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Reviews
Cargo (2017)
Two hours of hearing a baby crying
It got tiresome hearing the baby daughter crying and whining. Yes I know that in a terrible situation with zombies running around a baby would be crying often. But we are an audience watching a movie, we don't need to hear it in every scene.
If you went to a movie theater and a baby was crying somewhere in the first row the whole time wouldn't you be annoyed af? That's what watching this was like.
Aside from that the characters made dumb decisions when they should have known better if they had survived this long. It takes real effort to get bitten by the least-threatening zombies ever seen in a movie.
The only interesting thing was learning how the stages of the zombism proceed with this particular virus, but then again so what.
And the Aboriginal warriors looked cool. Though apparently the much-talked about cure for zombism that they discovered was a spear through the head. Effective cure I guess.
The Batman (2022)
I Don't Even Like Batman But I Liked This
First of all, the music that they play whenever "The Batman" appears is awesome and sort of hypes you up. It's a lot like the Empire theme whenever Darth Vader shows up. Especially when his final fight scene starts, it was just so cool. I hope they keep this music and motif of an "entry theme" in the next movies.
So I'm not necessarily a fan of Batman, but this was a very good movie, more like a dark crime thriller than anything else. He didn't even seem like Batman as we've seen before, you kind of even forget he's in a costume because he mostly seemed like a guy trying to solve a criminal conspiracy.
Robert Pattinson pulled of a totally unhinged Bruce Wayne. Jeremy Wright was great as a perpetually bewildered Jim Gordon (necessary for The Batman to have a character to explain things to, since there's no Robin yet). Colin Farrell did a much more interesting portrayal of The Penguin as a deformed mafia soldier.
Dune (2021)
Bad Acting, Boring, Pretentious
I had forgotten how silly Dune was as science fiction. It's not even really science fiction, it's just a "Chosen One" magical boy fantasy that happens to be set on another planet. Giant worms instead of dragons. Psychic nuns. So, so silly.
Dune is basically Star Wars without the action. If Star Wars was centered around the royal family of Padme with spaceship battles and lightsaber fights removed, that's Dune.
This movie up things by being silly AND pretentious.
Also, somehow the acting is bad from what should be good actors. It's like they're reading addresses from the phone book. When are we going to admit that Zendaya just isn't good? When will we admit Jason Mamoa is awful? How many times is he going to be the cocky jock, in everything?
Even Josh Brolin is bad here.
Finally, how silly is what's his name, the wrestler that's been cast in everything, as Glossu?
Just please make it stop. Stop doing remakes of things that were never good in the first place. Stop shoehorning actors into roles that don't fit them just to use "star power" to market your terrible, boring, pretentious movies.
The 1984 movie was much better, if you can believe that.
Ripley (2024)
A MASTERPIECE and a WORK OF ART
There is something to be said about deciding to make ART and staying the course, despite any possible detractors.
Of course the most noticeable artistic choice was the decision to present the series in black and white. The whole series looks like it was shot on Ilford film, contrasty with deep black shadows and overexposed soft highlights. I know it was filmed on an Aria digital but it looks beautiful, truly like a film from the 50s or 60s.
Then there's the cinematography, the composition of the shots. Every scene is literally like a beautiful black and white photograph. The camera is placed in interesting locations as actors walk in and out of scenes. This is true filmmaking, not simply waving a camera around for "realism".
And finally there's the acting. Muted and understated acting. The actors never overplay their roles. So many shows and movies have actors "emoting" in an overly dramatic fashion. There's an almost vague feeling to all of the characters, where many of them say a lot by not saying much of anything. Dialog is cut off and unfinished. People ask questions and don't get answers. Awkward pauses and silences. The performances were all stellar in this regard.
This series is a landmark, sort of like a cross between There Will Be Blood and The Usual Suspects. It's up there with all-time great movies and will surely stand the test of time.
I had not read the book or seen the previous movie so I didn't know what to expect. I decided to give this a chance on a whim because people online were talking about the cinematography. I am SO GLAD I WATCHED THIS and will probably rewatch it again very soon. It's that good.
The Cleaning Lady (2018)
Instagram Influencer Takes Pity on a Tumblr Chick
But seriously this is good. Kind of slow paced but that makes it feel a bit more realistic. The plot is kind of predictable and about halfway through things switch up with some weirdness and then scenes from the backstory of the title character's life and it's almost like watching a whole new movie.
A few other reviewers found it disturbing and it kinda was, but I have seen far more disturbing horror movies that bothered me for a long time. This isn't one of those, aside from the opening scene which is nasty but the rest of the movie isn't that graphic. In fact it would have been better to cut the opening scene out as it's just in there for shock value.
The ending wasn't bad, maybe some reviewers didn't get it?
This movie is more like a tragic drama than a typical horror movie, but again give it a watch.
Sanford and Son: The Piano Movers (1972)
Oh wow, this is a classic epsode and one I won't ever forget
Everything about this episode is so interesting - the pacing, the recurring theme about Fred doing all the work, the oddly pretentious yet sympathetic character of "The Man"...
I still remember being captivated by this episode because it's so different in how it looks and feels from all the other episodes which took place in the junkyard. It's also funny, a sort of Laurel and Hardy-ish concept. Three's Company would of course come later, but often had "misunderstanding plots" similar to this.
By the way, Lester Fletcher has a brief appearance near the beginning of the episode where Fred begins creating sculpture out of junk (the scene when they are looking at art in the museum). Perhaps we can let ourselves believe it's the same character and that they were fated to cross paths again later on?
Captive State (2019)
Unbelievably boring.... and then WOW
I found nearly half the movie to be boring to the point that I was becoming irritated. I had to force myself to stay focused. As far as a dystopian movie it was nothing we haven't seen before, in fact some aspects were reminiscent of the original Invasion of the Body Snatchers or maybe Soylent Green.
But the movie picks up when the conspiracy plot is carried out, and you think THAT is the true point of the movie -- that these people are only semi-successful in their actions and have brought ruin upon themselves -- only later to find out it's not.
The movie guides you to think that everything is hopeless and pointless but then comes up with a clever twist in the final scene. I just wish it had actually been shown explicitly, because the aliens were so evil that it would have been satisfying to watch a bunch of them scream and die up close.
This movie is very good as a political thriller, but not really as hardcore sci-fi flick. Things that bothered me:
- The aliens are quite petty. Would such a powerful race really be concerned with the day-to-day minutia of the local government of Chicago neighborhoods? Appointing police commissioners?
- The Earth doesn't have unique resources, in fact whatever raw materials are here are even more abundant in space and probably easier to get to for an advanced species. Lots of empty planets out there and it's strongly suspected that our Earth isn't even the best possible Earth-type planet out there. In real life we can all sleep soundly knowing that aliens wouldn't invade us for that reason anymore and people should stop making movies based on that premise.
- The aliens clearly are murderous, since they will airstrike and mass murder whole neighborhoods as punishment for the actions of a few people resisting, so why didn't they just wipe out everyone on Earth? Maybe they just enjoy traveling around space and setting up bureaucracies.
The Beast Must Die (1974)
A Werewolf Murder Mystery Dinner Party
What a nice take on a werewolf, horror story. Hearkens back to a time when movies were just fun to watch.
The main character is definitely over-the-top, an obsessive millionaire, like a gun-toting George Jefferson.
And check out Grand Moff Tarkin.
Sure the visuals and special effects aren't that good. The werewolf is actually a dog in some kind of costume. Also the copy I saw on local tv was very dark and I couldn't make out some details during night scenes. Your mileage may vary.
But all-in-all I recommend seeing this movie. This movie will keep you guessing to the very end. And the infamous "Werewolf Break" was just campy cool.
Day of the Dead: Bloodline (2017)
Intelligent Rapist Super-Zombie
I say just watch this movie.
The ending zombie battle where all the zombies break into the bunker and they're having to shoot the zombies and also kill their comrades who get bitten simultaneously is pretty good.
Now for the bad:
- The main character is very annoying and as other reviewers have said is the direct cause of almost everybody dying. Surely they could have come up with a better way of doing all of this such as creative the vaccine and testing it.
- The idea that the guy who tried to rape her becomes some kind of intelligent rapist super-zombie but also contains the key to the vaccine in his blood or glands somehow
- She wants him alive for her vaccine experiments or whatever but then just kills him
- The lieutenant character has this pouty, almost schoolgirl-like look the entire time, it's hard to take him seriously.
Well I guess we can't really expect much. I was entertained enough, after all. The ending is at least happy since she creates the vax and now gets a ready-made family with her long-haired handsome Latin lover and the little girl.
That's My Mama (1974)
Wonderful 1970s sitcom, up there with the other great 70s shows
If you loved sitcoms like The Jeffersons, Good Times, and What's Happening!! Then you will love this.
It is nice to see young Clifton Davis, whom most of us probably only know from Amen! And also interesting that we have a recurring character played by a young(er) Jester Hairston, also from Amen! Fame.
It's not as self-deprecating as Good Times or satirically forlorn like Sanford & Son, so most episodes are lighthearted with plots centering around protecting the "Mama" character from hearing bad news or finding out something that she wouldn't approve of. It's almost like Three's Company in this respect. But it definitely has the great "feel" of the other awesome 1970s African-American sitcoms.
If you can catch this on a streaming channel, or stumble across it being played as a marathon on a local station like I did, dive in -- it's a great series to watch and there aren't many episodes.
Reacher: Fly Boy (2024)
Chatty villians explaining themselves. Had hoped for a knife fight
Hmmm so the final scene with the English-accent terrorist just has him standing there trying to explain his worldview and garner some form of understanding from Reacher and The Team.
This is the guy who without hesitation would slice people's throats with superhuman speed and even killed that female state trooper (so him asking to be arrested didn't make sense) but now he just stands there and tries to explain himself rather than kill his way out.
I had hoped he would whip out his knife and there would be some climatic knife fight at the end, maybe he would even escape somehow and become an ongoing nemesis, but nope. The team gunned him down standing there side by side like it was the ending of The Wild Bunch.
There was a pattern of talkative villains, notably the one with the brass knuckles who stopped attacking Reacher to lengthily inform him that he could choose how to die.. and wow the main villain did this all for the money? He wanted to get his money and spend the rest of his life somewhere on a beach with hot, tanned women? You don't say. Glad he explained that.
Finally after being shot, having bullets removed with knives, beaten and stabbed they just go to a diner to sip coffee?
That said this was overall an entertaining show, I will definitely watch season 3. Let's hope it is a little more realistic. Writers and producers, you can make this show more understated, it doesn't have to be so over the top that it becomes unrealistic. The main characters were more like Terminators than real people.
Reacher: Burial (2023)
Pretty good and fun episode - except....
...the predictable scene near the end when they force that one cowardly hitman sniper that they captured to enter the building to collect his payment. It was obvious the building was going to explode (I can't even believe I am writing this, it sounds so crazy to read that back).
They should have known what was going to happen to their only lead. Of course a disposable inept hitman like that guy was going to get betrayed by this crime syndicate run by corrupt ex-law enforcement working with a world-class supervillian terrorist assassin. Did they really think anyone of importance would be waiting inside that building to pay this guy off?
I mean really.
They should have checked the building or whatever first before sending him in. Also what's up with every area in Queens NY being totally empty, like there's just buildings being shot up or blown up and not a soul around. Maybe the writers hate Queens (which is fair tbh).
Also why was the team so openly exposed at a funeral everyone in the world knew about? Like the NYPD stereotype cop had literally just told Reacher the enemy organization was filled with corrupt cops and there was probably a mole somewhere and these bad guys are sophisticated enough to steal advanced missiles but they are going to stand around in the open at a good-sized funeral
Anyway I still enjoy this, the whole season is still better than a lot of action movies out there, as unrealistic and baffling as some scenes may be.
Reacher: A Night at the Symphony (2023)
I blurted out "oh hell" during this episode...
...when they were fighting the biker gang and Dixon took her heel off. I know people read spoilers so I won't go any further but everyone who saw the episode knows exactly what I am talking about. I was not expecting that. That was some fight, all the characters kicked some serious butt in that scene.
Also the cameo scene by Finlay, I hope he is in more episodes but then again there are probably too many characters already. Maybe he can play some role in the finale - maybe working with the NYPD detective to "fix" everything in the end so the team gets away without any repercussions?
Everything was good about this episode, even the little satirical scene with the NYPD detective and his Lieutenant.
Finally I just hope they expand Robert Patrick's character, motives and background and he's not just a typical action villain barking curses over a phone. The original T-1000 can do anything, after all. Ha!
Anyway this episode went by so fast, ended so abruptly I was surprised (basically ends mid phone call, right?).
It was probably my favorite so far.
Reacher: Picture Says a Thousand Words (2023)
An Unrealistic Scene Bothered Me
I still enjoyed this episode but the whole pipe bomb exploding in a neighborhood in Queens NY kind of ruined my "suspension of disbelief".
If that really happened there would be crowds of people on the streets trying to find out WTF was going on and a million cops and helicopters everywhere. They couldn't just go in there and blow up a house with a pipe bomb and set people on fire and shoot them all to pieces for ten to twenty minutes and only have one next door neighbor casually walk out to see what is happening.
Also the over-the-top stereotype Italian NYPD detective wouldn't be able to just cover this up by taking a witness statement and altering it, there would be all sorts of other NYPD departments involved and investigating why a house was bombed and why multiple people were found shot to death inside in creative ways. The neighbor witness would have been interviewed by dozens of investigators and even local news.
Yes, I know it's an action series and the team can't spend it locked up federal prison for a few months until trial but still there could have been a better way to handle this scene. Maybe somehow it could have taken place in a remote cabin (I mean there was a connection to bodies being abandoned woods upstate established in the earlier episodes) or something like that.
Ahsoka: Part Eight: The Jedi, the Witch and the Warlord (2023)
Utterly Pointless and Unsatsifying
This just isn't a good show. The "finale" was just as boring as all the other episodes, and left everything hanging.
Maybe if they hadn't wasted all that time throughout all the other episodes with a bunch of "let's talk about your feelings and regrets" moments they could have wrapped up this utterly silly plotline already.
Instead you get Ahsoka telling Sabine things like "trust the Force" as if Sabine, as an apprentice, would never have heard that before? No wonder she is terrible as a Jedi if years into training she's getting basic advice like "it's not just about the lightsaber" or whatever other wooden dialogue was going on there.
Nice use of the dark Jedi in this episode too, they looked so good standing there for a few seconds.
Nothing important happened. Everything that did happen was just silly. This useless minion dies, that useless minion dies, who cares. Who cares. Who cares.
"Let's waste time discussing our feelings and then have fifteen minutes of action that results in absolutely nothing" -- that's what the title of this episode should have been. Don't bother with this show, it was 8 episodes of nothing and I hope there's never a second season season.
Ahsoka: Part Three: Time to Fly (2023)
I don't know how this manged to be boring, but it was.
We had an episode with Force training, got to see the interior of a capital ship, had a fast fighter space dogfight and YET it was still boring. I was bored to tears.
It occurred to me that what makes us emotionally involved is the reaction of the characters, and the characters all seemed bored themselves. No real fear or intensity on any of them as they're doing anything. It's all routine, matter of fact. Matter-of-fact training, Matter-of-fact ship gunning, Matter-of-fact daredevil piloting.
There's nothing at stake, nothing to worry about. A few masked extras get blown away. Who were they? Were they alive or droids? No one cares.
The only bright spot was the ONE LINE that Ray Stevenson delivered. And then it was over.
This was not good.
Ahsoka (2023)
Rosario Dawson Seems Like She's Bored
Like bored how Wesley Snipes seemed when he was playing Blade. You know what I mean? Nothing against how she approached the character, just an observation about how it's coming across.
Anyway, this show was pretty good, not the greatest, but I will give it a chance. There was enough entertainment that I simply couldn't give it a low rating. Lots of lightsaber fighting which is what we all really want rather than TIE fighter battles, after all, right?
Plus a lot of time was spent on characters talking about their feelings and doubts, which slows things down, but whatever, I guess I would be complaining about "lack of character development" otherwise, so that's all cool.
I think it will get a lot better as the episodes go on.
It's definitely better than the pointless Book of Boba Fett, so there's that.
Star Trek: Strange New Worlds: Hegemony (2023)
So, when do we meet the GORN QUEEN?
You know it's going to happen.
Certain kidnapped humans will be taken to the egg-laying Gorn Queen. She'll try to assimi-- err, chemically brainwash some of them and make them into crazed Gorn Lizardlings.
Perhaps Pike will offer himself in exchange for certain kidnapped humans, and even be turned into Locut--I mean, a spokesperson for Gorn-Human relations. You know, someone to convince humanity that resisting the Gorn is... an endeavor not worth attempting. But, do we blow up the Gorn Lizard Cube with Pike on it? NO. We attempt a rescue! Data (I mean, Scotty & Spock working together) will rig something to teleport onto the Queen's ship and keep the away team cloaked. None of the Gorn will even know what's happening until it's too late!
Then maybe Ripley-- err, La'an, can come out with a flamethrower and blow the damn Gorn Queen out of the airlock! Then with no Queen to guide them, the rest of the Gorn will be thrown into chaos again, eating each other like it's lunchtime at Chipotle.
Pike will have to have the Gorn implants removed but will be back on duty in no time, after a recovery stint on his wine farm on Earth. Then it's off to another lighthearted adventure, perhaps a mystery to solve on an Irish-themed planet.
I know, this is all farfetched but who knows!
Star Trek: Strange New Worlds: Subspace Rhapsody (2023)
"Hail the Klingons"
We were waiting for it. Hoping for it. Una hinted at it. And then it happened: The Klingons! I was in tears laughing at that moment when the Klingons came on the viewscreen.
Good music and the songs followed what was going on with the characters subplots already. Not just showing off like they'd do on TNG with the Holodeck stuff or suddenly performing Shakespeare.
The bar scene was the best scene though, a truly "musical" scene where one unamused character is standing there watching while everyone else is happy and dancing around while singing.
I get that not everyone is going to be happy about this, and that is was definitely a risk putting this together, but once again I was entertained.
Oh and for those complaining that tHiS iSn'T tReK, this wasn't as farfetched as that Robinhood "Q" episode from TNG or any "Q" episode for that matter. Or those "trapped on the Holodeck" episodes we all had to deal with. Or the planet that was somehow all 1920s Chicago gangsters in TOS. Yes, this type of wacky thing is very much Trek.
Star Trek: Strange New Worlds: Those Old Scientists (2023)
I didn't have high hopes when it started but this was great
I thought this would be abysmal when I saw it was a crossover with the cartoon, which I have avoided (in fact I said to myself what is the cartoon BS when the episode started) but it won me over with all the little jokes and references to so many of the other series. Even a DS9 joke that made laugh, and the reference to the "original Q" that was thrown in there was brilliant.
I can understand the complaints that the series is wasting time with a lot of episodes that aren't advancing the overall plot of exploration, and that is true and a valid criticism of this season. Let's be honest with ourselves, fans - we haven't BOLDLY GONE anywhere this season nor explored anything strange or new, or even had any high-stakes situations. I am not saying this show needs to become a serious bomb-planting shoot-em-up like Discovery (which is a great show btw, I am absolutely not criticizing Discovery) but some action or drama that makes you wonder if the ship is going to survive or if the crew is going to live or die would be good for SNW.
That being said this episode was just so damn good, the two crossover actors did such a great job and were very funny, especially the young woman. The lighthearted banter, how they didn't take anything seriously, weren't forlorn about their predicament, but yet they still wanted to help, it was just great. I had never watched the cartoon and don't plan to but what can I say, I enjoyed this and that's what entertainment is ultimately about, right? Right?
Live long and prosper, my friends!
Midway (2019)
Too Much Going On
We didn't need to spend so much time on the "Japanese viewpoint", who cares, they tried to take over the world alongside the Nazis, that's all we need to know for a WW2 combat movie. It created too many subplots jumping back and forth to fixate on handsome Japanese guys with furrowed brows and scowls explaining themselves and their motivations.
Ed Skrein is just terrible all around. What's with that dumb accent? Oh he's supposed to be a "Jersey Boi" except no one actually talks like that. What was with the turning off parts of the plane while attempting to land during a training exercise? Then his motivational pep talk gets a pilot who knew he wasn't ready to fly killed later on?
Woody Harrelson is oddly convincing as Admiral Nimitz, perhaps the only good performance in the whole movie.
The action sequences look more like the multi-ship combat from Star Trek Discovery or something, also too much going on. Tiny things flying around on screen shooting at each other. Who is shooting at who? Top Gun Maverick is silly but at least you knew who the "evil" pilots were with evil pilot close-ups in the cockpits. Here we have anonymous gray planes shooting at other gray planes.
The only interesting subplot was with Aaron Eckhart, too bad the whole movie wasn't about that instead.
Finally wives who don't seem to fully understand the fate of the world is at stake despite their war weary husbands repeatedly explaining it to them. Like "why do you have to work so hard honey?" Gee maybe because the Japanese will be landing troops in California if this fails? Why even have wife subplots in a war movie? It just slowed everything down.
Star Trek: Strange New Worlds: Lost in Translation (2023)
Good Trek, Good Uhura Episode
Thank you for focusing on characters we'd like to know more about. That includes Uhura, Sam, Una, and now Pelia.
This episode did that, and it felt like a good TNG episode -- not *too much* of any one character, a little bit here and there through various scenes of multiple characters interacting with each other in different settings, all under the umbrella of a central focus on Uhura.
Spoiler-free thoughts:
Yes the alien plot has been done a million times before but we all like that idea, a similar idea to TNG: Home Soil. It's just the Trek version of being against deforestation or destroying the environment or whatever, so relax people.
The sibling rivalry/impress dad thing was a cliche but still good because we all like those two characters.
The Spock romance subplot (are we done with it yet?) didn't overwhelm this time around.
Big points for the James Kirk actor NOT doing a William Shatner impression and trying to sound or behave like Shatner. He has done a good job so far of making the character his own.
I like how much booze they all drink, the show is basically supposed to depict the wild times of the era (remember the Klingon barfight Scott got into on TOS?) So keep getting them liquored up on Saurian brandy.
Star Trek: Strange New Worlds: Charades (2023)
Comedic Episode That Takes Too Much TIme To Advance a Minor Subplot
Well here we go again with another idea we have seen before, notably with B'Elanna Torres from VOY: Face, which was handled in a much more interesting way.
First of all, Vulcans are not interesting at all. They're good as awkward straight-men to "cowboy" type characters trying to get them to loosen up, sort of like those buddy cop movies where the straight-laced detective is paired with the drunk reckless rule-breaker cop, but that is about it. We don't need to see anything more about Vulcan "culture" ever again.
And do we really need MORE backstory about one of the most well-documented characters in entertainment history, let alone in the franchise itself? Do we care about his romantic life *this much*? Can we use the time to explore some of the other, new characters? Even more about Pike himself? Remember how he kept seeing his own death and all that other cool stuff about him? No one cares about any of that anymore? He's just a sometimes action hero, sometimes father-figure dinner host now? Isn't this show supposed to explore all the weird phenomenon around him and kooky weirdness of the pre-Kirk Trek universe?
This episode gets points for showing Peck's range, the humor, and the "customer support" attitude of the species they deal with.
Star Trek: Strange New Worlds: Among the Lotus Eaters (2023)
Trapped on the Alzheimer's Planet
So the crew loses their memory, but retains the ability to do exceedingly complicated things. This is similar to many other episodes in other Trek series (such as TNG: Conundrum, which was much better).
There's even a violent, manipulative villain who remembers everything, just like in Conundrum. Luckily for the crew of the Enterprise, a little pep self-talk, some repetitive affirmations, and the unshakeable ingrained morality of the captain and the other command officers saves the day... just like in Conundrum. It is reassuring to know that Star Trek characters won't commit homicide or genocide.
This is still a fun episode but let's face it, we've seen this one before, a few times.