kalmoth Reviews

Frosty (1965)

Seriously under-appreciated...

[8/10 · 16 August 2009]

I think that Mystery Science Theater 3000 treatment this movie received is completely undeserved, and is explained by a mix of ignorance and condescension common among the movie watching public in the United States whose tastes have been spoiled beyond redemption by the sugary and fizzy Hollywood children movies. Sad but true.

It's a whimsical retelling of a classic fairy tale instantly recognizable by anyone who has any familiarity with Eastern and Central European folklore - wicked stepmother, pretty and industrious stepdaughter, witch who lives in a house on chicken legs and who can be helpful or, if in the mood, cannibalistic, and so on. One less commonly known element is Morozko (also known as Ded Moroz, or Grandfather Frost), a spirit of the winter forest. In pre-Christian times, giving gifts around the time of the winter solstice was considered his responsibility, and modern (19th century and later) Santa Claus is a refined and commercialized version of this old Pagan demi-god of the North.

Anyway, the movie was good enough for its time to receive the Lion of San Marco at the Venice film festival. People complain about special effects - well, that was the state of the art for 1960s. The cast is excellent, including an appearance by Inna Churikova, who was then a student at a theater school in Moscow, as Marfushka, the epically bratty counterpart to Natalya Sedykh's Nasten'ka. Churikova went on to stardom as a character actress. Other notable appearances include Georgi Millyar, the veteran actor of Russian cinema, whose acting career spanned more than six decades, and who in this movie plays the cannibal witch Baba Yaga.

Dikoe pole (2008)

John Ford meets Anton Chekhov...

[10/10 · 5 July 2009]

A sparse, spare, robust, vibrant movie, shot in the middle of nowhere and channeling both the great tradition of Westerns (think John Ford or maybe even Sergio Leone) and the Russian literary legacy of Anton Chekhov (the Russian Imperial doctor who wrote funny stories and treated ex-prisoners dying from TB). The plot is very simple - a young doctor is sent out to the boonies, he helps the local folks when stuff happens to them, and then, when stuff happens to him, the local folks help him (or at least try to). It's not about the plot or even the dialog though (although the latter is occasionally bitingly funny). It's about the basic truths shared at all levels of human existence and regarding life, death, loyalty, betrayal, excessive drinking, and insufficiency of medical supplies.

A few factoids regarding the film. The screenplay predates the movie by almost 20 years. Neither of the script writers lived to see the movie. The director is the grandson of Mikhail Kalatozov, who directed The Cranes are Flying back in the 50s, which, if I remember correctly, was the first Russian movie to win the Palm d'Or at the Cannes film festival. Well, inasmuch as this reviewer is concerned, the grandfather would be proud of the grandson. The sad part is, the movie is considered cursed because of the early deaths of the writers and now of Mikhail Kalatozishvili, the director, as well.

The Island (2006)

Simple, austere, kind, irreverent

[9/10 · 6 March 2009]

A beautifully filmed movie with sparse but very effective use of color, which at the same time promotes a very comprehensible and human ideal of faith and pokes fun at the official Russian Orthodoxy. Petr Mamonov's Anatoly follows the same traditions as the hallowed Russian mystic Nil Sorsky the Non-possessor - poverty, service, opposition to the greed of the official church, and not taking oneself too seriously. The movie's story is simple and traditional - it's a tale of redemption with multiple references to Russian folklore and hagiography (for example, a holy hermit was expected to make his own coffin). It doesn't try too hard to be profound. It manages something better though - it's kind and funny. The film was shot on the shore of the White Sea, in a little port of Kem, where pilgrim ships depart for the Solovetskii Monastery - an island fortress and spiritual retreat built in the fifteenth century. The settings give every outside shot an eerie beauty and authenticity. I took one point off a perfect score for the scene following Anatoly's death, which can be interpreted as giving the monastic busybodies Father Job and Father Filaret a chance to find their own redemption of a sort. Now, that was a stretch.

Tideland (2005)

Weirdness abides...

[8/10 · 24 October 2008]

Sorry, but I just cannot get another movie with Bridges out of my mind while writing this. Terry Gilliam, Terry Gilliam... you committed Dudicide. And left The Dude to rot. And then stuffed him like a moose... Oh no... However, a dead (and definitely past the "use by" date) Jeff Bridges still has more on-screen presence than, say, a live Keanu Reeves. Beautiful cinematography (the farm looks like the one in the background of Andrew Wyeth's Christina's World), and just the right amount of creepiness in the musical score. Interestingly enough, not many special effects, and the few that are there fit in very well. The movie rides mostly on the power of the characters and metaphors. I liked the land submarine of Dickens, it reminded me of the fictional World War II movie (let's see how many of you will catch the reference?), "Submarine in the steppes of Ukraine". I also found it quite fitting that it takes a train wreck to bring the heroine back out of the rabbit hole that was beginning to look increasingly like a Texas Chainsaw Massacre prequel and into the real (I hope) world. Anyway, perhaps it is the most fitting testimony to the weirdness of Tideland that David Firth (Salad Fingers guy) regards this movie as a major inspiration. I take two points off the total score for this movie on principle - strictly for killing The Dude... His Dudeness... Duder... El Duderino. (For the sake of fairness, let me note that The Dude was a roadie for Metallica, whereas Noah from Tideland is a rock musician, and The Dude's choices concerning better living through chemistry are much safer...)

An American Carol (2008)

Don't believe the Astroturf reviews...

[1/10 · 4 October 2008]

posted here before the movie even hit the theaters. And, while one honestly might have wanted to give this movie the benefit of the doubt - what passes these days for the American Left sure is good for a few laughs? - it does not deserve this benefit. American Carols FAILS from the start - you cannot base political satire on a LIE. Satire is about exposing some inner truth. And this movie is a lie starting from its original premise, not to mention deeply, profoundly un-American.

The corpse of Charles Dickens is definitely rolling in the grave. It is well-known (except probably to David Zucker) that Dickens literally dedicated his life to exposing the evils of unregulated free-market capitalism in its Victorian incarnation. His books were a fiery sermon against Mammon, the only god in who the modern US "conservatives" trust. Thus basing a "conservative" (my apologies to real conservatives who believe in minding your own business and holding your government accountable) screed on a famous anti-greed and very Christian (in the spirit of the Sermon on the Mount, that is) story by Dickens is a LIE.

Another lie... The lesser (in more senses than one) Farley brother is playing Michael Moore... except it ain't Michael Moore. Farley's character's movies are flops... and guess who's laughing all the way to the bank in the real world? My prediction is... the box office of "American Carol" will be way below quite a few of Moore's DOCUMENTARIES.

Finally, something for what Zucker and all the people who worked with him on this movie will in all likelihood earn a nice warm place in hell - the tasteless, morbid, perverted exploitation of the terrorist attack of 2001. Dave, have you no decency? Have you no shame? At long last, have you NO SHAME?!

Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008)

Mike and Guillermo, keep up the good work!

[9/10 · 12 July 2008]

An excellent cast, fantastic art direction, great camera-work (Guillermo Navarro shot the first Hellboy and Pan's Labyrinth as well). After having seen the movie in the theater, I am most certainly looking forward to a DVD with the director's cut. A few subtle but noteworthy things I noticed. The elf city (or kingdom?) is called Bethmoora. This is the name from several stories of the early 20th century fantasy writer Lord Dunsany, where it is a great city on the edge of a desert, fallen into desolation. Also note the location where the Golden Army is hidden - Antrim County, Ireland. Lord Dunsany had a lot of kin there, although his most famous family castle (it's a museum now) - Trim Castle - is farther to the south. H.P. Lovecraft (whose work was one of the likely inspirations for the first Hellboy) considered Dunsany his teacher. One of the things Dunsany can be credited for is writing the first 20th century major work of fantasy featuring elves (pretty much the same know-it-all snooty kind as Tolkien elves). So, I wouldn't put it past Mignola and Del Toro to put in a subtle note of appreciation for the first great modern fantasy writer into their work. I also liked the hints at what might be future development of the series, but I am not sharing these here, to keep the review spoiler-free.

Cargo 200 (2007)

Brilliant mix of grotesque, horror, and comedy

[8/10 · 2 July 2008]

A lot of the reviewers of this movie in the media seem to overlook the fact that Balabanov as a director repeatedly demonstrated a very deadpan and a very dark sense of humor. The joke's certainly on them. Watch taking this into consideration.

A few more notes. The movie is loosely based on real events, some of the more unfortunate of which allegedly happened with one of the director's friends. The movie caused a major scandal at the 2007 Kinotavr movie festival (Russia's Sundance, pretty much). The awards are given based on the movie critics' vote. That vote was in favor of "Cargo 200" for "Best movie." The festival jury, however, overturned the results of the movie critics' vote and split the award between "Gruz 200" and another movie.

Finally... I dig Balabanov, I despise Gaspar Noe, and here's why. Balabanov doesn't take himself too seriously.

In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007)

Epic Fail

[1/10 · 13 June 2008]

What the HELL are Ray Liotta, Burt Reynolds, Claire Forlani, Leelee Sobieski, Ron Rerlman, and Jason Statham doing in this turkey? The movie is supposedly based on a game made by Microsoft. This game and its sequel weren't exactly hits, so one can only wonder what prompted the creation of the movie. Another question is who let Uwe Boll direct - the blighter should not be let within 10-mile range of any major film studio. The acting in the resulting... err... product is more two-dimensional than that of the computer-generated characters in the game, the costumes and props are worse than those you'd expect to see in a Sci-Fi Channel Saturday night special, the CG is laughable... and again, what the HELL is Leelee Sobieski doing here? Oh, never mind...

Around the World in 80 Days (2004)

Why?

[1/10 · 14 May 2008]

Why even bother to make this movie? There is a classic 1956 adaptation which is near-perfect. With this new "adaptation", there is not a single thing done right. It's a travel movie with location shots looking fake because of bad computer graphics. Steve Coogan is horribly miscast as Fogg, Jackie Chan is miscast even worse as Passepartout. The gags (I presume that's what they are) are beyond comprehension - consider the whole part with the captain whose nipples got eaten by a shark (I wish I were making this up!). Direction is flat, fight scenes stale, the screenplay takes completely uncalled-for liberties both with the novel and with the historical setting, some of which are borderline libelous, for example, naming one of the movie villains after the greatest British physicist of the nineteenth century (and an extremely kind and modest person, according to all his contemporaries)... After this turkey was released, Jules Verne must have spun in his grave for 80 days.

Given a choice between this movie and the Shopping Network, I would suggest the Shopping Network.