Change Your Image
jack_macmichael
Reviews
Spider-Man 3 (2007)
Dreadful
A festering hillock of overly sentimental, plot-shy bum wash.
Whilst leaving the cinema I heard a fellow patron exclaim "I would rather drink a pint of donkey fetuses left out in he sun than have to sit through two hours of that smug little **** again".
Don't watch this unless you're a total masochist or someone who would buy excrement if it had a Spiderman logo on it.
Apparently to have this review submitted I must included 10 lines of text, so here is some more. This film is abysmal Both Tobey Macguire and Sam Raimi should be burnt alive for unleashing this abomination on our unsuspecting world. The scene where Spiderman crouches ready to pounce in front of a perfectly rendered CGI US flag was so unashamedly cringeworthy that I could literally feel the whole cinema recoil in disgust. Watch Ninja Terminator instead.
Ninja Terminator (1986)
Absolutely Amazing. The BEST Film in the Universe.
Ninja Terminator is quite simply the most amazing film I have ever seen, the mind truly boggles at it's unsurpassed magnificence.
If you are expecting big budget production qualities or remotely recognizable actors then think again because this film has nothing of the sort. Essentially this movie is pure rubbish, but that is its charm. The total lack of cohesion between the plots of the two films that have been obviously hashed together will provide the viewer with undoubtedly the most hilarious experience of their lives. Fundamentally it's two movies for the price of one, the tale of Jaguar Wong, who has to defeat some evil syndicate boss who for some totally baffling reason sports a terrible joke shop wig, and "Harry the Ninga"(sic) who must defeat "Darren the Ninja" and some other guy to get hold of some miscellaneous golden object, which according to the blurb on the box will gain him "the super strength of the ninja sorcery". It must be seen to be believed, total lack of budget, total lack of talent, atrocious dubbing and editing and the most hilarious script you'll have ever heard.
Once I finished watching this film I literally ached all over from laughing so hard, I nearly gave myself a hernia, there is no way that any movie could possibly even come to close being as side splitting hilarious as this epic catastrophe in cinematography.
After watching Ninja Terminator you and those who have the pleasure of watching it with you will be united through the pure, unintentional comic genius of this film. Buy Ninja Terminator, it will change your life.