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Miq2u
Reviews
Assassin Club (2023)
Waste of time
I decided to watch on the premise jt would get better. I never did. I delved deeper into predictability. They obviously had some budget for special effects, what they really needed to use the money for was writers. I have to write 600 hundred characters for this to be rated as a valid review, but I would really not waste any more time discussing this movie other than to warn you agains watching it. I cannot believe how predictable it was, how badly it was carried out, and how much time I actually watched it. I watched the whole movie just to be able to give a full review, but I don't want to waste your time.
Great White (2021)
Why?
It feels like it was done for shark week junkies who never watched a shark documentary ever in their lives... The completely, unimaginable, perfect series of unfortunate events that lead to the opening scene double death (instead of just a single death) and continued throughout the movie. The magic, tragic appearance later in the movie of the girl who drowned in the bigining of the movie, now magically inside the boat with a huge bite out of her midsection, the amazing great whites that scare you by roaring and traveling in what I'm guessing is supposed to be a mated pair, and the aggressiveness of these sharks who are supposedly still in the area outside of migratory season basically out of confusion due to the weather changes or possibly lack of fish (even though there is a cut scene with lots of huge, beautiful fish), the appearance of dolphins at the side of the survivors raft (when the great whites have been following like they are stalking hunters instead of opportunistic hunters). The fact that the sharks follow a raft to eat some delicious humans for a full two thirds of the movie before attacking in the last part (I'm guessing) so we can finally end this travesty of a film. And THE LIST GOES ON!!! How could the writer(s) miss that many basic points. I want to keep listing the complete fallacies that plague this movie, but seriously, I just can't remember that many.
M3GAN (2022)
Here's Chucky
I gave it high marks as a movie with some intellect and wit. Those who have watched Child's play will of course note similarities, but if you actually watch the movie, it kind of stops there. There is some light humor and some crafty puns even a few far stretched humors remarks, but it isn't really funny per se as it is a mild chuckle or thought provoking indulgence of humorous carriage. As with almost any movie, there is the predictability of the horror genre and some level of suspension of disbelief, but the overall sense is light hearted horror for a younger or more squeamish audience. If you can just enjoy it for the entertainment value of the movie, I think you could actually appreciate it for what it is, kind of a 'Black Mirror' vibe in movie format where the 'Black Mirror' series has disappointingly deviated from it's original message... a foreboding of technological advancement.
The Hills Have Eyes (2006)
Still bad
While I have to admit it is better than the original, the original was still only worth one star. I watched the whole movie, and i have to say that suspension of disbelief only goes so far. I would also have to suspend the laws of science, the basics of human intelligence, and the basics of any logic. The only thing that was noticeably better was the budget, and maybe some of the acting. I want to add spoilers, but I don't think that anything I could say would spoil this movie for you any better than the movie does all by itself. Sadly, I don't think anything I say will actually stop you from watching this horror cult classic remake.
Superhost (2021)
Just watch the trailer...
To start of with, the movie is basically the long play version of the trailer. The key to being able to enjoy the movie after watching the trailer is the ability to have complete, unquestionable, suspension of disbelief. I know some of you will love this, and if you do, I am glad you found something you love. I found it slow, boring, implausible, and completely predictable. It follows the an unimaginative routine with only a few not exactly predictable moments. For most in my mind is how on earth did Rebecca track down the other "Superhost" and drag her back out to the woods? How does a person with a knife manage to get the jump on a persons with a poker from directly in front of them? How do the protagonists think it would be safer to run back to the house with a fully automated system demonstrated and controlled by the killer instead of to their car? Why would you ask someone you suspect if something foul if what they did if they have a knife with a 10 inch knife? I have a hundred more questions, but seeing how many people liked this, I guess I am just not able to suspend all credibility for the sake of a movie. It's just not me.
Extraterrestrial (2014)
Perfectly 80's
This mild action, slow burn, predictable, wild ride of a crash was really best when it ended. No seriously, the twist at the end was perfect and made me change my premature rating from a 3 up to a 5. I wouldn't watch it again, but it was worth a watch. I would suggest watching it with a nice relaxing drink and good friends on a night when you just want to relax and do absolutely nothing. It is predictable enough you don't have to think. It is intelligent enough that if you can't stop thinking you can have a mild chuckle, and if you have a few drinks it becomes more enjoyable. This would be a great premise for a future film.
The Right Kind of Wrong (2013)
A guy's chick flick
This was a chick flick written for guys, and I enjoyed it much more than my wife. Without spoiling anything, as you can see by the previews, she was designed to be the basic dude's perfect dream. The plot revolves around a guy down on his luck done wrong by his wife and him finding a new woman he falls for. It has a lot of unspoken truths and a lot of fun.
And as for the rest of my review, Apparently all reviews have to contain 600 characters just to get it published so I'm writing this to get it published. So I'm am still writing. Apparently what you have to say isn't as important as how much you have to say. Still writing.
The Batman (2022)
Dratman
This movie is all about what you enjoy. The previews were amazing! The movie was not. Simply put, my family did not enjoy it. I want to write a spoiler, but it would end up as long and drawn out as the movie. It begins with a monotone monologue that would make Ben Stiller proud. It then goes on, and on , and on, and on... *repeat a few dozen more times* to tell a story that is as simple to figure out as the Riddler's clues. I'm sorry, but Batman is about action. This was like watching a 1980's Kung-Fu movie with a less of a plot. I will admit, there is a nice twist at the end, but not enough to recover the nearly 3 hours of dribble, and then there is more trivial story to be told. It left me wanting... wanting to leave and never come back.
Hell Trip (2018)
Canned Film Festival candidate
My 12 year old could have written a better plot. There is a flash scene near the beginning that leads you to believe there is something mystical about it. Surprise! It isn't. Everything else is down hill from there. I would also suggest casting from middle school thespians for better acting. Please note, I am not saying this movie is terrible. I couldn't leave you thinking it deserves that high of a rating.
The Twin (2022)
So much promise
Just like your local politician, there is so much promise and then once in place, it goes no where and doesn't deliver on the promises it made. It does deliver an interesting twist, but the slow burn to get there and the predictability once revealed makes it crash in upon itself. Arthouse horror in casual passing.
Untamed Heart (1993)
Love in the first degree
Years after watching this movie, it still brings me to tears. Sadness, happiness, joy, love, innocence, dreams... the total aspect of love in it's purest form. I believe it to be the most beautiful work of Marisa Tomei and the only movie in which Christian Slater did not seem like he graduated Magna
Cum Laude from the Jack Nicholson School of Acting. I have to say though it is not one of my go to movies, it is definitely one of my favorites.
Honeydew (2020)
Totally artsy no story
This is one of those movies you watch when you are baked. Listen to all the reviews and make your own decision. I didn't write a spoiler for the same reason the writer didn't write a story. It just isn't there. This movie was just made to be weird. It has some amazing cinematography and excellent mood music, but beyond that, it just a leads nowhere. It seems to go from scene to scene leading you to believe there is something about to happen. It doesn't. I watched it free with my subscription, and I want a refund for my free movie...
John and the Hole (2021)
Artsy and excess
Let me just start this by saying I only gave the rating to give credit more on the acting, directing and cinematography than to the complete lack of entertainment. This would be great if I was still in my "dark" phase of my early/mid teen years, but not much if any entertainment value now. This is literally a story that goes nowhere. It doesn't even go nowhere fast, it just drags out going nowhere over a long long period of
time. Cinematography and acting were actually pretty good, but the whole story is just too incredulous. There seems to be no actual plot, just a run on story like watching a well acted story being told by an imaginative younger kid. There are parts of it that are a bit interesting, but the rest of it is absolute tomfoolery. As for the side story of Lily, it gives leeway to wonder as to whether we are to expect a poorly written sequel/prequel or wether what we are watching is the story the mother told Lily in prerequisite to an equally incredulous, untold abandonment story. Just too much artsy and not enough story.
Broil (2020)
Judge for yourself
Before I get started, this is not a movie everyone is going to enjoy. It applies to specific tastes. I will recommend you watch with the dialog sound setting if you have it as the music is excessively loud. As for the story, I found it refreshing and fun ending on a happy note with a double twist. It is a slow burn and is very demented in a few scenes. I am not a slow burn aficionado, but I actually had fun. It should be noted there are two main characters (August and the Chef) and a third (Chance) who is kind of a companion character. I think it was more the fact it was a different twist on the usual and the little things that added up.
Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom: Octopus Volcano (2007)
Sack on facts
While the cinematography was quite nice, there were so many opportunities to share other details about the basic octopus in general. It kind of covers and documents the interesting facts about this specific group of octopi skipping over the general basics and really neat facts about octopi as if everyone is an octopus scientist knowing everything there is to know about the basic octopus species. It felt drawn out kind of like they were trying to build tension for some grand climatic finale, but all I felt was a slow burn report from an 8 grader wanting to add words to get the quota on a 1000 word essay. As far as this series of documentaries goes, I am disappointed this one just felt so flat. There are some amazing shots, and bland to mild excitement, but it feels as though so much that could have been shared was just left out. I felt as though there was a rush to get it done and shipped out and they did the bare minimum to get there. Disappointing.
A Haunting in Ravenwood (2021)
Haunted for watching.
If you are a cult classic fanatic of the 50's and 60's style horror and acting, there is a possibility you may love this movie. Having watched many classics with my father as a child I originally loved those, but as the film industry developed, so did the writing, directing, and acting. This film did not.
While the story has really great promise, the acting, directing and special effects make me want to watch a movie written by, directed by, and staring William Shatner. I would even recommend that for potential viewer in leu of this travesty of tragedy. The lead character "Mary" is the only character with any viable depth and emotion. I actually appreciated her role. Her husband was given some really bad lines and direction while the grounds keeper is completely unbelievable in his character. The special effects made me reminisce of my child as a 7 year old doing a make-up party. I have never written a review, but I felt the need to warn would be viewers not to waste their money unless they are into the 50's and 60's style horror with the same budget and quality as they originally used in those movies. Well, to be fair it was at least in color with HD...