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soraderyu
Reviews
Walking Tall: Lone Justice (2007)
Smells like "B" S
The actors have my deepest sympathy for being involved in this. It was painful to watch from the horrible camera work to the coma inducing dialogue. The script must have been 50 pages long at best and the actors told to fill it out with stale insults and curse words. The action was only predictable about 98% of the time and the other 2% was glaringly obvious mistakes that shouldn't have never been allowed to make it into the film at all. Spoiler alert, the Clones from Star Wars are better marksmen than they were. I would say it's easy to chalk this up as just another "B" movie, but that would be a serious insult. This is definitely one for the dusty shelves of long forgotten cinematic rejects.
The Equalizer 3 (2023)
Bad Valium Trip
Disregarding the over abundance of bloodshed and lack of action, the glaring issue with this movie has to be the story. It falls so flat you need an electron microscope to see it. From the cliche bad guys to the dialogue that would put a meth addict to sleep it was just boring. And to put sardines on this Limburg cheese pizza. The main character Robert McCall (I.e. Denzel Washington's) character was nothing like his former composed, methodical, icey self. Instead he was more like a schizophrenic, homicidal, geriatric drug addict complete with tics, twitches, and unstable emotional responses. I give the man credit for trying to portray an action hero at his age but it definitely shows. They event went so far as to give home a cane for this one. Well at least this is the last one he'll have to do.
The Menu (2022)
Service with a smile
As someone who worked in the restaurant industry for the better part of 20 years, this movie satiated a few primeval desires. In my opinion it has the right amount of humor to horror ration with a good amount of style and artistry. It leaves enough mystery to draw you in but doesn't cling to it like an indecisive child who can't make up its mind. It speaks to me of the more ugly nature of people these days and exploits those weaknesses to illustrate its point. I enjoyed the moral incongruities of the stereotypes they used to illustrate the plot. All in all, it was a refreshing twist to an old story with a flare of style.
The Hunted (2003)
Short and to the point
I've seen this movie many times over the years and some thing keeps drawing me back to it now and then. It has a strait forward script with no plot twists. The action isn't over the top but it appeases the carnal nature. There are certainly incongruities with the story and they could have given more depth to the characters, but like a lot of stories you have some that are short and some that are unending. It's nice to keep it short and sweet sometimes. Simply put, it's a good if not obvious little action movie that still can't entertain after all these long years.
Hey look at that, I made it through without one Rambo pun.
The Road (2009)
The road (to nowhere)
What a waste of talent. This has all the charm and energy of a terminally ill sloth being euthanized. Not to spoil it for you but the most cheerful moment of this movie is when Treebeard and the rest of his Ent friends get drunk and fall down.
But seriously I think the entire plot of this movie is to see how depressed the director can make the audience before they want to take s stroll naked through a field full of land mines. The plot for a lack of a better word is what you would imagine chalk tastes like. You have a week willed father who claims his only goal is to make sure his son can take care of himself in the inevitable situation when he dies and then he teaches him NOTHING. And I officially can't stand the word "Papa" anymore. The relationship in general between the dad and son is a little creepy to begin with and it only makes it more awkward with how much the dad kiss the boy. As for the kid, he couldn't be more useless. He looks far older than his personality reflects and the incessant squeaky crying makes me want to claw the inside of my skull out with an orbital sander. After five minutes of this I understood why the mother wanted to walk into oblivion...for the peace and quiet.
If you have the choice of getting a colonoscopy or watching this movie, just remember this movie is 1:59 minutes where as the procedure is maybe 10 minutes at most.
On a positive note, I found Robert Duvalls character hilarious. Reminded me a little bit of Walter the ventriloquist dummy.
Chef (2014)
Pure Umami
The more I watch this movie the better it gets. It hits all the notes for me with a good story, a great cast, and mouth watering culinary scenes. Anyone know where I can get a good Cuban sandwich in Texas?
The Batman (2022)
A weak Batman for a weak Hollywood
Everything about this move is a glaring testament to how far Hollywood has fallen. All I saw was a weak little boy and a supporting cast to fit it. He just doesn't fit the roll. I've met 90 year old military vets that have more metal than this supposed super hero. Hell I'd prefer to watch Ryan Reynolds version of the Green Lantern any day over this.
Turning Red (2022)
Not Pixar's best by far
While I don't care for the message some of the behavior the kids displayed, my biggest complaint was the story was just...boring. I struggled to finish it and started playing bloody solitaire about 20 minutes in.
The Adam Project (2022)
Instant Sci-fi Classic
This was a welcomed breath of fresh air in a sea of Hollywood rotten eggs. It has a good family fun vibe with the right amount of sarcastic humor and special effects. The banter between Adam and Adam was rich and the other cast did a good job of supporting that humor. It won't win any Oscars but given what passes for Oscar material these days that's not such a bad thing.
Hereditary (2018)
The devil made me the writer do it
As with most movies these days, this movie lacks substance and relies solely on withholding as much details as possible until the very last moment to create "suspense". The story was so thin the actors couldn't hold onto it. It failed on every note of a good horror movie so much so that half of my family just got up and left halfway through it. The characters were so poorly written I wanted to kill them all 40 minutes into this disaster. There was no connection between the actors and the audience (i.e. My self and my family) on any level. Hell I wanted to take a fist full of antipsychotics after watching this. The only moment I could relate to was watching the mother beat her head into the celling. The only truly terrifying moment was seeing a treehouse full of saggy asses.
Bill & Ted Face the Music (2020)
P.C. Feces
I tried Desperately to...HOPE they wouldn't pollute this franchise as they have so often done before but it was just pointless. They have managed to take yet another of my childhood classics and turn it into an episode of Ellen or the View. "Hollywood" seem hell bent to destroy everything with their toxic political correctness. I would say they should just leave these classic shows alone, but they haven't come up with anything remotely original in decades so they keep dredging up these old memories and repainting them to suite the current cockeyed narrative where they try to include every demographic so no one's feels left out. But the unfortunate truth is if you try to paint a picture with every color all you end up with is muddy garbage. I mean really, a bloody socially awkward robot with identity issues?! Or how about the two children who were boys but are now girls so we can appease to woman's equality.
Faraway Eyes (2020)
Wasted Potential
It was a gross disappointment with a limit viewpoint and weak, contradictive script. With its depressing perspective of how both life and the "hear after" it gives a grim view of the writers interpretation of the afterlife. They spend the entire movie telling you it "doesn't work that way" only to change their minds at the end. The characters were dull and it was difficult to find yourself invested their success. It lacks passion and hope. But the most disappointing aspect was the shallow nature of the plot implying the pointlessness of it all. It could have been so much more.
The Mysterious Benedict Society (2021)
The less than mysterious plot
Yet another show that relies on vague yet obvious plot twists and an obscure threat with a smattering of humor thrown in to faint at being edgy or quirky. It's an ok yet predictable children's story.
Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021)
A win for the franchise
This was a welcome surprise. It has been difficult finding anything of merit these last few years, but this one lives up to the name. It tics all the boxes and certainly was an enormous improvement over that disaster the tried to call a Ghostbusters film in 2016. Semi spoiler alert: stay around for ALL of the credits.
Il mio nome è Nessuno (1973)
Comedy Gold
This was one of my favorite western comedies. It has a great cast and keeps you drawn in with the right amount of cheeky humor and mischief . It's. Laurel & Hardy meets the Shootist.
Don't Look Up (2021)
Finally a sequel to Idiocracy...jk
This has to be the most honest movie to come out in decades. It has it all. An all star cast, stunning visuals, a clear and concise plot that really reeeeaaalllly reeeeeeaaaaaallllllyyyyyyy gets the message across. I mean i felt like I was watching the whole 6 month and 14 days. It truly captured the full scope of humanity with its witty yet vapid commentary from practically everyone. Ok so if your not a complete vegetable the plot may be a bit predictable, but that in itself is a masterful piece of testimony to the nature of our "culture" and the values we chose to cling to.
SPOILER ALERT: We're screwed.....Seriously why did that take 2 hours and 23 minutes?
Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey (2020)
Hodgepodge
This movie is like a bad fruitcake with an insane amount of nuts.
It's like watching a weird recipe with Willy Wonka, Harry Potter, Santa Clause (the 1985 version), and Oz all mixed together with a health dollop of cheesy over acting. The CGI is on par, the costumes and sets elegantly done, but the story was just a vain attempt at recreating old classics to fit the new social narrative. I've always enjoyed Forest Whitakers work and Phylicia Rashad is lovely as well, but they can't compensate for the bad taste this show leaves in your mouth. At least it has some catchy hip hop music to distract from the glaringly depressing undertones of the story.
Free Guy (2021)
Finally a good movie
It's been sometime since we've seen a good movie. The cast was great, the story was good, the CGI was also good. It has all the funny silly sense of humor we've come to know and love from Ryan Reynolds and his type of movies.