It's like they scoured fan fiction sites for the absolute worst Matrix fanfic they could find and made that. The story and dialogue are just utter drivel and there arent even good action scenes to make up for that. Truly awful.
Reviews
6 Reviews
Hogfather
(2006 TV Movie)
Perfect to the very last detail!
19 December 2006
I've grown up on Discworld. Where do I start with this absolutely perfect adaptation? The spot-on casting - Susan, Death, Albert, Nobby Nobbs, Ponder Stibbons, all brought to life wonderfully. The faithfulness to the story - keeping it at nearly 4 hours to ensure the minimum amount of cutting. The perfect locations - Death's Domain, Unseen University, the Tooth Fairy's castle, all brilliant! I'm so glad Pratchett let them do this, and I can only hope and pray that they continue - let's see The Last Continent, Jingo, Maskerade, Reaper Man, Small Gods!
If I have one tiny, insignificant complaint, it's that we didn't see Ankh-Morpork in all its bustling, grimy glory - no shots of the River Ankh, marketplaces awash with grubby punters and, of course, Cut Me Own Throat Dibbler! But I will say this - Sky One, Vladim Jean and the rest involved did a wonderful job on such a small budget, and gave us a far better and more faithful adaptation than Hollywood could ever have mustered.
Full marks, it really gave me a buzz in the Christmas season. 10/10 for making a Pterry geek very happy indeed! :-)
If I have one tiny, insignificant complaint, it's that we didn't see Ankh-Morpork in all its bustling, grimy glory - no shots of the River Ankh, marketplaces awash with grubby punters and, of course, Cut Me Own Throat Dibbler! But I will say this - Sky One, Vladim Jean and the rest involved did a wonderful job on such a small budget, and gave us a far better and more faithful adaptation than Hollywood could ever have mustered.
Full marks, it really gave me a buzz in the Christmas season. 10/10 for making a Pterry geek very happy indeed! :-)
Syriana
(2005)
Not for your average movie-goer or anyone wanting to be entertained
16 March 2006
I was tempted to open this review by going on the defensive, listing the various artsy fartsy films and challenging wee thinkers that I've enjoyed in the past, to prove that this is an exception. But I hate the snobbery that's associated with this type of film, this school of thought that says anyone who didn't fully understand it or anyone who didn't enjoy it must be thick.
I'm happy to go on record as saying this was a big pile of boring, boring crap.
I saw one IMDb review saying that this wasn't for anyone who enjoyed 'Wedding Crashers'. I haven't seen that particular film myself, but what's wrong with enjoying a comedy? Isn't that what cinema is about - entertainment? Sure, it's good to be challenged once in a while, or for a film to depress or disillusion you at points. But in the end, there must be some sort of entertainment value, some degree of escapism or connection to characters.
And there isn't with 'Syriana'. No entertainment value whatsoever, no excitement. Just a bunch of boring, dry characters discussing oil business and situations in the Persian Gulf. A lot like sitting through a two hour lecture or exam. The dialogue is nigh impenetrable, the acting is rigid, and...nothing much happens. The odd explosion, death or torture aside, it's just talking. Talking. Talking. Blah blah blah. I found myself looking at my watch a good five or six times, just wondering when this would end.
The whole thing feels like it was written by the head of BP or Shell, a man who knows the oil business upside-down, inside-out, but couldn't write a decent film with a gun at his head. Which doesn't really make sense given the fact that it was written by the guy who did 'Traffic', but there ya go.
It's just so, so, so boring, and dry like the Sahara desert. The credits started rolling and every single person in the audience was completely silent - it was one of the most awkward moments I've ever sat through in my life. It was two things - A) a collective sigh of relief, and B) the feeling that you didn't want to be the first one to admit you didn't understand it / you thought it was shite.
For the next hour after leaving the cinema, the four of us (me, my girlfriend, my mum and dad) ranted and ranted and ranted about what a horrible waste of two hours that was. Just boring, boring, boring beyond belief. And I'm going to discuss this film at length for weeks to come - I'll warn everyone I know to avoid it at all costs, and should I happen to meet anyone who liked it, I'll ask them "Why? What did you enjoy?"
I think anyone would be hard pushed to come up with an answer that wasn't "Well, it was a challenging expose of how big oil businesses..."
Not really a reason to enjoy a film, is it?
So, to steal from the Sunday Telegraph reviewer who once said that there are two types of people in the world - those who have read Lord Of The Rings, and those who intend to - I've coined my own phrase to summarise this film. There are two types of people in this world - those who won't enjoy 'Syriana', and those who will pretend to enjoy 'Syriana'.
I'm happy to go on record as saying this was a big pile of boring, boring crap.
I saw one IMDb review saying that this wasn't for anyone who enjoyed 'Wedding Crashers'. I haven't seen that particular film myself, but what's wrong with enjoying a comedy? Isn't that what cinema is about - entertainment? Sure, it's good to be challenged once in a while, or for a film to depress or disillusion you at points. But in the end, there must be some sort of entertainment value, some degree of escapism or connection to characters.
And there isn't with 'Syriana'. No entertainment value whatsoever, no excitement. Just a bunch of boring, dry characters discussing oil business and situations in the Persian Gulf. A lot like sitting through a two hour lecture or exam. The dialogue is nigh impenetrable, the acting is rigid, and...nothing much happens. The odd explosion, death or torture aside, it's just talking. Talking. Talking. Blah blah blah. I found myself looking at my watch a good five or six times, just wondering when this would end.
The whole thing feels like it was written by the head of BP or Shell, a man who knows the oil business upside-down, inside-out, but couldn't write a decent film with a gun at his head. Which doesn't really make sense given the fact that it was written by the guy who did 'Traffic', but there ya go.
It's just so, so, so boring, and dry like the Sahara desert. The credits started rolling and every single person in the audience was completely silent - it was one of the most awkward moments I've ever sat through in my life. It was two things - A) a collective sigh of relief, and B) the feeling that you didn't want to be the first one to admit you didn't understand it / you thought it was shite.
For the next hour after leaving the cinema, the four of us (me, my girlfriend, my mum and dad) ranted and ranted and ranted about what a horrible waste of two hours that was. Just boring, boring, boring beyond belief. And I'm going to discuss this film at length for weeks to come - I'll warn everyone I know to avoid it at all costs, and should I happen to meet anyone who liked it, I'll ask them "Why? What did you enjoy?"
I think anyone would be hard pushed to come up with an answer that wasn't "Well, it was a challenging expose of how big oil businesses..."
Not really a reason to enjoy a film, is it?
So, to steal from the Sunday Telegraph reviewer who once said that there are two types of people in the world - those who have read Lord Of The Rings, and those who intend to - I've coined my own phrase to summarise this film. There are two types of people in this world - those who won't enjoy 'Syriana', and those who will pretend to enjoy 'Syriana'.
Of Mice and Men
(1992)
Absolutely stunning and beautiful
17 February 2005
I'm not in the habit of writing reviews on IMDb, but I just had to leave something for "Of Mice & Men". Steinbeck was quite simply one of the finest writers of his time, rivalled only by Arthur Miller, and if you haven't read or seen OM&M then you may have to re-evaluate your life!
I can think of few films - Requiem For A Dream, Blade Runner, and that's about it - that have survived the book-to-film evolution and come out looking so fantastic. From the acting of Malkovich and Sinise, to the directing and the beautiful sunny palettes, it all glues together to create one of the best films of all time. Rarely will you connect with characters so well.
This film made me cry, and it is only the second to do that in my entire lifetime of watching films...you will find it nigh on impossible not to be moved by this film. See it ASAP.
I can think of few films - Requiem For A Dream, Blade Runner, and that's about it - that have survived the book-to-film evolution and come out looking so fantastic. From the acting of Malkovich and Sinise, to the directing and the beautiful sunny palettes, it all glues together to create one of the best films of all time. Rarely will you connect with characters so well.
This film made me cry, and it is only the second to do that in my entire lifetime of watching films...you will find it nigh on impossible not to be moved by this film. See it ASAP.
Stealing Harvard
(2002)
A really good flick, worth a watch
6 December 2004
Okay, okay. Bad premise, bad script. Otherwise, this is a good film played for laughs. Jason Lee, Tom Green and Megan Mullally are all on fine form, playing the characters we have come to expect from them.
In particular, Jason Lee is his typical self here, playing the slightly angry yet humorous good guy. For some, Tom Green may be too wacky, but his character, Duff, is like a toned-down version of himself, so it will surely prove bearable for his naysayers.
Some really good comedy moments and a few nice set pieces are enough to make up for an otherwise silly and clichéd film. Definitely worth a watch, I found it really enjoyable in a switched-off-brain sort of way.
In particular, Jason Lee is his typical self here, playing the slightly angry yet humorous good guy. For some, Tom Green may be too wacky, but his character, Duff, is like a toned-down version of himself, so it will surely prove bearable for his naysayers.
Some really good comedy moments and a few nice set pieces are enough to make up for an otherwise silly and clichéd film. Definitely worth a watch, I found it really enjoyable in a switched-off-brain sort of way.
Pitch Black
(2000)
New contender for booooooooring film of the century...
26 July 2004
Wow. Where to begin?
Awful. Terrible. Abominable. Deplorable. Depressing. Atrocious. Dire. Makes-you-want-to-gouge-out-your-own-eyes.
None of these describe how bad this film was. Actually, that last one isn't far off. It also makes you want to eat the fecal matter of a dog, purely in the hope that you'll pass out and miss the remainder of the film. But that's not important right now.
What is important is that anyone who has so far survived the horror that is watching Pitch Black needs to be warned of its terribleness, just in case someone tries to rope them into giving it a try. Be warned, this film is on a par with suicide.
Okay, my first gripe with this 'film' - for lack of a better word - was Vin Diesel's 'acting' - for lack of a better word. Diesel played Riddick, your average meathead/murderer/rebel/loose cannon/outlaw character. A generic Hollywood schmoe, Riddick was a convict, whom the crew of a crashed ship had agreed to free on the condition that he helped them escape the strange, hostile planet. He sulks around like a bitch on her period, acting tough and spinning cheesy one-liners. Yawn.
So, how much did this film want to be Alien? I score it 7/10 on the trying-to-be-like-Alien scale. I would give it full points, but the other three points were spent trying to be like Sphere. Man, this film just wanted to be every good sci-fi film, and instead just ended up recycling typical science fiction B-S. The writing was just lazy. I can only imagine the plot was conceived by people that still use crayons and think it's okay to bite people that steal play-time snacks.
To writer/director David Twohy I say this...welcome to Yawnsville, population: You. Seriously, well done on making quite possibly the most boring and crap film I have ever seen. It takes real stupidity to make a film this bad, and boy, do you have stupidity in abundance. I salute you, sir.
If generic, recycled, unimaginative, unoriginal, crap science-fiction (with no basis in scientific facts, but plenty of basis in fictitious nonsense) is your thing, then check out this movie.
Awful. Terrible. Abominable. Deplorable. Depressing. Atrocious. Dire. Makes-you-want-to-gouge-out-your-own-eyes.
None of these describe how bad this film was. Actually, that last one isn't far off. It also makes you want to eat the fecal matter of a dog, purely in the hope that you'll pass out and miss the remainder of the film. But that's not important right now.
What is important is that anyone who has so far survived the horror that is watching Pitch Black needs to be warned of its terribleness, just in case someone tries to rope them into giving it a try. Be warned, this film is on a par with suicide.
Okay, my first gripe with this 'film' - for lack of a better word - was Vin Diesel's 'acting' - for lack of a better word. Diesel played Riddick, your average meathead/murderer/rebel/loose cannon/outlaw character. A generic Hollywood schmoe, Riddick was a convict, whom the crew of a crashed ship had agreed to free on the condition that he helped them escape the strange, hostile planet. He sulks around like a bitch on her period, acting tough and spinning cheesy one-liners. Yawn.
So, how much did this film want to be Alien? I score it 7/10 on the trying-to-be-like-Alien scale. I would give it full points, but the other three points were spent trying to be like Sphere. Man, this film just wanted to be every good sci-fi film, and instead just ended up recycling typical science fiction B-S. The writing was just lazy. I can only imagine the plot was conceived by people that still use crayons and think it's okay to bite people that steal play-time snacks.
To writer/director David Twohy I say this...welcome to Yawnsville, population: You. Seriously, well done on making quite possibly the most boring and crap film I have ever seen. It takes real stupidity to make a film this bad, and boy, do you have stupidity in abundance. I salute you, sir.
If generic, recycled, unimaginative, unoriginal, crap science-fiction (with no basis in scientific facts, but plenty of basis in fictitious nonsense) is your thing, then check out this movie.
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