poliglot Reviews

Intolerable Cruelty (2003)

Untolerable Cruelty to Watch

[1/10 · 7 March 2004]

What a mess! One of the worst cinematic pieces of Rubbish of this or any other Century! Now George Clooney has made two movies on the IMDb worst 100 movies list This One and Batman....jeeze ....I just wanted everyone in this movie to die. Not Funny, Not Clever....

The acting, If one can call it that was hackneyed, Contrived, posed, and just plain awful. In a word "hammy" at the best, and borrish and Silly at the worst. This was a film about truly dispicble people whom we were supposed to laugh at....In our film, Hero (yeah right) George has an epiphany of regret from his evil ways and finds "love" in his heart of hearts...then in the next seen wants the object of his new found profound love "Whacked!?" Yeah, Right, Now there is a Movie for the New Milineum....Aaaaargh! What a waist of money and time...

Open Range (2003)

One of the Best of the Best Westerns of all Times!

[10/10 · 21 August 2003]

Open Range is quite simply one of the best Westerns of all time. I would not hesitate to add this film to the list of greats such as Lonesome Dove, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, The Shootist, Quigley Down Under, The Fastest Gun Alive, Outlaw Jose Wales, and other Superb Western films. Certainly one of Costner's best films it had everything, It was funny, Romantic in the truest sense of the word, Violent, and poignant. And what is more, Thanks to all the cast Superbly Acted having of course probably the finest actor alive in Robert Duval, one of the Finest Character actors, the late Michael Jeter, and Superbly Directed and Acted by Kevin Costner himself. The Best Review by far here on IMDb and the one that expresses my own views perfectly of this film was submitted by DBP who said:

"Open Range is, without doubt, one of the finest films of any genre to come along in years. A deeply felt, funny, violent, gorgeous movie. It's that rare commodity, a completely satisfying experience. Yet the audience of twenty-somethings I had the misfortune of sharing the theater at the Arclight with couldn't suppress their idiotic snickering throughout. Can these really be my peers? The film has so much to recommend it; I guarantee you won't see a better ensemble cast this year. But perhaps young audiences are not able to process sincerity anymore. Open Range is full of humor, but it does mean everything it says. It has no irony. Maybe that's the trouble.

Afterward I heard several baboons who'd been in the audience gibbering about their own future film careers, and how much hope they had in themselves after watching Open Range. God help us."

Thank you DBP of Los Angeles..

In summing up my Review.

I also heard of three young (under 30) Movie Reviewers saying of this film "You've seen one Cowboy Movie You've seen them all. To which I ad another hearty God Help Us!

I have two minor picky-ooonie observations. First of all as a 65 year old man I can tell you that in the world of men it is divided basically into two categories. "Spitters" and "Non Spitters" It is my belief that Kevin Kostner, like my self is a NON spitter and like most of us non spitters usually spits on his shirt. He should have left those scenes out or given them to a seasoned spitter. Secondly, according to most fire arms authorities and Gun Fighter Folk- Loreists the "Fanning" of the gun (that is the rapid fire with the palm of the left hand) was almost never used successfully by any self respecting cowboy or gunfighter. This technique almost always just wasted Amo, and made the pistol inaccurate...this view is even stated in Wyatt Earps memoirs. However, with a wry smile on my face over these two very minor flaws I can tell you please go to see this wonderful OUTSTANDING film.

I can also tell you that this movie will be totally overlooked by the Academy. It is politically incorrect, And the "New" Hollywood is just not in place for it. Folks like Michael Moore and the other imbecils will be all over it I am sure, blubbering about inspiring violence and gun control and all the rest of that variety of silliness

What's Cooking? (2000)

What's Cooking? A really corny Trite. Pretentious Film

[4/10 · 26 June 2003]

Hey Where was the Handicap Guy and The Serial Killer and The Cross dressing "Nambla" String Quartet?

This film had some good Acting, and great shots of delicious food being prepared. THAT however is all that speaks for it. It also had some NOT SO GOOD Acting. However but that is another issue.

The story was a pretentious hodge podge- down your throat Politically Correct gnashing of the teeth. A Post Thanksgiving hi colonic of cleche. A melodrama served over Turkey with Sweet & Sour sauce ala Colonel Sanders as a side dish.

Let's see we had the ever popular Lesbians in your face issues -one, pregnant apparently by a Homosexual sperm donor. And voila, after way too much kissing and cuddling (we get the idea already) enter "Diversity?" -, A Black Conservative, A Black Radical, Orientals, some who that might be gang members,, Hispanics issues, The betrayed latin mother now dating a likeable hotie- "Teacher" while scum bag husband gets his marching papers, (here-naturally rpleat with Flamenco playing during the back ground scenes) and of course, a story written and directed by an East Indian Woman...Ummm Humm.!? Well O.K., Why Not!

Moving right along,. We had lovers and Liars, Gun Control Issues, Rebellious mis understood Condom Carrying teens.

Now toss in one vegetarian-fruitarian body pierced rebellious smart mouth teen girl in puberty who is into Ebonics, charming the gastronomic holiday with her plight and spiel of the American Indian, as she picks over her hosts offering asking them if anything is prepared with animal fat.

Of course moving on down the cinematic road to silliness- a film Replete with Affairs, Mother In Laws on the war Path, Ugly politicians (but of course) paint strewn with the "white" paint of black youthful truth and zeal. We even had the Jewish "Bris" issue, "To Circumcise or not to Circumcise, That is the Question"

Naturally you had the philandering "Latin" Father, The upwardly mobile Black Conservative who is also a "cheat" but a repentant one.

I am quite sure that had the film been just 15 minutes longer, the writer would have introduced a bulimic/anorexic porn star working her way through college while taking care of her HIV positive skin head boyfriend who had lost his job with the ACLU. But alas the movie was greatfully not long enough to go there.

The only thing this movie missed was perhaps an introduction by Michael Moore. Or Michael Jackson and Barbara Striesand singing a chorus of "It don't matter if your black or White" They could have recorded it on their cell phones from Michaels Never never land in Santa Barbara, and from Barbara's 10 million dollar New York Penthouse.

Isn't anyone tired of this drivel on screen? Actually I was born and raised in Los Angeles. I lived for more than 10 years right there close to Canter's Delicatessen, Near the Fairfax and Beverly Blvd, down the street from the Farmers Market. (the local of this supposed story) I never saw any of these folks.....there were characters and great people of all races of course. But this is touchy feely pabulum forced down the throat of anyone who will listen.

O.K I am listening. But tell me a meaningful story about race, and life and love and poetry. Not this trite simplistic politically correct crap.

The Long Ride Home (2003)

I cannot imagine a worse Western Film....Aaaaargh!

[1/10 · 23 June 2003]

I rented this from Blockbuster last night. They have no refund policy unfortunatley. I cannot imagine a worse western film than this. This was so poorly written that it was laughable. And the direction was so hideous that I immediatly looked up the director on IMDb to see who it was so that I would never mistakenly rent another of his films. Ernest Borgnine, a fine actor, simply collected a pay check here, and the script was so bad that even his delivery of the lines were comical and poorly delivered. The wife and the rest of the cast were so poor that it was embarrasing. Not to mention Marshal as the store keeper with his heavy N.Y. accent right out of the city "today" totally out of place and mis cast in this part. I would give this film a -1 but 1 is the lowest rate I can give it. Save your rental money if you are thinking about seeing even and entertaining western feature...this one isn't it....

Play It to the Bone (1999)

"We're Off On The Road to El Estupido!"

[1/10 · 6 June 2003]

Quite Possible the Stupidest Boxing Movie of all times. Have no Idea what the Point Was. I did not find it remotely clever, funny, poignant, or hell ANYTHING. I Am basically really tired of your basic "Humpage" scenes. And I think it might have been more clever if they had Jesus Topless in the final Scenes instead of the ring girls. This was something Like "Rocky IV meets Fear of Loathing in Las Vegas"

I must say this Surprised being such a terrible film, because there were some good Actors in this Film, and Ron Shelton has done some decent things in the past. I think what happened was one morning Lolita Davidovich (Rons wife in real life) woke up one morning and told him, Honey, write and direct a movie for me in which my character is totally dis functional moron that the audience will hate throughout the entire film.

In the words of Antonio Banderas in this film...And this picture is almost enough to make "go queer for a year"

Oh Yeah, It might have been a nice touch to see the Ref Nude to....or perhaps George Forman or Lampley

What a waste of good energy, Money, and My time.

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)

Imbecils In Space. Beam me up Georgie!

[2/10 · 28 May 2003]

On of the Worst Pieces of Clap Trap Imaginable!

What was George Lucas Smoking when he produced this....Disjointed, Un interesting hodge podge of bloated specialness-less special effects, to the point where one never wishes to either see another special effect, nor another Star Wars Film, Nor Heck even Another George Lucas Film..EVER!? Also, what was George thinking when he (according to the promo here) "Hand picked" Hayden Christenson? This was one of the worst acting jobs I have ever seen ever delivered on screen to the point that it was embarrasing. I should not be forced to laugh during love scenes, Mr. Lucas at least owes his viewers that! This kid is an utterly incapable actor in terms of expression any "real" emotion or characterization that is valid, in my opinion. Although, Ewan McGregor & Christopher Lee turn in Adequate performances, and they on the other hand are talented actors, not even they-...Nothing!- could save this bloated piece of rubbish, that had none of the Fun, Story, Since of Ridiculous, Style, Grace and Joi de ve of the original Star Wars. They (all the actors)looked like they were punching a clock and collecting a paycheck.....I CAN wait to see the next episode believe me...I CAN WAIT.

The Amati Girls (2000)

Can Scarcely Imagine a Better Movie Than This

[10/10 · 11 October 2002]

Can Scarcely Imagine a Better Movie Than This

Hey, before you all go "Chick Flick" on me. I am a very Large Strong & Masculine, Macho Man, who happens to think this was one of the better movies of the last 20 years.

The acting was Superb and the Story was Marvelous. This is wonderful medicine for the heart and soul. The Acting could not have been better nor the movie better cast.

I have known for a Good while that Mercedes Ruehl, along with Holly Hunter, Joan Plowright, Dame Edith Evans, Sissy Spacek, Judi Dench is among the greatest actresses ever to appear on film. And of course Cloris Leachman (also in this film) in my view may in fact exceed them all in the shear magnum of her talent and varied roles she has appeared in over the years.. At any rate this was an Amazing cast. This film was like a book that you cannot lay down, and when you have reached the last page wish for more...still more. I cannot for the life of me understand why this film here on the IMDb only rates a 3.9

That rating here is utterly Amazing to me. Or perhaps not. Perhaps in fact I do understand it ever so well and that is what makes me really sad. It makes me ever so sad that films like "American Beauty" "Leaving Las Vegas" "Sexy Beast" and "Fight Club" ratings skyrocket off the charts in popularity when they in fact at least in this viewers opinion should have received an "R" rating...R that is for "Rubbish". Hey o.k., I realize there are a lot of different stories in this world for a lot of different audiences, but it is a sad commentary when this lovely, powerful...extraordinarily, Directed, Acted, and written film seems to be over looked.

It obviously was at the Academy Awards as well....How Sad. And How predictable. My summation is that if you want to see a powerful, Happy, Sad, beautiful story? watch ......preferably own this film...

K-PAX (2001)

Writing 101. Change a coupla things and bah da bing! a Novel

[1 September 2002]

Like this Film A Lot!....Almost as Good as the Original.

Nicely Written? Written by WHOM? ? Hmmmmm? Just wonder how much you have to steal, or how much you are allowed to change before it becomes plagiarism? ? I would suggest to you Gene Brewer that Leornardo di Caprio played in the movie Romeo + Juliet, a modern day gangland version of said Romeo and Juliet tale of old - it was still Shakespeare's. And the film for all it's automatic weapons was credited to William Shakespeare.

Precisely what do you think makes this story yours? Just Curious.

Those of you who saw a 1986 Film from Argentina: "Hombre Mirando Sudeste" -Man Facing Southeast (1987) (USA) -Man Looking Southeast (1986) Will know exactly what I mean. I was not at all disappointed in the film K-pax, But I am very disappointed in the writer who did not give any credit to Eliseo Subiela The Argentinean who wrote this original story...instead the credits from K PAX read...Written by: Gene Brewer (novel) Charles Leavitt (I) (screenplay)???? NAH!! Sorry, I don't think so!

I don't give a damn if this book was a best seller or not. You need to fess up Gene and Charles...Dirty Pool Fellahs! O.K. I know your going to tell me there were differences and your story was in N.Y. and so on....but come on..... Gene, I clicked on your credits on the IMDb, thinking to cut you some slack and that perhaps you had written dozens of other great novels, and that perhaps just "accidentally" your 'great mind' thought of the same story? Hey it happens. But!...I was surprised to find out that this is your ONE and ONLY Book/Story listed?

Jeeze Man I hope you have another story and are not a one pony show, cause this story is well and true borrowed old man.

I myself wrote what I consider to be a very good story that many have read and loved. But my wife, Son in law and friends all tell me they have heard it or read it before somewhere. I have enough integrity not to publish it nor to submit it, even though in my case this story actually happened to me personally.

I have integrity but no money. So, Perhaps you are right Gene....so write away and laugh all the way to the bank. But at this point I am one viewer and one reader do not have much respect for you as a writer.

Nice Movie though. And thank you Eliseo Subiela for a lovely and thoughtful story and premis. Hey Eliseo, Know any good Lawyers?

Life as a House (2001)

I took my Cleanex back to Store for a Refund.

[4/10 · 4 July 2002]

CONTAINS SPOILERS!!!!! I guess I am just an old geezer. Jeeze you know, I like a tear jerker as well as anyone else. Probably Better than most, if the story is really moving and poignant, But GET A GRIP folks This is formula sniveling at it's frame by frame worst! First of all this little "Tear Jerker" started off with the every lovely & required and by now delightfull URNAL SCENE ...Only this was even more clever than most. The Urnal of choice here was the Pacific Ocean, How Creative!....Eat your heart out Orson Wells Now, Lets see what else do we have here, Start with-A Boy (young man) who is so obnoxious that from the first moment on screen you want to put him in a bag and take him down to the river and drown him like a rabid rat. Our hero also does drugs, sniffs glue, any and all medication that he can get his hands on, has every orafice in his body pierced, is totally defiant and angry, Wears Eye makeup and lipstick, spending most of his creative time laying on his back in his locked bedroom (7 locks or so on his door) listening to Acid Rock. And for the frosting on the cake he can't get a handle or quite know his sexuality. Oh yes forgot to mention he works part time as a homosexual male prostitute --So...quite naturally his father wants him to stay and do some male bonding through the summer, (probably becuase his is such excellent company)...also so doubtlessly so that He, the father can snivel to this charming boy about his own abusive father. Well O.K....lets push on.

Now then, every one in the story is schtupping everyone else...without exception, All the central characters have slept, or will soon have sexual intercourse with each other. UmmmmHummm, o.k. so the movies not ALL bad, but moving right along. - It's true that the Father does have terminal cancer and he did once have his moment in the Sun, with his little boy (this same charming boy age only then 5) holding him in his arms in the ocean (We know because we have the video tape provided over and over)...."The high point of the fathers life" Yada Yada Yada... O.K. so one hankie almost comes out of the box....But then you have the shower scene with the boy and the young femme fatal...he climaxes prematurely...while screaming "I'm Not Gay!" A Scene or so later, The same young girl then goes and sticks her tongue full down the numb and over medicated sleeping throat of his Cancerous Father, to what end I am still not sure. Can it Get any Better than This Folks? Oh my...we haven't even started yet. Now finally after knocking down a few walls, Sawing a closet in half with a chainsaw (Yeah right) so that the son can take a "dump" (since the toilet is in the center of the living room) The son then in anger breaks into a chorus directed at his father of "You Made Me Love You!, I didn't wanna do it, You know you made me do it" Runs off to pout. Finally more stuff happens ...more sniviling and so on...But not to worry folks....The "Tah Dah!" Cliff Hanger- This is great! Yur gonna love this! I thought I had seen every cowboy and every heroic ending concieved...But this one was just Fab! -It seems one of the neighbors (the dedicated villian) who's been abused by the Cancer guys dog lo these many years takes revenge by calling the city inspector....and eventually the police because the newly constucted house built by the sorta now bonded son and father is 3 inches taller than code....But...Prepare your self for the greatest cliff hanger ...the greatest hero to the rescue scene ever! Man This one wowed me. It seems that he (the mean neighbor) was one of the guys who had previously given oral sex and three hundred dollars to our young hero, and the boy recognizes him, or at least the top of his head, and or his black Lexus.....Tah Dah!......Hoppilong Cassidy where are you when we really need a hero? I wonder how many cowboys Blew Hoppy before he ran off to save the day?....Oh Yeah, sorry I forgot it is 2002. Anyway he (the villian) cowers off mumbling about his indiscretion telling the cops to forget it....and the movie ends as the son and father.....Ah HELL who cares how it ends. MERCIFULLY IT DID. That is what really counts and was indeed for this old grump the best part of the film. I took my box of cleanex back to the store. I am prepared to cry a bit. Honestly! But your gonna have to do better than this Silly stuff....And if you are going to do wanna be, coulda be, shoulda be homosexual theme movies...at least Greag Kinear, in "As Good as it gets" and John Ritter in "Sling Blade gave convincing meaningfull portrayals of likeable people that you were interested in. This kid should have jumped of the cliff (at the land fill side of the ocean) during the first 5 minutes of this film.

Riding in Cars with Boys (2001)

This film is an 11 on a scale of 10

[10/10 · 15 June 2002]

Surprise. I am a 64 year old Republican, knurled and well used Macho Man, and guess what? I really enjoyed this wonderful story. Chick Flick? Maybe? But "Chicks" can tell stories too, and this one is told damn well. This film was beautifully done and wonderfully Acted. As well, Penny Marshall is growing by leaps and bounds in my book of directors whom I respect. (Those would be in the main, Milos Forman, Stanley Cramer, Ronny Howard and a couple of others). The film was beautifully Acted. And the Scene of Drew on the stairs trying to force herself to fall down, was absolutely hilarious, and worth the price of admission for that scene alone. What I cannot understand is why Crap, Like Moulin Rouge, Sexy Beast, and others rate so highly here at IMDb, and this film does not. I realize it is difficult to compare stories, but crap is after all crap by any other name. But this Little ensemble piece was a delight in every way. The casting was flawless, and come here....put your ear close to your computer screen I want to whisper something and I don't want anyone to hear.....are you listening?...well here it is: Steven Zahn is going to knock off hollywood's socks, if he is allowed to and given some film vehicles to do so, He is a superb Actor. He is Tom Cruise with half the looks and 10 times the acting ability, and as yet a quarter of the fame....Ah, well there is no accounting for taste. Everyone in this film was superlative. It was a very poignant, warm, and funny picture, that likely showed us a little about ourselves. Penny...Ole! Well Done.....Also Kudos to James Woods for ever being the consumate actor and taking a smaller role and as always doing it wonderfully. This knurled old Scotsman is a Fan of this film. I will definitely see this again. It is a film of substance, flavor and charm and I am sure for those reasons alone it will be totally overlooked by the academy. No one in Hollywood wants and 'actual story' now days....but not to worry there are a wicked few of us who perhaps recognize that "The story...and the telling of it is everything" This Man, yours truley, gives this Chick Flick a 11 out of a possible 10

Sexy Beast (2000)

From Gandhi to Sexy Beast? Nah, Don't think so.

[1/10 · 10 May 2002]

I think it is fair to say that in future I will look at Ben Kingsley quite differently. I cannot recall ever seeing a worse piece of junk than this film. Not funny. Not Clever. And one wonders the mental state of the person who wrote this drivel. Am I missing something here? Is the new trend for the new millennium? Mean spirited artless crap? Was this a terrible film or what? Almost Inaudible, do to bad sound..o.k. probably my t.v. ....but the cockney accent was so thick you could have cut it with a knife, but hell after the first 15 minutes you didn't want to understand it anyway. Who cared? Ah yes and then there was my very favorite the required urinal scene .....replete with Ben doing it all over the floor. Lord knows how clever and "New" and cutting edge that was. It did teach me one thing, at least I will never complain about "Dumb and Dumber" again...that was a piece of junk also, but it at least did have some clever moments. This film other than the Boulder in the Pool and the firearms falling to pieces was utter rubbish in every regard and not only was devoid of humor but was barely a two grinner. It is this viewers opinion that when this becomes a rental...it should be rented along with "Leaving Las Vegas" "Fight Club" and while drinking a gallon of cheap wine and popping whatever old medicine hanging around in the bathroom cabinet, flagellating ones self (or bring a friend) repeatedly, This then would be a lovely evening for those that liked this film. Well then, for me...this film truly takes the title Dumb and Dumber. I cannot think of one redeeming thing about this film, Other than it ended eventually. That alone was it's best feature.