back in time to a sharp turn!

I love this movie for its electric combo of sheer full screen visuals and emotional balance. You can feel the crisp air and mellow sun on your face as the camera gracefully swoops and glides among the Aspen alps.

It never loses pace. The mise en scene is jam packed in every crevice with colour and authentic ski vibe.

One surprise in this theme movie is a strong and even script.

Come for Aspen and the power of powder. Stay for the beautiful people and a local love story.

Harry & Meghan: The Complete Story (2022)

MONEY TALKS. CLASS WALKS.

[2/10 · 8 December 2022]

Meghan and Harry thought they could take us for a good "warts and all" peek behind the Monarchy curtain. However, it turns out to be nothing but a piece of flimsy gauze roughly dragged across British poshness. Sadly Meghan reveals her ego but not any class.

Harry acts like a blanched cabbage, and counts the ways he felt disadvantaged. Like, you know, he had to live a beautiful and wealthy life in South Africa. Or like you know, he found freedom in the army. So brave - except nearly all royals forever do the armed forces service. With great achievements in boats, planes and tanks. But poignant close-ups try to make him special - nope. Just sulky.

Meghan and mom do a double of angst and safety concern. Very earnest! As if safety is an unfamiliar tool to a firm who hasn't lost a crown yet! Meghan acts like mashed potatoes.

It's tedious and sulky.

Father Christmas Is Back (2021)

NO TWINKLE IN THESE STARS

[1/10 · 29 November 2022]

The screenplay sags like damp crepe paper. Every line makes you feel psychic as you can see it coming!

Elizabeth Hurley acts her boobs off and into the worst ham performance since her last one.

Every Christmas movie has to stand on the strong platform created by the timeless classics such White Christmas and Love Actually etc etc. Vying away from the razor sharp scripts or christmas-filled sentimental stories has to hit a definite bullseye. Miss it and you're dead. Or like this one - shuffled off into the murky Netflix film jumble.

Sadly this mouldy pudding lives up to the low Netflix standard in every way.

Inheritance (I) (2020)

NOTHING TO SEE HERE!

[1/10 · 8 November 2022]

Two strands of hair either side of the unbelievable heroine's face, have more star quality than anything else in the mouldy flop.

Great title and gloss starts off well. Stylish opening New York scenes shine up the opening.

P

Then down, down and even further down into a thick undergrowth of rustling plots and dark glances.

There's clanking chains, a hidden bunker and no sense of mystery. It unravels to a flimsy piece of tissue paper.

It actually lives up to the incredibly low bar set by Netflix. Without any pressure at all. Your eyeballs will ache from endlessly popping out with the incredulous plot stretches and holes.

Hustle (2022)

HOW LOW CAN YOU SHOOT?

[2/10 · 11 October 2022]

A really, really terrible movie. Adam Sandler is without charisma. He delivers his lines in shocking monotone and has ZERO character development!!!

Given the talent available it fails to take up any of their starry excitement. Major players are glossed over and left looking like bit amateurs. The lead Spanish player also has zero acting skills to add to even more grind.

Basketball movies have a great set of tropes - standard story themes - but this film manages to steam through them with acute dismissal.

The dreariness lies directly with Sandler and the lack of tight direction.

It lives up to the low bar set by Netflix.

Crime (2021– )

YOU HAD ONE JOB

[6/10 · 21 August 2022]

All the producers had to do was write a decent script from a good book. And edit it for the screen. But no. Decided to drag the whole text onto the Scottish streets. For hours and hours. And hours.

The Good Fight (2017–2022)

HIDEOUS

[1/10 · 30 July 2022]

Insulting political manipulation of the audience. What a group of angry and nasty people!! Storylines written by recent " creative and woke writing" grads. Just no.

Loathed the whole series.

Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day (2008)

FEATHERS FLY. SILK AND SATIN SWOON

[9/10 · 14 July 2022]

Great little froth and touch of depth story. But the real star is the amazing style. Lush gowns. Hats created with nets, floral ridiculous overload and perched at flirt angles. The costumes plunge into 1930s decadent satin sweeping negligees and frighteningly tight cocktail suits. Lounging in the jewelled lamps and sweeping mural bathroom takes you into an era recovering from one horror war just before heading into another.

Come for the love but stay for the life within formal decadence.

The Dry (2020)

1950s CALLED. AND ITS BAD NEWS.

[3/10 · 18 May 2022]

The direction is like a heavy bag of Bunnings garden mix. Shovel in as much rough Aussie accents just to hammer home ITS AUSTRALIAN!!!

Eric Bana acts like a cracked egg and never develops any dimensions to a quite interesting and thoughtful character. God saves us from that woeful slow dirge. He sounds like " Farmer needs a level wife" with a bad toothache.

Yeah mate - it made a big killing at the box office. Yeah mate - lived up to the same low Netflix level. Aaaannd now they're broke...

Anatomy of a Scandal (2022)

NO BONES TO THIS DRIED OUT ANATOMY!

[2/10 · 23 April 2022]

So much about so little!

The book was clever, tense and thoughtful. Lots of luxe and big bucks to thoroughly enjoy on the side.

Sadly some sort of hideous milky latte was thrown over the book's text ,hung out to dry, then scripted into a pale pale version Then add a live flaw. The flat-pack acting completely removed the high-tension of the book completely!!!

The main guilty party is Friend who turned James into a boring blue-suit.

Netflix upheld its very low standards once more!

The Split (2018–2022)

LIKE A DREARY RAINY LONDON DAY!

[3/10 · 10 April 2022]

Extraordinary in that there are so many unpleasant women in one dreary series.

On and on with clipped cliches and endless preaching. Then ramps up with life-lectures which are supposed to be poetic moments. Fail.

Nothing to see here...

The Power of the Dog (2021)

EGO FEST OF THE WORST KIND

[7/10 · 23 March 2022]

Managed to keep to the very low standard Netflix is so desperately pursuing!

An absolute disgrace. So important to itself. Pretending to be important whilst being quite weak. Angry at such amateur rubbish. Oscar fraud

Comberbach acts like a stick of celery.

Inside Man: Most Wanted (2019)

TIRESOME NETFLIX BANK SUDS

[1/10 · 10 February 2022]

Good to see Netflix striving to keep their movie-making standards as low as possible. This delivers lowliness in rusty spades!

Hard to believe a modern bank would still have a jangle of keys carried by a manager!

Whole bank set-up poorly done.

Exciting times as we wait for even lower movies to come! But this will hard to beat!