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The Green Knight (2021)
The Green Knight: A story about how mom's can just screw up
This is an elegant and beautifully executed story about how a young man comes to understand that the best thing he can do for the world is die. This is entirely set into motion by his mother. Let's ignore the part where the Green Knight very clearly states that whatever harm comes to him will be returned one year from when it happens. Movie's gotta move. Let's talk about mom.
Mom knows her son is a bit of an alcoholic. Her solution to this is to tell him to go to a party where she will be sending a magically generated champion to test... someone, the king? The realm? Her son, specifically? The ends to her means are never clearly spelled out, however once her son has been bound to this "Christmas Game", she gives him a magic sash and lets him go; no one is the wiser of her schemes. The ends to her means are only alluded to: her son was a bad egg and it could have been her story to come to terms with that. We never even saw her real reaction to taking part in his death.
1. The sash is a lie.
Points to the movie for showing semen on camera; that was reaction provoking for a few reasons, none of them important. It's also an excellent metaphor for a safety blanket, and the final symbol for Dev's realization that he should get dead. It's also a great symbol of his delusion and belief that other people are able to protect him. It's also an excellent example of why he's an idiot. It also may be a reason why he thinks his mother wants to believe in him.
2. You're a celebrity and I wanna plow you.
Don't shoe-in your Harvey Weinstein references; other movies have made excellent narratives on that subject and I don't understand why this one even has a reference to it. Unhand me and let us go our ways.
3. Killing people is small brain.
I think we've all felt like the best way for the-collective-us to proceed is if certain people die. That's decisive and final. Certain now-ruined scifi TV shows explored different schools of thought, including but not limited to, education by example, forgiveness, the Inner Light, or exploration of preconceived values. These are by no means the standards by which art should be judged, and also they're super boring omg where are the fighting games with action missiles. This movie takes the stance that, no matter who you are, the most important thing you can do is realize how you effect others, and if you effect them negatively, kill yourself because it's noble.
And for the love of god, if you're a mother, don't let your child find out that you put them in that position because then they'll have something to live for: revenge.
4. We didn't see him die.
If you think this is open ended, then you're the sort who will still be clutching your safety blanket when you hear the words "Well done, my brave Knight. Now off with your head."
5. The moral of the story:
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
And also your parents will be responsible for your death if you can't figure out that they're secret jerks.
Cats (2019)
Rule 38
To all current and future high school band/theater students: Enjoy your mandatory viewing of this for years to come.
Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018)
Jarvis is a Sith
I went into this expecting it to be based off the popular Galactic Dance-Off mode of Kinect Star Wars for XBox360. I was disappointed to find that it was instead trying to be a serious movie.
The Lost Honour of Christopher Jefferies (2014)
Genuinely Well Done
A thoughtful and well assembled drama with engaging dialogue and interesting (well portrayed) characters.
Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
New posting guidelines
If you enjoyed this film, then instead of reviewing it just write "I love roller coasters!"
6 Underground (2019)
Dear Mr. Bay: Please stop
6 Underground is what happens when Michael Bay and Ryan Reynolds have a secret love child, then abort it, then keep the remains and use them to reenact the solitary confinement scene from The Great Escape in the bathroom of a Denny's.