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SaintFu
Reviews
Road House (2024)
Rick Rolled House?
Like many have said, starts pretty decently, but fizzles pretty quickly (basically after the hospital scene). I appreciate the metahumor and references/callbacks from the original.
Connor as Knox really made me appreciate actors like Dave Bautista who have made the transition from fighting to acting, but clearly he and others like him have been able to because they have talent. Connor is a great fighter, but his performance in this was one dimensional, flat, and atrocious. It distracted and detracted from the very little that was going on.
Jake was fine, but usually does much better. Best performances were Billy Magnussen and Jessica Williams. Fight scenes solid, but really nothing new.
The Predator (2018)
Far Better than the "Purists" Claim
I don't understand the hate. I grew up with the original, and it's still my favorite, but this one is my second. It is goofier/funnier, but the comedy is coming from people like Keegan Michael Key and it's funny.
It gives Predators a real reason to bother with all the hunting. The acting is pretty good all around. Sterling Brown's portrayal is kick ass, and the way he goes down is amazing in my opinion. People have complained about it - God forbid they do anything different beyond the usual tropes! Jacob Tremblay is once again solid, like a fully formed adult actor trapped in a kid's body. Olivia Munn turns the token sexy scientist into much more.
Ignore the haters and give it a shot. You may end up thinking it's the equivalent of the never quite drink/never quite sober uncle who talks endlessly about "the war", but it wouldn't be a family reunion without him!
Citadel (2023)
The "C" in the name should be "Sh"
Pros: the acting of Stanley Tucci and Priyanka Chopra Jonas is solid. Supporting roles by Roland Moller, Ashleigh Cummings, and Leslie Manville are also well done. The action, when believable, is fun.
Cons:
1. Richard Madden's acting is like three different stereotypes. None of them nuanced or good.
2. The dialogue does feel like an AI engine cobbled it together from other spy movies. Actually, the show's intro feels similarly hodgepodged.
3. The camera doing the upside down to right side up inversion every episode feels like an intern learned one effect and went nuts with it.
4. Some of the action, lots of the interactions, much of the plot "twists" etc. Are full on laughable. This might be one of the highlights if you ignore they're not trying to be funny. No chemistry between Mason and Nadia.
5. The tech much of the show is based on is pure crap. Erase all targeted memories and restore them with a B12 shot! The ski boots were hilarious though.
Episode six hasn't dropped at the time of this... I can't express how little I care about the big reveal. At least it's short, but how did they blow 300 million on this?
The Rookie (2018)
Starts Fantastically, Fades After 1st or 2nd Season
Sometimes it seems all the big networks make are police/legal procedurals or medical dramas. Rookie really stood out, which is a challenge in that primetime environment.
Following an older rookie was a smart idea. The patrol aspect is the best. It's chaotic, hectic, feels far less contrived. We get to see what feels like a more real portrayal of the lives of men and women in law enforcement. It's funny, it's poignant.
In later seasons, this disappears quickly and the show becomes much like every other police procedural show. Performances remain pretty solid, but there's a bunch of silly extraneous drama added for everyone to have something to do. Little or nothing of patrol. Investigations. Serial killers obsessed with the featured officers. Less surprises, life lessons and tie ins you can see coming a mile away.
Season 5 had a chance to return to the basics with Nolan becoming a trainer himself, but no dice unfortunately. Feels like a mountain of wasted opportunities. Watch season 1 and pretend it was cancelled after that.
The 355 (2022)
Completely Solid Action Flick
This is far better than most reviews are saying.
First, the "target" they are after is NOT a nuclear weapon, biological weapon, or list of secret agents. Already a huge plus.
Second, they openly address a bunch of the lady agent issues that broflakes complain about. They avoid melee when they can and then strike not grapple when they do.
Third, characters are far less flat than in standard action/spy movies. The Penelope Cruz character isn't a field agent and adds a bit of both humor (non cheesy) and realism to the others' bad assery.
There are enough moving parts throughout that it keeps things moving and never staid.
The Blacklist: Between Sleep and Awake (2022)
Skipping This Will Help You Remain a Fan
This entire episode could have been replaced by Ressler saying "it was time" when people saw he shed his Proud Boys look.
His two year life hiatus since the end of season 8 could have just been regular stuff, but instead the writers thought they'd see if they could cram every possible cop show cliche into 40 minutes.
Honestly, the Ressler character is on the edge of being Flanderized at this point. There's no complexity or nuance left. His dialogue (or should I say, diatribe, ba-zing!) is two dimensional and predictable. I think Klattenhoff is better than what they are giving him here even if he's not that much of a stand out.
A Kindhearted Christmas (2021)
A Halfhearted Christmas is More Like It
I'm all for plugging along through the same holiday tropes to get my Christmas fix, but this one was cobbled together in such a slapdash fashion that it caused plot holes, illogical premises, etc.
The "problem" that nearly breaks them up at the end is the single worst I've ever seen in a Christmas movie. His "you lied to me" dialogue is so stupid and it's clear the actor thought it was unbelievable as well.
There is no upstate in Washington, where they pretend to set the film for no apparent reason. It doesn't add to the plot or add any detail. It's clearly in the one place people use the term upstate because the news van and all the license plates read NY.
The main guy doesn't usually spend Christmas with his family, so he's flying to Belize. Pretty sure his family is closer than Belize.
I can forgive their lack of chemistry, just seems like two middle aged people finding placeholders so they don't have to be alone anymore though.
The Noel Diary (2022)
Christmas Adjacent Really
First off, this movie is much more Christmas adjacent than actually Christmasy. There's snow, decorations, etc., but it's all happenstance with the timing.
Probably because it's based on a book, the writing/script is much better than the usual fare. They poke fun at a couple rom com tropes explicitly. The acting surpasses what I expect from these types as well, and this includes minor characters.
The pacing is better as well. It moves slowly, but realistically all things considered. The quest/mission they are on also helps move the story along with far less contrivance than its peers.
Mostly a romantic movie, but worth a watch if you like these kind generally.
Angel Falls Christmas (2021)
Schlock It Away
After exhibiting zero chemistry in Too Close for Christmas a year prior, someone decided it'd be a good idea to pair these two again. Somehow, they have even less, perhaps because Chad Michael Murray decided the best way to portray an angel was to act like a weird robot (spoiler alert, there are Roombas with more charisma/personality than this portrayal).
This movie slogs through the standard tropes (though there was no stock footage of New York!). There's a weird City of Angels rip off shoehorned into the middle with zero effect or impact. This isn't worth the time unless you enjoy poking fun at them while they go.
House of the Dragon (2022)
The Algorithm Demands You Watch This
I only made it through two episodes. The issue is this show forgot what GoT did well: it gave us clear good guys to root for. The graphic violence and masochism that was often too much even in GoT had impact because the Starks and later protagonists mattered.
This series has the hallmark brutality, but it's happening to characters who are most clearly defined or delineated as not the bad guys (and how do we know they aren't bad? Well they aren't doing the violence, but we've but seen them do anything particularly worthy).
The worst part is it just ends up being dull. Sure the production value is there. It's polished, but it's a prepackaged, cash grab follow up project with zero heart or soul.
She-Hulk: Attorney at Law (2022)
Ignore All the "Square Peg Round Hole" Reviews
The MCU doesn't have to be one thing. It doesn't have to be absolutely faithful to the source material either. If you can get over today (aka understand what adaptation is), the show is pretty decent.
It fundamentally achieves its goals, telling the story it wants, using its flavor of humor, including real life issues without being ultra political (discussing something at all isn't a threat to your entire belief system, believe it or not!).
Tatiana's performance is always pretty good. Tim Roth, unsurprisingly, continues to knock it out of the park like he always does. Ignore the hype and the whiners, let it be itself the way you parents never did with you, and give it a go. It won't change your life but it's certainly entertaining enough but to be a waste of your time.
The Rookie: The Dark Side (2019)
More Like "The Dim Side"
Love the show, but honestly, the serial killer actress is a huge yawn. She works way too hard to sound and act scary and crazy, but just doesn't pull it off. There's no aura of menace or real power from her performance, unfortunately. Sure, the acts her character committed are atrocities, but her character's attitude is more like "look what I did! I'm so naughty!" With the connection/timing of later murders, the murderess feels like an homage to Kevin Spacey in Se7en, but feels like a sad tribute band.
Still a 5/10 because the cast delivers its usual strong performances and the writing is good.
Holiday in Handcuffs (2006)
The Best Worst Christmas Movie
This movie takes all the potential, canned, formulaic ridiculousness of the standard Christmas movie cliche-fest and LEANS INTO IT. There is no real pretense that this could ever happen. The guy who directed this also directed Tremors... meaning he knows what a genre of film is trying to do, and he gets it done. This is on my permanent Christmas rotation with a bare handful of others people probably call "classics" ... well, this is the Picasso version of the Hallmark schlock.
The Tomorrow War (2021)
Solid Action, but Pratt Falls Flat
The action is well done. Exciting, good camera work. The monsters are definitely terrifying. Most of the emotional content, however, is pretty cliche and often feels forced (at least in Chris Pratt's end, both Yvonne Strahovski and J. K. Simmons give solid performances). I've been a fan of Pratt since Parks and Rec and loved when he crushed it in Guardians of the Galaxy. Starting to think it might just be certain directors who can get them good stuff out of him because this was another mediocre performance (it really feels like he's acting and knows it). Pushed a muddled, almost City Slickers/Hallmark Christmas movie subplot by the end. Worth a watch, but doubt it'll occupy anybody's sci Fi classics list.
Pig (2021)
Made Me Rethink Nick Cage
I don't like Nick Cage. I want to say he's, at best, a hack who rode the wings of nepotism like a seagull full of snatched French fries. Yet some directors seem to squeeze the real stuff out of him, performance wise. His performance in this film is phenomenal: he's subtle, restrained, nuanced, and other fancy words. The dialogue is on the sparse side, allowing the audience to try to get inside the characters' heads. This film reminded me of the storytelling that should be happening in film. Pacing was ideal. Do what you can to watch this without any distractions.
The Woman in the Window (2021)
Uh, You Know...
It's not a total waste of time, but if this is an homage to Hitchcock's work, it feels a bit like a kindergartner's crayon drawing as homage to Van Gogh. One of the big misses is Anna Fox's character. She's rather unlikeable, and most of the portrayal is bathetic (yes, that's a word). Performances are solid all around, I just don't know why I'm supposed to care.
Jean-Claude Van Johnson (2016)
Amazon Made A Mistake Not Renewing This
Hadn't heard of this until recently. It's f#cking phenomenal. I don't know what Amazon was thinking in not renewing it. The 80s tropes it pokes fun at, the tongue in cheek stuff, just flawless.
Surviving Christmas (2004)
Bad Reviewers Might Be Fruitcakes
I actually kind of dislike Ben Affleck in general, but this movie is solid. I have no idea what warrants the critic hate. The writing is actually quite good. Another family in trouble waiting to break the news to the kids after one last holiday, but instead of the usual "forced to hang out because it's Christmas," this family is forced to pretend to be a happy family because they've been rented for that purpose. Does the pretending to be a happy family reunite them emotionally? You watch Christmas movies, right? However, the strain and discontent in the parents relationship is handled masterfully by grumpy bear Gandolfini and a delightful Catherine O'Hara. It's not in your face, and the resolution is believable. Drew's budding relationship with Applegate's character is similarly handled well. His meaningful gesture toward her is both endearing and a trainwreck. The whole of it is punctuated with crass and irreverent jokes, but it's not trying to be Bad Santa in any way. If anything, it's another Christmas Carol/Scrooge retelling where loneliness is the three ghosts. It subtlety unveils a message for most people complaining about they're families: at least you have one to resent. I gladly watch it every year when I need a palette cleanser from the saccharin crap buffet of standard Christmas schlock.
The Prodigy (2019)
The Good Version of This Film is Titled "Godsend"
If you've read more than three books in your life, this movie will be very predictable... even the "twist" ending.
Fractured (2019)
A Messy Letdown
While I respect the attempt, this film does not handle the ambiguity well. It's a mess, and not one we can simply ascribe to Sam Worthington's character's confused mind. In addition to an overabundance of clues, false clues, red herrings, and so on, there are just as many plotholes, gaps, and oversights in basic logic in order to allow for the confusion. He never once tried to call his wife's cell phone (which the hospital staff could dismiss her not answering with a number of reasons).
The film also relies on what feel like unnatural gaps in communication, people not saying things that would be rather natural, talking around things rather than about them. Rectify a couple of these, and half the mystery would evaporate.
Try Hide and Seek or Godsend if you'd like a horrible thriller that does the ambiguity well.